The allure of Starbucks - MERGED

[lawlifelgbt]

Attend the tale of one poor sod.

His hand was tired and his eye was odd.

He milked the members of sodomites,

For hours in the daytime, then into the nights.

He made each rod dispense its wad,

Did that poor sod,

The semen squirter of Starbucks.

He kept it up till they went down,

Made fappucinos for our whole town.

And what if none of these guys got humped?

They went to their bagels impeccably pumped.

By that guy,

By that poor sod,

The semen squirter of Starbucks.

Flip your wrist with skill, poor sod,

Hold on, close your eyes.

Freely pull the pud of those who sodomize.

His needs were few, his room was bare.

Some Jergen’s lotion, a comfy chair.

And, if he missed it when they went “pop,â€

An apron, a towel, a pail, and a mop.

For neatness he deserved a nod,

Did that poor sod,

The semen squirter of Starbucks.

Thoughtful, STAPH. I have a bad habit of reading FJ in one class, since I don't like the prof and most of the grade is fieldwork, and I just laughed like an idiot while another student was giving a presentation! Oh well, now I'm typing this reply, so I look and sound busy. Blah blah blah....

[Hane]

lawlifelgbt, I didn't even have to read this song--it's been cracking me up all day. I'll be sitting in my cube formatting web content or walking out to my car or standing in the checkout line--and I start cracking up. It's gonna take me some pretty heavy detox to get it all out of my system.

[lawlifelgbt]

I just came back to this thread so I could see Hane's reply to me- and I've started laughing all over again! I should tell thoughtful I have asthma and a chest cold- so if I pass out and die from lack of oxygen due to laughing too hard, my widow will sue you for my death!

On a different note: I had Starbucks today! But, since I'm a lesbian, I've never tasted semen, so of course I don't know if there's "sodomite semen" in it. :wink-kitty:

[Rebelwife]

I just came back to this thread so I could see Hane's reply to me- and I've started laughing all over again! I should tell thoughtful I have asthma and a chest cold- so if I pass out and die from lack of oxygen due to laughing too hard, my widow will sue you for my death!

On a different note: I had Starbucks today! But, since I'm a lesbian, I've never tasted semen, so of course I don't know if there's "sodomite semen" in it. :wink-kitty:

Ooh, does that mean you're a "gold-star" lesbian? How exciting!! :lol:

[lawlifelgbt]

Yes, I guess I am! I have never had PIV sex...although, I have had, er, synthetic penises...involved.

I'll show myself out. :embarrassed:

[thoughtful]

So . . . :D

I was thinking about the former lovers of these imaginary gay men that The Good Insane Reverend thinks would volunteer for this task. I mean, can you imagine knowing that someone who dumped you is now having sex with coffee?

But telling the fellow off with music might help -- y'know, one of those classic "who needs you, fella" songs.

OK, is everybody at home, not work or school, and nobody in need of a bathroom break? Here we go -- I even put it under a spoiler this time, so it can't take you by surprise. :D

You walked into the Starbucks like you were walking onto a yacht

Your pants strategically dipped below one ball -

As cute as an apricot.

You had one hand on your wiener as you strode up to the pot.

And all the mugs dreamed that they'd be your target,

They'd be your target, and...

Watch that vein, it probably means your dong wants to spill goo!

Watch that vein, I bet it means your dong wants to spill goo!

You’ll spew! You’ll spew!

You had me several years ago when we shared some lovely kinks.

Well you said that we made such a pretty pair,

A couple of handsome twinks.

But you gave away the man you loved to go have sex with drinks!

I had some dreams, there was come in my coffee

Come in my coffee, and...

Watch that vein, it probably means your dong wants to spill goo!

Watch that vein, I bet it means your dong wants to spill goo!

You’ll spew! You’ll spew!

Well I hear you show up in a fuschia toga at Starbucks for all the fun,

Then you order an iced skinny chocolate mocha

For target practice with your big meat gun.

Your dick’s where it should be all the time,

And when it’s not it’s in

A cinnamon chai or some cheap instant Sanka,

Cheap instant Sanka, and

Watch that vein, it probably means your dong wants to spill goo!

Watch that vein, I bet it means your dong wants to spill goo!

You’ll spew! You’ll spew!

[bBvideo 560,340:3s8jw2qb]

[/bBvideo]

[Palimpsest]

:penguin-no: :penguin-no: :penguin-no: :penguin-no: :penguin-no: :penguin-no:

I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you, by this utterly disgusting thread. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. Especially you, Thoughtful. Who knew such profanity and obscenity lurked behind such an innocent and ladylike exterior? Satan is so clever.

You will all BURN in the ETERNAL FIRES of HELL for EVER

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Eleventy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:lol4: :lol4: :worship: :worship: :cracking-up: :cracking-up: :worship: :worship: :lol4: :lol4:

Off to Starbucks now. :lol:

[church_of_dog]

stares intently at the dollop of "heavy whipping cream" she just plopped into her coffee

as her mind runs wild with raunch and puns...

and will now be humming Carly Simon all freaking day and giggling oddly in public...

:morningcoffee:

[thoughtful]

I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you, by this utterly disgusting thread. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. Especially you, Thoughtful. Who knew such profanity and obscenity lurked behind such an innocent and ladylike exterior?

[Black Aliss]

And I hear Mick Jagger singing in the background. . .

[Hane]

Ooh, does that mean you're a "gold-star" lesbian? How exciting!! :lol:

Now that I've finished shrieking with laughter about the idea of a "gold-star" lesbian: Back before my state passed the marriage equality law, I baked a wedding cake for a commitment ceremony. As the reception began, I looked around at the various tables of wedding guests and noticed one group of women with fairly short hair, who were dressed in somber-colored trousers and dress shirts, and wore somber expressions as well. "Those must be the Orthodox Lesbians," I told my friend.

[thoughtful]

@midnight did a bit on this. It was a segment in which some actors from Reno 911 were on as their characters, which didn't do much for me, but, in case anyone is interested, go to 4:45:

http://on.cc.com/1u8PCEY

[thoughtful]

Manning has admitted that he has been tempted to ejaculate in coffee try "the gay lifestyle" himself.

The New York pastor who made headlines last year for claiming that Starbucks flavored its coffee drinks with "sodomites' semen" now admits he's "absolutely" been tempted by the "gay lifestyle."

In an interview with The Young Turks' Cenk Uygur and Ana Kasparian, James David Manning of ATLAH World Missionary Church says he witnessed a lot of same-sex activity and even what he describes as a "same-sex marriage" during his years in a Florida correctional facility, Raw Story reported.

"I spent three and a half years in prison, and I tell you I saw a lot of that activity going on in prison. It was just the order of the day," he said. When the Turks team asked if he'd personally experienced same-sex attraction during his incarceration, Manning said there was "no doubt about it," but quickly clarified that he "didn't yield to temptation."

And he still defends his remarks about Starbucks -- I guess he thinks it's logical because some people just love that taste! :?

“A number of people think that semen tastes good. A number of people think that drinking semen is a good idea," he said. "You’ve got literally millions of people around the world that really think that the taste of semen is quite a flavor, and they seek it in the midst of other kinds of activities.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/3 ... 2513719277

[ILoveJellybeans]

Well, there is a book full of recipes for cooking with semen...

[IronicallyMaeve]

I just came back to this thread so I could see Hane's reply to me- and I've started laughing all over again! I should tell thoughtful I have asthma and a chest cold- so if I pass out and die from lack of oxygen due to laughing too hard, my widow will sue you for my death!

On a different note: I had Starbucks today! But, since I'm a lesbian, I've never tasted semen, so of course I don't know if there's "sodomite semen" in it. :wink-kitty:

So THAT'S why I don't like Starbucks coffee!

[Buzzard]

Manning has admitted that he has been tempted to ejaculate in coffee try "the gay lifestyle" himself.

And he still defends his remarks about Starbucks -- I guess he thinks it's logical because some people just love that taste! :?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/3 ... 2513719277

Well knock me over with a feather! Someone espousing anti gay propoganda has been tempted? NEVER!

edited to put my comment out of the quote

[FJSharkJump]

I thought for sure this thread was resurrected because that pastor got caught in the act with a dude in the Starbucks bathroom. :lol:

Close enough. I bet one of his former lovers was a barista that liked to tell tall tales.

[KittenMitten]

Well, there is a book full of recipes for cooking with semen...

Can I buy one on Amazon?

[Buzzard]

Can I buy one on Amazon?

http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Harvest-c ... men+recipe

http://www.amazon.com/Semenology-Barten ... men+recipe

:brain-bleach: :brain-bleach: :brain-bleach:

[BobTheWalrus]

this is doubly cracking me up, because not only is it insane, but also all the cool Christians in my town have their business meetings and discipleship sessions in Starbucks :D

[KittenMitten]

http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Harvest-c ... men+recipe

http://www.amazon.com/Semenology-Barten ... men+recipe

:brain-bleach: :brain-bleach: :brain-bleach:

Oh, lord. I was kidding because because I thought the other poster was kidding. Hmmmm. Maybe for Mother's Day or wedding anniversary.

Do you think Starbucks have semen flavoring for tea? Not a college drinker.

[momof2treasures]

I'm so happy to know this! I have a deep love of all things starbucks. I'm estimating over the last 10 years I've drank gallons of semen flavoring. Is it in the frappucinos too?

[eri]

There is some truth to that. I feel sodomized for paying $0.60 for soy in my lattes.

[whoviana]

“Starbucks is a place where these types frequent and a lot of body fluids are exchanged there.

“The thing that I was not aware of is that… what Starbucks was doing, is they were taking specimens of male semen, and they were putting it in the blends of their lattes.

“It’s the absolute truth. They’re using male semen, and putting it into the blends of coffees that they sell.

“My suspicion is that they’re getting their semen from sodomites. Semen flavours up the coffee, and makes you thinks you’re having a good time.â€

Good lord, is he serious?

[Howl]

the truly sad thing is that there are people who would believe this bullshit.

Well, duh. They believe it because

it's the absolute truth! :o

(Preacher James said so!)