The Maxwells ate candy!!!!

[slickcat79]

This is my mom's church's philosophy on OCC (they're very mainstream, not-at-all-fundy Methodists). They just want the kids to get a box full of neat, cool stuff at Christmas. My mom has always had a great time picking things out; she keeps on the lookout all year long and often has enough for two boxes.

That was always my thinking as well. I'd often try to put something science-y, nature-y, mechanical, educational, whatever, in addition to toys and whatnot. Even for GIRLS!

But it started to bother me that SP would add their own tracts or bibles and completely change the point of what I was trying to send. Kind of like Stevehovah's creative editing of blog comments, while leaving the names intact. It'd be nice to find a secular org doing a similar thing, because packing the boxes is really fun.

[Firiel]

Sooo... I don't follow the Maxwells super closely.

Is the Moody family a thinly veiled version of the Maxwells?

[ILoveJellybeans]

Sooo... I don't follow the Maxwells super closely.

Is the Moody family a thinly veiled version of the Maxwells?

Yes, they are, as Sarah lacks the imagination to come up with anything original.

Although sometimes I feel that the Moodys are the family Sarah is never going to have because at this rate she will be too old to have kids by the time Steve lets her marry.

[Mary C Doates]

It's a good thing I was sitting down for this news, as I almost had to reach for the smelling salts. I bet Steve had to remind them that candy can cause pleasure, the first stop of the road to DEATH and HELL. There will be extra ceiling fan dusting as penance, no doubt.

[Coco]

Yes, they are, as Sarah lacks the imagination to come up with anything original.

Although sometimes I feel that the Moodys are the family Sarah is never going to have because at this rate she will be too old to have kids by the time Steve lets her marry.

That makes me want to cry for her. What a sad life.

OT, a group of SAHD penpals my sister and i were part of started doing that, writing pretend letters to each other because our real lives were so boring. My parents recognized how not normal it was and shut it down pretty fast. This was when we were in our teens though, not our 30's. My parents encouraged us to get out and do more hobby type stuff, like taking art classes. Sarah doesn't have that though, her world is so restricted and sad.

[slickcat79]

Another thing I noticed about the new Moody book...the grill fire was the result of someone squeezing a bunch of bratwurst until they spurted all over the place :? There's even a picture of all the brats.

Add this to the penis elephant on the list of phallic imagery that the Maxwell "children" do not understand.

[thoughtful]

Another thing I noticed about the new Moody book...the grill fire was the result of someone squeezing a bunch of bratwurst until they spurted all over the place :? There's even a picture of all the brats.

Add this to the penis elephant on the list of phallic imagery that the Maxwell "children" do not understand.

Oh, my (said George Takei).

Worth checking out, because the details are even funnier, if one is thinking about how clueless a sheltered Maxwell is:

titus2.com/media/products/samples/excitingtimessamples-2.pdf

Scroll down to the middle of the third page.

[church_of_dog]

Oh, my (said George Takei).

Worth checking out, because the details are even funnier, if one is thinking about how clueless a sheltered Maxwell is:

titus2.com/media/products/samples/excitingtimessamples-2.pdf

Scroll down to the middle of the third page.

Oh, my. Oh my. Is it hot in here or is it just me? :lol:

[gardenvarietycitizen]

At least he managed to get his F smooth.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Any time I read extracts from Sarah's Moody stories, they make me sad.

[kpmom]

The description of the brats squirting is pretty funny. And it all starts with Mr. Delome talking about grabbing the meat!

Well, now that he's married he probably doesn't have to do that quite so often.

And, I assume this erotic cookout takes place at the Delome home, so why is Daddy Maxwell Moody the one to bless the food?

I also notice Daddy Maxwell Moody is pretty friggin' perfect (expertly getting the brats away from the fire, and then lecturing the Delome's about the grease on their grill), while poor Mr. Delome is a complete screw up.

Sarah thinks so highly of Steve, no wonder she is still single. No man could ever measure up.

[Hane]

Ejaculating bratwurst. How, how, how does a woman reach her 30s and have no clue how inappropriate that is for a kids' book? It reminds me of some things I wrote as a kid, totally oblivious of the double entendres and wondering why my mother was turning purple with laughter.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

What a bizarre passage-- especially for a children's book. And then Daddy picked them up and blew on them? Forget the double entendre, that sounds very weird; I would never pick up a flaming piece of meat and blow on it.

[Mary C Doates]

Sooo... I don't follow the Maxwells super closely.

Is the Moody family a thinly veiled version of the Maxwells?

Not even thinly veiled. The Moodys do seem to have mild "fun" on occasion, though.

[gustava]

Oh, my (said George Takei).

Worth checking out, because the details are even funnier, if one is thinking about how clueless a sheltered Maxwell is:

titus2.com/media/products/samples/excitingtimessamples-2.pdf

And Daddy points out to Mr. Delome that the grill caught on fire because it was ... dirty.

Scroll down to the middle of the third page.

[Rescinded and Mended]

This shoebox gift thread has really gotten me to thinking.

It reminds me of the toy chest on the cancer floor. Whenever a child has a doctor appointment there, he or she can take a toy from the chest. People will often donate small toys for children, like little girl's jewelry and plastic cars/dinosaurs. The kiddos enjoy picking prizes.

The problem I've seen is that for slightly older kids, there isn't much of a selection. A ten-year-old often doesn't want a toy soldier or a jump rope. There's a new dollar store close to where I live, and some of the stuff it has for sale is pretty cool. It has things like earbuds, small computer lamps, charger cables (for phones and ipods), and flash drives, all for around $2 each.

I should get a pile of those things together and donate them to the chest. Might be nice if some of those slightly older kids could get a gift they would like and can use while they're getting chemo.

[slickcat79]

What a bizarre passage-- especially for a children's book. And then Daddy picked them up and blew on them? Forget the double entendre, that sounds very weird; I would never pick up a flaming piece of meat and blow on it.

They made it sound like he blew out the fire. Because of course, nothing is better to put out a grease fire than additional oxygen and the potential to spread the grease over a larger area.

That section about the neighbors' dogs was really weird too. Mr. Delome was being a complete asshole, and he didn't even apologize for being rude. Which is obviously how Jesus would have us treat our neighbors :roll:

[alba]

Oh, my (said George Takei).

Worth checking out, because the details are even funnier, if one is thinking about how clueless a sheltered Maxwell is:

titus2.com/media/products/samples/excitingtimessamples-2.pdf

Scroll down to the middle of the third page.

I can't get over how much Sarah's writing reads like a preteen or teenager's first fanfic. Most of her writing is pretty standard beige prose. It's uninspiring, and it hurts my English major eyes to read such utilitarian prose, but it's a kids' book and it's dull, but not grammatically incorrect. However, it seems that some charitable individual has told Sarah to show, not tell, because in the next paragraph you get:"A rich, chocolate smell infused his nasal passages". It's an ... unusual image, but it's also one of the few phrases in this sample where Sarah has made any effort to actually draw her readers in with engaging prose.

Poor Sarah has so little access to good literature that she doesn't learn through reading others' writing. Her internet access, too, is probably so limited that she's not read anything about editing books; I wouldn't be surprised if these "published" versions are the first draft her fingers vomited onto the keyboard. It's sad because I think if given the opportunity to develop her imagination and critical thinking skills she might become a decent writer, and it's sad because I don't think she even likes writing, but does it because Stevehovah wants her to as part of their "ministry".

[Hane]

t seems that some charitable individual has told Sarah to show, not tell, because in the next paragraph you get:"A rich, chocolate smell infused his nasal passages". It's an ... unusual image, but it's also one of the few phrases in this sample where Sarah has made any effort to actually draw her readers in with engaging prose.

What struck me is that she managed to make something as appealing as waking up to the delicious scent of baked goods sound kind of, well, gross. "Nasal passages"? Oh, come on, Sarah.

alba, I couldn't agree with you more--people learn how to write well by reading widely, an activity proscribed in Maxhell. Stevehovah was once quoted as saying that his kids "write, they don't read," as if that were a satisfactory alternative.

Wasn't he an engineer in his former life? IMHO, engineer + a touch of Asperger's + some black/white thinking + a HUGE buttload of dickishness = guys like Steve.

[LurkerOverThePond]

From the book preface:

"My sister Mary drew the sketches. Her artistic skills burst forth suddenly several years ago, and she’s been refining them since."

So this is why a while ago Mary told us she is going to concentrate on drawing after graduating from the SOTDRT. That ejaculating sausage -picture is not that bad, at least her perspective seems quite right. As someone who has drawn enthusiasticly since childhood I just wish she could attend some real art classes and maybe even study art and drawing/painting. She clearly has some talent.

But what the hell about her artistic skills suddenly bursting forth?!? Sarah makes it sound like there was some divine intervention there! Which they, of course, believe was the case. Yet again God turns his grace from the aids orphans of Romania and malnourished children from war torn countries and blesses his favorites, the holy Maxwells, with yet another gift... :pull-hair:

[thoughtful]

From the book preface:

"My sister Mary drew the sketches. Her artistic skills burst forth suddenly several years ago, and she’s been refining them since."

But what the hell about her artistic skills suddenly bursting forth?!? Sarah makes it sound like there was some divine intervention there!

Poor Sarah just can't stop thinking of things bursting forth. :D

Serious answer -- Steve told Mary she has to draw.

I imagine that, if she really enjoys it, she hasn't let on, for fear of his making her stop -- that's the rule, in Maxhell (no idols!).

[Paperplate]

I also used to have fun picking out the stuff that I would put in my OCC boxes. I filled several every year.

But a couple of years ago I found out who's behind Samaritan's Purse, what they actually do with the gifts and how much effort they put into proselytising ... and I will never support that organisation again!

Just two of many articles that criticise OCC:

http://housefulofchaos.com/reasons-to-n ... mas-child/

https://humanism.org.uk/humanism/humani ... ans-purse/

If you want to continue to have a great time picking out gifts and putting them in shoeboxes maybe have a look at these links:

http://www.shoeboxproject.com/index.html (Cananda, secular)

http://www.blythswood.org/page.cfm (UK, Christian, may still include tracts? not sure)

http://www.rotaryshoebox.org (UK, secular)

http://www.trusselltrust.org/christmas-boxes (Salisbury, UK, secular [i think])

http://linktohope.co.uk/shoebox-appeal (UK, Christian)

No shoeboxes, but still gifts for kids: http://www.toysfortots.org (US)

More sustainable gifts/donations are also always an option ... maybe not as fun as packing a shoebox, but probably better (?):

http://www.aquabox.org (UK)

http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped (UK)

https://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com (US)

https://www.goodgifts.org (UK)

http://www.savethechildren.net (International)

[kpmom]

I just looked at the back of the Exciting Times book. The blurb about Sarah says she's the oldest daughter of Steve and Teri Maxwell and graduated from homeschool in 2000.

That's it.

There's nothing wrong with being your parent's daughter, but at almost 33, is that, and the year you graduated from high school, really most people's major accomplishments?

At the very least it could have added that she is the author of eight other books (ok, self-published, not very good books).

[jaynie]

Poor Sarah just can't stop thinking of things bursting forth. :D

Serious answer -- Steve told Mary she has to draw.

I imagine that, if she really enjoys it, she hasn't let on, for fear of his making her stop -- that's the rule, in Maxhell (no idols!).

Yeah, I was going to say there *was* a divine intervention. Stevehovah commanded it, and what Stevehovah commands is as good as reality in Maxhell.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Ejaculating bratwurst. How, how, how does a woman reach her 30s and have no clue how inappropriate that is for a kids' book? It reminds me of some things I wrote as a kid, totally oblivious of the double entendres and wondering why my mother was turning purple with laughter.

It can only be the extreme isolation... I have to admit there have been quite a few times where I said something with a whopper of a double entendre or innuendo in it only to realize about 0.5 seconds AFTER it left my mouth and the rest of my team at work was already laughing uproariously or saying some version of "that's what SHE said!!"

In my case though I join right in with the laughter and take a bow because yes, that stuff is hilarious! People still tease me about some of them years later, all in good fun and I still laugh again too. I like my team. :)

Sometimes reading the Maxwell posts and the Moody books it's hard to remember that the Maxwells are native English speakers. It's not only individual sentences or strange grammar that makes their writing so odd, either - there's a weird mix of registers going on in most of their stuff. In the Moody excerpt here there are places with really stiff technical sounding words right next to basic spoken style words, it's just weird. In my experience people with lacking vocabularies (often foreign learners) will often write this way for a while because they only know one word per idea, and some of the time the word they happened to learn was stiff, while other times it wasn't.

The solution is of course to consume more language, ideally by reading a lot. But we know that's precisely what the Maxwells don't do.

They made it sound like he blew out the fire. Because of course, nothing is better to put out a grease fire than additional oxygen and the potential to spread the grease over a larger area.

Indeed. Best thing to do is just shut the lid on the grill, if it has one. Yes, I have some experience in that area!

However, it seems that some charitable individual has told Sarah to show, not tell, because in the next paragraph you get:"A rich, chocolate smell infused his nasal passages".

Agreed on the "show not tell" thing. Also though this passage (heh) is one of those things that jumped out at me as really, really strange. "Infused?" "Nasal passages?" Really?

Exactly agreed with you on the cause - she doesn't read, so has no idea of what natural English sounds like or common turns of phrase or any of that stuff.

Poor Sarah just can't stop thinking of things bursting forth. :D

LOL. Surely she just squeezed her, uh, imagination, and...