Parents cancel Christmas to teach a lesson

[ADoyle90815]

I haven't really seen any threads about this, but a mommy blogger's post about cancelling Christmas to teach her children a lesson has gone viral. Not breaking because it's CNN.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/04/living/pa ... ryGallLink

[Mama Mia]

Right off the bat my reaction is that they are actually teaching them the exact opposite of what they say they are teaching them.

The headline to the story is overblown, because they actually are still celebrating Christmas, in many ways. But they say they aren't giving them gifts because, basically, they were bad. And too materialistic and entitled. But by telling them They aren't getting gifts cause they are bad they are also saying people who get gifts/more stuff are good. Contradictory.

I could see going the less gifts route just because as a family that made sense. Or the parents deciding to focus on all the non material things because the boys were getting greedy. But if they do it as a punishment, they are giving the wrong message, IMHO.

[browncoatslytherin]

this could go horribly wrong for the parents. my fiance once described a christmas where, as punishment, he didn't receive any gifts. his father forced him to sit there and watch as his brothers opened their gifts. he said it broke him.

i can imagine that, no matter what those kids did, they feel pretty awful. i was allowed ONE normal halloween, and the next year by parents banned me from participating because i had acted out doing something or another (although, they really just didn't want me to participate in halloween and grasped at the first straw that came along for an excuse). it was an incredible hit in morale, to all of a sudden have something fun taken away.

less presents is one thing. no presents for punishment's sake? potentially more damaging than the parents are bargaining for.

[louisa05]

Anyone have the blog link? What did they do to teach them to be more respectful and less entitled prior to this big viral moment? Something tells me that is the problem. You can't just tell kids that, you have to model it and actively practice it. How have they done that?

I'm a gift giver, quite frankly. I enjoy buying gifts and finding things my friends and family will like. So I am always a bit taken aback by the people who decide that giving gifts is too much of a pain or burden or that receiving gifts is something horrifying (that one which I see online every year at this time just baffles me). And I really struggle with the idea that no gifts given or received teaches kids better values than generously giving to their loved ones.

Then I think of some of the families I know and their gift giving practices and I kind of understand. My nephew's mother's family spends $1000s per person on Christmas gifts whether they have it or not. When I was seven or eight years old, I got one "big gift" and four or five small ones from my parents. The big gift was a toy or some sort that I wanted---usually a doll of some sort. When nephew was eight or so, on that side of the family he got multiple handheld video games, his own computer, and whatever the hot video game system was that year. In their "Christmas bingo game" he won multiple other expensive gifts and gift cards over $50 each. So, yes, perhaps gift giving can be out of control, especially with kids. But the answer is to dial it down, as hard as that may be.

And here is the second thing. After long suspecting the results, I started doing an informal poll of my high school students each year asking how many of them bought gifts for their parents and siblings at Christmas. Mind you, I mostly taught juniors and seniors in a white middle class town who had access to plenty of money--many even had jobs. Roughly 90% did not buy gifts for family members at Christmas. Consistently. They would often explain that they are kids and don't have to and Christmas is when they GET gifts. My nephew rarely gets gifts for anyone else, either. Even now at nearly 20, he looked at me like I was crazy when I asked him if he had shopped yet.

Here is what my parents always did when we were young children. We had a Christmas shopping night--usually a week night (probably because the crowds were smaller) and we went to a downtown area with several stores. We ate dinner out and then split up. One of us would go with each parent to buy a gift for the other parent and then we would switch to buy a gift for the other. We would also pick a gift for each other that night. Our parents paid for it at that time. The point was to teach us that we needed to give to our family at Christmas. Not a ton of money was spent. As we got older and had our own money, buying gifts for our family was a habit. They started this when we were very young. My favorite teddy bear growing up was one my brother picked out as his Christmas gift to me when I was a toddler. He was very proud as a kid that it was from him.

I just have to wonder what this family has tried to do to teach these kids to think beyond themselves up to this point. Just telling them is not enough.

[AuntCloud]

A friend of Cloudlet#2 had her 8th birthday party cancelled at the last moment "to teach her a lesson". Cloudlet was disappointed, and I can't imagine what this little girl went through. Unless she took the family car for a joy ride or sold her little brother online, I just can't be convinced this is anything but vindictive.

[Toothfairy]

My kids never get presents. I just don't understand why these parents feel the need to announce to the world they canceled Christmas

[ADoyle90815]

My kids never get presents. I just don't understand why these parents feel the need to announce to the world they canceled Christmas

I think the parents just wanted attention, since it was first announced as a very public blog post, then it suddenly went viral.

[twin2]

I think the parents just wanted attention, since it was first announced as a very public blog post, then it suddenly went viral.

Saw this on yahoo. Though I can see why some think it is extreme. I don't really have a strong objection to the punishment. I think I would if it was targeting one, not all, of the children. But if the kids behaving disrespectfully and nothing else has worked, I don't have an issue with. Not sure if it will work, but doubt it will leave them psychologically scared for life either.

What I do have an issue with, it he "public shamming" aspect of this, by the mother putting it on her blog. It screams of an attention getter to me, so it makes me wonder if the issues are really as bad as she makes them out to be. I, hate, loath, abhor, honestly I'm not sure if there is a word to describe how much I hate this new found public shamming of kids as punishments. Bad actions have to have consequences, but public shaming is not the way to go, that could have long term psychological consequences. I hate it when parents do this and I hate even more the pats on the back they get for it.

[louisa05]

Saw this on yahoo. Though I can see why some think it is extreme. I don't really have a strong objection to the punishment. I think I would if it was targeting one, not all, of the children. But if the kids behaving disrespectfully and nothing else has worked, I don't have an issue with. Not sure if it will work, but doubt it will leave them psychologically scared for life either.

What I do have an issue with, it he "public shamming" aspect of this, by the mother putting it on her blog. It screams of an attention getter to me, so it makes me wonder if the issues are really as bad as she makes them out to be. I, hate, loath, abhor, honestly I'm not sure if there is a word to describe how much I hate this new found public shamming of kids as punishments. Bad actions have to have consequences, but public shaming is not the way to go, that could have long term psychological consequences. I hate it when parents do this and I hate even more the pats on the back they get for it.

I found the blog. Her explanation is that the kids were "disrespectful" and "entitled" and she and their father "warned" them for months that there would be "consequences". She makes no mention of having any immediate consequences for the behavior and makes reference to "threatening" them prior as well. Commenters who say they have read the blog for a long time responded that if these kids are entitled it is because it is very apparent from the blog's long term content that they are consistently given whatever they want. My guess is that this adventure in public shaming/getting mom's 15 minutes of fame is not going to make one whit of difference in the children's behavior in the long term. The parents are likely to return to the habit of giving them everything and of issuing mostly empty threats in response to disrespect.

[Maggie Mae]

I'm a gift giver, quite frankly. I enjoy buying gifts and finding things my friends and family will like. So I am always a bit taken aback by the people who decide that giving gifts is too much of a pain or burden or that receiving gifts is something horrifying (that one which I see online every year at this time just baffles me). And I really struggle with the idea that no gifts given or received teaches kids better values than generously giving to their loved ones.

I'll be honest. I'm bad at gift giving, and I find it very stressful. I also don't particularly care for people to buy for me. Sorry you find it horrifying and baffling. I appreciate the gesture, but I'd prefer my family not waste money on things I don't need or particularly want. I find the consumerism in the US during the holidays to be particularly gross and I'd rather not be a part of it. I don't need anything. I have a house and transportation and clothing. I don't want sweets or food packages. My hobbies are fairly specialized and I prefer to pick out my own equipment. I have a watch and I don't really wear jewlry. I don't need house goods or clutter. I have enough soaps for about another year.

Background: my parents came from a very different time/culture than my friends. After a few years of the comparison over who got what name brand item and how many gifts and blah blah blah, I realized that I don't care to keep up with that shit. For one, I'm never going to receive a properly impressive gift. For two, it's just crap. A purse you use until someone makes fun of it. A top to wear until it is ruined in the wash. An electronic device that is going to break or be out dated in a year.

It's boring.

I miss the magic of Christmas. Going to see family and traveling in the dark. Playing cards with my grandpa after everyone else went to bed. Staying up late for midnight mass. Waking up early because it was also my Grandma's birthday and having birthday/Christmas breakfast (which was always gross and cold, but tradition!) Riding horses in the snow and peeking in the neighbors windows. snowball fights and family gossip over tea. And caroling and making art for the homeless shelter and secret Santa's with $5 limits and just having fun.

That's what I remember. But now it's all about who got what and what deal so and so got on some video game player and how come aunt so and so can't get her kids something expensive and cousin so and so thinks her kids and better than other cousin so they can't come and grandma died and grandpa found a girlfriend and the food is bad so no one is getting together.. oh and what are you getting. It's turned into what people are getting and who can give the best. It's dumb.

[Toothfairy]

It's the parents fault the kids are like this in the first place. And I agree with public shaming for the right reasons but these parents scream attention

[RosyDaisy]

I love Christmas. My fiancee got the Christmas decorations out of the attic, and we're gonna get started tomorrow. I just hope the feline headship remains calm. He's getting a red and green fluffy blanket for his box (he will only sleep in cardboard box or our bed). As for gifts, well, that's what gift cards are for. For us it's all about the decorations, food, and being with family.

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

I agree that not giving them presents as a form of punishment may be sending the opposite message of what the parents claim. IMO, the way to battle entitlement is to have kids serve others. Making community service a continuing family activity is what I think would help combat spoiled attitudes. But I also think these parents need to check themselves- I have known a lot of parents who show a high level of entitlement themselves and then are totally shocked when their children adopt the same attitude.

[jaynie]

Something about this punishment puts me in mind of people who have terrible eating habits, who do intense diets to lose weight but can't keep it off. Those don't work because they don't address the actual problem, only a symptom. If these kids are being greedy all of the time, the parents need to help them to gain perspective that will be with them all the time - not just on one day, which they will probably blame their parents for ruining anyway.

[louisa05]

I'll be honest. I'm bad at gift giving, and I find it very stressful. I also don't particularly care for people to buy for me. Sorry you find it horrifying and baffling. I appreciate the gesture, but I'd prefer my family not waste money on things I don't need or particularly want. I find the consumerism in the US during the holidays to be particularly gross and I'd rather not be a part of it. I don't need anything. I have a house and transportation and clothing. I don't want sweets or food packages. My hobbies are fairly specialized and I prefer to pick out my own equipment. I have a watch and I don't really wear jewlry. I don't need house goods or clutter. I have enough soaps for about another year.

Background: my parents came from a very different time/culture than my friends. After a few years of the comparison over who got what name brand item and how many gifts and blah blah blah, I realized that I don't care to keep up with that shit. For one, I'm never going to receive a properly impressive gift. For two, it's just crap. A purse you use until someone makes fun of it. A top to wear until it is ruined in the wash. An electronic device that is going to break or be out dated in a year.

It's boring.

I miss the magic of Christmas. Going to see family and traveling in the dark. Playing cards with my grandpa after everyone else went to bed. Staying up late for midnight mass. Waking up early because it was also my Grandma's birthday and having birthday/Christmas breakfast (which was always gross and cold, but tradition!) Riding horses in the snow and peeking in the neighbors windows. snowball fights and family gossip over tea. And caroling and making art for the homeless shelter and secret Santa's with $5 limits and just having fun.

That's what I remember. But now it's all about who got what and what deal so and so got on some video game player and how come aunt so and so can't get her kids something expensive and cousin so and so thinks her kids and better than other cousin so they can't come and grandma died and grandpa found a girlfriend and the food is bad so no one is getting together.. oh and what are you getting. It's turned into what people are getting and who can give the best. It's dumb.

You missed my point. My family has NEVER been like that. Here is what I am getting for Christmas from my parents (I know because neither of them can drive and I have to take them shopping):

A crock pot with a timer. I asked for this because when I have to spend the day driving an hour and a half to my parents' house, take dad to chemo, and drag my mother all over their city running errands, it is a ten hour day. I'd like to leave food in the crockpot for our dinner, but ten hours is too long. This one will switch to a "warming" setting after 4, 6, or 8 hours of cooking. Cost: $40.

A sweater from an outlet store. Cost: $14. I left full time work over four years ago and have not bought new work clothes at all since. Most of my work clothes are, in fact, closer to ten years old and they look it. I do need some nice clothes to sub, so I need that.

Pajamas. I had a pair of warm pajamas but they are worn out--top is stretched out beyond wearing. They are 8 years old. My mother picked up a pair while we were outlet shopping and asked if I need pajamas. I do. Cost: $19.

That's it. My brother is getting some new cold weather gear for his outdoor job that he asked for because he needs it. Including the very over the top gift of socks. Yes, socks. He is also getting a set of plastic storage containers for leftovers because I am cleaning his house for him and realized he has none.

My husband is getting a sweatshirt, a t-shirt, and a warm hat and gloves he asked for because his new job requires him to work outside part of the day. He will probably also get a gift card to the auto parts store or Home Depot because they have not spent as much on him as my brother and me. He will spend the gift card on things to take care of our stuff.

My nephew is getting a steering wheel cover for his car (which he asked for because he needs it), a new jacket (which he asked for because he needs it--mom found one at the outlet for about $20) and a gift card for gas.

My husband and I get each other stuff we want more than need, granted. But we also spend less than $100 on each other.

Can Christmas be insane and over the top? Yes. Can you buy people gifts without being insane and over the top and without resorting to lotion and prepackaged baked goods? Yes. All you have to do is ask them what they might need or like. Or listen when you're around them.

Here's what we have bought for people this year:

Mother-in-law: A calendar with bunnies on it which we buy her every year because she wants it and does not know where to get it. My husband did not get it for her about eight years ago and she asked him to go find her one after Christmas. We also got her a stapler shaped like a bunny. She loves bunnies, has a massive collection of bunny themed items and has a broken stapler.

My mother: a bracelet (actual silver bracelet not a band) from an organization that raises money for research for the type of cancer my father has. I have a similar one already and she wanted me to show her where to order it. I "forgot" to show her and ordered her one myself.

Nephew: A double CD set that he asked me where to find last month. (It is out of print).

My father: he's a hard one. He cannot do much. He can't use his hands to even read books. He doesn't need a lot of stuff. But he did say he wished he could find more old movies to watch. We found a DVD with four old John Wayne movies on it. And DVDs will work better for him since he often falls asleep trying to watch a whole movie on television.

My husband did get his sister a candle. I don't usually do gifts like that. But he is in charge of her and for the last few years, she has complained about whatever he bought her. So whatever.

We spent $35 or less on each person listed above. And in both of our families that is acceptable. That is about what everyone spends but my parents who do more. But they have the money to do more and want to and have always been conscious of using Christmas as an opportunity to help us out with what we need. There have been years since I have been underemployed that they have bought me shampoo or bought us hand soap for our bathroom. Not because they don't know what to get us and not in that way that you find so offensive but as in "this is what I use, mom, could you just get that?" A six months supply of basic household items is a godsend to a limited budget. And I'm not sure it is very commercial or materialistic as far as gifts go. Those were also the years that we spent way less on other people--nephew got a $4 used book one of those years. He wanted it and liked it and no hard feelings.

If your family is giving each other smartphones and iPads and designer purses and $200 gift cards...yeah, that is materialistic and over the top. This is what I was trying to say in my previous post that clearly you did not get. But it really doesn't have to be that way. People can give without emptying their bank accounts. And I think that dialing down, providing some needs rather than wants, and encouraging them to thoughtfully give to others as well is what makes kids learn to be less entitled around the holidays.

And I don't find it horrifying that some people don't like receiving gifts, I am just baffled by the downright animosity that people express about it. If someone buys you a gift, it is (most of the time--granted not always in families--I do have that crazy ass sister-in-law) a gesture of caring about you. Maybe you don't care for the gift but to get so hostile about someone who cared enough to give it to you as if their gesture of kindness is a horrible imposition on your life, that is just not gracious. We all get gifts we don't like sometimes. I don't think it is too much to be gracious and to be glad that someone wanted to be kind to you. (And later on you can re-gift it/give it away to someone who will like it or give it to the thrift store or whatever--BTW don't ever be an employee of an elementary school --or even some secondary schools-- if unnecessary gifts offend you--you will spend all of December mired in anger).

[Maggie Mae]

You missed my point. My family has NEVER been like that. Here is what I am getting for Christmas from my parents (I know because neither of them can drive and I have to take them shopping):

A crock pot with a timer. I asked for this because when I have to spend the day driving an hour and a half to my parents' house, take dad to chemo, and drag my mother all over their city running errands, it is a ten hour day. I'd like to leave food in the crockpot for our dinner, but ten hours is too long. This one will switch to a "warming" setting after 4, 6, or 8 hours of cooking. Cost: $40.

A sweater from an outlet store. Cost: $14. I left full time work over four years ago and have not bought new work clothes at all since. Most of my work clothes are, in fact, closer to ten years old and they look it. I do need some nice clothes to sub, so I need that.

Pajamas. I had a pair of warm pajamas but they are worn out--top is stretched out beyond wearing. They are 8 years old. My mother picked up a pair while we were outlet shopping and asked if I need pajamas. I do. Cost: $19.

That's it. My brother is getting some new cold weather gear for his outdoor job that he asked for because he needs it. Including the very over the top gift of socks. Yes, socks. He is also getting a set of plastic storage containers for leftovers because I am cleaning his house for him and realized he has none.

My husband is getting a sweatshirt, a t-shirt, and a warm hat and gloves he asked for because his new job requires him to work outside part of the day. He will probably also get a gift card to the auto parts store or Home Depot because they have not spent as much on him as my brother and me. He will spend the gift card on things to take care of our stuff.

My nephew is getting a steering wheel cover for his car (which he asked for because he needs it), a new jacket (which he asked for because he needs it--mom found one at the outlet for about $20) and a gift card for gas.

My husband and I get each other stuff we want more than need, granted. But we also spend less than $100 on each other.

Can Christmas be insane and over the top? Yes. Can you buy people gifts without being insane and over the top and without resorting to lotion and prepackaged baked goods? Yes. All you have to do is ask them what they might need or like. Or listen when you're around them.

Here's what we have bought for people this year:

Mother-in-law: A calendar with bunnies on it which we buy her every year because she wants it and does not know where to get it. My husband did not get it for her about eight years ago and she asked him to go find her one after Christmas. We also got her a stapler shaped like a bunny. She loves bunnies, has a massive collection of bunny themed items and has a broken stapler.

My mother: a bracelet (actual silver bracelet not a band) from an organization that raises money for research for the type of cancer my father has. I have a similar one already and she wanted me to show her where to order it. I "forgot" to show her and ordered her one myself.

Nephew: A double CD set that he asked me where to find last month. (It is out of print).

My father: he's a hard one. He cannot do much. He can't use his hands to even read books. He doesn't need a lot of stuff. But he did say he wished he could find more old movies to watch. We found a DVD with four old John Wayne movies on it. And DVDs will work better for him since he often falls asleep trying to watch a whole movie on television.

My husband did get his sister a candle. I don't usually do gifts like that. But he is in charge of her and for the last few years, she has complained about whatever he bought her. So whatever.

We spent $35 or less on each person listed above. And in both of our families that is acceptable. That is about what everyone spends but my parents who do more. But they have the money to do more and want to and have always been conscious of using Christmas as an opportunity to help us out with what we need. There have been years since I have been underemployed that they have bought me shampoo or bought us hand soap for our bathroom. Not because they don't know what to get us and not in that way that you find so offensive but as in "this is what I use, mom, could you just get that?" A six months supply of basic household items is a godsend to a limited budget. And I'm not sure it is very commercial or materialistic as far as gifts go. Those were also the years that we spent way less on other people--nephew got a $4 used book one of those years. He wanted it and liked it and no hard feelings.

If your family is giving each other smartphones and iPads and designer purses and $200 gift cards...yeah, that is materialistic and over the top. This is what I was trying to say in my previous post that clearly you did not get. But it really doesn't have to be that way. People can give without emptying their bank accounts. And I think that dialing down, providing some needs rather than wants, and encouraging them to thoughtfully give to others as well is what makes kids learn to be less entitled around the holidays.

And I don't find it horrifying that some people don't like receiving gifts, I am just baffled by the downright animosity that people express about it. If someone buys you a gift, it is (most of the time--granted not always in families--I do have that crazy ass sister-in-law) a gesture of caring about you. Maybe you don't care for the gift but to get so hostile about someone who cared enough to give it to you as if their gesture of kindness is a horrible imposition on your life, that is just not gracious. We all get gifts we don't like sometimes. I don't think it is too much to be gracious and to be glad that someone wanted to be kind to you. (And later on you can re-gift it/give it away to someone who will like it or give it to the thrift store or whatever--BTW don't ever be an employee of an elementary school --or even some secondary schools-- if unnecessary gifts offend you--you will spend all of December mired in anger).

It's not that I am hostile about receiving gifts. I just find it frustrating that someone (like my fixed income father) would waste money buying me something I neither want nor need because of the obligation of the holiday. Nor did I enjoy the questions from my coworkers about "what did you get?" Which is really just a segue so they can tell me about the pile of loot they received.

For me, my present circumstances make the holidays extremely difficult. I don't care about trinkets. But I would like people to do what I asked the past few years and donate money and airline miles so I can travel and see my family in person. But, according to mom, "that's boring" and people want to see me open a box and photo it on Facebook. So I made a wish list on Amazon. Various amounts - less than $10 through $2,000. But apparently that's bad because stuff on my list is boring and I'll know what I'm getting. Which is why I don't think this holiday is about anything anymore. It's just a way for those with more to shove it in the faces of those with less.

And trying to think of gifts has been and will preoccupy my mind until I figure it out. And I might not. I'm always afraid that some year I'll stress too long and end up being even an even worse family member/friend/girlfriend because I couldn't figure it out. My parents have everything they need and won't tell me what they want, other than to "come home" and that is impossible. The friends I have are just as picky as I am and also don't need anything that they can't get themselves. And no one wants to be pigeonholed as the person who "likes running" or "football team x" so they can look forward to year after year of sports themed objects. Plus after the way some people have treated gift giving in the past (not the right label, I already have it, etc) it's just stressful.

[16strong]

I'm a big fan of giving things to people that they can enjoy year-round, like trees. Fruit trees are a good suggestion, as are flower pots (for those that have at least a semi-green thumb). Event tickets are also good: spa visits, sports games, conventions, concerts, etc. They don't have to be expensive concerts, either. A string ensemble or acrobatic troupe performing at a local college is a good suggestion. For friends and family that like alcohol, a good bottle of something is always appreciated.

If any of you have friends that like giving to charity, Heifer International is a good one to give to in their name. Another suggestion is to give people vouchers for things like yard cleanup, child care, and dinners.

As for me, I'm probably more materialistc than most here. I'm huge into fashion, so clothes, shoes and accessories are never turned down, no matter how many I already own. Books are also presents I adore, but what I have always loved the most, but never get are handmade gifts. I still have a window cling a friend from primary school made me. I will take them all, Pinterest fails or Picassos, and proudly display every one of them, haha.

[DGayle]

You make a kid stop being an entitled little shit by not giving them everything they want. If those kids were still entitled after months and months, then that's a problem with the parents. Also "there will be consequences." Will be. When? Were there consequences before now?

I don't really see this as shaming. I've got nothing against people talking on their blogs about their kids' misbehaviors. Kids shouldn't always be protected from public knowing about their misbehaviors. Sometimes the disapproval of society can deter bad behavior. No one says it's shaming until it goes viral. And even at that, it's not like having a kid hold up a sign over some small infraction, like "I'm a piggy because I ate my sister's candy."

It's just some parents who are doing it wrong by whining their kids are entitled while they're doing everything to make their kids entitled.

[Maggie Mae]

I'm a big fan of giving things to people that they can enjoy year-round, like trees. Fruit trees are a good suggestion, as are flower pots (for those that have at least a semi-green thumb). Event tickets are also good: spa visits, sports games, conventions, concerts, etc. They don't have to be expensive concerts, either. A string ensemble or acrobatic troupe performing at a local college is a good suggestion. For friends and family that like alcohol, a good bottle of something is always appreciated.

If any of you have friends that like giving to charity, Heifer International is a good one to give to in their name. Another suggestion is to give people vouchers for things like yard cleanup, child care, and dinners.

As for me, I'm probably more materialistc than most here. I'm huge into fashion, so clothes, shoes and accessories are never turned down, no matter how many I already own. Books are also presents I adore, but what I have always loved the most, but never get are handmade gifts. I still have a window cling a friend from primary school made me. I will take them all, Pinterest fails or Picassos, and proudly display every one of them, haha.

Thank you! These are really good suggestions.

[Mama Mia]

Thank you! These are really good suggestions.

Love all those suggestions! Another one that can be useful , especially if you're short on cash, is a Groupon Gift certificate. The receipients can pick something fun to do, or an activity, or a spa service or whatever -- and they will get way more for the amount you spend.

I especially like them for people on either extreme of " already have everything" and " barely scraping by so never spend a penny on anything fun"

[martian]

Beer. Sometimes, for my uncles, I'll go someplace with a good selection and pick up a few bottles of something different, interesting, or weird. Even the guys who normally drink whatever is on sale at the grocery store really like sampling something like a chocolate ale or some fancy Belgian thing. It usually results in a lot of happy chatter and reminiscing, too. It's a gift that scales up or down nicely according to your budget.

[micatite]

Some years back my mother and I decided that we had everything we absolutely needed and most things we wanted, and those we didn't have, we could usually pick out and get for ourselves. So we decided to start making memories instead.

She and I both, for example, really enjoy musical theater. So for the last couple of years we've bought each other season tickets to the local performing arts center's Broadway series. She buys mine and I buy hers. It's actually cheaper per show for us to do it that way than to buy tickets individually, since we get the whole series we've been introduced to shows we might not have chosen on our own but found we really enjoyed, and it's something we get to do together and afterward we can enjoy the memory of spending time together doing something we both like.

We travel together too. Again, we get to spend time together doing things we enjoy...and afterward we have the memories.

[Aurora rising]

If any of you have friends that like giving to charity, Heifer International is a good one to give to in their name.

I love to think about nice gifts and to surprise people. The headship got a few nice ones in the last years: Balloondriving, trip to Amsterdam, selfmade scarfes, a superman-shirt, books I read to him... He on the other head is a little bit... strange with gifts: My first one was a blinking plastic-heart. :lol: But he´s improved and we both learned from each other that the nice little gestures are worth more than expensive shiny gifts.

Okay, end of rant - if you want to give to charity:

https://www.apopo.org/en/

http://www.oxfam.org/