Cohabitation For Idiots

[shedemei]

One person's hard work is another's easy compromise. Same behavior, different perception.

[Rebelwife]

One person's hard work is another's easy compromise. Same behavior, different perception.

I think that's a very good way to put it.

[cindyluvs24]

Almost at the 30 yr mark with hubby so I probably have some perspective (I'm the anti-Lori). Hubby and I happily cohabited for a few years before marriage. I'm sure the fact that we are still happy with each other wouldn't make a difference to the fundies because we are obviously doing it all wrong.

Yes, it is all about perspective. Well put. People have different levels of What They Will Put Up With From Someone Else. (Anyone remember that famous line from Pippin? : "I hope the fucking you're getting is worth the fucking you're getting." )

Also, do not expect the other person to read your mind - even if he loves you. That's about it.

[August]

Who stuck a bug up your ass? Nice handslap, I guess you win!

I can think of anyone who HADN'T compromised.

I don't see where I'm fucking LYING but I don't take that lying down.

You just admitted you said exactly the opposite of your experience. It was a mistake, apology accepted. We both agree that every couple has to make compromises and do things they'd prefer not to in the spirit of having a good partnership. And that those things you need to do aren't always instinctive but require conscious attention. It's the conscious attention to your partner's happiness which is work, as opposed to instinctive. I don't think getting breakfast when the other is sick is work, because it's instinctive. Work is when you realise you've been handing off kids all month and make the conscious effort to do something together, or realise you're always grumpy when you get home so you need to stop for a coffee on the way.

[Peas n carrots]

You just admitted you said exactly the opposite of your experience. It was a mistake, apology accepted. We both agree that every couple has to make compromises and do things they'd prefer not to in the spirit of having a good partnership. And that those things you need to do aren't always instinctive but require conscious attention. It's the conscious attention to your partner's happiness which is work, as opposed to instinctive. I don't think getting breakfast when the other is sick is work, because it's instinctive. Work is when you realise you've been handing off kids all month and make the conscious effort to do something together, or realise you're always grumpy when you get home so you need to stop for a coffee on the way.

I didn't apologize for anything, nor do I need to when I'm accused of lying. I made a typo and you jumped down my throat. I admit to the typo but I didnt do anything deserving being called a liar.

Taking care of someone sick is instinctive, I do agree there and it wasn't the best example. Taking time to spend with your partner (ie busy schedule - taking time to have a date night etc) can be work. This is just going off of my experience and my peer group, which is 30-something white collar professional with no or 1 kid.

[August]

Come on, you made the statement twice in the post. And I'm supposed to intuit that you're not outrageousenough to actually mean it? On the internet?

[straygoldfish]

After 16 years together, I can honestly say that I can't qualify my marriage as "work" Has there been compromise? Oh hell yes. An interstate move, kids, parent illness, a job that requires lots of travel, me changing my career and starting a business. But at the end of the day, I'm secure in knowing our relationship is solid, for better or worse, richer or poorer. We've made a commitment to be a package deal and there's never been a reason for jealousy because of mutual respect. And as my husband is agnostic and I'm questioning my faith, I can't say I give Jesus much credit here.

[mirele]

My parents weren't legally married until after our family moved to Texas (when I was 12) and they signed documents "holding out" as being married. I was 36 before my parents got a documented "Certificate of Informal Partnership" from the county for purposes of Social Security. My parents were married almost 55 years, up until my dad's death this past summer.

For the record, my parents had a white wedding complete with newspaper announcement but their marriage license (and the licenses of a few other couples) never got filed due to the preacher dying the week after the ceremony. Consequently the marriages did not exist under California law.

Seriously, a piece of paper isn't what makes a marriage, but it is important to have when trying to prove your status as my parents needed to do for Social Security.

[alba]

Also, aren't joy and happiness the same thing.....

*English major hat on*

There are subtle differences between joy and happiness. The OED defines joy as, "A vivid emotion of pleasure arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction; the feeling or state of being highly pleased or delighted; exultation of spirit; gladness, delight." (emphasis mine)

In other words, there's a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction connoted by joy that isn't inherent in happiness.

It's a false dichotomy, though, because joy and happiness are closely intertwined, and my cohabiting relationship brings me both joy and happiness every day, so he's still an arse :P

[FloraKitty35]

Divorce is not an option for the wife.

Only for the husband obviously, when the wife is not up to his snuff. She gained weight after having six or eight or ten children, shame on her. He can be such a lard ass that Chris Christie and Larry Hogan look svelte in comparison, totally ok, God understands. :roll:

[SoybeanQueen]

I think it's really cool that many of my same-sex couple friends have a covenant marriage per that chart.

[GiGi_41]

He should have JOY capitalized, you know, Jesus first, others second, yourself last!.

ETA to add. I know someone who was a crazy fundamentalist. He would say sly comments my partner not being married to me. When we bought his building we found JOY signs everywhere, so I'm assuming his staff was subjected to Christianity.

He always rubbed me the wrong way with his Christian privilege. About 6 months my partner came home to tell my he was getting a divorce because he had been having an affair.

[RosyDaisy]

I have learned that cohabitation before marriage can be a good thing and even strengthen a relationship. It did mine, and is leading to marriage. Because my fiancée and I have been living together for a while now, there won't be an adjustment period. We already act like a married couple. We just want to make it official and have a real wedding.