Jana

[bellicosebroad]

I hope Jana gets to do exactly what she wants, whether that's marriage (even one without the great procreation god to feed) or living the true single life on her own, doing what she wants to, maybe even getting a real education. I just wonder if she hasn't drunk the Kool-Aid as much as some might think (and as others have also speculated).

She's obviously not dumb, and at 25 is a true adult in every way (no naive 18-year-old). She's been stuck with the lion's share of child rearing for years now. Her Daftness doesn't know how to do it anymore, not really. Maybe she's waiting until the little ones are a little more self sufficient so that they don't have to rely on Muppet quite so much for the "mothering" she's incapable of. Then I'd like to see her and Joy make a run for it. With Josiah, maybe. Wouldn't they make a great team as young adults, together? 8-)

[FreeHannie!]

Jana is how old... 24? 25? Outside of the fundie world, nobody would bat an eye at a single 24 year old.

I'm about 4 months older than Jana.....and no, no one would bat an eye at a single 24 year old, but most people my age have been able to have independence outside of the family, such as going to college, having a job outside of the home, having friends outside their family etc etc. Hell, most of us have been able to go to Tim Horton's alone for over 10 years at this age....

[RosyDaisy]

I just read a Duke study about opposite gender twins reporting homosexuality at a higher rate than what occurs in the population.

(This is my first post btw. Hi everyone!)

I personally know a pair of opposite sex twins that are gay. Hopefully, I'm not breaking any rules. Both siblings are out of the closet and not fundie.

[RosyDaisy]

Hold the phone! In the auction scene when JB is buying stuff for Jill, there is a mystery guy sitting next to her. It's not a Duggar or Ben. It could be nothing. Jana wasn't paying attention to him.

However, we know JB wouldn't let a non-related male that close to his courting or engaged daughters. Plus, Jana has been wearing an open heart necklace like the one (not an exact dupe but you know what I mean). Derick gave Jill when he asked her to court. I think maybe Jessa has one also.

Any thoughts?

[Phoenix]

Being the eldest daughter in a conservative family has some extra pitfalls attached to it. When I married and left my parents home my youngest sibling was a young teenager. For once nobody was guilt tripping me about the situation but I felt horribly guilty for leaving them behind. They really needed me and I felt I was abandoning them. Most parenting had stopped the year prior because Mom was diagnoised with the cancer that would eventually kill her. My parents were not bad or lazy people but they were focused on trying to survive a major illness.

I can't help but wonder if Jana is deeply worried about the fate of her younger siblings if she did leave via marriage or some other way. If Michelle is as fragile as we think she is, Jana would know to what extent better than any of the other kids except possibly Josh, but probably more than he does now since he has been married with his own family for six years now. Janna is the senior child boots on the ground at home. (Yes there is John David, but he seems fairly disconected and may not even live at the TTH any more.)

Although Jana is not married with her own children, she is a classic example of the sandwich generation. She is stuck between many much younger siblings and a mother who not only bowed out of hand on parenting years ago but seems to be increasingly medicated from what little we see on the show.

If something were to happen to Michelle (and despite everyting I sincerely hope nothing bad does) Jim Bob could NOT COPE with raising the rest of his family on his own. He has seemed at sea when left with the majority of the younger children on the show. So raising the lost boys and girls would still fall to the remaining older daughters. Jim Bob would probably remarry in less than a year if he found himself without Michelle for some reason.

A family I knew growing up had by fundie standards a medium sized family of six chidlren. I was floored when I learned years later the husband simply could not handle changing diapers. So half a dozen kids and HE NEVER CHANGED A DIAPER. Considering the gender roles in fundie circles I often wonder if Jim Bob changed his kids diapers? He strikes me as the sort who would look for the nearest female to hand the kid off to. I think we have seen him do that on the show more than once.

Jana likely knows the family would fall apart if she left. Just because she didn't give birth to her siblings doesn't mean she has no sense of responsiblity for them.

Besides as other posters have noted, each year she stays single is one less child she is expected to have. Personally I found younger siblings the world's best motivation for birth control as a teen and 20-something.

[FloraKitty35]

At what age would she be considered eligible to go live on her own should she choose to not get married?

In fundie land, never. If she is still unmarried when Boob dies, she be under Smuggar's rule (most likely).

[MatthewDuggar]

I agree that there may be more going on with Jana than they let us know.

JB obviously finds the "men" for his girls so I am sure he wants just the "right" one for his first daughter, as it's been said before I am surprised that none of the Bates boys have been an option. (that we know of) Derrick definitely is more suited for Jill, and Ben, well, no comment.

Jana also just doesn't seem like she would enjoy living on her own. I truly think she's so brainwashed into thinking J'Chelle needs the help that she wouldn't even consider moving out if it were an option.

[BrownieMomma]

All the world that Jana has ever known does not feature young women moving out, supporting themselves, making their own decisions, being responsible for bills, etc.

Michelle didn't do it either. She married JB at an early age.

The best hope for this was Amy but I am just about one million percent positive that Michelle does not approve of Amy, and despite Amy's appearances on the show, her daughters know Amy is "not approved by Mom."

It's not like the Duggars have been exposed to the wider world by books, movies or even TV. What would Jana even know to dream about?

[Boogalou]

!

{TEXT1}:

Just a reminder that we have a new rule in place that states: Do NOT post speculation concerning the sexual orientation of any minor children or adult children still living in their parental homes. These kids have no say in their lives being put out for public consumption and their lives are hard enough without their homophobic parents getting the idea from us that one of their children may be gay. Users who are unable to abide by this rule after warnings have been issued will be placed on a Journey to the Heart to consider their actions. You can read more about the rule here: viewtopic.php?f=242&t=23584

[VelociRapture]

I think there is a lot of jumping to conclusions going on here. For all we know Jana is happy and in no hurry to get married. Outside of the fundie world, she is still very young to be married.

She is a beautiful woman, she has traveled the world, and she seems committed to her faith. As much as we all would like to see her, or one of the other girls break free, I think we have to acknowledge that we could be reading a lot of our own issues into what we see in them. And it is possible that Jana or Joy, etc, are happy where they are.

I think Jana is either fine with where her life is now, or has 'dated' or courted but it didn't work out, OR, she is courting, but keeping it on the dl, because she personally doesn't want all the publicity.

I think you're correct about people bringing their own assumptions to this topic. I think people do this because they honestly want to see Jana happy, but they maybe forget that what Jana wants may not be what they want for her.

I hope that Jana and all the other kids are able to make decisions that allow them to live the lives they want, even if that means staying in Fundieism forever. As long as they are truly happy with their lives, that is all that matters.

[alba]

Jana is the prettiest Duggar daughter IMHO. She's bashful and introspective. She's gentle and generous. She's done a great deal of Michelle's work over the years without (as far as we know) a grumble.

I think that Jana, Jinger, and Joy deserve a daughter's retreat. All of them can drive and there are plenty of vehicles. They could go to the same rental that Josh and Anna used on their honeymoon. They could watch storms, do crafts, do each other's hair, watch movies, make or go out to dinner. They could talk and connect. Maybe they could stop and visit friends and family.

These girls deserve something like this and Jana most of all.

Later I could see Jana maybe finding a money making craft or starting a small business. If that is indeed Jana's Pinterest page being discussed, she has lots of interests.

Courtship and marriage are not the only way for Jana to be fulfilled. I suspect that the right person will come along in time.

That sounds like a great idea for an episode! TLC could even spin it as it being Dim Bulb and Jichelle's idea, to "thank the girls for all the hard work they've put into this family" :roll:

I don't get the impression that Jana wants to marry yet. In the People article speculating on who might marry next (people.com/article/which-duggar-will-marry-next-poll), she and Jim Bob both said that men have approached Jim Bob to court her but she hasn't felt marriage is where God is leading her at the moment. That could just mean she hasn't found the "right" guy, but it could also mean that she's not been seriously considering potential suitors.

The impression I get from Jana is that, as the eldest daughter, she clearly sees the problems with the QF lifestyle, but has also been brainwashed with the ideology, so she's in the unenviable position of believing her only path to fulfillment is in marrying and popping out a bunch of children, but at the same time desperately not wanting that future. My hope for her is that she can live the life she wants, and if that includes marriage and/or children, she has as many or as few children as she desires.

[MoonFace]

Serious question:

Is not getting married and having a bunch of children an option in their world?

In the Dishing with the Duggars there was a segment where the kids were asked what they wanted to be doing in 10 years (one of the first episodes) and Smuggar had written that he wanted to be a lawyer. Given that the kids were not encouraged toward main streamed schooling, I'm surprised that he aspired to anything that required more than an GED diploma.

[antwan]

Jana wants OUT. That's my take.

I know, I know. She "drank the :character-koolaid:."

Okay, BUT...

She does not have to be "Jan-derella."

If she is not headed off to the alter anytime soon, herself, and if she is aware (and she surely is) that Ginger could go at any time, I think Jana should decide, "Enough is enough. I am NOT taking on the responsibility of 4 or 5 sister moms."

Jana, you do NOT have to.

You are an adult.

You have your own dreams (and they don't have to collide with your parents' dreams; you CAN embrace your faith AND have an independent life of choice.)

There is still time to begin your own life. At minimum, you can be a nanny for PAY.

Or work an entry level job (coffee house, cashier, whatever) and rent a room from someone who could use a little income themselves. You would surely qualify for some monies to attend community college.

Go, Jana. Go! It's not disrespectful to do so. It's choosing the life YOU want for yourself, just as your parents did for themselves.

When and if Mr. Right comes along, he WILL still treasure you for the beautiful, Godly, INDEPENDENT woman you could be. The Proverbs 31 woman worked HARD, as you know. And she is offered up as an example to us all. There is more than one way to serve the Lord. It is NOT "the only way" by being an adult daughter under the headship of her father. It is ultimately under the headship of your heavenly Father, and He does not command you to live at home indefinitely.

[VelociRapture]

Serious question:

Is not getting married and having a bunch of children an option in their world?

In the Dishing with the Duggars there was a segment where the kids were asked what they wanted to be doing in 10 years (one of the first episodes) and Smuggar had written that he wanted to be a lawyer. Given that the kids were not encouraged toward main streamed schooling, I'm surprised that he aspired to anything that required more than an GED diploma.

I'm not entirely sure. I think it's been mentioned that there are Fundies who are married and childless for infertility reasons - these couples seem to turn their attention more to giving back to their religious community and helping others of the same belief. I'm sure there are Fundies who remain unmarried - the women would likely remain under their father's care and, after his death, be transferred to her eldest surviving brother's care.

Also, I still think it's sad that Josh wanted to be a lawyer and never had the chance.

[SassyPants]

I'm not entirely sure. I think it's been mentioned that there are Fundies who are married and childless for infertility reasons - these couples seem to turn their attention more to giving back to their religious community and helping others of the same belief. I'm sure there are Fundies who remain unmarried - the women would likely remain under their father's care and, after his death, be transferred to her eldest surviving brother's care.

Also, I still think it's sad that Josh wanted to be a lawyer and never had the chance.

There's still time for him to educate himself and find a career, BUT, and here's where I very much despise JB and M as parents. They limited their kids so much, that they are each starting in a hole. The SOTDRT was insufficient, so higher ed is going to be harder and take them longer.

[grandmadugger]

Serious question:

Is not getting married and having a bunch of children an option in their world?

In the Dishing with the Duggars there was a segment where the kids were asked what they wanted to be doing in 10 years (one of the first episodes) and Smuggar had written that he wanted to be a lawyer. Given that the kids were not encouraged toward main streamed schooling, I'm surprised that he aspired to anything that required more than an GED diploma.

My wish for Smuggar is that working at FRC pushes him to get that degree. I hate seeing his dreams not fulfilled. I know many of us aren't doing what we had aspired to do for various reasons but I don't think any of us were held back because our parents said no to the education that we needed.

[FreeHannie!]

My wish for Smuggar is that working at FRC pushes him to get that degree. I hate seeing his dreams not fulfilled. I know many of us aren't doing what we had aspired to do for various reasons but I don't think any of us were held back because our parents said no to the education that we needed.

Same. I don't really like Smuggar, but I do feel sorry for him that he never got to go to law school. No one deserves having their dreams squashed by their own parents.

[Irish13]

Same. I don't really like Smuggar, but I do feel sorry for him that he never got to go to law school. No one deserves having their dreams squashed by their own parents.

Josh didn't go to law school, or college even, because he wanted to have sex. In his life if you want to have sex, you get married and have babies.

[alba]

Josh didn't go to law school, or college even, because he wanted to have sex. In his life if you want to have sex, you get married and have babies.

Do you really think he'd have gone to university if he hadn't married? I don't mean that in a snarky way, but I really don't see him getting accepted to university or finding the money to pay for it (I don't think his parents would help as they're so anti-education).

[MatthewDuggar]

I had thought Smugs was all set to go or even had started a pre-law program with College Plus or something similar? Then after the marriage and the first M kid, we never heard of it again. I'm not saying that's "letting him go to College", but it's something anyway.

In some respects I think we've seen Jana given some opportunities to get out of the TTH: Doula training with Jill, EMT courses, various overseas mission vacations.

[sansan]

Don't get me wrong, I think Jana is a pretty smart woman but it is easy to look smarter than you are when you don't speak and just smile. Anyone can do that and I have seen some real simpleton people do that. I would love to think Jana would do what she wants in her life. She might decide that a marriage and a child or three is better than living in the TTH as she already knows what that is like. At least a man and a marriage would be a new experience, something she might have a hand in forming. She may think that it is her time and leave her siblings to fend for themselves, she did it, why can't they?

[eh02]

Law school might be one area where JB's aversion to debt probably helped Josh. I don't think Josh is stupid, and I'm sure with a better education he could have done something great, but most people who enter law school leave with enormous debt, and only the best get big paychecks (and pay off their loans) within even 10-15 years after graduation. I don't think even a place like FRC Action would hire someone like Josh, even with a J.D., to do policy work, much less as a practicing lawyer.

Anyway, I'm not super worried about Jana. In the long run, she is probably better off killing some time. It means less future kids for her and probably a spouse that will be a better fit. You know what you want in a partner much better at 25 than at 19. I have pretty high hopes for her that she'll make a good catch. Fingers crossed! I do still think it will be a year or two tops before she's courting, and probably sooner. I think JB+M want to stay waaaay far away from the adult stay at home daughter controversy. I've never believed fundies are actually okay with SAHDs, they just pretend that they are when their emotionally and sexually stunted children can't find an equally stunted spouse...

[JumpingD]

Jana apparently was on the Josh & Anna road trip & it seems like she spends lots of time with them - maybe she has a special fella from their DC world.

[SassyPants]

Josh didn't go to law school, or college even, because he wanted to have sex. In his life if you want to have sex, you get married and have babies.

Not controlling fertility is one of the #1 reasons for poverty in our world. The fact that the cult that is Gothardism (AND THE PARENTS) have brainwashed the next generation that controlling fertility is ungodly and bad, is one of the worst things that has been done to fundie children. They keep them sheltered and ignorant so they do as the parents and leaders say. This is the very essence of cult manipulation.

The best 2 things that any of these kids could do is to get a real education and to use BC-

[MoonFace]

Even if they do not use birth control pills, IUD's, etc, but just used some self control during fertile times it would be a big improvement. After all, God gave them a brain and they know when fertility is most likely, so go with that!