In Which Robert Oh Whatever I Just Can't Anymore

[lawfulevil]

This appears to be Robert's thought process:

1. Robert: At this very moment, what is the most ridiculously stupid thing I could do in the name of Manliness?

2. Robert: Aha! I found a thing. YES. I will do the thing!

3. Amanda: Please don't do the thing. Here's five hundred reasonable alternatives to the thing. Seriously, don't do the thing.

4. Robert: *Does the thing*

5. FJ: "What the fuck."

6. Robert: BECAUSE JESUS, FEMINIST HARPIES.

Only in Robert-land is going from basically no exercise to running on fucked up feet (at ~300 pounds, in 20 degree weather) a better idea than just cramming less junk food into your face while watching Discovery on the couch.

[Maggie Mae]

Couldn't he try eating less, and getting his bmi out of table two before going for a run? 6 foot and 300 lbs is a bmi of 40. I am not sure it's even possible to run an entire mile on not recently "broken" feet.

Beyond that, I have to disagree that running is "manly." It's the fastest growing sport among women. Also, Robert seems more of a power lifter type. He gets the "gains" and doesn't have to cardio. Or wanders about the gym glaring at people using anything but the heaviest free weights. And he goes for a while and hurts himself trying to lift more than he can with terrible form.

[polecat]

Couldn't he try eating less, and getting his bmi out of table two before going for a run? 6 foot and 300 lbs is a bmi of 40. I am not sure it's even possible to run an entire mile on not recently "broken" feet.

Beyond that, I have to disagree that running is "manly." It's the fastest growing sport among women. Also, Robert seems more of a power lifter type. He gets the "gains" and doesn't have to cardio. Or wanders about the gym glaring at people using anything but the heaviest free weights. And he goes for a while and hurts himself trying to lift more than he can with terrible form.

Yes, it's possible. But it's only possible if that 300#s isn't excess lard (and I say that as an also-lardy person). Boobert would do much better for his health (and be less likely to burn out) if he started with a brisk walk in the afternoon, cut out soda and made healthier choices. He doesn't even have to diet right off the bat -- just cut the crap. Add some weights to the routine, and his body will thank him for it.

But whatever, Boobert. If you want to have a heart attack jogging your out-of-shape self in freezing temps, that's your business.

[jerkit]

Actually, Robert would be a terrible powerlifter. It's based on your weight and guys his weight would be lifting literally 1000s of pounds.

This also seems like an appropriate place to educate FJ on the difference between powerlifting and weightlifting. Powerlifting is dead lift, bench press, back squat. Weightlifting is clean and jerk (get it? jerkit?) and snatch. The two terms are not interchangeable.

[ILoveJellybeans]

This appears to be Robert's thought process:

1. Robert: At this very moment, what is the most ridiculously stupid thing I could do in the name of Manliness?

2. Robert: Aha! I found a thing. YES. I will do the thing!

3. Amanda: Please don't do the thing. Here's five hundred reasonable alternatives to the thing. Seriously, don't do the thing.

4. Robert: *Does the thing*

5. FJ: "What the fuck."

6. Robert: BECAUSE JESUS, FEMINIST HARPIES.

Only in Robert-land is going from basically no exercise to running on fucked up feet (at ~300 pounds, in 20 degree weather) a better idea than just cramming less junk food into your face while watching Discovery on the couch.

Robert needs to accept that penises do not make you smart, and that Amanda is smarter than him even though she has a vagina, because its the brain that counts.

[Grimalkin]

I thought the thing was going to be oral sex. Turns out I'm wrong. Kinda funny to read it that way. Amanda begging him not to and all.

[Firiel]

Sometimes, I think the entirety of Cabinetman is an elaborate set-up to troll me, and specifically me.

Robert shares a name with my boyfriend (gross).

Robert has many characteristics of my ex.

His favorite typo is to add apostrophe's to plural's.

He brags about what a great runner he is after running a couple(?) miles on a broken foot.

Ugh. Seriously, I am THE worst regarding running while injured. I've run through more pain than is intelligent. But even I, after finding out my "sprained" ankle was a stress fracture, stopped running on it completely. Because I wanted to get better and a broken bone won't heal if you are running on it.

Anyway, it's a crappy weight-loss technique. At his size, if he ran two miles, Robert probably burned about 450 calories. That's not much in the scheme of things-- it would be much better to cut back on his diet (or best, do a little of both).

[nelliebelle1197]

Actually, Robert would be a terrible powerlifter. It's based on your weight and guys his weight would be lifting literally 1000s of pounds.

This also seems like an appropriate place to educate FJ on the difference between powerlifting and weightlifting. Powerlifting is dead lift, bench press, back squat. Weightlifting is clean and jerk (get it? jerkit?) and snatch. The two terms are not interchangeable.

If I remember correctly, your username refers to your powerlifting work, correct? Perhaps you should volunteer your services as his personal trainer. We could watch his head explode. It would be priceless.

[Grimalkin]

And just heavy lifting would be lifting heavy weights? Getting my nerve up to make my way to the squat rack at the gym.

[jerkit]

If I remember correctly, your username refers to your powerlifting work, correct? Perhaps you should volunteer your services as his personal trainer. We could watch his head explode. It would be priceless.

I am actually into weightlifting primarily. I do dabble in powerlifting, but that's mostly as accessory work to my weightlifting. My favorite lift is the jerk, and thus my user name :)

Robert could not do weightlifting either. It requires skill and finesse (it's way less about brute strength than powerlifting is) that he could never hope to achieve.

[jerkit]

And just heavy lifting would be lifting heavy weights? Getting my nerve up to make my way to the squat rack at the gym.

Yes. Anyone can lift heavy! Powerlifting and weightlifting refer to specific sports, but anyone can lift!

Wikipedia to the rescue:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympic_weightlifting

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Powerlifting

[Maggie Mae]

Actually, Robert would be a terrible powerlifter. It's based on your weight and guys his weight would be lifting literally 1000s of pounds.

This also seems like an appropriate place to educate FJ on the difference between powerlifting and weightlifting. Powerlifting is dead lift, bench press, back squat. Weightlifting is clean and jerk (get it? jerkit?) and snatch. The two terms are not interchangeable.

I didn't say he'd be good at it. My SO 's father was into power lifting. On further reflection though, Robert knows better than to follow a structured program. He's more of a bicep curl followed by more bicep curls kind of guy.

[jerkit]

I didn't say he'd be good at it. My SO 's father was into power lifting. On further reflection though, Robert knows better than to follow a structured program. He's more of a bicep curl followed by more bicep curls kind of guy.

In front of a mirror, of course.

[browncoatslytherin]

robert, if your feet really are injured, you are ridiculously stupid for running on them. you will only hurt yourself more, both now and down the road.

then again, go ahead and be stupid and get hurt worse. maybe it'll teach your dumb ass something!

[lawfulevil]

It sounds to me like typical Abusive Asshole Logic-

1. You ask them to do something. It's for the benefit of them/the marriage/the whole house. (Get a job, go to the doctor, lose a little weight, take something to the dump, fill out the insurance enrollment at work, stop banging the neighbor, whatever.)

2. They make you beg them to do it over and over again with increasing irritation/desperation.

3. Finally they explode in a rage-fest that quickly turns into self-pity about how hard their lives are.

4. Martyr mask firmly on, they "comply with your wishes" in the most passive-aggressive, self-destructive, ridiculous manbaby/womanbaby way they can think up.

5. Poor, poor pitiful asshole!

6. Rinse and repeat until you never bother ask them to do anything because it's more work than doing it yourself.

7. Victory! Unlimited leisure time/spending money/booty!

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

My mother is the MASTER of this bullshit.

[Grimalkin]

It sounds to me like typical Abusive Asshole Logic-

1. You ask them to do something. It's for the benefit of them/the marriage/the whole house. (Get a job, go to the doctor, lose a little weight, take something to the dump, fill out the insurance enrollment at work, stop banging the neighbor, whatever.)

2. They make you beg them to do it over and over again with increasing irritation/desperation.

3. Finally they explode in a rage-fest that quickly turns into self-pity about how hard their lives are.

4. Martyr mask firmly on, they "comply with your wishes" in the most passive-aggressive, self-destructive, ridiculous manbaby/womanbaby way they can think up.

5. Poor, poor pitiful asshole!

6. Rinse and repeat until you never bother ask them to do anything because it's more work than doing it yourself.

7. Victory! Unlimited leisure time/spending money/booty!

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

My mother is the MASTER of this bullshit.

I hate to admit it and read this but this scenario happens in my house between the kids and me. Not so much the poor me, and passive aggressive compliance. I started having my kids do the research for the piano teacher, or the tutor they are asking me about and leaving sticky notes in certain spots so I don't forget to do what they asked, like order a special shirt for their sports team or signing them up for an extracarricular . Trying to find solutions to these scenarios.

I get uncomfortable reading these things at times.

ETA- I didn't read #1. This happens when kids ask me to do stuff for them. Usually while I'm busy doing other things. I forget.

[Firiel]

ARGH.

Thankfully this morning nothing is sore after a mile and a half…not even my muscles

Good for you, Robert! You ran 1.5 miles and aren't sore! Do you want a fucking cookie or something?

Seriously. Usually I try not to play fundie one-upmanship, but I'm going to because Robert is the worst. My dad is 20 years older than Robert. He does a pretty labor-intensive job (a lot of lifting things and moving things). And then he still runs 5 miles three times a week. And he used to run a lot more-- he's only cut back because of a knee injury a couple years ago that still bothers him. Oh, and also? He doesn't brag about it or act like he's Mr. Athlete for doing any of this. He just runs because he goes stir-crazy if he doesn't.

Oh, and my parents are quite conservative and are complementarians. But my dad would think Robert is a complete ass and would not have any respect for him at all. Because my dad is a good guy who ACTUALLY loves and supports his wife instead of the stupid fundie husband definition of love.

[Anny Nym]

ARGH.

Good for you, Robert! You ran 1.5 miles and aren't sore! Do you want a fucking cookie or something?

Seriously. Usually I try not to play fundie one-upmanship, but I'm going to because Robert is the worst. My dad is 20 years older than Robert. He does a pretty labor-intensive job (a lot of lifting things and moving things). And then he still runs 5 miles three times a week. And he used to run a lot more-- he's only cut back because of a knee injury a couple years ago that still bothers him. Oh, and also? He doesn't brag about it or act like he's Mr. Athlete for doing any of this. He just runs because he goes stir-crazy if he doesn't.

Oh, and my parents are quite conservative and are complementarians. But my dad would think Robert is a complete ass and would not have any respect for him at all. Because my dad is a good guy who ACTUALLY loves and supports his wife instead of the stupid fundie husband definition of love.

Loved that part! :D

My dad would would probably add "Wer ko dea ko. Und wer ned ko, dea red´." meaning "The one who can, simply does it. But the one who can´t, only always talks about it."

And we know Robert talks ALOT. Especially about his alleged manliness[tm][/tm]. :mrgreen:

[2xx1xy1JD]

ARGH.

Good for you, Robert! You ran 1.5 miles and aren't sore! Do you want a fucking cookie or something?

Seriously. Usually I try not to play fundie one-upmanship, but I'm going to because Robert is the worst. My dad is 20 years older than Robert. He does a pretty labor-intensive job (a lot of lifting things and moving things). And then he still runs 5 miles three times a week. And he used to run a lot more-- he's only cut back because of a knee injury a couple years ago that still bothers him. Oh, and also? He doesn't brag about it or act like he's Mr. Athlete for doing any of this. He just runs because he goes stir-crazy if he doesn't.

Oh, and my parents are quite conservative and are complementarians. But my dad would think Robert is a complete ass and would not have any respect for him at all. Because my dad is a good guy who ACTUALLY loves and supports his wife instead of the stupid fundie husband definition of love.

I'm overweight, anemic, out of shape, older than Robert and a GIRL - and I can still run 1.5 miles.

Seriously, it shouldn't be that hard for The Strongest Man In The World[tm][/tm] who is only in his 30s.

[browncoatslytherin]

I'm overweight, anemic, out of shape, older than Robert and a GIRL - and I can still run 1.5 miles.

Seriously, it shouldn't be that hard for The Strongest Man In The World[tm][/tm] who is only in his 30s.

i won't lie...i'm overweight, out of shape, and asthmatic. power walking .6 and .7 miles to and from my work to the bus stops, respectively, has my chest hurting. but even when i was at a good weight and working out, i still couldn't run, so i applaud anyone who can.

but my sister runs marathons and my nephew is an awesome track and field star, so really, even though i know i personally could never run 1.5 miles even at my best, i know that's pretty tame as far as running for exercise goes. :roll: bragging post is fail post, booboo.

[lawfulevil]

I'm laughing so hard at his "Thanksgiving Sermon", you guys.

And these are all things to be thankful for. But the truth is many of us here may be in lack of some of those things. Today finds us desperate or lonely, cold or hungry.

Well I have good news. These next couple hours will give us just the briefest of glimpses of things to come. We will sit down in warmth, surrounded by friendly faces with the delicious smells in the air. We will enjoy the food, share a kind word and hopefully a laugh or two. It will be a great couple hours. But it will only last a couple hours.

But I want to tell you about a feast & a time of great joy that is to come that will not end. A feast were all are invited. A great party. There will come a day when all who have accepted their invitation to the party will all sit down in heaven and partake of the greatest feast humankind has ever seen! This is mentioned many times in scripture.

Man, dude, just let 'em eat their overcooked turkey.

[Georgiana]

Dear Robert,

I am an evil feminist and also a woman. Your "run" isn't even my warm-up. I'm running "just" a half marathon in 2 days for fun. Next year I am going out for Marathon Maniacs, which means I will run AT LEAST 2 full marathons in 16 days or 3 in 90. I'm always happy when people start running, and everyone has to start somewhere, but if you are going to BRAG, at least make sure you've done something that is actually impressive.

To me, you are weak.

Sincerely,

G

[jerkit]

That may be the very worst sermon I've ever had the displeasure of reading. "I know you have teh sadz cuz ur homeless, but don't be sad! Jeeeeeezus!"

[lawfulevil]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

We last discussed Bob on November 27th. A timeline:

Nov 28: Thanksgiving was amaze y'all. Amanda's cooking is so great. Everyone LOVED my sermon!
-7 comments.

Nov 28 (Nov 29's post): Shawshank Redemption! A movie based on a Stephen King novel makes a GREAT platform for talking about Jesus!
-2 comments.

Nov 30: Amanda's sick, y'all, so we have to eat my cooking! Haha!
-6 comments.

More Nov 30 (Dec 1?): My blog is SCRIPTURAL. It's GOD centered, not "new material" centered!
-2 comments.

And then...

Dec 1 (2?): Behold, my 10 point reply to an MRA. We agree on so many things!!!!! Did you hear me say MRA's, Freejinger? And that feminism is evil? Hello? Someone? Anyone? What do you think, readers?
-2 comments.

Which is the final point I will make. I don’t know a single christian manosphere man blogging under their real name. I don’t know them all so I could be wrong & I don’t include myself because I don’t think they’ll accept me as their own. I understand the reason- to protect themselves, their families, their jobs, their “reputations.†But leading the church and the family- being on the front lines- if we want that job then we have to be willing to sacrifice. Like Christ taught. How are we going to win hiding behind our computer pseudos? It’s going to take some serious obedience & faith and some serious sets of balls to “win†this.

Guys, I think he misses us. :lol: :violin:

[jerkit]

He is so boring lately. Disappointing, really.