A "sinful" iPod search ended Meredith's brother's courtship

[silvia]

I know Meredith (Alexander) Hammer is kind of off our radar since her blog went dark, but every so often, I do check in on her family members' blogs. Has anyone seen her brother Elliott's explanation of why his courtship ended esalexander.blogspot.com/2014/09/victory-over-lust-my-testimony.html ? From what I can tell, it's because he confessed to the girl's father the "sin" not of actually watching pornography, no, but of searching for words he shouldn't have after he got an iPod touch. WTF?!

As repugnant as I find the Alexander family's beliefs, I do feel sorry for Elliott. I imagine it must be unspeakably painful to grow up in a family like this. Because you have natural biological urges, basically, you're labeled--and encouraged to label yourself--as trapped in Satan's orbit. I knew Meredith's family and the circles they ran in were extreme, but this strikes me as pretty beyond the pale.

[treemom]

I saw that a few days ago and I felt so bad for him I didn't say anything.

[socalrules]

So a fundy was actually trying to gain knowledge and got into trouble for it?

[thoughtful]

My whole family of six (at that time) was living in a single room at the extended stay. My parents would often watch the news as we children drifted off to sleep. On this night, my parents fell asleep and the television was left on by accident. That was the night I was exposed to pornography for the first time. I was eleven years old.

What station were they watching, that porn came on later? Maybe it was a Girls Gone Wild ad on Fox. :lol:

The whole thing sounds so convoluted, guilt-filled and exhausting. Just let yourself be human!

[ViolaSebastian]

What station were they watching, that porn came on later? Maybe it was a Girls Gone Wild ad on Fox. :lol:

The whole thing sounds so convoluted, guilt-filled and exhausting. Just let yourself be human!

I have been an insomniac my entire life, and I know of absolutely zero channels that have a news program and then *boom* switch to pornography. Maybe he's thinking that The Late Show is pornography? Or he saw that time that Drew Barrymore flashed David Letterman?

[silvia]

I have been an insomniac my entire life, and I know of absolutely zero channels that have a news program and then *boom* switch to pornography. Maybe he's thinking that The Late Show is pornography? Or he saw that time that Drew Barrymore flashed David Letterman?

Or maybe a replay of the Janet Jackson nip slip?

[Dandruff]

An unmarried couple kissing or maybe an ad for erection meds?

[thoughtful]

I have been an insomniac my entire life, and I know of absolutely zero channels that have a news program and then *boom* switch to pornography.

It could have been several hours later. But still, I can't imagine it was what any of us would call pornography. Maybe TMZ, or a musical performance for which women were wearing flashy clothes would strike him as porn.

[N The Prayer Closet]

Ugh, what a way to live. :angry-banghead:

[silvia]

An unmarried couple kissing or maybe an ad for erection meds?

You know Bob Dole is headed for the second circle of hell. :D

[patsymae]

From what the OP said, he wasn't looking for porn, he was just looking up WORDS!

I think this young man may have dodge a bullet.

[MissBitters]

What station were they watching, that porn came on later? Maybe it was a Girls Gone Wild ad on Fox. :lol:

The whole thing sounds so convoluted, guilt-filled and exhausting. Just let yourself be human!

The hotel may have had Showtime or HBO so maybe he caught one of their late night programs? Either way I feel bad for the guy too. It sounds like he was being a normal hormonal teenager and it's awful he was made to feel guilty for it.

[Evilbad]

I remember as a kid that Cinemax changed to porn after a certain hour. We had some uk channels when I lived in Germany that also did. I can't think of any regular TV channels that would, though.

[ViolaSebastian]

I think it's highly likely we're dealing with an issue of 'truthiness' here. I bet Mom and Dad were watching the news, fell asleep, and like any red-blooded 11-year-old male, he got curious and changed to Skinemax. In a normal world, that'd be no big deal and in the spectrum of normal tween behavior. But of course, these are fundies, so instead of sitting down and talking to him, they freaked the hell out about it.

[DGayle]

I don't think my comment will get approved. I hope he at least reads it.

This is one way fundamentalism is harmful. You looked up some stuff about sex, but have had such a deep belief that that makes you a horrid rotten person that you can't move past it, and someone else decides you and his adult daughter can't be together anymore. The book Songs of Solomon is nothing but erotica, yet even looking up anything about sex means you're a bad person? You aren't. You are a human man with human urges, and a desire to know more than fundamentalism has allowed. My heart aches for you.

[Toothfairy]

So these kids can't be curious

[thoughtful]

ViolaSebastian and MissBitters, I initially thought that he might have changed the channel. But then I figured that he would have had to "admit" that as part of his confession.

What a sad way to think of himself and what is natural and harmless.

ETA - here's the next paragraph, which I didn't quote earlier:

I can see how cunning Satan was to be able to get me while I was in the presence of my entire family. How I have wished that I would have had the character to get up and turn off the television. I knew that the program was evil and I chose to watch it anyway.

That makes it sound as if Satan just attacked him by having a "porn" program come on the TV on the same channel on which his parents had it when they fell asleep.

But maybe he changed channels -- I hope he isn't harboring more guilt about that, still!

[silvia]

I understand some people's (reasonable) concerns about porn use - I think porn can have addictive potential for some people and definitely sets up unrealistic expectations of what sex and relationships will be like.

But demonizing porn the way these families do isn't the answer, either. It screws kids up in the head and gives them a deep sense that they're rotten to the core, which I think is psychologically much more damaging than actually watching porn. Anyway, don't they supposedly believe that everyone sins and falls short of God's glory? Why would watching a porn clip necessarily be a worse sin than, say, telling a lie or coveting something of your neighbor's?

To top it all off, the Alexander "I-will-NOT-think-of-sex" approach is totally counterproductive. It's like Dostoyevsky says: “Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.â€

[lilah]

I remember hearing that her brother was courting (mostly because he needed his mom's help to compose a brief speech to their church where he'd ask the congregation to pray for thier courtship and how I thought it seemed like he was pretty immature to need his mom's help to talk in publuc)

Anyway my hear goes out to him for having his natural sexual urges twisted unto being this horrible sin.

[treemom]

I was wondering if his father changed to skinamax

[VGL]

I remember as a kid that Cinemax changed to porn after a certain hour. We had some uk channels when I lived in Germany that also did. I can't think of any regular TV channels that would, though.

CityTV in Toronto used to air soft porn movies on Saturday nights back in the 70's. They brought it back for a bit in the 90's.

[Palimpsest]

It is so sad that normal sexual feelings are perverted into atrocious "sin" by these cults.

Poor Elliot.

[polecat]

I have been an insomniac my entire life, and I know of absolutely zero channels that have a news program and then *boom* switch to pornography. Maybe he's thinking that The Late Show is pornography? Or he saw that time that Drew Barrymore flashed David Letterman?

What regular people consider porn is generally far different from what a fundy considers porn. When I was a teen, my parents figured out how to erase a 10-second bit of "The Scarlet Pimpernel" (the 80s version with Jane Seymour) because the scene included a young man fleeing from a woman's bedroom. Both were fully dressed, but the implication of an affair was clear -- and they were (gasp) unmarried, making it even worse.

The boy may have seen something pertaining to sexuality -- a couple in bed or touching -- and considered it pornographic, particularly if he'd never been exposed to something like that before.

[Hane]

It is so sad that normal sexual feelings are perverted into atrocious "sin" by these cults.

Poor Elliot.

Yes. These parents are missing out on a valuable opportunity to discuss important things with their kids--how our bodies and feelings change as we mature, how we perceive other people, how to treat those other people, how to respect romantic partners and build good relationships. Even parents who don't approve of premarital sex (like mine) CAN and DO get it right.

[moodygirl86]

What regular people consider porn is generally far different from what a fundy considers porn. When I was a teen, my parents figured out how to erase a 10-second bit of "The Scarlet Pimpernel" (the 80s version with Jane Seymour) because the scene included a young man fleeing from a woman's bedroom. Both were fully dressed, but the implication of an affair was clear -- and they were (gasp) unmarried, making it even worse.

Lady Whiteadder: Don't call me "Auntie." Aunt is a relative and relatives are evidence of sex. Which is hardly a fitting conversation for the dinner table.