"Getting to know you" only after marriage

[Rescinded and Mended]

That's an interesting take on the situation. Easy enough to think that Jill and Derick are together constantly right now because they want to be (and this still could be the case to a degree), but I'm one who also believes that Michelle has always been the power behind the throne, so to speak, and she has always said she was Jim Bob's buddy, even while her young children had to be buddies to the toddlers and babies. The Duggar parents are always the ones to walk ahead holding hands while their children trailed behind and had to look after one another.

Maybe there is some truth in the idea that Jill is trying to exert some control over Derick this early on by being his "buddy," even if she may not be consciously meaning to. :think:

[VelociRapture]

I think that's part of how they control young women.

If they want to keep punching out babies, they'll need a way to support them after the gravy train has dried and crusted. That means Derrick will need to advance, and a boss with the power to promote isn't going to look so favorably on someone co-dependent on family so much that they go to work every day for lunch. So them being happy isn't all that matters. Being happy isn't what pays the bills. Part of being an adult is knowing how to balance what makes you happy with doing the adult work you need to do.

Trust me, I agree with you. My Fiance is an Accountant (public accounting) and making professional relationships is incredibly important to doing well. It sucks that he spends so much time nurturing those relationships (especially this time of year - hello Tax Season!) because it means less time together, but we both understand why he has to do it.

I just think its a bit early to be judging whether or not Jill is attempting to control or sabotage his career. Everything I've read so far seems to indicate that she is rather proud of the fact that her husband is an educated man with a good job. If in another year or two this kind of behavior is still going on or getting worse then I think we can say for sure at that point. Right now though I honestly think they just want to spend as much time together before their son arrives as possible.

[Nishi621]

The only thing I have no issue with is her driving him to and from work.

If they only have one vehicle, then living in Arkansas she would need it during the day. So, to me that is ok. Unless they have 2 vehicles, then it's a bit odd.

As for lunch every day, also odd, I could see one day per week, but more than that is odd.

[LittleOleMe]

The only thing I have no issue with is her driving him to and from work.

If they only have one vehicle, then living in Arkansas she would need it during the day. So, to me that is ok. Unless they have 2 vehicles, then it's a bit odd.

As for lunch every day, also odd, I could see one day per week, but more than that is odd.

If they only have one car, then driving him to and from work is perfectly fine and acceptable. But I somehow doubt they only have one car. It was either on this thread or another one going on right now where it was discussed that JB gave all the girls a car when they got their license. I somehow doubt Derick doesn't have a car. Yes, he lived in Napal for two years, but he probably had a car prior to that and just kept it at his moms house while he was gone.

I would agree that lunch once a week is fine. Not a big deal. But everyday is crazy. I know their relationship is still new (despite being married and pregnant), but even new relationships need space. They need to spend time apart to grow as a person in order to grow as a couple. It's just not healthy. Not for their relationship and not for his career.

[DGayle]

I just think its a bit early to be judging whether or not Jill is attempting to control or sabotage his career.

I don't think anyone thinks she's intentionally trying to control or sabotage him, but that's what's happening by her going to work every day. They may want to spend what time there is together, but he still has a career he needs to maintain.

Jill has good reasons to be proud of her husband, but she also needs to let him do his job, which includes using lunches to network and build rapport.

[DGayle]

Worse, it could be cause for eventual termination because of too much disruption either in job performance and/or work environment. It's one thing to marry someone from a freak show; becoming a part of the freak show is something else entirely.

That's true. Very true.

[DGayle]

The only thing I have no issue with is her driving him to and from work.

If they only have one vehicle, then living in Arkansas she would need it during the day. So, to me that is ok. Unless they have 2 vehicles, then it's a bit odd.

As for lunch every day, also odd, I could see one day per week, but more than that is odd.

That's how many cars we have. There aren't the stores I need close by. We plan ahead, and if I forget we needed milk, the girls and I go the day without, and I'll send Hubs a message before he leaves that we need milk. 1 car only isn't convenient, but you do what you need to. And like someone else said, it's real doubtful they only have 1.

[kat]

Another concern I have is that JB&M who have experience in the real working world are encouraging Jill's actions. Can we say deliberate sabotage to make and keep Derrick and Jill as dependent on them as possible?

I don't think anyone thinks she's intentionally trying to control or sabotage him, but that's what's happening by her going to work every day. They may want to spend what time there is together, but he still has a career he needs to maintain.

Jill has good reasons to be proud of her husband, but she also needs to let him do his job, which includes using lunches to network and build rapport.

No, I do not believe Jill would purposely attempt to sabotage Derick at work. My question is it possible that JB&M are encouraging these behaviors in a deliberate attempt to sabotage Derick's career? They should and would know better.

And this is another example of the pathology of this cult to me. Not only are the Duggar children very controlled and sheltered, they have not had modeled for them the basics of maintaining a regular job.

Once again, I'm not blaming Jill for her actions at this point because, honestly, she just doesn't know any better. JB&M do, and I blame them.

[SassyPants]

No, I do not believe Jill would purposely attempt to sabotage Derick at work. My question is it possible that JB&M are encouraging these behaviors in a deliberate attempt to sabotage Derick's career? They should and would know better.

And this is another example of the pathology of this cult to me. Not only are the Duggar children very controlled and sheltered, they have not had modeled for them the basics of maintaining a regular job.

Once again, I'm not blaming Jill for her actions at this point because, honestly, she just doesn't know any better. JB&M do, and I blame them.

And in the real world, people need to have regular jobs to live and flourish, especially people who plan on having mega families. Not many people are paid money for merely procreating.

[coffeebean7]

I'm still reading this thread (only up to p.2) but Jill IS clingy. There was a recent TH of Jill and Derick and they were talking about how they disagreed on how much time Derick should spend away from home. Jill came across as someone completely incapable of being alone. It was ridiculous.

[roddma]

I don't recall Anna being this way with Josh I guess because she helped run the car lot and could still see him. After Mack, she stopped going so much. These young women aren't used to being alone in a house. I wonder if Jill and Derick have TV. We know she gets online. Note Josh and Anna eventually added a TV.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I'm still reading this thread (only up to p.2) but Jill IS clingy. There was a recent TH of Jill and Derick and they were talking about how they disagreed on how much time Derick should spend away from home. Jill came across as someone completely incapable of being alone. It was ridiculous.

Do you have a link for the episode? I must have missed this one, I'd love to see it.

I hope Jill isn't discouraging Derick from going out and attending events for the company, or from spending time with guy friends. Just because Jim Bob did that while she was growing up doesn't make it the norm.

[roddma]

I can agree Jim Bob doesnt want anyone to be better than him. He is very insecure. I feel he has this vision of giving all the sons a business to keep them at arm's reach. He will even try to find a ya to control the in-laws and it already shows with Ben. I don't think Derick will drop everything so easily and work for him, but they will so try.

[LongDogMom]

And him mentioning at the jeweler about her doing MW and therefore needing a ring that did not make gloving difficult, lends me to believe that he really thought she was going to follow through with her studies and have a career of some sort.There is no reason for her to have abandoned her studies for the last year, IF she ever intended on getting that certification and helping others.

I get the feeling that midwife training was just something to do until she became a wife and then that would become her career. That's what Michelle prepares them for. They don't mind them doing stuff that is allowed and sounds good in lieu of college (for when fans ask), but basically she and Jim Bob have prepared the girls for being fulltime wives and mothers. Their job is to take care of the home, the kids and their husband. Period. Careers really aren't on the agenda. There's no encouragement that way. No talk of college or what do you want to do? I wouldn't be surprised if JB and M looked at various things that they felt were "appropriate" and would jibe with their "brand" and told the girls that they should do xyz until they got married so people would stop asking about college.

[SassyPants]

I get the feeling that midwife training was just something to do until she became a wife and then that would become her career. That's what Michelle prepares them for. They don't mind them doing stuff that is allowed and sounds good in lieu of college (for when fans ask), but basically she and Jim Bob have prepared the girls for being fulltime wives and mothers. Their job is to take care of the home, the kids and their husband. Period. Careers really aren't on the agenda. There's no encouragement that way. No talk of college or what do you want to do? I wouldn't be surprised if JB and M looked at various things that they felt were "appropriate" and would jibe with their "brand" and told the girls that they should do xyz until they got married so people would stop asking about college.

Well you cannot have it both ways. Like I said earlier, they need to stop fabricating careers that have not been earned and just admit that they support Gothardism, and Gothard believes that women are limited to husband, house and childcare duties.

In terms of Michelle preparing the girls, if what you mean is she turfs her responsibilities to her daughters, that's about the end of the training...and some of the girls do not seem all that skilled in those tasks.

Lastly, Michelle needs to get her butt back into the house and start mothering and housekeeping- IF she really intends to live the Gothard way.