Rigid Gender Roles

[Mama Mia]

I've said it and gotten bashed on here before -- but every single woman I know has had a baby shower with every single baby. Doesn't matter if they have two children of opposite sex twenty years apart -- or five little boys all two years apart. You have a baby shower. If you're a working mom you often have two - one at work, one for friends and family. AND many women have three -- work, friends, family. That was the norm in my circle 30+ years ago when I had my first baby! and it's the norm now with the my kids having babies! and with my friends and co-workers. Who range from late teens to mid thirties having babies. It's just the norm.

And people here will bitch about how tacky or gift grabby it is. You are, of course, entitled to your own opinion. But to the people I know it's a chance to celebrate the pregnancy and the baby , and, often, the older siblings will get little gifts or special treatment as well. Nobody cares if everyone doesn't bring a gift, or if some of the gifts come from the a Dollar store. Or are some gently used item that a mom found particularly useful that her baby has outgrown. The point, especially with a 2nd, 3rd, etc baby is because EVERY baby deserves " that much attention" -regardless of what that other poster said above. Whether the baby is a much planned and long-awaited child of a thirty-something married couple. Or the " oops, I can't believe the f$&&ng birth control failed and I got pregnant by That guy" surprise 3rd child of a single mom. Doesn't matter.

All you have to do is look at pinterest to see gender reveal parties are a thing. I haven't heard of anyone having though. I think largely because a few people I know didn't want to find out the sex before birth -- but the vast majority now announce the sex with an ultrasound pic on Facebook as soon as they found out.

[FloraKitty35]

That's just crazy. Someone please explain how these parties work? Do the activities switch depending on the test results? Like do you get drunk if it's negative? Do you bring gifts?

Pee party sounds gross. It sounds like something you have after passing a kidney stone.

[BrownieMomma]

Beisdes gender reveal parties, pee parties are now popular. I first saw a FB post and wondered what it meant. It's a woman or group of women taking pregnancy tests. Like what the heck?

As far as second baby showers go, they are more common now. My second cousin had one recently since it had been 8 years since the first and my BIL wife had one for their now 10 yr old twins since it had been like 12 years between them and the last.

With my youngest, I took a preg test at my friend's house. She had a pack of two and she browbeat me into taking one. They were both positive and we were both shocked and surprised.

But a pee party? Are invitations to the pregnancy attempts next?

[Hooligan]

I've said it and gotten bashed on here before -- but every single woman I know has had a baby shower with every single baby. Doesn't matter if they have two children of opposite sex twenty years apart -- or five little boys all two years apart. You have a baby shower. If you're a working mom you often have two - one at work, one for friends and family. AND many women have three -- work, friends, family. That was the norm in my circle 30+ years ago when I had my first baby! and it's the norm now with the my kids having babies! and with my friends and co-workers. Who range from late teens to mid thirties having babies. It's just the norm.

And people here will bitch about how tacky or gift grabby it is. You are, of course, entitled to your own opinion. But to the people I know it's a chance to celebrate the pregnancy and the baby , and, often, the older siblings will get little gifts or special treatment as well. Nobody cares if everyone doesn't bring a gift, or if some of the gifts come from the a Dollar store. Or are some gently used item that a mom found particularly useful that her baby has outgrown. The point, especially with a 2nd, 3rd, etc baby is because EVERY baby deserves " that much attention" -regardless of what that other poster said above. Whether the baby is a much planned and long-awaited child of a thirty-something married couple. Or the " oops, I can't believe the f$&&ng birth control failed and I got pregnant by That guy" surprise 3rd child of a single mom. Doesn't matter.

All you have to do is look at pinterest to see gender reveal parties are a thing. I haven't heard of anyone having though. I think largely because a few people I know didn't want to find out the sex before birth -- but the vast majority now announce the sex with an ultrasound pic on Facebook as soon as they found out.

IMO saying it is somehow wrong or tacky to have a shower for a second or more child is rather like the 1950's idea that second marriages should be just you and your intended standing before a JP, no dress, no flowers, no music no celebration. Seriously look at wedding planning books from the 50' - 70's there is always a chapter for Second Marriages and it is about a page and a half saying that you should not get gifts "because you have everything you need" That you should not have a wedding gown because you are not really a Bride, and you should do it quietly and without fanfare or celebration so that it "keeps down gossip" Seriously? *I* think every baby should be celebrated with the Mom and even the Dad to be. If they do not need basics they can get nice extras or gender specific clothes. Besides just because it is baby 2 or 3 does that mean the kid has to wear only hand-me-downs?

[calimojo]

Among my circle of friends, the first shower usually gave things like strollers, and other baby supplies along with some clothing if the sex was known.

For the second/third/etc baby showers, we usually did something like a Diaper party. Where, if the family was using disposable diapers, each guest would bring a pack or two of diapers, and wipes. Usually the host of the shower would assign a different size diaper to the guests and then this way the mom and dad would get close to a years supply of diapers, which was a huge cost savings.

Also for second and third and beyond, baby showers we would often include some things like a coupon for a new mom's massage, or we would pool money together and pay for a maid service for 3 months or something like that. Yes, we might also give some clothing if the sex was known, but more often we were looking for ways to help mom and dad cope with the stress and expense of expanding the family with more children.

Usually I would give diapers, and then I would offer to babysit the baby a few times, so mom and dad could have some special quiet time with their older child. So often people offer to take on the older child so that mom has time with the baby, but I always felt like taking on the baby so they could spend time with their first child, was important as well. And, since I worked in Labor and Deliver and Nursery, I was very comfortable with babies and my friends felt comfortable leaving their tiny ones with me since I worked with them, new infant CPR, etc.

[roddma]

This may not be popular opinion, but I stopped attending baby showers. I didnt go to my BILs wife shower for the nieces ten years ago. Then, I guess i Just wanted to avoid the when will you have questions and so forth. And since I dont have kids and feel like an outcast. If one want to have baby showers fine, but what about an unbaby shower? Why do I need to be procreating to get all these gifts and attention? Believe me there is plenty of anti baby shower mentality even among parents.

When I first saw pee party, I thought it had to do with potty training.

[BrownieMomma]

This may not be popular opinion, but I stopped attending baby showers. I didnt go to my BILs wife shower for the nieces ten years ago. Then, I guess i Just wanted to avoid the when will you have questions and so forth. And since I dont have kids and feel like an outcast. If one want to have baby showers fine, but what about an unbaby shower? Why do I need to be procreating to get all these gifts and attention? Believe me there is plenty of anti baby shower mentality even among parents.

When I first saw pee party, I thought it had to do with potty training.

I will tell you that I have secretly found ways to avoid the last three baby/wedding showers that I was "invited" to, as in I did not get an invitation mailed or handed to me, I got a notice on FB.

I don't feel apologetic about any of them either.

I really enjoy helping people who are setting out on a new venture, like getting married or having a baby, heck I'd give gifts at a party for a college grad who is starting a new job and needs clothes and stuff.

But when you start talking about the 4th kid in six years, idk, then I feel like I'm being required to support their lifestyle choice, which I am not a big fan of a lot of kids in a short amount of time, idk I have a bad attitude about things some times.

[Maggie Mae]

This may not be popular opinion, but I stopped attending baby showers. I didnt go to my BILs wife shower for the nieces ten years ago. Then, I guess i Just wanted to avoid the when will you have questions and so forth. And since I dont have kids and feel like an outcast. If one want to have baby showers fine, but what about an unbaby shower? Why do I need to be procreating to get all these gifts and attention? Believe me there is plenty of anti baby shower mentality even among parents.

When I first saw pee party, I thought it had to do with potty training.

I heard pee party up thread and my mind went right to that kink. To each there own, I suppose. But please don't invite me.

And I agree with the no baby party. I'd like to throw a party where people are obligated to purchase me expensive items. And then do it again a few years later, because the items are out of style or whatever.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I recently attended my friend's baby shower. Her fifth child is due any day now, and I was honestly shocked to learn that she had never had a baby shower before. Her fourth child is almost 6, and she thought she was done having kids, so she had given away all her baby things. Surprise! A friend of hers suggested the shower, and my friend agreed, so she got her first baby shower ever. I was happy for her, she got plenty of diapers, toys, and cute clothes.

[Mama Mia]

I heard pee party up thread and my mind went right to that kink. To each there own, I suppose. But please don't invite me.

And I agree with the no baby party. I'd like to throw a party where people are obligated to purchase me expensive items. And then do it again a few years later, because the items are out of style or whatever.

To start with I've never felt obligated to give an expensive gift at a shower. As far as I know known of the people I've gone to showers for are sitting there judging who's spending big bucks on the latest bouncy seat against someone who is passing along the floor gym they found particularly useful with their own child, against the friend who bought a cute frame at the Dollar store against the cousin who gives a coupon for a night of free babysitting. But I guess that depends on the type of people you hang out with.

And if you want a party for yourself..Um....that's what a birthday party would be. You are welcome to have one. At a baby shower the gifts are primarily for a different person. So even if you were the mother, the gifts are mostly for a person who is not you. Yeah, sure a lot of the time people will get the mom and or dad something to help them out personally, which I think is great, just like if it was a big event in your life you might throw a party and people might give you gifts - for example a moving party.

But for the most part the gifts are for the baby who is not the mother

Is this really that complicated a concept ? :?

[Mama Mia]

I will tell you that I have secretly found ways to avoid the last three baby/wedding showers that I was "invited" to, as in I did not get an invitation mailed or handed to me, I got a notice on FB.

I don't feel apologetic about any of them either.

I really enjoy helping people who are setting out on a new venture, like getting married or having a baby, heck I'd give gifts at a party for a college grad who is starting a new job and needs clothes and stuff.

But when you start talking about the 4th kid in six years, idk, then I feel like I'm being required to support their lifestyle choice, which I am not a big fan of a lot of kids in a short amount of time, idk I have a bad attitude about things some times.

I guess I am just not understanding the way people view baby showers. You go. You play a few hokey games. You eat cake. You socialize. You give a gift... Or don't. If you don't like that kind of thing you don't go. Unless it's your best friend or sister or similarly close relationship I seriously doubt anyone is going to be hurt or annoyed if you don't go.

In thinking back I did go to one baby shower that was very much a gift contest. And the mom was all about oohing and ahhing over the " best" ( meaning most expensive) gifts and side eyeing any that didn't measure up. But that's the only one I've been to like that, and I've been to dozens. and that woman was a crazy, materialistic, shallow, drama stirring cyclone of epic proportions.

[SorenaJ]

There is no such thing as 'gender specific clothing'. Pretty sure the baby couldn't give less of a f**k (and secondly, there is no way of knowing the gender, just the sex). Rant over.

[BrownieMomma]

I guess I am just not understanding the way people view baby showers. You go. You play a few hokey games. You eat cake. You socialize. You give a gift... Or don't. If you don't like that kind of thing you don't go. Unless it's your best friend or sister or similarly close relationship I seriously doubt anyone is going to be hurt or annoyed if you don't go.

In thinking back I did go to one baby shower that was very much a gift contest. And the mom was all about oohing and ahhing over the " best" ( meaning most expensive) gifts and side eyeing any that didn't measure up. But that's the only one I've been to like that, and I've been to dozens. and that woman was a crazy, materialistic, shallow, drama stirring cyclone of epic proportions.

I would never go to a shower without a gift. I don't care if they are annoyed, I am already annoyed at what I perceive is a gift grab. Esp when it is a FB invitation.

[Mama Mia]

I would never go to a shower without a gift. I don't care if they are annoyed, I am already annoyed at what I perceive is a gift grab. Esp when it is a FB invitation.

Yeah, I get you don't care if they are annoyed, and that you think it's a gift grab --- my point was that the person having the shower probably ISN'T annoyed, because it isn't expected that everyone attends - particularly if you aren't an especially close friend or relative.

The past few years, most of the shower invites I've seen have been through Facebook or evites-- at first I thought it was very strange-but, well , customs change. That's life.

You certainly shouldn't give gifts you don't want to, or attend events you don't agree with. I'm just suggesting that maybe the way you view the point of these showers -- gifts--- might not be the way the expectant mothers view them -- celebrating this unique baby and having fun.

Of course if you don't approve of them having the baby it's certainly better for everyone if you don't attend.

[MatthewDuggar]

There is no such thing as 'gender specific clothing'. Pretty sure the baby couldn't give less of a f**k (and secondly, there is no way of knowing the gender, just the sex). Rant over.

What? You mean if you put a baby boy in a pink onesie he won't grow up to be gay?? :pink-shock:

[uber frau]

No. Putting a boy baby in a pink onsie will make his penis drop off.