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MoonFace

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Every once in a while you hear (or read) someone say that they hope Jana finds the right guy.

 

Maybe she just isn't ready and/or willing to lead the Fundie life style. If she were to get married she'd be expected to start having her own babies.

 

Could be she just doesn't want that responsibility. Yes, she helps with the other kids - but that is a lot less responsibility than dealing with a household of your own.

 

A friend of mine got her tubes tied at 23 because as the eldest of 6, she was always 'helping'. That option isn't open to Jana.

 

 

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I hope Jana can find whatever makes her happiest in life and pursue that to the best of her ability. I also hope she and whomever she falls in love with have the strength and courage to tell her parents that she has spent the past fourteen years or so raising their family, and now it's time for them to do it themselves.

FREE JANA

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Every once in a while you hear (or read) someone say that they hope Jana finds the right guy.

Maybe she just isn't ready and/or willing to lead the Fundie life style. If she were to get married she'd be expected to start having her own babies.

Could be she just doesn't want that responsibility. Yes, she helps with the other kids - but that is a lot less responsibility than dealing with a household of your own.

A friend of mine got her tubes tied at 23 because as the eldest of 6, she was always 'helping'. That option isn't open to Jana.

If anyone knows the downside to being a woman in a patriarchal, no birth control society it's Jana. As the oldest daughter, she no doubt watched and learned what that lifestyle is all about. My hub's mother had 5 children within 4 years and only 1 daughter (then went on to have more later). This daughter has spoken of raising a family and although she did marry, she never had children of her own.

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Plus the irritation of constant questions... and unfairness of fate dropping the fundie dream easily into her sister's lives while she left out.

She just seems to be a lady who wants to help others live their dreams. The calm, kind way she talked to Jill as they lined up to walk the aisle at Jill's wedding was really sweet. She may just be tired of kids. It can happen. That dream of being a mom can be squelched by too much responsibility in the trenches.

i love kids but i don't have an overly intense (codependent intense, i mean) bond with my own, because i took care of my little siblings already who are in their 20's now. Older sisters learn that kids grow up and become their own people; so that means that ANY little kid that you mother is going to get the benefit of loving care. The little ones we love don't have to be our own biological kids for us to enjoy and reap the rewards of being a mother figure in their life.

not sure any of that makes sense, just some thoughts about why Jana might be content to wait. :)

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She may very well be tired of raising kids and without the option of BC, knows that the only way to have a break from it is to not marry. My grandmother and great-aunt were the two oldest of 9 where the older kids were very much expected to help take care of the younger ones. (More from an immigrant, financial, let the youngers live with you, etc. mindset than a sister-mom thing, though.)

The both got married in their early 20's and waited 13 and 14 years respectively to have kids and both had only 2. They flat out told me it was because they were still raising brothers and sisters and were in no rush to have their own kids. The difference was, they were not opposed to BC - despite being Irish Catholic and this being in the 1920's and 30's. Their pragmatism mattered FAR more than the church's stance on BC and my great-grandmother supported them 100%.

Of course, she may also be secretly courting and could be married and knocked up by Easter....

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Poor, sweet Jana. I just wanna give her a chance to feel free for once.

There are 19 Duggar kids. they have all my prayers and sympathy and a place to live if they need it.

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I wish TLC would make a whole season of Jana, send her away to the Bahamas on a long vacation. Maybe she will meet a cute guy on her journey

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I had buddies. I dreamed of a fairy tale marriage with the perfect husband and our perfect children all of whom were always going to wearing matching clothes and have perfect hair.

well, fast forward and i'm the one who left. i desperately wanted children for a while and almost did. almost did the marriage and the baby "thing". ALMOST.

now, when people look at me in THAT way when they see that i don't have a ring on my fourth finger, they stare and ask, "but you're a pretty girl, where's your husband? don't you want to have any children? you can't wait forever you know!"

yes, i know. i had children. i have children. they just aren't mine.

and you know what? i miss them every single effing day with all my heart. i don't know if i can do it again. i don't know if i'll do it as well. and i'm tired. i'm just tired.

you can be a woman without children, jana. you can do it - i am. i don't know if i will forever, but it's a choice. it's a choice.

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I often think of Jana as Beth from Little Women. Their personalities are so similar, and I really could see her as being happy just being at home and helping the family. Maybe she's still single not because she doesn't want her own kids, but because she's perfectly content with where she is.

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I think there is a lot of jumping to conclusions going on here. For all we know Jana is happy and in no hurry to get married. Outside of the fundie world, she is still very young to be married.

She is a beautiful woman, she has traveled the world, and she seems committed to her faith. As much as we all would like to see her, or one of the other girls break free, I think we have to acknowledge that we could be reading a lot of our own issues into what we see in them. And it is possible that Jana or Joy, etc, are happy where they are.

I think Jana is either fine with where her life is now, or has 'dated' or courted but it didn't work out, OR, she is courting, but keeping it on the dl, because she personally doesn't want all the publicity.

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I think she's tired. Her eyes look strained more often than not these days. You can enjoy helping take care of others, but you can only give so much before it wears you down. That was me about eight years ago, and I reached a point where I snapped and couldn't do it anymore.

Jana's always doing for others. When do they ever do for her? She'll be the one staying home working while everyone else is out enjoying dinner. When you give and give and give, and get nothing in return, you'll eventually be an empty shell, and crack. They take advantage of her!

I was thinking just last night how much I'd love to see her getting up one day, telling them she's sick and tired of it, and if they want to find her, she'll be in San Francisco in a commune where EVERYONE helps each other.

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Jana is the prettiest Duggar daughter IMHO. She's bashful and introspective. She's gentle and generous. She's done a great deal of Michelle's work over the years without (as far as we know) a grumble.

I think that Jana, Jinger, and Joy deserve a daughter's retreat. All of them can drive and there are plenty of vehicles. They could go to the same rental that Josh and Anna used on their honeymoon. They could watch storms, do crafts, do each other's hair, watch movies, make or go out to dinner. They could talk and connect. Maybe they could stop and visit friends and family.

These girls deserve something like this and Jana most of all.

Later I could see Jana maybe finding a money making craft or starting a small business. If that is indeed Jana's Pinterest page being discussed, she has lots of interests.

Courtship and marriage are not the only way for Jana to be fulfilled. I suspect that the right person will come along in time.

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Jana needs a break from her "rella" duties. She seems very shy and quiet and maybe has requested that any courtship hx be kept private. Maybe she doesn't want marriage now...or babies by the dozen. I hope she someday realizes that she has more options than the 1 that was given to her from birth, wife and breeder.

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I have to say, as a woman who is also from a conservative environment, that it sucks that everyone speculates on your sexuality just because you aren't desperate enough to marry the first Ben that comes around.

Not everyone is in a hurry to get married.

Jana's life may not seem great to us, but I think we can all agree that it is head and shoulders above being continually pregnant in a miserable marriage.

I actually respect Jana for not taking the Jessa route.

But honestly, there are plenty of heterosexual women with normal sex drives that are unmarried in their 20's. Sometimes the reason you're unmarried is that you haven't met the right man, not that you're not interested in them.

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I think she's tired. Her eyes look strained more often than not these days. You can enjoy helping take care of others, but you can only give so much before it wears you down. That was me about eight years ago, and I reached a point where I snapped and couldn't do it anymore.

Jana's always doing for others. When do they ever do for her? She'll be the one staying home working while everyone else is out enjoying dinner. When you give and give and give, and get nothing in return, you'll eventually be an empty shell, and crack. They take advantage of her!

I was thinking just last night how much I'd love to see her getting up one day, telling them she's sick and tired of it, and if they want to find her, she'll be in San Francisco in a commune where EVERYONE helps each other.

i've often wanted a wife :lol: (just because i've never met a man with a caregiver mentality, though i know that they do exist). I remember driving home one night from work when i was pregnant and still working full time. My hubby was in-between jobs so the load on my shoulders was pretty heavy. I just thought, wow. Wouldn't it be awesome to have someone at home, making a delicious meal, who had cleaned the house, made the bed comfy, and was going to cater to my interests for whatever i wanted to do to relax? Like, bring the remote if i was going to watch TV, or even -- some wives -- get a foot soak ready, that kind of thing. This is what fundie men look forward to. Plus the other perks their significant others are expected to engage in at will. With no expectation that they're required to pitch in on childcare. So they get the fun of working, (by that i mean - they get accolades for a job well done, and get to walk away from their job at the end of the day) and everything taken care of at home. It's good to be the king. :roll:

It's difficult to understand how so many fundie men can be treated so well and still be jerks. There really are a lot of douchey fundie guys.

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I think she's tired. Her eyes look strained more often than not these days. You can enjoy helping take care of others, but you can only give so much before it wears you down. That was me about eight years ago, and I reached a point where I snapped and couldn't do it anymore.

Jana's always doing for others. When do they ever do for her? She'll be the one staying home working while everyone else is out enjoying dinner. When you give and give and give, and get nothing in return, you'll eventually be an empty shell, and crack. They take advantage of her!

I was thinking just last night how much I'd love to see her getting up one day, telling them she's sick and tired of it, and if they want to find her, she'll be in San Francisco in a commune where EVERYONE helps each other.

Yeah, I'd love to see someone on the show do something nice for her, after all the things she does for everyone else. Especially her mother.

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Yeah, I'd love to see someone on the show do something nice for her, after all the things she does for everyone else. Especially her mother.

Start by someone giving her a BIG hug. She definitely needs one!

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A big hug, a big mug of tea/coffee, a comfy recliner, and at least a weekend of others doing for her. And whatever books or tv/movies she wants.

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She just needs to be asked what she wants to do with her life and then be given a hand in doing so- She should also be encouraged/instructed that staying at home forever (ala the Maxwells) is not an option. Josh, Jill and Jessa have all been set up by JB. JD has a plane at his disposal. Jana has what? A sewing machine and stove? JB needs to figure at Jana's currency and pay up...maybe it's a house of her own (he'd still own it), a car and the freedom to do what she wants with her OWN TLC paycheck. Maybe it's setting Jinger and Jana up together-safety in numbers.

Jana is intellectually, emotionally and physically stunted in her current situation. Does anyone think she's still in doula training?

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She just needs to be asked what she wants to do with her life and then be given a hand in doing so- She should also be encouraged/instructed that staying at home forever (ala the Maxwells) is not an option. Josh, Jill and Jessa have all been set up by JB. JD has a plane at his disposal. Jana has what? A sewing machine and stove? JB needs to figure at Jana's currency and pay up...maybe it's a house of her own (he'd still own it), a car and the freedom to do what she wants with her OWN TLC paycheck. Maybe it's setting Jinger and Jana up together-safety in numbers.

Jana is intellectually, emotionally and physically stunted in her current situation. Does anyone think she's still in doula training?

At what age would she be considered eligible to go live on her own should she choose to not get married?

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Jana is how old... 24? 25? Outside of the fundie world, nobody would bat an eye at a single 24 year old.

I just hope that whatever path she's on is the path she wants to take. Those kids are getting old enough that I'm sure she has time to get away with Joy or Jinger for an hour or two to grab coffee and shop at Walmart.

It is possible that Jana has stuff going on we don't see on camera. Maybe she's busy being a Doula and volunteering at the Library. I hope there's something like that and TLC just doesn't get the rights to film it.

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At what age would she be considered eligible to go live on her own should she choose to not get married?

IMO, 18- but certainly NOW! She's worked for the last 10 years, time for JB to cut lose with some currency and let her go IF that's what she wants.

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At what age would she be considered eligible to go live on her own should she choose to not get married?

Do you think she should be free to live her own life?

If so, what age would you deem appropriate for such independence?

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Do you think she should be free to live her own life?

If so, what age would you deem appropriate for such independence?

Jana should get out now. Demand money from her tightwad father, Buy a condo all paid for and put it in her name get a new car in her name all paid for and let her do whatever she wants to do. No more domestic servant for Jana. She should get involved with what she likes and go for it.

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