Cameron Diaz & Benji Madden Had a Jewish Wedding: Why?

[Ralar]

More appropriation of of Jewish traditions: Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden had a Jewish wedding.

[lawfulevil]

...WTF.

Beyond being bizarre and offensive, I don't even get the point. If you're not Jewish, none of those traditions are going to have any significance.

[tropaka]

It appears Madden is Jewish

http://heebmagazine.com/cameron-benjis- ... ding/53911

There are many reason to dislike Benji Madden. One could be this. Another could be this. Or maybe you don’t like clothes like this. But of all the justifications you have for chugging down haterade in honor of the founding member of the defunct Good Charlotte (to which I say, make it a double), you can’t begrudge him for having a traditional Jewish wedding. Why? Well, because he’s Jewish.

Just yesterday, the tabloids reported extensively over the punk-pop musician’s haymish wedding to actress Cameron Diaz, particularly over the length of time they spent together in the yichud room [this is when the couple spend an intimate moment together alone in a room following the ceremony]. But as surprised as you were about the fact that people still talk about Cameron Diaz, it was even more surprising to witness the Jewish media’s lashing. Apparently, we collectively decided who can be Jewish and who cannot and this secret stamp-wielding cabal determined that Benjamin Levi Madden was not a member of the tribe. Maybe it was the tattoos? Maybe it’s his love of fighting? Whatever the reason, this morning I awoke to a wide-spread panic for Hollywood A-listers appropriating our customs such as seven blessings after dinner or smashing a glass at the chupah.

The Times of Israel wonders aloud why two goyim would want to partake in our holiest and most meaningful of ceremonies; “The other possible phenomenon at work is the Jewish wedding’s transformation into a chic cultural statement. It’s a theme Rachel Shukert had explored over at Tablet: “For the first time in the history of America, Jewishness — and not just the bagels-and-lox part — is aspirational. There’s a Seder in the White House, and rabbis gave the invocation at the conventions of both major political parties … Ralph Lauren built an empire giving us all WASP anxiety; now the WASPs want to be Jews.â€

Let me clarify on two fronts here. Jewishness will never be aspirational for non-Jews. And if it ever does become that, well, I think we’re doing it wrong. But that’s an essay for another time. The second point I’d like to make is that sometimes Jewish people have Jewish weddings. Ta-dah!

Now as far as how I’ve substianted my claim aside from the ole trusty WhoisJewish.com (like that’s accurate] after reading the Times of Israel‘s coverage, I was somewhat outraged by this potential example of appropriation and I posted something on Facebook like most people over 30 do when they think they have something “Important†to say. In response to my posting, a dear friend Sarah Lewitinn clarified the wrongful goy-shaming: “As a friend of the Madden family, I can confirm that they are in fact – by Jewish law – Jewish. The mother of the Madden clan’s mother was born to a religious jewish family and converted when she married. According to halakhah [Jewish law], this would make Benji Madden and his siblings Jewish, and this is a fact,†she wrote.

“Additionally, there is/was a rather large sephardic community in Cuba. In 2008 I was fortunate enough to visit the country and attended shul on Shabbat, so it is VERY plausible that Diaz is of sephardic heritage,†she boldly continued. “There is no faux appropriation here, just a lack of facts by people who don’t know these two people.â€

Wow. Not only is Benji Madden Jewish…but maybe also the women who used sperm as hair gel in a movie?

All I can say is that, Benji, I publicly apologize to you. But only in this instance. Not for my feelings about Good Charlotte. Those are indelible. However, if you and Cameron ever find yourself in Teaneck, New Jersey, please come by for a Shabbat meal. I will not ask to see your circumcision.

[sparkles]

Definitely not speaking for ALL, but in every Jewish family I know (including my own), playing "Did You Know _____ Is Jewish?" is a favorite pastime. Seriously, who ever comes up with the board game version of it would make a freaking fortune. Other favorite games: When someone does something really fab: "And he/she's Jewish, you know!" Or conversely, when someone does something really bad: "Oh god, I hope he/she isn't Jewish." There are so many version of Guess Who's the Jew on the interwebs and many of the comments on them are really funny. Wasn't there also a Saturday Night Live bit called "Jew, Not a Jew?"

Bottom line, we've been majorly surprised to find out that people you'd never expect are Jewish so I try not to get all huffy until I know for sure.

ETA: Do other religions do this? Is there a Family Game Night version of "Guess Who's the Episcopalian?" or some such?

[anjulibai]

I could have sworn I've also read that Cameron Diaz has some Jewish ancestry, too.

[anjulibai]

Definitely not speaking for ALL, but in every Jewish family I know (including my own), playing "Did You Know _____ Is Jewish?" is a favorite pastime. Seriously, who ever comes up with the board game version of it would make a freaking fortune. Other favorite games: When someone does something really fab: "And he/she's Jewish, you know!" Or conversely, when someone does something really bad: "Oh god, I hope he/she isn't Jewish." There are so many version of Guess Who's the Jew on the interwebs and many of the comments on them are really funny. Wasn't there also a Saturday Night Live bit called "Jew, Not a Jew?"

Bottom line, we've been majorly surprised to find out that people you'd never expect are Jewish so I try not to get all huffy until I know for sure.

ETA: Do other religions do this? Is there a Family Game Night version of "Guess Who's the Episcopalian?" or some such?

I was surprised to find out my aunt's husband was Jewish, after having known him for years.

He wasn't raised heavily it in, and his father wasn't Jewish, which is kind of why it never really came up.

His only Jewish grandparent was his maternal grandfather - his maternal grandmother converted prior to marrying, so my uncle-in-law is sort of only a quarter Jewish (half Italian from his dad).

Well technically, he's completely Jewish because his mother is, who is Jewish because her mother was Jewish when his mother was born, but if we're going by genealogy....

Jewish identity is confusing sometimes.

[browncoatslytherin]

ETA: Do other religions do this? Is there a Family Game Night version of "Guess Who's the Episcopalian?" or some such?

i can't speak for all, but in my circles, there were occasional mentions of, "did you know so-and-so is a christian?"

[Ralar]

Definitely not speaking for ALL, but in every Jewish family I know (including my own), playing "Did You Know _____ Is Jewish?" is a favorite pastime. Seriously, who ever comes up with the board game version of it would make a freaking fortune. Other favorite games: When someone does something really fab: "And he/she's Jewish, you know!" Or conversely, when someone does something really bad: "Oh god, I hope he/she isn't Jewish." There are so many version of Guess Who's the Jew on the interwebs and many of the comments on them are really funny. Wasn't there also a Saturday Night Live bit called "Jew, Not a Jew?"

Bottom line, we've been majorly surprised to find out that people you'd never expect are Jewish so I try not to get all huffy until I know for sure.

ETA: Do other religions do this? Is there a Family Game Night version of "Guess Who's the Episcopalian?" or some such?

As a Jew, of course I play "Did you know ________ is Jewish?" Also, that ever important "Jewish Geography."

As the original poster, I apologize to Benjamin Levi Madden. I did some further reading and discovered that his siblings' names are Joel Reuben (his twin), Joshua and Sarah (I know not only Jews use Biblical names, but those names are frequently used by Jews). Their devout Catholic mother's surname is Madden and their father's surname is Combs. I believe their legal surname is Combs. Their alcoholic father left the family when the Madden twins were 16, probably why they use their Mother's surname. I had a Jewish professor whose last name was Combs, so it is possible that Roger is Jewish. Reform Jews accept as Jews those with Jewish fathers. So, it is possible that Benji Madden considers himself Jewish based on his father being Jewish.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Definitely not speaking for ALL, but in every Jewish family I know (including my own), playing "Did You Know _____ Is Jewish?" is a favorite pastime. Seriously, who ever comes up with the board game version of it would make a freaking fortune. Other favorite games: When someone does something really fab: "And he/she's Jewish, you know!" Or conversely, when someone does something really bad: "Oh god, I hope he/she isn't Jewish." There are so many version of Guess Who's the Jew on the interwebs and many of the comments on them are really funny. Wasn't there also a Saturday Night Live bit called "Jew, Not a Jew?"

Bottom line, we've been majorly surprised to find out that people you'd never expect are Jewish so I try not to get all huffy until I know for sure.

ETA: Do other religions do this? Is there a Family Game Night version of "Guess Who's the Episcopalian?" or some such?

You mean like this:

http://www.jewornotjew.com/index.jsp

[Shirley Blest]

ETA: Do other religions do this? Is there a Family Game Night version of "Guess Who's the Episcopalian?" or some such?

JW's do that to an extent...

[Mama Mia]

I find it mind blowing that the media would even think to post stories about "OMG, I can't believe they had a Jewish Wedding !!Thats so wrong!!! " without even bothering to ask if the bride or groom, or both were Jewish. :wtf: :doh:

Or it should be mind blowing, but really since there appear to be absolutely 0 attempts to fact check ANYTHING anymore, And half the major " news" is a freaking twitter crawl, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I find it mind blowing that the media would even think to post stories about "OMG, I can't believe they had a Jewish Wedding !!Thats so wrong!!! " without even bothering to ask if the bride or groom, or both were Jewish. :wtf: :doh:

Or it should be mind blowing, but really since there appear to be absolutely 0 attempts to fact check ANYTHING anymore, And half the major " news" is a freaking twitter crawl, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Look like there was some idle speculation from a reporter. That's it. Someone else reads the speculation in the wire article, misses the fact that this is just speculation, and assumes that someone fact-checked this, and gives their $.02. Then it goes viral, people post the story about how bad cultural appropriation is, and forget that nobody ever asked the couple for the reason behind the Jewish ceremony.

Because not everyone - even celebrities - openly publish their entire background, so yes, it's possible for someone to be Jewish even if they haven't made some sort of official declaration. They may have also assumed that a Jewish wedding WAS a declaration of the fact that someone's Jewish, and been totally confused by the whole reaction.

[FoxyMoxie]

Stephen Fry and Daniel Radcliffe are both Jewish.

[salex]

Definitely not speaking for ALL, but in every Jewish family I know (including my own), playing "Did You Know _____ Is Jewish?" is a favorite pastime. Seriously, who ever comes up with the board game version of it would make a freaking fortune. Other favorite games: When someone does something really fab: "And he/she's Jewish, you know!" Or conversely, when someone does something really bad: "Oh god, I hope he/she isn't Jewish." There are so many version of Guess Who's the Jew on the interwebs and many of the comments on them are really funny. Wasn't there also a Saturday Night Live bit called "Jew, Not a Jew?"

Bottom line, we've been majorly surprised to find out that people you'd never expect are Jewish so I try not to get all huffy until I know for sure.

ETA: Do other religions do this? Is there a Family Game Night version of "Guess Who's the Episcopalian?" or some such?

Not that i've ever seen. Ever since I married, when was using my married name i've played the "No, I'm not Jewish" game, since his baptist/methodist family has the same name as a well known rabbi in our last city and a name that is apparently very much a Jewish last name. I had no idea that so many people would ask on first introduction 'Are you Jewish." I had never asked anyone that question and still am not sure why people ask. I once was told "Your people have been such a asset to the Democratic Party." Which seemed like a really odd thing for anyone to say to anyone...

The family game my husband's mother played and mine now plays is the "do you remember so and so game which goes like this. "Do you remember so and so who lived at xyz?" to which the answer is generally "no" . "Oh, whe was married to such and such." "Still no, mom." "Oh, well she had cancer and died." "That is too bad, but I still don't know her."

[salex]

Of course, vast numbers of people have quasi christian weddings who are no more christian than my space heater.... so I guess whatever works for the bride and groom....

[crazyforkate]

i can't speak for all, but in my circles, there were occasional mentions of, "did you know so-and-so is a christian?"

Not religious, but it is a common Canadian pastime. No one can bring up particular celebrities without someone saying "And did you know he's Canadian?"

[StellaMarie]

Wasn't there also a Saturday Night Live bit called "Jew, Not a Jew?"

The Hanukkah Song! http://www.hulu.com/watch/271363

Vintage Adam Sandler. <3

[yetanothermeg]

Not religious, but it is a common Canadian pastime. No one can bring up particular celebrities without someone saying "And did you know he's Canadian?"

Lol, the same with New Zealand, its always "do you know so-and-so is a Kiwi?" although usually they have like one Kiwi parent and were born in Australia or something.

[DGayle]

Something I don't understand about Judaism is how having a Jewish grandma or something makes you Jewish. That's like saying my grandma is Christian, so I'm Christian.

[Arete]

According to traditional Jewish law, a person's Jewish status is passed from mother to child. It is a matrilineal religious as well as cultural inheritance. Reform Judaism does recognize Jewish status through the father, but Orthodox and Conservative Judaism do not. So yes, if your mother is a Jew as defined by Halaka (traditional Jewish Law), you are a Jew regardless of your level of observance or religious practice. 2xx1xy1JD has given some great background info in various FJ threads about how Judaism determines an individual's Jewish status.

Greeks are hardcore players of both "did you know he/she is Greek" and Greek geography. You give me a family name, a church parish name, and a week, and I can run down basic information on most Greeks in my age bracket in the Metropolitan NY/NJ area and Toronto. People especially like to get a lot of background info if it looks like a marriage may be in the brewing.

[SoybeanQueen]

When someone has a Jewish wedding, my first thought is "didn't know they were Jewish," and definitely not "cultural appropriation." How rude of the media to say as much before even asking, if they thought it was news.

But, as a writer and a member of the media, I'm all too aware of the lack of good reporting nowadays. No one wants to pay for the decent writers to practice their craft, and when you pay people nothing, you can expect nothing in return. When companies do pay me to write a well-researched piece, it ends up on Wikipedia with no attribution. This sort of mistake is unsurprising, given the state of journalism today.

[uber frau]

Lol, the same with New Zealand, its always "do you know so-and-so is a Kiwi?" although usually they have like one Kiwi parent and were born in Australia or something.

Oh no,unless they are have never set foot in Australia before becoming famous they're Australian.

Unless they do something dodgy. Then they're Kiwi.

My denomination could never have played "Did you know. ..?". Everybody knew who everybody else was and,besides,doing the sort of thing that might get you famous would get you kicked out.

[alba]

Not religious, but it is a common Canadian pastime. No one can bring up particular celebrities without someone saying "And did you know he's Canadian?"

Not gonna lie, my (Scottish) fiancé got me to watch Battlestar Galactica with the line "Half the actors are Canadian." He prompty regretted it when I started bingeing on it :lol:

I didn't realise other Canadians did this kind of thing, too, though I can't say I'm surprised!

[GinaM]

I'm not gonna lie, the first thing I thought of when I read the title of this post was number 3 on this.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20584_the-5-most-absurdly-offensive-theme-weddings-ever-planned.html

Now I feel kinda bad for thinking that.

PS- not breaking the link because it's cracked

[browncoatslytherin]

I'm not gonna lie, the first thing I thought of when I read the title of this post was number 3 on this.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20584_the-5-most-absurdly-offensive-theme-weddings-ever-planned.html

Now I feel kinda bad for thinking that.

PS- not breaking the link because it's cracked