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I want to marry into the Duggar family


jchelleslastegg

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Dude, what kind of man do you think you'd be? The vast majority of men don't want to hit or rape their wives, or want wives who will blindly worship them for NOT hitting and raping them. They don't want wives who think sex is scary and dirty, or wives who feel morally obligated to get pregnant again and again and again, who will not work, who will not dance or drink alcohol or watch TV or go out to see an R-rated movie. Most men don't want servants, they want partners. I think a non-fundie guy who married a fundie woman for the reasons you're suggesting would be 100 times sicker than a fundie guy who was raised that way and doesn't really know any better.

If I were a man, I wouldn't be any different - after all I haven't been raised to believe that men and women have different logics, needs etc. I love my partner: I would rather take hurt myself than see it inflicted on him. I have no reason to think those feelings would change in that hypothetical situation.

However there is a cost to being in a partnership of equals. My commute is horrendous so we can live closer to his work. Family planning decisions are joint decisions and not necessarily what I would want. When our job demands clash, his takes precedence over mine as he is better paid and has better prospects.

Now of course if I had all the power in the relationship I wouldn't want to make him unhappy. But that's the beauty of the quiver full doctrine - the women don't have to just take it, they're also brainwashed to be happy about it. So say Derrick can tell Jill to quit the midwifery so she has more time to drive him to work, cook his meals and lunch with him and Jill obediently instagrams enthusiastically that she's having the best of time with her best friend. Whereas in the real world we live in the discussion would be about what concessions both parties can make for the common good. So for the sake of a message board argument, yes, I see the appeal of being a headship.

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How could that be tempting? You are a woman now. Does a husband who isn't allowed to have a thought of is own a partner you want? Who serves you 24/7 unless in the hospital, tells you you're always right instead of having conversations with you? Does it sound like fun being able to come home and beat or rape your husband because, if you are nice, he might compare you to his mommy, who probably beat him anyway? Who only "worship you even more strongly and more genuinely" out of gratitude for you not hurting them?

Do you want a real partner, or a slave to scared to do anything, but conditioned to think this is normal?

I think most QF people would think of themselves as masters / slaves but as partners who love each other and each have their own sphere of influence, the women raising the children and the men supporting them - it's just that the men guide and the women have to trust them and follow them. It's the Duggars' main selling point: quirky yes but everyone is happy happy happy within their god-given roles!

Do I believe it? No. Can I suspend disbelief for the sake of a hypothetical argument? Sure.

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What man wants a woman that agrees to everything he says? Or controls everything she's does. I do know some people would love the fundie lifestyle, others it doesn't sound appealing. Why put yourself through all that bullshit. A marriage is about compromise and finding a mate, not a sex slave or baby maker

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Well apparently there are men who absolutely do want a woman to agree with everything he says. The men drawn to Gothard's teachings, and there are Fundamentalist Muslims, Jews and other religious extremist who seek that as well.

When you look at most forms of religious extremism, Men almost are always viewed as superior to women. There may be some cults or religious extremes that are more egalitarian, I suppose but that certainly is not typical.

And outside of religion there are still many men who totally buy into that "Head of the Household" idea. I had a friend whose husband was a nice guy outside of his own home, but in his home, he expected total subservience from his wife and children. He viewed himself as a benevolent dictator, and was not ever outwardly cruel, but his wife had to ask for permission to go anywhere, to buy anything etc. He would even demand to see the grocery list and approve it. If she had tampons on there, he would tell her, "You just finished your period a week ago, you don't need to buy more now". Each day she would have to run through her schedule with him.

They were not religious people at all. She was a nurse, like me, and she did work 2 days per week. Her only real source of independence is she was allowed to keep half of her earned income, but, she was to spend that money on special things for the kids, or a family outing. It was never something she could use for a girls weekend somewhere.

He was never threatening to her, and to his credit, he did actually help with some chores around the house, but he fully believed he had the right to expect her to ask permission to run to the mall, or go see a movie with a friend. I have no idea why she went along with it because at work she was an assertive and self-confident person.

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I wouldn;t marry into the family, but I might court one long enough to gain the information needed to expose them.

Maybe court for a year? Even get engaged... then RUN AWAY BRIDE!!!!!

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I think what they meant is that life of a Fundie man is likely better than life of a fundie woman. I don't think this poster was saying they wanted to be Fundie man so they could be abusive. Just that there might be some perks that would come with the territory of being Male in a Patriarchal society.

I took it as Foudeb saying she would appreciate making someone's life so much better than they were raised to expect, and the greater love/companionship relationship that would come out of treating someone that way.

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i wouldn't want to marry a Duggar because JB's comments would be horrific in real life. It's hard to watch even in an edited show. But being around a guy that makes crude jokes and you'd never know what to expect - awful. Just the fact that he made a comment about J&D's first baby while standing in their bedroom before they moved in or were married, wth. It would never be a comfortable in-law relationship, knowing your FIL thought about things that were personal.

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Well, there's no way a Duggar would ever want to marry me, since I have a job outside the house, have a university degree, make my own decisions, am not a virgin...

In order to marry a Duggar, I would have to really change his opinions about a lot of things. And they're truly not worth the effort! I would rather speculate on ways to free the daughters then think up ways to marry the sons.

Also, the idea of sex with any of the Duggar guys REALLY grosses me out.

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I couldn't possibly marry a Duggar. I want, and have, an educated husband. I want, and have, a job as a professional. I want, and have, input on family size, travel decisions, shopping, educational and extracurricular activities for the children, and a host of other things. As others have said, I've had to compromise on what *I* want to serve the needs of the couple/family better, but I also know that *he* has done the same. Wouldn't give that up for anything.

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Education is one the most important things in my life right now. So – no, I don’t want or need any Duggar near me. Not as spouse, not as friend, not as neighbour. Thanks.

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Oh hell no. Even if they weren't fundies. Just because they currently have TLC money--they are still a bunch of lazy, selfish, narrow-minded hicks. You can take the white trash out of the trailer...

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Marry in to it? Nooooo. Even if I could suspend my beliefs, I don't think I could stand the idea of living with any of the adult male Duggars. I'm shallow enough to want them to be semi attractive.

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Yes if I was a single girl but I would be terrible at it and bring shame upon my husband lol. I would expect him to be the breadwinner and I would sit home childless because I would be getting the depo shot secretly. I would spend my days in peace and quiet cooking beautiful dinners and reading uninterrupted for several hours a day. I would on rare occasions babysit for the Inlaws and feed the children fast food and candy, buy them cool toys and send them home again. Like the cool childless aunt should;)

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i wouldn't want to marry a Duggar because JB's comments would be horrific in real life. It's hard to watch even in an edited show. But being around a guy that makes crude jokes and you'd never know what to expect - awful. Just the fact that he made a comment about J&D's first baby while standing in their bedroom before they moved in or were married, wth. It would never be a comfortable in-law relationship, knowing your FIL thought about things that were personal.

And Jill kind of let it slip in that episode with the handcuffs, saying something to the effect that you never know what to expect from JB. Sometimes he is a weirdo.

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Although I have morals, am a virgin, etc... I could never go there as I am an atheist, which is probably worse than if I had slept around to them

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I kinda want to give Jboob a bj, I'd be doing the world a favor

If you get the chance you should bite it off to prevent it from ever being used again.

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