Further Proof That Courtship Rules Set by Jim Bob & M

[LongDogMom]

A few sites posted about Jessa breaking some courtship rules with Ben, ie: holding hands the night before he proposed and hugging front to front after he did.

 

Despite Michelle constantly insisting that the kids set their own boundaries, in which case, it's none of Jim Bob or Michelle's business if they break the rules, apparently when she noticed them holding hands the night before they got engaged at a prayer, she looked to Jim Bob and he told her it was okay because they were praying (see quote from Examiner article below). I mean, why is it up to Jim Bob to say it's okay if Ben and Jessa are the ones who set up the courtship boundaries?

 

"The hand-holding reportedly happened one night before Ben proposed to Jessa when Jim Bob asked everyone to join hands in prayer. Michelle was surprised when her daughter held hands with Ben because she was still officially in the courtship stage. However, Jessa's father told his wife that it was okay for them to hold hands because "it was for the purpose of praying."

 

Once they were engaged, it was acceptable for the couple to hold hands, but hugging and "chest to chest" contact was not allowed. Once the Jessa and Ben's engagement special aired earlier this week, it was clear that the couple broke the rules again by hugging it out after Ben's proposal."

 

http://www.examiner.com/article/jessa-d ... b-approved

[CorruptionInc.]

A few sites posted about Jessa breaking some courtship rules with Ben, ie: holding hands the night before he proposed and hugging front to front after he did.

Despite Michelle constantly insisting that the kids set their own boundaries, in which case, it's none of Jim Bob or Michelle's business if they break the rules, apparently when she noticed them holding hands the night before they got engaged at a prayer, she looked to Jim Bob and he told her it was okay because they were praying (see quote from Examiner article below). I mean, why is it up to Jim Bob to say it's okay if Ben and Jessa are the ones who set up the courtship boundaries?

"The hand-holding reportedly happened one night before Ben proposed to Jessa when Jim Bob asked everyone to join hands in prayer. Michelle was surprised when her daughter held hands with Ben because she was still officially in the courtship stage. However, Jessa's father told his wife that it was okay for them to hold hands because "it was for the purpose of praying."

Once they were engaged, it was acceptable for the couple to hold hands, but hugging and "chest to chest" contact was not allowed. Once the Jessa and Ben's engagement special aired earlier this week, it was clear that the couple broke the rules again by hugging it out after Ben's proposal."

http://www.examiner.com/article/jessa-d ... b-approved

I'd say most of the rules come from Mullet. JB is a little more lapse about it. When Jill and Derick front hugged, JB was pretty chill while Mullet was extremely upset.

[Jilli]

I'd say most of the rules come from Mullet. JB is a little more lapse about it. When Jill and Derick front hugged, JB was pretty chill while Mullet was extremely upset.

I've noticed that too. When a rule is broken, JB just resets the boundary, or goes "It's cool because of A, B, or C" Michelle acts like it's a huge ordeal, every single time. :cray-cray:

I also think the no frontal hug thing is so freaking stupid. Its my favorite thing about the Bates they just grab by both shoulders and bring the person in. :lol:

[Sundaymorning]

I would be willing to bet a lot of money that the rules come from Boob, J' Chelle and ultimately Gothard.

Even if the kids are given a "choice", it about the same choice you are given it someone points a gun at you and asks for your wallet. Everyone would laugh if the robber said in court: "well, it was the victims own choice to give me their money". The pressure on the kids is just too high to really have a choice, and the show doesn't help, if a Duggar would alter the courtship rules now, it would get quite a lot of attention.

[browncoatslytherin]

I would be willing to bet a lot of money that the rules come from Boob, J' Chelle and ultimately Gothard.

Even if the kids are given a "choice", it about the same choice you are given it someone points a gun at you and asks for your wallet. Everyone would laugh if the robber said in court: "well, it was the victims own choice to give me their money". The pressure on the kids is just too high to really have a choice, and the show doesn't help, if a Duggar would alter the courtship rules now, it would get quite a lot of attention.

growing up, i've mused i felt like i had no choice when it came to religion or church. there wasn't an option of not going to church, not being a christian, not following what my parents believed, etc. when you grow up your whole life with that mindset, you may say you choose something that really is pre-programmed into you to choose.

so, when you aren't presented with a valid alternative that isn't seen as "wrong", then yeah, you're going to do exactly what your parents do and tow the party line.

[Toothfairy]

Here's the 8 rules for dating s Duggar girl.

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/19-kids-and ... s&Counting

All of these rules Are JimChelle made. Even jesus turned water into wine

[browncoatslytherin]

Even jesus turned water into wine

nuh uh uh! according to mr. keller, that was grape juice. :D

[kmary1]

It really annoys me that they always say the couple sets their own standards. Obviously the rules are set by the parents, and I even watched an older episode where they talked about it (maybe when Josh was getting married) and the rules they described years ago are exactly what goes on now. They must really think we're a bunch of idiots and will believe the kids chose the rules to follow for themselves and they just happen to all choose the same rules. I love that Jessa and Ben bent them a little bit.

[antwan]

why is it up to Jim Bob to say it's okay if Ben and Jessa are the ones who set up the courtship boundaries?

Well, WE know the answer, but to THEIR way of thinking (JB and J'chelle), Jessa and Ben set their own boundaries and it was up to their chaperones (team patriarchy) to see that they kept them.

Chaperone Fail. :nenner:

[Sundaymorning]

I just hope one of the younger Duggars will really set their own rules. Wonder what J'Chelle and Boob would have to say to that. Since they always emphasize that it's up to the kids, they would have to go along with it in public. If they are still in the public eye at all by then. Would be very fun to watch how they would lie through their teeth in order to save their face.

[Mama Mia]

I thought they said regular hugging was fine ( or up to the couple ) once they were engaged? And the side hug rule just applied to courtship? They never say " We're saving our first hug for marriage" it's always about saving their first kiss.

Michelle does always seem to be the one who freaks out about any lapse, while JB is trying to soothe her. I can't tell if it's because she's really that upset about it -- or if she just has a better grasp of the storyline and continuity - and wants to make sure re-enactments or rules aren't out-of sych with what they say.

[grandmadugger]

So the Duggar's rules are clear cut, nothing can be altered. The Bates have been pretty open about the differences in each of their children's courtships. Including, not being in on text messages (they do have a policy that they can check phones at any time), siblings being the other person reading the text and varying degrees of physical contact. A Duggar/Bates courtship would be interesting for sure.

[Phoenix]

The fact the adult children parrot the same lines about courtship rules, number of children they will have once married, modesty rules etc... verbatim year after year it is obvious Jim Bob, Michelle and Gothard programmed them long ago. They don't think about what they are saying becuase they know it is the only acceptable answer.

Anyone who has been around children or vulnerable adults who have been coached will be familiar with this type of parroting. In elder law it is called "undue influence" for a reason. :pull-hair:

[CorruptionInc.]

I can't tell if it's because she's really that upset about it -- or if she just has a better grasp of the storyline and continuity - and wants to make sure re-enactments or rules aren't out-of sych with what they say.

She's a looney tune that's for sure!

[HarleyQuinn]

http://gawker.com/did-jessa-duggar-get-caught-fucking-in-church-after-her-1655581133

OMFG Gawker, how do all these sites keep running this story without realizing this blog is fake?

They probably don't care, but still.

[grandmadugger]

She's a looney tune that's for sure!

I think she's really that upset by it. It's also what leads me to think she's the one who took them down this path and JB went along with it because, "Pretty cheerleader likes me, she really, really likes me."

[FreeHannie!]

I think they come from Mullet because she feels like 'soiled goods' because of whatever she did before she got married.

[roddma]

growing up, i've mused i felt like i had no choice when it came to religion or church. there wasn't an option of not going to church, not being a christian, not following what my parents believed, etc. when you grow up your whole life with that mindset, you may say you choose something that really is pre-programmed into you to choose.

so, when you aren't presented with a valid alternative that isn't seen as "wrong", then yeah, you're going to do exactly what your parents do and tow the party line.

Same here. I grew up Church of Christ. While it was nothing like the Duggars, you still had no choice even as a young adult. What parents dont relaize, including the DUggars, is they made their own choices. Why not give the kids the same one you had?

Supporters are blind to think all 19 kids want to live the same way and follow the same beliefs.

[jezziebezzie]

OMFG Gawker, how do all these sites keep running this story without realizing this blog is fake?

They probably don't care, but still.

I haven't been here in ages. I just read & commented there as though it were gospel & then my Spidey Sense went "really?" & this was the first place I headed for.

I wish it were true, but sappy Ben doesn't have that in him. Derick maybe, but Ben is still a little boy...

[AussieKrissy]

I just re watched the ep where Ben ask Jeasa to court. In the double date scene with his parents he was saying he didn't see any problem with holding hands but..... And what was hanging in the air was but Jessa's parents say no. I think Michelle is the strict one on the rules.

Off topic it was so sad to hear in that episode that Jordyn didn't want her "mom" to get married and how adament Jenni was that she was never getting married (how over the shit fight is she?) Then Jordyn pipes up that she will get married. It's the younger version of Jill's you will be content speech she gave Jinger (?????) I am fuzzy on the direct quote, I am sure most people know the talking about, it's talked about often on her.

My long winded point, brainwashing starts young with the girls. Jenni has not been squashed yet. Jessa bless her is showing some signs of independent thought of her wedding is anything to go by. Maybe there is some chance for the younger ones to set their own standards.

[sparklymagie]

Do the Duggars watch the show? I think I've read that the kids can't watch TV, but what about Jim Bob and Michelle? If so, I wonder if Jinger got in trouble after the Ben and Jessa's engagement episode when they saw the full frontal hug.

[Sailing on Europa]

I remember the episode where Derick proposed to Jill, and when they were driving home afterward he said something like, "we could just go get married right now" (jokingly). And Jill, with a tone of sadness, said "we could, but that wouldn't be a very good testimony." It's always about the image - the Duggar brand. Jill knows the deal, they've got an image to sell! Oh, I mean, other couples to "encourage."

[straygoldfish]

growing up, i've mused i felt like i had no choice when it came to religion or church. there wasn't an option of not going to church, not being a christian, not following what my parents believed, etc. when you grow up your whole life with that mindset, you may say you choose something that really is pre-programmed into you to choose.

so, when you aren't presented with a valid alternative that isn't seen as "wrong", then yeah, you're going to do exactly what your parents do and tow the party line.

I'm the same. I was raised STRICT Catholic. When I grew up, I joined a church of a different denomination. A MUCH more liberal church. I was terrified that I'd be disowned (at 22, this was a fear). I "came out" as not-Catholic that winter. My parents received the info well. A month later, they met my rector (a lovely WOMAN) and fell in love with the new denomination and joined with me. SHOCKED doesn't begin to describe it.

I guess my point is that even that established adults sometimes look for an OUT. I don't think JB&M will switch, but maybe one of their kids will challenge them to broaden their scope.

[eviek]

Do the Duggars watch the show? I think I've read that the kids can't watch TV, but what about Jim Bob and Michelle? If so, I wonder if Jinger got in trouble after the Ben and Jessa's engagement episode when they saw the full frontal hug.

I know I've seen them at least once watch their own show; they went to Amy's family's house. I don't know if they watch it regularly or not though. I'd imagine so, because they want to control how they are portrayed.

[MatthewDuggar]

In the Dishing with the Duggars episodes, you're led to believe they are watching the episodes right along with you. There's an inset always on the corner of the screen of either J'Chelle and JB, Random Howlers or Random J'Slaves. They show their reactions, it's so fake, like when they were showing JB's Dad's funeral, they inset showed the howlers laughing..... TLC can't even get that kind of edit right!