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In Which Robert Loves His Wife


lawfulevil

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...and all the Christians cringe and hope Christ is doing a better job of loving the church. How does one love their wife sacrificially? Bob's so glad you asked.

1. Send her a text that tells her how much you love her and are thinking of her. Do it at a time she is not expecting it.

2. Take her out to dinner. Open the door for her. And don’t look at your phone. Ask her about her day.

3. Check out her car for her to make sure it’s running right. Start it up on a cold morning so it’s warm for her when she goes out. Scrape the windshield. Fill up the gas tank.

4. Fix something at home that needs fixing. From the squeaky door to the leaky faucet. Do the thing at the top of her list and not yours.

5. Watch the kids for a couple hours so she can go get a coffee with her friends.

6. Wash the dishes…yes I know, it’s tired and worn out- but it does say I love you and am thinking of you.

7. Do something to protect her. Switch hands you are holding so you are walking next to the scary dude on the sidewalk. Put an extra lock on the door. Take her to the gun range.

8. Pray with her. Outloud… none of us are psalmists. Just speak plainly from the heart.

9. Tell her she looks beautiful.

10. Ask her if there is anything you can help with.

Sacrificial, Christ-like love, y'all. Known to us heathens as the basic tasks of adulthood and a bare minimum of positive interaction with one's partner and children.

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Ah, but does he give her backrubs? I think not!

I hurt myself yesterday, so when my husband came home, he washed the dishes for me. Then he got some things out of the attic, helped straighten up the house and got the kids to bed. Sacrificial love, y'all! Except in our world that's just being civilized partners.

Isn't going the extra mile just a normal part of marriage? It's in the vows! For better, worse, sickness, health, richer, poorer ... I swear, people like Ken and Boobert seem to think that marriage is only about getting their dicks wet and not about anything else (other than submission, but that too seems mostly about them getting some).

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This is an example of what I've taken to thinking of as Fundie Blathering.

It takes basic normal stuff people do and redefine it in a very wordy way as somehow set apart and holy and proof that this person is living his life per the bible and fulfilling his husbandly duties, so his wife damn well better submit and obey.

Often, Fundie Blathering takes some personal preference or bugaboo and redefines it as a Godly way to act or a Godly Punishment....

Ken sacrifices by giving backrubs-- but not by stopping playing basketball several times a week when he was young (is that now replaced with golf?)

Aman sacrifices by spending a couple of hours alone with his own children. (probably watching tv with them... what a sacrifice)

Meanwhile, I know a family where all the adults have donated kidneys, usually to strangers after a relative of theirs needed one and they saw how life changing the results were for their nephew. I am not willing to make that sacrifice, but I see it as more of a sacrifice than eating popcorn with your own children at home.

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Ah, but does he give her backrubs? I think not!

I hurt myself yesterday, so when my husband came home, he washed the dishes for me. Then he got some things out of the attic, helped straighten up the house and got the kids to bed. Sacrificial love, y'all! Except in our world that's just being civilized partners.

Isn't going the extra mile just a normal part of marriage? It's in the vows! For better, worse, sickness, health, richer, poorer ... I swear, people like Ken and Boobert seem to think that marriage is only about getting their dicks wet and not about anything else (other than submission, but that too seems mostly about them getting some).

That's exactly what Robert thinks it's about. I'm pretty sure he even said that's the only reason Christian men get married.

I wish he'd write a list of things loving husbands DON'T do. Okay, I'll do that for him.

They don't view porn when their wives find it offensive.

They don't continually shine a light on their wife's past sin in an effort to illustrate a good marriage.

They don't insult their wives by labeling her a "6."

They don't write a blog post detailing her menstrual cycle and how her personality and sex drive change through the month.

They don't refer to one of her "personalities" as a mistress, as though having a mistress is somehow better and more exciting than she.

They don't ignore physical and emotional struggles that need a professional's treatment.

They don't insist on sex every other day (Period!) regardless of how she feels.

They MOST CERTAINLY don't demand that said sex be "enthusiastic" as though he's given her some disgusting script she must follow while he uses and degrades her.

Did I forget any?

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That's exactly what Robert thinks it's about. I'm pretty sure he even said that's the only reason Christian men get married.

I wish he'd write a list of things loving husbands DON'T do. Okay, I'll do that for him.

They don't view porn when their wives find it offensive.

They don't continually shine a light on their wife's past sin in an effort to illustrate a good marriage.

They don't insult their wives by labeling her a "6."

They don't write a blog post detailing her menstrual cycle and how her personality and sex drive change through the month.

They don't refer to one of her "personalities" as a mistress, as though having a mistress is somehow better and more exciting than she.

They don't ignore physical and emotional struggles that need a professional's treatment.

They don't insist on sex every other day (Period!) regardless of how she feels.

They MOST CERTAINLY don't demand that said sex be "enthusiastic" as though he's given her some disgusting script she must follow while he uses and degrades her.

Did I forget any?

They don't make her sleep in a flippin' shed.

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They don't make her sleep in a flippin' shed.

:doh: Ah, Man! I feel so stupid. How could I forget the shed?!? :doh:

Sad thing is that there are obviously men out there who don't know this.

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i was actually thinking the things on aman's list are pretty awesome, but then, i've been around mostly fundie guys for years. :lol:

I agree, they are (mostly -- I take issue with a few of them) awesome and it's great that he is kind and considerate enough to do those things.

But I also agree with those who are pointing out that being kind and considerate toward your partner is not really something that should be considered remarkable and certainly not "sacrificial" -- it's really a basic/minimum level of behavior toward a partner whom one cares about.

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I agree, they are (mostly -- I take issue with a few of them) awesome and it's great that he is kind and considerate enough to do those things.

But I also agree with those who are pointing out that being kind and considerate toward your partner is not really something that should be considered remarkable and certainly not "sacrificial" -- it's really a basic/minimum level of behavior toward a partner whom one cares about.

Agree! I don't *expect* that my husband go out of his way to do nice things for me, but he does on a regular basis. I try to, too, because I love him and enjoy pleasing him.

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Here, let me fix that for you Robbie

1. Check in frequently during the day to make sure she hasn't escaped.

2. Take her out to dinner. Open the door for her. And don’t look at your phone. Ask her about her day.

3. Check out her car for her to make sure it’s running right. Start it up on a cold morning so it’s warm for her when she goes out. Scrape the windshield. Fill up the gas tank.

4. Don't let the house (which is half yours) fall into disrepair.

5. Offer to watch your own children. Call it babysitting and act like it's a sacrificial act worthy of praise and recognition.

6. Wash the dishes…I mean it's exhausting and clearly your wife has done absolutely NOTHING all day (and you need your rest), but do them anyway! It'll be worth it when you get Interweb brag rights.

7. Do something to protect her. Switch hands you are holding so you are walking next to the scary dude on the sidewalk. Put an extra lock on the door. Take her to the gun range.

8. Pray with her. Outloud… none of us are psalmists. Just speak plainly from the heart.

9. Tell her she looks beautiful (but remind the interwebs that she's only a 6. You of course are a 10, but she's a 6).

10. Ask her if there is anything you can help with.

You're welcome.

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Is this Robert Staddon?

I looked this couple up. They got married two weeks after me (2011) and are already expecting their THIRD child. Holy sweet baby infant Jeeebus NO.

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I'd love to know what's prompting his so-called change of heart. The first question I asked him when he turned up here was why he posted on Lori's blog that women were inherently evil and needed to be controlled and dominated. He never did manage to explain why he felt that way, all he ever did was give a bunch of half-assed excuses about why men weren't given the same credit women are in being in charge of the home and in spiritual matters.

Credit should be given where it is due, Robert. If you want respect, try giving it yourself to your wife, children, friends and acquaintances instead of changing your beliefs all the time in order to appease a bunch of strangers on the internet.

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7. Do something to protect her. Switch hands you are holding so you are walking next to the scary dude on the sidewalk. Put an extra lock on the door. Take her to the gun range.

So basically Robert is walking next to himself on the sidewalk?? Because he's the scariest guy in his wife's life...

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7. Do something to protect her. Switch hands you are holding so you are walking next to the scary dude on the sidewalk. Put an extra lock on the door. Take her to the gun range.

So basically Robert is walking next to himself on the sidewalk?? Because he's the scariest guy in his wife's life...

Bigger'n a mountain and stronger than 99 percent of men on earth, amiright?

And I suspect that extra lock on her door might just be on the outside to keep her *in. :cry:

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I agree, they are (mostly -- I take issue with a few of them) awesome and it's great that he is kind and considerate enough to do those things.

But I also agree with those who are pointing out that being kind and considerate toward your partner is not really something that should be considered remarkable and certainly not "sacrificial" -- it's really a basic/minimum level of behavior toward a partner whom one cares about.

I see your point. The list is a good one, but coming from him, it's just insulting. It offends me because it is written by a man who has, time and time again, painted himself as an abuser and someone who does not value women, let alone his own wife.

When Robert shines a light on his own wrong doing, and what HE did to make his marriage collapse (and not in the context of "Amanda's issues drove me to...") then I might give him some slack. But when he continues to subtly or blatantly belittle his wife and blame all the world's problems on women, then I think he is the last person on earth to tell others how to treat a woman. He's made it clear that the only purpose his wife serves for him is one of sexual release. No. Couples do not need advice from him. This list is just one more attempt to "soften" his image and make us all try to forget the REAL Robert.

Also, has he ever said just WHY he is an expert on...well...everything? Seriously, from sex to finances, he's the go-to-guy. I don't get it. :?

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So this list of what normal husbands do for their wives routinely at a minimum is what he considers sacrificial love? While I agree the things on the list are nice things to do for your spouse, they aren't anything special, IMO. As others have pointed out, they are mostly things couples do during the normal course of their lives naturally simply because they love each other. There is no sacrifice here, in other words.

I don't tend to talk about the details of my day to day life or difficult periods of my life because they are personal and I don't feel the need to publicize them, they are also somewhat embarrassing in some cases. I'm going to make an exception today, to show Robert what REAL sacrificial love looks like. Here is a small list of things that my husband has done for me over the last 17 years (we've been married for 13 of those years).

1. Got down on his hands and knees (repeatedly) so I could push up off his back to lift myself out of a chair or off the toilet (yes that means he was on all 4s on the bathroom floor.)

2. Wiped my ass

3. Took 3 months off work to take care of me, including driving 90 miles both ways to stay with me in the hospital every day from 9am to midnight, coming home taking care of our dogs, getting a few hours sleep and then going back to the hospital the next day, for a week. Then driving 45 minutes both ways for the next 2 weeks after that to spend all day with me at the rehab hospital to attend all my therapy sessions. This allowed me to be released from the rehab hospital 2 weeks early because his commitment showed that he would be able to help me with necessary tasks at home and take me to out patient physical therapy.

4. Help me get dressed when necessary

5. Even though he has to work the next day, he gets up in the middle of the night anytime I need help with something (getting meds, help getting into/out of bed, rubbing my legs if I get a charlie horse and can't move because of it, etc)

I could go on, but I think this is probably sufficient.

This, Robert, is sacrificial love. "Babysitting" your own kids is what normal, decent people do. They also call it parenting. Babysitting is what relatives, friends or strangers you have vetted and you pay do when they watch your kids.

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When Robert shines a light on his own wrong doing, and what HE did to make his marriage collapse (and not in the context of "Amanda's issues drove me to...") then I might give him some slack. But when he continues to subtly or blatantly belittle his wife and blame all the world's problems on women, then I think he is the last person on earth to tell others how to treat a woman. He's made it clear that the only purpose his wife serves for him is one of sexual release. No. Couples do not need advice from him. This list is just one more attempt to "soften" his image and make us all try to forget the REAL Robert.

Seriously. And the fact that he thinks that any of this is "above and beyond" behavior instead of basic loving... it speaks again to something we've seen from Robert before. Massive, massive entitlement. The abuser mentality in a nutshell.

Here's a nice revised list for you, Robert. Some of it genuinely qualifies as sacrificial this time:

1. Show her frequent affection, without strings. This means rubbing her back and then expecting sex doesn't count, Bob.

2. Don't EVER ignore her for your fucking phone. Do things she enjoys with her, even if they're not something you'd do alone. Do your share of food preparation.

3. Basic car maintenance is part of being an adult, but if you detail her car and wax it, I'd say that's above and beyond. Get her a nice air freshener too. Or if you're feeling spunky, have the kids help you make her some DIY air fresheners.

4. Fixing the house is expected, you're an adult and you live there too. You're a cabinetmaker... build your wife some damn cabinets! Wouldn't a storage suite for her scrapbook supplies be a lovely surprise?

5. They're your kids too, you should be watching them on a pretty regular basis. Try watching the kids for a few days or WEEKS so she can go visit friends and family out of town.

6. Sacrifice a couple hours on the sofa a week to fill another order or two. Use that money to buy an excellent dishwasher- I like my Bosch. Then rinse your plates and utensils and put them in the dishwasher when you're done eating. Do the kids' too.

7. Do something to protect her- get some counseling. The most dangerous man in her life is you. Anger management classes are the gift that keeps on giving.

8. Shut the fuck up, LISTEN to her opinions about religion (and everything else), and actually consider her points before blathering. She's a pretty smart lady and if she disagrees with you... this might shock you, but YOU might be wrong.

9. SHOW her that she's beautiful. Stop reducing her to her genitals. Show her respect. Stop bullying her into sexual contact with you. And get the lady some pampering.

10. Use your fucking eyes and figure out what needs doing around the house. Don't act like this is some kind of Great Sacrifice. Don't make her life harder under the guise of "helping".

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My account has been approved. Boy have I been waiting for this!

I am a long time observer of L Ron Cubbard. I've was lurking around Peaceful Wife when he reared his ugly head.

I remember on Version 1.0 of Taming Robert's Shrew he wrote a "this is my side of the of our crappy marriage" post. All he ended up saying was my wife was mess, but he loved her from day 1.

His wife then wrote a post taking all the blame. The saddest thing is that he has her convinced she was the cause of their problems. Can you imagine the guilt she must have weighing on her conscience? She believes so dearly that she was a truly terrible person. No wonder she lets him do whatever he wants.

On a side note does anyone follow Love Joy Femenism on patheos? She is a liberated fundie. She caught wind of Roberts old wife punishment post. Her post on his wife punishment has inspired a long time commenter, Mrs G, to leave her abusive fundie marriage. It's basically what we've all wished Amanda would do.

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I've just been skimming the old thread in which Robert (aka Cabinet Man) first appeared. First, when you all read old threads, do you laugh a lot? 'Cause I do and I find it quite cathartic.

Anyway, it seems to me that we have seen, to date, five versions of Robert.

First, he appeared at Lori's blog as a commenter. This was after he'd shared his story on another blog (Peaceful Wife, I think). Here he is the abusive control freak who locked his emotionally unstable wife in a cabin and demanded sex every other day. And he was proud of it!!

Second, we have the newer softer Robert - volume 1. In this he insists that Lori mischaracterized his whole story and made her scrub her blog. Interestingly, he still thinks Lori is a fine Christian woman even after she SLANDERED him. Heh.

Third comes Blogger Robert, in which he is still the super secret caped Cabinet Man. In this blog he insists that he will cuss, DAMMIT, cause he's a manly man and Jesus was a manly man, but he loves his wife. He tells her she's pretty. But she's a "6" and he's a "10."

Our fourth version of Robert manifests itself in a panicked hissy fit because "the feminists have found him," and he runs off to Alaska to pan for Gold. We think that Dog Sled Robert is gone for good.

And finally, our fifth Robert. We now are back to gentler softer Robert - volume 2. In which he promises not to cuss but still throws in the occasional damn, hell, shit and BITCHING just to prove he is, after all, still a man. Rational Robert vows to stop reading FJ, yet mysteriously addresses things that are posted here. He is trying desperately to undo the self portrait he painted of himself previously. And it's still not working. This Robert is a marriage counselor, a rancher, a financial adviser and parenting expert. Oh and he's a 48-hour kind of guy. :?

He is one well rounded man.

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