Why the obsession with birth/birth control is dangerous

[SpeakNow]

My friend (an Orthodox Jew) posted this article to Facebook. I saw some major parallels to the quiver full movement and the obsession with avoiding birth control and accepting every pregnancy as a blessing.

hevria.com/yocheved/wish-rebbetzin-told-birth-control/

When doing her premarital counseling, the young woman writing the article mentioned that she was afraid to become a mother right away and wanted time to get to know her husband.

She writes, "Rebbetzin… um… I’m very scared to get pregnant right away. Very scared. I feel like I need more time before I become a mother. More time to get to know my husband, you know? To adjust to married life. What are– what are your thoughts on birth control?â€

She froze. Looked at me blankly and paused for a second. And then, in a tone that almost sounded rehearsed, she said: “We don’t do that. The Rebbe did not support family planning. Children are a brocha and we don’t get in the way of a blessing.â€

In order to get birth control she had to get a rabbi to give her a heter (basically, special permission). She got it, filled a prescription for birth control, but never took the medication. She was too scared to take it. When she didn't get pregnant right away, she started freaking out.

She writes, "After we were married for six months, I started to panic. Did I jinx this? Was I being punished? Why wasn’t I getting pregnant??? And so I started obsessively taking my temperature and drinking stinky Chinese herbs and making challah and praying all the while still pondering, still panicking. Did I jinx this? Was I being punished? Why wasn’t I getting pregnant???!!

I felt like I invited some sort of Gdly retribution for contemplating birth control."

Obviously, the decision to become a mother isn't always easy for everyone, but it's just so sad when religion places an undue stress on women. In the end, the author advocates that religious leaders avoid taking a one size fits all approach to family planning.

She says, "I think back to that day, my last class with my kallah teacher, and to her response to my honest admission of fear of becoming a mother soon after becoming a wife. And while I still respect her piety and commitment to our teachings, I do not believe there is a one-sized-fits-all approach to anything— especially not our journey to becoming mothers.

Let’s make more informed and empowered choices about our family planning.

Let’s dissolve all the assumptions and judgments we make of each other and our paths to motherhood.

Let’s open ourselves to dialogue about this sensitive issue- beyond isolated conversations with our Rabbis or Rebbetzins.

Let’s recognize that although this topic is personal, the way we think and feel about it effects our greater families and communities.

Let’s acknowledge that the goal is ultimately physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy families.

There is so much power in surrendering to Gd’s plans, exercising appropriately guided control, and feeling confident in our choices, whatever they may be. It’s time we embrace that."

[gustava]

I'm not big on surrender.