Does My Tomboyish Girl Need Counseling?

[FJismyheadship]

From Focus On The Family

http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/ ... nseling%3F

Basically? No. But her dad needs to tell her to stop hanging around boys and start hanging around girls so she can learn to be feminine.

[Maggie Mae]

The link isn't working for me.

Are you saying that she needs to hang around more girls, or is that from the article?

[browncoatslytherin]

it's not loading for me :( but seriously, wtf? :pink-shock: i was pretty tomboyish growing up, especially once i was able to start wearing pants. hell, i'm more feminine now than i was as a teen (i actually wear a couple of dresses here and there because i want to! because i like them!) but it wasn't because i started hanging around girls more. it was because i grew and changed and figured out what i liked and didn't like and i now go from there.

[KittenMitten]

Well I hope not, why would she need counseling? It's fun to be a tomboy. Was this from from Focus on Family? I hate that man. Whatever he says, just do the opposite!

[NotALoserLikeYou]

And by counseling we mean early intervention prevent-the-gay therapy, I'm sure.

[Mitz_]

It wouldn't load for me either but I think I found it on a different link.

Is this the article?

http://www.focushelps.ca/article/life-i ... ounselling

[louisa05]

So a girl is not allowed to hang out with her dad.

I assume that it is only acceptable if they are going on daddy-daughter dates or to the purity ball. God forbid they just spend normal time together.

My dad taught me to take care of a car, fish, play baseball, throw a football, and all kinds of stuff that Focus on the Family would worry about. And I am, and always have been, even at the very same time I did all of those things, a girly girl.

Why can't anyone let people just be who they want to be?

[Firiel]

My parents were quite worried I was gay when I was in high school because I wore baggy sports clothing, wasn't interested in dating, and... I guess... read fantasy? That last one is because on my older sister's classmates came out in high school, and my parents had always felt we were similar people because of the shared interest in fantasy novels. Or something.

[Firiel]

So a girl is not allowed to hang out with her dad.

I assume that it is only acceptable if they are going on daddy-daughter dates or to the purity ball. God forbid they just spend normal time together.

My dad taught me to take care of a car, fish, play baseball, throw a football, and all kinds of stuff that Focus on the Family would worry about. And I am, and always have been, even at the very same time I did all of those things, a girly girl.

Why can't anyone let people just be who they want to be?

Actually, the advice doesn't say she should spend less time with her dad. It just encourages her mom to build a closer relationship with the daughter by finding an interest/activity they can share together (even if it's not a stereotypically feminine hobby).

I mean, there is plenty wrong with the advice, but that bit isn't one of them, IMO.

[browncoatslytherin]

Actually, the advice doesn't say she should spend less time with her dad. It just encourages her mom to build a closer relationship with the daughter by finding an interest/activity they can share together (even if it's not a stereotypically feminine hobby).

I mean, there is plenty wrong with the advice, but that bit isn't one of them, IMO.

well, to be fair, it did note before that bit that dad should back off on the whole "buddy" relationship a bit in favour of more mom time.

is it just me, or did the bit about having a weak mom-daughter relationship just smack of a backhanded insult? because that totally jumped out at me. i mean, it did come up with other things (after it was presented initially) but damn, the way it was worded sounded like they were getting on the mom for not bonding as closely with her daughter, at least from how i read it.

[Coco]

Come on, Focus on the Family. :roll:

Annie Oakley, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird. Tomboys are nothing new.

Stop already with the ass-kissing of your base, who are so scared of equality that they're stuck on gender stereotyping.

designbeep.com/2012/02/22/building-creativity-brick-by-brick-22-vintage-lego-ads/

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[Firiel]

well, to be fair, it did note before that bit that dad should back off on the whole "buddy" relationship a bit in favour of more mom time.

is it just me, or did the bit about having a weak mom-daughter relationship just smack of a backhanded insult? because that totally jumped out at me. i mean, it did come up with other things (after it was presented initially) but damn, the way it was worded sounded like they were getting on the mom for not bonding as closely with her daughter, at least from how i read it.

Ah, I just skimmed the question and I thought it said she likes to spend time with boys (like, peers). So when the article said this:

It’s wonderful that your daughter is so close with her dad. We wouldn’t change a thing as far as that’s concerned. But it would be a good idea for him to encourage her to spend more time with you and with other girls.

I assumed it meant encourage her to spend time with other girls instead of other boys, not instead of him. But the question doesn't say that, so... yeah. I still think it could go either way (more time with girls doesn't necessarily mean less time with him), but the other reading totally makes sense.

And yeah, it does seem a bit like a backhanded insult. But I am glad he said the shared activities don't have to be traditionally feminine. At least he's not telling the mom to force the daughter into a debutante ball or something.

[Coco]

oh, i just read the article and they aren't totally against tomboys.

They're blaming mothers as failures for having daughters who are anything other than heterosexual. :doh:

[Lissa1481]

My stepdaughter was definitely a tomboy as a child, now as a high schooler she's a cheerleader and loves her "girly" stuff. These people are stupid.

[Terrie]

Yes, she needs counseling, because her father is apparently an idiot. :wink-kitty:

[Maggie Mae]

So homosexuality is not genetic, girls who like to do outside things need a better relationship with their mother, and dad needs to GTFO of his daughter's life.

So I should call my mom and sign us up for some pedicures and a shopping trip, and tell my boyfriend he's on his own next summer. Nope, not going to backpack or run that marathon. Not going to do that century or hike up Kesugi Ridge. No ice climbing or backcountry kayak/bike trips. It's all reality tv, makeovers, mani-pedis, and shopping for dresses for me.

Fuck. That. Noise. Girls like to be outside too.

[salex]

Don't listen to tv shows to scare you about your daughter's sexuality, but do listen to us... and if you are still worried, here is where you can pay us for counseling...

do people take this shit seriously?

[KittenMitten]

Wow. I totally read your post wrong, I thought you were worried about your daughter. :embarrassed:

There were a few good things about that article, like don't rely on talk shows for advice, don't jump to conclusions she might just be a tomboy and share special mom and daughter time.

Now! Good way to mom under the bus. If daughter is turning away from femininity, you might need to examine you. Are you depressed? Belittling dad in front of daughter. Why does it always go back to the mom blame game.

Why was transgender in quotes? That's rude.

Why does a kid need a psych eval because she's a tomboy? I've never had a parent bring a kid for eval because she is a tomboy. I've never had parents bring a boy in who is interested in things that are traditionally considered girl interests. Pray the gay indeed. I can imagine that list of therapists. Although since it's Dobson, they are probably accrediated.

I really, really hate Dobson. :evil:

[FJismyheadship]

Nope, not worried. In fact, she is perfect. I think she is a well rounded two year old. She loves Ariel and Spiderman. Pink and blue. Sparkles and sneakers.

It wouldn't load for me either but I think I found it on a different link.

Is this the article?

http://www.focushelps.ca/article/life-i ... ounselling

Yes thats it :-)

There is also an article about what to do if your kids are having sex with eachother, and about a boy who wants to be a girl

http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/ ... -as-a-girl

Parents Raising a Boy as a Girl

QUESTION

Are parents justified in choosing to view their son as a "gender-creative child" - or, to put it plainly, in raising him as a girl? This is exactly what some close friends of ours have decided to do. Their son is now six years old. They claim that he was actually supposed to be a girl, and is, except for the male genitalia. Needless to say, we're rather shocked by all of this. What's more, we don't know exactly what to tell these friends when they ask for our opinion or advice. Do you have any insights to offer?

ANSWER

What's especially sad and disturbing about this situation is that it reflects an increasingly common attitude. More and more we find ourselves living in a society where certain elements of the culture want to argue that gender differences are unreal "cultural constructs." Many people want to argue that distinctions between "male" and "female" don't really matter. They claim that they're simply two options among many different expressions of human sexuality. According to this perspective, we can restructure and re-engineer these diverse expressions of sexuality on the basis of personal preference and choice.

Perhaps you heard the news story about the Canadian couple who are determined to raise a "genderless" child, or the other one about the Swedish parents who have stirred up a controversy by refusing to reveal whether their two-and-a-half-year-old is a girl or a boy. The claim your friends have made is yet another variation on this same theme: "Our son was actually supposed to be a girl, and is, except for the male genitalia." That's a bit like saying, "The sky is actually supposed to be yellow, and is, except for the fact that it's blue."

You won't be surprised to learn that we take issue with this perspective here at Focus on the Family. We understand that in a broken and fallen world there is room for confusion about sexual identity in certain individuals. We're also aware of the existence of certain rare medical conditions such as Turner Syndrome(X), Klinefelter Syndrome (XXY), Kallman Syndrome, Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, or Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (note: this group comprises an extremely small portion of the population - about .018 percent). Since your question didn't mention any obvious physical symptoms, we're assuming that the boy in question doesn't fall into this category.

In spite of such abnormalities, we remain convinced that a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl. We believe that God intentionally made mankind male and female. It's precisely our gendered humanity that reflects His image in all its fullness (Genesis 1:26, 27). We hold to the biblically based view that an individual's sex is determined by the Creator, that it's a vital part of who he or she is, physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. We believe that parents have a divinely ordained responsibility to respect that design and raise their boys and girls to become healthy men and women, both inside and out. For a closer look at this subject, we can make no better recommendation than Glenn T. Stanton's book Secure Daughters, Confident Sons: How Parents Guide Their Children into Authentic Masculinity and Femininity.

If you think it might be helpful to discuss your questions at greater length with a member of our team, feel free to give us a call. Our staff counselors would consider it a privilege to speak with you over the phone. They may be reached for a free consultation Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a licensed counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they're able

[Rachel333]

It's always the mom's fault, isn't it? That's not even just a fundie thing; non-religious people tend to be very quick to blame mothers as well.

[whoviana]

This starts out really early. The "do X like a girl" thing. Run like a girl, fight like a girl... and it will "evolve" into "do X like a woman". Park like a woman, drive like a woman, spend monye like a woman, whine like a woman, etc.

Meanwhile, "like a man" is full of praises.

The other thing that bothers me that there still are people discouraging girls from becoming tomboys aka "like men" or "like boys". "Tomboys" are the girls who can run like "a man" and fight like a man.

It is a no-win for women. If you can keep up with the males, you aren't womanly enough, whatever the heck it means.

If you police yourself and listen to the naysayers, you'll become the "like the girl" stereotype.

No-win.

[whoviana]

It's always the mom's fault, isn't it? That's not even just a fundie thing; non-religious people tend to be very quick to blame mothers as well.

In a society with a generally misogynistic mindset, sure. Women take the blame for everything.

[Ofglen]

These people would not know what the hell to do with me. Feminine AND queer AND non binary trans???? They would just probably just throw bibles at me. Too confusing.

[patsymae]

I'm nanny to twin granddaughters who look identical but aren't. They are six. Since they were three, it was obvious when we went out that one was girly--accessorized, perfect clothes, her choice--and the other was not--throw something over her body and she's fine. This Christmas one wanted a fashion design kit and the other wanted Legos. For now they've decided that when they grow up the one will be a hair dresser and fashion designer and the other will be the builder who will build her sister's salon.

Both like to play salon with me and both like to go fishing with Daddy. Both spend quality time with their Mom, as well as just usual day to day time, and love her to death.

So what would the fundies say about them?

[IronicallyMaeve]

I'd also like to add that with the new DSM-5,GID is now Gender Dysphoria. it more refers to the anxiety, dissatisfaction, upset etc. and other negative feelings surrounding the body a non-cisgender has rather than something being "wrong" with them.

I think this reflects the growing consensus psychological professions is that being trans* is not a disorder. The "treatment" is supporting the person in their desire to transition (if that's what they want).

Also, there's not a chance I would go to one of FotF's "qualified" therapists. FotF is so behind current scientific knowledge and research on gender and sexuality issues.