Pennington Point Mother Still Makes No Sense

[nelliebelle1197]

Lisa is still clueless and still posting affiliate links and promoting products for a commission in musings about Faith's leaving home.

thepenningtonpoint.com/2014/11/ups-downs/

She only had a couple comments this time. But of course all the blog posts before and after this are totally "normal"- the post is sandwiched in between a wreath-making tutorial and a plug for her YouTube channel, featuring a new video that was totes Patience's idea. :roll: \

This woman really must be awful. Either that, or Faith's leaving home really didn't bother her much/was expected and she's just using it to further monetize her blog. Oh yeah, that's awful, too. Am I the only one who thinks if something this devastating- your daughter, in collusion with your own mom, throwing off your entire value system and everything you taught her in one breath -should perhaps slow you down on your cheerful, perfect homemaker image-making mission and at least impact your writing? :think:

[Peas n carrots]

This woman really makes me want to barf. She is acting like her daughter has died - I don't take that lightly (especially since a close friend is going through a full term baby loss).

I honestly think she's playing it up for the blog, and has a serious MARTYR complex. Oh woe is me, my adult child has left the family cult and is riding motorcycles and wearing jeans! She makes DECISIONS for herself and I have no CONTROL over this.

I have no sympathy for this woman. I wish her daughter the best on her new life adventure.

[Four is Enough]

From the sounds of it, the grandparents helped her escape... but now that avenue has been cut off for the younger children. I hope the older sister will ride in and help some of the younger ones escape.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

This woman really makes me want to barf. She is acting like her daughter has died - I don't take that lightly (especially since a close friend is going through a full term baby loss).

I honestly think she's playing it up for the blog, and has a serious MARTYR complex. Oh woe is me, my adult child has left the family cult and is riding motorcycles and wearing jeans! She makes DECISIONS for herself and I have no CONTROL over this.

I have no sympathy for this woman. I wish her daughter the best on her new life adventure.

QFT!

[FreeHannie!]

Oh god, I hate this deranged, controlling psychopathic woman. When your own parents will help your child escape you, you know you suck at parenting......

She sounds ridiculous. Like said up thread, she's talking about her daughter like she died, not like she's simply decided to exercise her right as an adult to make her own decisions about her life. If I was Faith and saw these blog entries, it would just confirm I made the right decision in leaving.....

Also, this in the comments:

The hardest thing for me to get past was – how could I have raised a child that was willing to cause me that much pain.

Um. The idea is that you raise children who grow up confident enough to make their own decisions in life and as their parent, you respect that your child might have different beliefs to you because your children are their own person, not an extension of you.

[polecat]

Her readers sound just as bad:

The hardest thing for me to get past was – how could I have raised a child that was willing to cause me that much pain. It was intentional. I’m not a perfect parent but I didn’t deserve that. I got to a place where I am afraid of that child now. Someone who could do that to those that sacrificed, loved and cared for them their whole life is a scary person to me. I can’t even comprehend the evil in a heart that hard.

My kids are going to behave in ways that will hurt me. They're going to make choices with which I do not agree. It kind of comes with the territory of parenting. I'm not raising them to be mini-mes but rather independent people. They are still quite young, but I hope that they ARE confident and self-assured enough to buck me and my wants for their lives in order to follow their own hopes and dreams. That takes a lot of courage! And it also means that they will more likely be willing to stand up for themselves (and hopefully others) in other situations as well.

Calling your child evil and whining about how much HE hurt YOU simply by living his own life takes a special type of narcissist.

ETA: It's my job to sacrifice, love and care for them. They do not "owe" me in return. I CHOSE to bring them here. My kids are neither my property nor extensions of me. They're people. Funny how fetuses are people, but living, breathing, walking, talking children are not.

[VVV]

I hope some of the other children manage to escape, too.

You might suck as a parent if your own parents will help your children escape from you.

[Miggy]

The hardest thing for me to get past was – how could I have raised a child that was willing to cause me that much pain.

Um. The idea is that you raise children who grow up confident enough to make their own decisions in life and as their parent, you respect that your child might have different beliefs to you because your children are their own person, not an extension of you.

I hope I have raised my children well enough that they will not cause me pain. However, I also hope that I am a good enough parent to release my children and not to take their personal choices about their own lives as a source of pain to me. My friend's son has a drug habit. He steals from her and his siblings, doesn't turn up for his little sister's party after promising he would, leaving her in tears, etc. That is a child causing a parent pain. My eldest is not Christian. It makes me sad. It is not an act designed to hurt me. It is him making a choice.

I always wonder when fundies write this sort of stuff whether they ever stop and think about what their parents think about their lifestyle. The Bates parents don't really like Gil & Kelly's lifestyle. The Duggar parents don't really approve of JB & Michelle's lifestyle. Is their lifestyle so perfect that it doesn't matter if the cause their parents pain? Are they all just so narcissistic they can't see the logic?

[FreeHannie!]

I should have elaborated more, of course there are things a child can do to cause their parents pain, like stealing and a drug addiction, upsetting their siblings intentionally etc.

But I really disagree with this woman thinking that her adult daughter growing up and deciding that she wants to move out of home, wear pants and live her own life does not cause most rational parents pain.

[Peas n carrots]

Faith has some new piercings! Upper cartilage of the ears, which I'm guessing probably is not fundie-approved

ink361.com/app/users/ig-365978686/alteredbyfaith/photos/ig-843642358724140583_365978686

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

I should have elaborated more, of course there are things a child can do to cause their parents pain, like stealing and a drug addiction, upsetting their siblings intentionally etc.

But I really disagree with this woman thinking that her adult daughter growing up and deciding that she wants to move out of home, wear pants and live her own life does not cause most rational parents pain.

Exactly. In fact, most sane, rational and TRULY loving parents are happy when their children successfully start their own lives apart from the parental units. (Heck, my parents turned my old room into a home office when I moved out. Thanks, Mama and Dad, love you guys too. :lol: )

[Grimalkin]

I am sure she is in pain. This was done in secret with her parents. I am pretty sure she is embarrased too. How do you tell your adoring fans that your kid did this? You present yourself as perfect, then this happens. I think she might be more embarrased than hurt, hence the victum role.

[Jasmar]

Her writing contains some of the exact things my mother says about my sisters and me, although my mom loathes Christianity. It makes me sick to my stomach to read it (so I just go by what you all have posted here).

But the narcissist parents who have the gall to call themselves followers of Jesus? See. Red. :angry-banghead:

[ILoveJellybeans]

Faith has some new piercings! Upper cartilage of the ears, which I'm guessing probably is not fundie-approved

ink361.com/app/users/ig-365978686/alteredbyfaith/photos/ig-843642358724140583_365978686

Faith is awesome!

Its kinda sad that she had to run away from home to be able to get this independence. If her mother was a normal, reasonable human being, she could have had both a life and her family.

[Fenchurch]

First off, your adult child should not have to ESCAPE with collusion from their grandparents.

Second, sure it hurts when your kid leaves home. I am going to be sad and I am going to hurt when my daughter goes off to university one day. But she has not DONE that to me. That's a normal part of the growing up process. The transitioning between child and adult (and mother and empty-nester for me!)

This woman makes me sick. Calling her child evil because she left home at 18? Really?!?

I also see she has sat down with her daughter and discussed it, and found out why she felt she needed to escape and cut off contact. She has been introspective and realised that maybe their way of life is not conducive to cohesive happiness for the parents, AS WELL AS the children. Oh, wait, no she didn't. She just called the kid evil, cut off all contact and carried on carrying on. No-one does ostrich syndrome quite like the fundies!!

[nelliebelle1197]

First off, your adult child should not have to ESCAPE with collusion from their grandparents.

Second, sure it hurts when your kid leaves home. I am going to be sad and I am going to hurt when my daughter goes off to university one day. But she has not DONE that to me. That's a normal part of the growing up process. The transitioning between child and adult (and mother and empty-nester for me!)

This woman makes me sick. Calling her child evil because she left home at 18? Really?!?

I also see she has sat down with her daughter and discussed it, and found out why she felt she needed to escape and cut off contact. She has been introspective and realised that maybe their way of life is not conducive to cohesive happiness for the parents, AS WELL AS the children. Oh, wait, no she didn't. She just called the kid evil, cut off all contact and carried on carrying on. No-one does ostrich syndrome quite like the fundies!!

Yeah, the keeping on except to post woe as mes with f'ing affiliate links BLOWS my MIND.

[FundieWatcher]

I just caught up on this training wreck. Her other children really cry that much over their adult sibling moving out? The mom has crushed her relationship with her own parents forever. I hope the daughter can help the others (who want to) move out. Reminds me a lot of Deanna(sp?) from LiaS. Both girls were just bored. Life as a stay at home daughter is scripted, predictable and boring. They know exactly what was expected of them and they freaked. With out support to make typical young person choices (college, live with friends, career, military etc..) They have to do something dramatic.

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

This almost exactly what happened when I left home. Did my parents take a step back and reflect about how they were treating their children? How trying to control our every move and thought meant that we were just ready to run? Uhmmm no.

My younger siblings have even more restrictions, even more duties, even more feelings of guilt and worthlessness that will follow them for the rest of their lives. I watched a documentary about Westboro BC and read a book by a girl who left and I realized that was exactly how I was raised. If you ran into me as a teen, we did not look that different. We went to public school and were allowed to participate in a few select activities. But we were never allowed to participate in any events that my parents considered "socializing" unless it was with members of our church.

Reading stuff like this just brings back so many memories.

[justmissedquiver]

This woman really makes me want to barf. She is acting like her daughter has died - I don't take that lightly (especially since a close friend is going through a full term baby loss).

I honestly think she's playing it up for the blog, and has a serious MARTYR complex. Oh woe is me, my adult child has left the family cult and is riding motorcycles and wearing jeans! She makes DECISIONS for herself and I have no CONTROL over this.

I have no sympathy for this woman. I wish her daughter the best on her new life adventure.

Yes! to the bolded. My mother acted this way after I escaped such a family. We were not homeschoolers, but still lived comparatively sheltered lives. Acting like the child is dead is their way of absolving themselves of any work to mend the relationship and they get all the sympathy without the responsibility.

These people make me sick, sick sick. Thank you to everyone at FJ for having these discussions. I'm mid-40s and just now coming to terms with my what happened in my crazy oppressive home. This is such a healing place.

Good luck to you Faith! You deserve the very best!

[nokidsmom]

Yes! to the bolded. My mother acted this way after I escaped such a family. We were not homeschoolers, but still lived comparatively sheltered lives. Acting like the child is dead is their way of absolving themselves of any work to mend the relationship and they get all the sympathy without the responsibility.

These people make me sick, sick sick. Thank you to everyone at FJ for having these discussions. I'm mid-40s and just now coming to terms with my what happened in my crazy oppressive home. This is such a healing place.

Good luck to you Faith! You deserve the very best!

Preach it sisters! My Maxwellian parents treated my leaving to go out on my own as a Very Bad Thing rather than the normal stage in life that it was. We weren't fundie but it was a cultlike familly dynamic governed by my parents' fears stemming mainly from religion and other personal hangups. I wasn't considered good as dead but I was considered the Bad Daughter who broke up the family.

After I left, they circled the wagons around my two sisters, creating an unhealthy enmeshment that continues to this day and has affected both their lives, their marriages, their own families. Even today, my mom is reliving her rejection trauma as she does every time my sister, who lives 1300 miles away, leaves after a visit. And my sister is reliving the guilt trip every time she boards the plane home.

And I did nothing radical. All I did was leave after completing my college education and met Mr. No. shortly afterward and moved out. And yes, we married, we did not live together, something that would have totally made my parents' brain explode.

What this mom is experiencing is nothing compared to all the truly bad things in the world that can happen. But in an overcontrollling, fearful parent's world, loss of control, even over an adult child, is one of the worst things that can happen to them.

[memabelle]

I look at my 19 month old daughter and of course I have hopes and plans for her future but I also realize that while it's my job as her mom to guide her and teach her, it's ultimately her life. Will I be disappointed if she chooses a path I don't necessarily agree with? Of course. But it's her life. I got to choose my path - she should get to choose hers. What's right for one person is not right for another, and unless someone is getting physically hurt by whatever path she chooses, I will of course support her and I will never stop loving her.

And that's even with being a bit of a control freak myself.

[eh02]

It's just incredible that this woman is so delusional.

It takes a huge amount of accumulated pain and suffering to leave your family. And I don't mean just moving away, but really leaving them in a "this is my life now and you don't have power of me anymore" kind of way. It is just truly almost unbelievable that she's inflicted so much pain on her kids and manages to convince herself that they are at fault. It's this "respect your parents no matter what" mentality that is taken to such an extreme that ANYTHING the parents do wrong doesn't matter because the children have to comply regardless. And even if they're young children, THEY somehow are responsible for whatever bad outcome occurs.

My parents were always so open and nurturing to my interests and goals and because of that, as an adult, I have never felt the need to separate myself from them. They let me move away, helped me go to college and then graduate school, and encouraged me to pursue my dreams, even when they were different from what they probably had in mind. I felt so supported (and never stifled) so I love going back to visit them and will always be so grateful for the childhood I had, and for how they treat me as an adult. There was this level of respect for me as an individual person separate from themselves that you just don't see with fundie families, and it makes me so sad. That's the kind of parenting that gives you a lifelong relationship with your parents, not an "instant obedience" fear-based relationship. You can't transfer "instant obedience no matter what" into an adult parent-child relationship - it just doesn't work anymore!

[bea]

I have 2 daughters, 7 and 5. One of the major things I try to keep in mind while I'm raising them is that someday, they'll be adults, making their own choices. It's my job to give them the tools so that later (when they're older, obviously) they can think critically, question thinks, and MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES.

Hell, my 7 year old is a Type 1 diabetic and part of managing her condition is teaching her to manage it herself. Yes, even at 7. She knows more about her pump and hyperglycemia and hypoglycemia than most grown adults, because she HAS TO. I can't be with her every moment of every day, and even medical professionals aren't always aware of modern diabetes treatments. I'm teaching her to be her own advocate, that it doesn't matter if the teacher says no eating, if your blood sugar is low, you pop a handful of Skittles because it can be life-threatening not to do it.

Can you imagine Pennington Point mom teaching her little kids that they have to advocate for themselves? Not likely. I hope Faith assists the other ones in escaping.

[nokidsmom]

My parents were always so open and nurturing to my interests and goals and because of that, as an adult, I have never felt the need to separate myself from them. They let me move away, helped me go to college and then graduate school, and encouraged me to pursue my dreams, even when they were different from what they probably had in mind. I felt so supported (and never stifled) so I love going back to visit them and will always be so grateful for the childhood I had, and for how they treat me as an adult. There was this level of respect for me as an individual person separate from themselves that you just don't see with fundie families, and it makes me so sad. That's the kind of parenting that gives you a lifelong relationship with your parents, not an "instant obedience" fear-based relationship. You can't transfer "instant obedience no matter what" into an adult parent-child relationship - it just doesn't work anymore!

To the bolded: this is what I fervently wished may parents could have done and it was very, very disappointing to realize that when it came down to making my own choices, they didn't see me as a separate person following my own dreams, aiming for my own goals or what would make me happy. It was what it was doing to them and that I wasn't following their vision for my life, therefore it was a rejection of them. They were very caught up in their parental authority and honestly expected that as an adult, I should obey them.

[eh02]

To the bolded: this is what I fervently wished may parents could have done and it was very, very disappointing to realize that when it came down to making my own choices, they didn't see me as a separate person following my own dreams, aiming for my own goals or what would make me happy. It was what it was doing to them and that I wasn't following their vision for my life, therefore it was a rejection of them. They were very caught up in their parental authority and honestly expected that as an adult, I should obey them.

Parenting is so hard, and I don't know if I could ever do it as well as my parents. I think a big problem is that people go into the process of starting a family with very set ideas as to what their child will be like. You see it so often - parents expecting their 10 year olds to start preparing for medical school, dads disappointed their sons don't want to play football like them...it's just not a healthy way to view children. I think with extremely religious parents, there's the added mentality that your #1 job is to make sure your child's soul is saved and absolutely everything else comes secondary, including your child's happiness, independence and dreams. The intentions may be good, in their own minds, but the outcome is rarely what they hoped for. Oddly, my parents were (are) actually very religious, and I know that they are exception rather than the norm that they were so comfortable letting me find my own way, even when it came to my religious beliefs. My mom actually was a HUGE Focus on the Family supporter - I don't know how she was so relaxed with her kids! I think she just knew that your faith has to be a choice, not something you're forced into with fear or guilt.

Sometimes I wonder if some parents that struggle with this can even remember being a child at all. It can be so devastating as a child to be treated like you are incapable of rational thought or decisions, that what you think is not important, and to just constantly be silenced because all that matters is that you are obedient. They're treated as subhuman. I just have never personally seen a case like that end up with a really good adult child/parent relationship :(