Pennington Point Mother Still Makes No Sense

[browncoatslytherin]

To the bolded: this is what I fervently wished may parents could have done and it was very, very disappointing to realize that when it came down to making my own choices, they didn't see me as a separate person following my own dreams, aiming for my own goals or what would make me happy. It was what it was doing to them and that I wasn't following their vision for my life, therefore it was a rejection of them. They were very caught up in their parental authority and honestly expected that as an adult, I should obey them.

my parents were very much like this. even though i had a job at 17 and kept up some form of employment while living with them after that, they still saw me as under them even after i turned 18, to the point where my father even called me at work and harassed me on a recorded line because he didn't want me to go and hang out with a guy after work (because a security company totally just grabs random people off the street to work for them without doing a thorough background check and drug test on them! seriously?? they tested HAIR with their drug test, they were incredible sticklers with their security - including employees - because they were a SECURITY COMPANY ffs). i finally moved out voluntarily at 19 because i was sick of still being treated like i was a child.

these days, my mum and i are on pretty good terms (she left herself shortly after i moved out). my dad, however, the most vocal about me following my path as a christian and being a good christian girl and all...we don't have a great relationship at all. i recently contacted him for some info last week. the last time we communicated...was in july. he never calls or messages/e-mails me, never txts me, nothing. i really couldn't care less, but it just shows the lack of care when it comes to parental involvement. if he doesn't have control over you, he doesn't even try.

[nokidsmom]

I think a big problem is that people go into the process of starting a family with very set ideas as to what their child will be like. You see it so often - parents expecting their 10 year olds to start preparing for medical school, dads disappointed their sons don't want to play football like them...it's just not a healthy way to view children. I think with extremely religious parents, there's the added mentality that your #1 job is to make sure your child's soul is saved and absolutely everything else comes secondary, including your child's happiness, independence and dreams. The intentions may be good, in their own minds, but the outcome is rarely what they hoped for.

My folks did go into parenting with very set ideas of what their children should be like and do. My dad applied every lesson learned from his own father directly to parenting us and my mom came with baggage that made her fearful of bad things happening to her daughters. They honestly expected all of us to stay in the neighborhood where they could still be involved and in the know, make sure we still attended church and have dinner every Sunday, in short, still maintain control. I saw it as a variation of staying under their own roof forever and not healthy. My one sister did all they wanted to the letter (because she had to please her parents) and the result is overinvolvement that is exhausting her and my BIL both physically and mentally. Their marriage has struggled and I have doubts they will remain together after my parents are gone and the kids grown. And parents still aren't happy because even the daughter who did everything is still not doing enough, including not raising her kids the way they did (never mind they are active in church, honor students and all around good kids) simply because they aren't doing it the exact same way. When my youngest sister met my BIL who lived overseas at the time, they did all they could to discourage the relationship out of fears that she might move far away. And the relationship wasn't even to the marriage point, but that was how strong their fear of not having their daughter live up to their fantasy vision for her life.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

My mom hated losing control over me. She was pretty abusive. I left right after I turned 18 and I was still in HS. I moved in with my dad. My mom would call him and tell him not to let me live there, to force him to kick me out so I would have to go back to her. She would tell him not to pay for my college, or anything. I still had to go over there to feed my pet rabbits and walk my dog because she said she wouldn't do it. But leaving was the best thing I have ever done in my life. I had never felt such relief. I hope Faith is feeling freedom and happiness and hope.

[nokidsmom]

my parents were very much like this. even though i had a job at 17 and kept up some form of employment while living with them after that, they still saw me as under them even after i turned 18, to the point where my father even called me at work and harassed me on a recorded line because he didn't want me to go and hang out with a guy after work (because a security company totally just grabs random people off the street to work for them without doing a thorough background check and drug test on them! seriously?? they tested HAIR with their drug test, they were incredible sticklers with their security - including employees - because they were a SECURITY COMPANY ffs). i finally moved out voluntarily at 19 because i was sick of still being treated like i was a child.

I had a job at 16 and after I graduated high school, helped put myself through college by working part time during the school year and full time during the summer and semester breaks. All the while maintaining decent grades and yet when I finished college and was looking to finally move out, it was like I was not adult enough to do that. Say what? I was considered responsible enough to hold down a job and get through college without much in terms of outside financial aid (though my parents paid half of tuition only, I covered other half tuition, books, transportation, costs associated with working), the four years were a total grind (no party times for me, too busy working) and yet after all that, I was NOT adult enough move out? I felt as if, outside of working (because I had to be "responsible" you know, sitting around was not allowed) I was supposed to be a SAHD under the parental umbrella and be totally OK with it. Good god, I lost a serious bf over this stuff and would have lost Mr. No if I hadn't woke up to what was happening. I had to move out if I was going to have any sort of life. I would have chose a box under the highway overpass if I had to.

Ok, ok I am ranting. Sorry for the thread derail. I do have an OK relationship with parents now but it still takes strong boundary setting.

[Howl]

From one of Lisa's tips on parenting teen aged girls:

God gives clear direction in His Word about who women are and we should embrace that. My girls understand that they can have dreams and visions of their own based on the talent God gave them. But they also need to be prepared to merge those dreams with a husband’s dreams someday and learn ways to adapt. Spend time helping your girls learn to serve others and sacrifice their needs without losing hope.

In most of Lisa's blog posts, like this one

http://thepenningtonpoint.com/2011/10/m ... daughters/

there is basic sound parenting advice (for example, about really listening to your kids in a supportive and understanding way) but then there's always the crazy.

It is obvious that this family is a closed system, you are either in it or out of it. You either believe as you are taught, or you just can't continue to be there.

Lisa can talk continually about open communication and how she wants her children to be able to come to her with anything on their minds, but if they do.......

I also have to wonder about the relationship Faith had with her sisters and if any of them knew what was getting ready to happen.

[Peas n carrots]

From one of Lisa's tips on parenting teen aged girls:

God gives clear direction in His Word about who women are and we should embrace that. My girls understand that they can have dreams and visions of their own based on the talent God gave them. But they also need to be prepared to merge those dreams with a husband’s dreams someday and learn ways to adapt. Spend time helping your girls learn to serve others and sacrifice their needs without losing hope.

In most of Lisa's blog posts, like this one

http://thepenningtonpoint.com/2011/10/m ... daughters/

there is basic sound parenting advice (for example, about really listening to your kids in a supportive and understanding way) but then there's always the crazy.

It is obvious that this family is a closed system, you are either in it or out of it. You either believe as you are taught, or you just can't continue to be there.

Lisa can talk continually about open communication and how she wants her children to be able to come to her with anything on their minds, but if they do.......

I also have to wonder about the relationship Faith had with her sisters and if any of them knew what was getting ready to happen.

To the bolded:

That is a good point. I would imagine that 5 homeschooled sisters would be quite close, and very aware if someone isn't towing the party line. It's interesting to me that this seems to have struck the entire family out of nowhere if they are reeling (we may have to take Lisa's description with a grain of salt though).

I would love nothing more than to have Faith come on FJ and do an AMA. I'm so curious about the details...how long had she been discontent? How did she hide her discontent and the escape plot from her family? Have the grandparents been worried all along about the Pennington children? I have so many questions!

[nokidsmom]

It is obvious that this family is a closed system, you are either in it or out of it. You either believe as you are taught, or you just can't continue to be there.

Lisa can talk continually about open communication and how she wants her children to be able to come to her with anything on their minds, but if they do.......

I also have to wonder about the relationship Faith had with her sisters and if any of them knew what was getting ready to happen.

The family strikes me, based on my experience, as being very closed as far as what constitutes "family" in their minds, meaning it's the parents and the kids, combined with an "us against the world" mentality. Even fairly close family members such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. are seen as "outsiders" who might corrupt their children. They will be called family of course, but the mindset of the parents is otherwise.

My mom talked open communication but there were times it really was best as well as smart not to go there. I suspect Faith found out her mother wasn't going to walk the talk and that can be very disappointing. Kids do notice hypocrisy and Mom blathering about it on her blog only underscores it.

As far as the sisters not having any inkling, it's possible that they didn't read any signs because perhaps it was unfathomable to them that their sister could do this, in short it was a "hidden in plain sight" kind of thing. Or Faith hid it very, very well. Or they had some idea but given their mother's extreme reaction are taking the smart but less honest road of admitting they saw signs lest they be considered complicit in this Big Thing That Shattered The Family. I am inclined to go with the latter.

[eh02]

"Sacrifice their needs without losing hope" - yeah, that says it all. Be ready to never get what you want and keep a smile on your face anyway. Every relationship (spousal, parental, even extended family) is a power imbalance.

Sure, when you get married, and especially when you have children, you have to often make sacrifices and compromises. You have to make decisions as a family unit, not just as an individual.

But that is why most people shouldn't marry young, and why they need time on their own as adults! What is the rush to skip over the part of life where you aren't tied down and can do things for yourself? Invest in your education, your career, your passions? Mentally, financially, emotionally prepare for a family, if you want one?

And then, if/when you decide to have children, your children (and spouse) will be lucky enough to have a role model or partner who is happy, fulfilled and willing to invest in self care? I can only hope that someday I will be able to set a more inspiring example to a future daughter than a miserable, bitter, controlling woman with seemingly no depth, personality or interests beyond manipulating her kids like puppets or making sure the house looks clean. What a superficial existence, and how ridiculous to imply that living like that could be Godly in any sense of the word.

Fundie parents have no interest in their children EVER having a period of independence. Who knows what sort of crazy, awful things you could do it you had a few years where you didn't have to answer to your parents or a husband? They want them tied down with responsibility at all times.

[memabelle]

"Sacrifice their needs without losing hope" - yeah, that says it all. Be ready to never get what you want and keep a smile on your face anyway. Every relationship (spousal, parental, even extended family) is a power imbalance.

Sure, when you get married, and especially when you have children, you have to often make sacrifices and compromises. You have to make decisions as a family unit, not just as an individual.

But that is why most people shouldn't marry young, and why they need time on their own as adults! What is the rush to skip over the part of life where you aren't tied down and can do things for yourself? Invest in your education, your career, your passions? Mentally, financially, emotionally prepare for a family, if you want one?

And then, if/when you decide to have children, your children (and spouse) will be lucky enough to have a role model or partner who is happy, fulfilled and willing to invest in self care? I can only hope that someday I will be able to set a more inspiring example to a future daughter than a miserable, bitter, controlling woman with seemingly no depth, personality or interests beyond manipulating her kids like puppets or making sure the house looks clean. What a superficial existence, and how ridiculous to imply that living like that could be Godly in any sense of the word.

Fundie parents have no interest in their children EVER having a period of independence. Who knows what sort of crazy, awful things you could do it you had a few years where you didn't have to answer to your parents or a husband? They want them tied down with responsibility at all times.

To the bolded (my own) - this is of course the basis of a healthy marriage and family, considering the needs of others and making sacrifices when necessary. In the real world, unlike in Fundyland, this applies to both wives AND husbands.

[LadyPriss]

She sure is fun to read about, though. And yes, she is delusional. She has visions of perfection and only her view of perfection is allowed.

The fact that Faith enlisted the help of her grandparents shows that Faith did not feel she would even be able to escape without their help. Needing help to leave home usually involves the parents helping pack/move boxes and mom thinking of all the memories attached to the things being packed. Then mom buying you a toaster, kettle and a vacuum cleaner so at least you have instant coffee, toast and clean floors. Then mom saying 'you better call, write, visit' and then leaving sadly but being happy that the grocery list just got significantly shorter. In order to leave Lisa's house, Faith knew it was necessary to enlist outside help to move out on the level of someone escaping a POW camp or jail.

Chances are Faith knew exactly what her mom would say/do if she said 'Mom, I think I want to move out in a few months'. To Lisa if you are reading here- can you please write a post which would provide what your reaction would be had Faith actually said she was planning on moving out?'

Lisa needs to wake up and realize that, maybe, just maybe, her other kids are putting on an act of perfection but the second they have a chance to make a run for it, they will. Unless things change in that house, I see a second set of posts because the next daughter left with the help of another set of soon-to-be-blacklisted people.

Makes me wonder what the holidays will be like tho. Surely in any family, this stuff gets talked about at any family gathering. I'd hazard a guess that Lisa is all about forcing family members to pick sides.

[nokidsmom]

Lisa needs to wake up and realize that, maybe, just maybe, her other kids are putting on an act of perfection but the second they have a chance to make a run for it, they will. Unless things change in that house, I see a second set of posts because the next daughter left with the help of another set of soon-to-be-blacklisted people.

One thing that could happen is that Lisa circles the wagons around the remaining kids in order to prevent another escape. Certainly they are getting the message that leaving is a really, really bad thing to do to the family and they really don't want to be like their sister, just by Lisa's 'woe is me" blog posts. There's probably even more whining and carrying on offline.

Faith, once she is situated more down the line, may be in a position to help her siblings. However she's going to have to be in contact with them and that might not be allowed for a very long time. If Lisa is expecting other members of the family to take sides it could be to determine who might help like the grandparents did. Lisa probably won't change, just clamp down even more.

One thing, what Faith did can't be undone and the siblings will be watching how she fares. That's one part that Lisa can't control.

[Grimalkin]

Who knows what kind of contact if any the siblings have with her. God only knows what she is telling them. She could be telling the siblings horrible things about Faith's situation. It will be interesting to see how the Holidays turn out.

[Peas n carrots]

Who knows what kind of contact if any the siblings have with her. God only knows what she is telling them. She could be telling the siblings horrible things about Faith's situation. It will be interesting to see how the Holidays turn out.

I'm sure the second Faith makes a mistake (and she is 18, so it is bound to happen) I'm sure Lisa will use it as a tool with the other children at home. "If your sister didn't leave, XYZ wouldn't have happened." Lisa may even use it as ammo against Faith and try to draw her back in.

Faith won't be in a position to help her siblings for several years. She has to figure out her own life, make her own choices, and succeed and fail. I'm glad she has her grandparents to support her, and I think it's more realistic that if any other Pennington kids want to escape that they go the grandparent route as well.

By the way, our favorite control freak now has her own yootoob channel!

youtube.com/user/thepenningtonpoint/feed?view_as=public

[Peas n carrots]

Dear Jeezus she slathers herself in oils like Xgay Greg and Dede

youtube.com/watch?v=8b4NdkAQo2o

Is this just me or does this sound like she used a variation of blanket training with her kids?

youtube.com/watch?v=WXoB0tLj9iY

[Howl]

One thing that really intrigued me is that in the original post re: Faith's exit, she admits that she and her husband made parenting mistakes, but she never owns those mistakes and that those mistakes could have caused serious (and lasting) damage/alienation. Almost as though she is thinking, yeah, we made mistakes BUT WE WERE DOING GOD'S WORK HAVING A BAZILLION KIDS, SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT BLAMING US FOR ANYTHING. WE'RE NOT ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR PROBLEMS.

Sorry to go partial caps on y'all, BUT I JUST COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!

Also, the older kids drive and go to town/errands/(hopefully) visit friends, so perhaps with cell phones/FaceBook or whatever, they can contact their sister......unless Lisa institutes the accountability partner set up like the Duggars.

[nokidsmom]

I'm sure the second Faith makes a mistake (and she is 18, so it is bound to happen) I'm sure Lisa will use it as a tool with the other children at home. "If your sister didn't leave, XYZ wouldn't have happened." Lisa may even use it as ammo against Faith and try to draw her back in.

Faith won't be in a position to help her siblings for several years. She has to figure out her own life, make her own choices, and succeed and fail. I'm glad she has her grandparents to support her, and I think it's more realistic that if any other Pennington kids want to escape that they go the grandparent route as well.

I am sure that Lisa is watching with eagle eyes on Faith for anything that could be seen as a mistake. In spite of this daughter being "out of the family".

Agree that it will take some time for Faith to be in any position to help. I don't know the spacing of the other kids, but maybe that may happen with the younger ones. My concern about relying on the grandparents is they are personas non gratas for helping Faith so contact with them has probably been shut down though Faith could be a conduit via other means such as FB, etc. Being the control freak that she is Lisa is probably taking measures to prevent any more "escapes" between shutting down contact and badmouthing in any way she can to the other kids.

[nelliebelle1197]

So now they just got back from Disney World with a whole bunch of chidults, near childults and a few actual children. She is also shilling oils and talking about which $10 gift she is giving everyone she has ever met. Tight budget, huh? Devastated, huh?

I really think this woman has narcissistic personality disorder.

[FloraKitty35]

This woman is a massive narcissist.

[16strong]

A couple of things come to mind when looking at the Disney trip post:

1. Was this trip meant to be a reward for not rebelling?

2. What's with the daughter wearing the above-the-knee skirt? I thought she didn't allow that?

3. Lady friend wearing shorts? Although I suppose she did make sure to specify that the shorts-wearing woman was a friend. :roll:

4. I really hope "the biggest celebrity of all" comment was referring to Mickey Mouse and not herself.

[VVV]

I've watched a couple of her Youtube videos. This woman makes my skin crawl, and I don't have that reaction to someone very often. There is definitely something really wrong with her. I pity her children.

[FreeHannie!]

Did the kids have to pay for their own Disneyland tickets for this family holiday from their allowance?

[DaffyDill]

If you read the comments after the post in which she first decribed her daughter leaving, it's amazing how many people are saying they understand as the same thing happened with their son or daughter.

None of them seem to see a pattern forming between so many parents who espouse the same oh-so Godly Christian lifestyle as the Pennington mother, in which the children are meant to strictly obey, and are allowed very little if any individuality, and children who leave suddenly when they get to the age of 17 upwards. Of course, they don't want to see it, and there are none so blind as those who will not see.

One comment even said something about Satan being out to steal their seed :pink-shock: . Unbelievable.

[CelticGoddess]

Maybe it's the grief, but a good friend of mine and CelticDudes recently lost her son. Her only son. He's about the same age as this girl. My friend, who only had her son, will never have grandchildren. She will always have that empty feeling, and pain. IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. Because her son died. And she doesn't know how.

This bitch had her daughter, who is still alive, move away. Granted the way she did it was not so very nice but damn, the girl is still alive. To compare an estrangement to death, just NO! I have only known 1 other person who was so self absorbed and self centered and that person is now alone. (Stepmonster)

[nelliebelle1197]

Maybe it's the grief, but a good friend of mine and CelticDudes recently lost her son. Her only son. He's about the same age as this girl. My friend, who only had her son, will never have grandchildren. She will always have that empty feeling, and pain. IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. Because her son died. And she doesn't know how.

This bitch had her daughter, who is still alive, move away. Granted the way she did it was not so very nice but damn, the girl is still alive. To compare an estrangement to death, just NO! I have only known 1 other person who was so self absorbed and self centered and that person is now alone. (Stepmonster)

Nope. You hit the nail on the head. I am so sad for your friend. There is nothing you can do. A dear work friend of mine had a similar situation last summer. Her husband is a deep well of pure pain; she is coping through her volunteerism and general goodness.

Lisa can't see past her own selfishness to see a hell of a lot worse could have happened. People with no empathy are my silver bullet. I just can't bear people who cannot see outside themselves. Lisa.

[Meeka]

Have you seen the essential oils racks that her family makes and sells? Such shabby workmanship! I would never put that up on my wall