Fundie Wedding Nights/Losing Virginity

[Moonbeam]

Joe and Elissa Maxwell's recent nuptials have me thinking, once again, about fundie wedding nights and sex. Yes, I've traded in my usual sex fantasies of Jodi Foster and Robert Downey,Jr. for something much, well, less interesting. Seriously, have the Maxwells or Duggars or anyone else talked about what they teach their children to expect from their wedding night or whole sexual exploration, once they actually get to touch each other? Do know what an orgasm is, or how to make each other feel good, or that it's OK to kiss using tongues, or to explore each other's bodies? I cannot imagine what that experience would be like without any exposure to media, previous touch, or public school playgrounds. Any thoughts on this? Any fundie posts that explain it? Sorry if this has been addressed in a previous topic.

[pea3]

I have wondered this myself! If they don't have cable tv (ha), none of their friends are messing around to tell them all the details, how do they know what to do? I still say it seems an awful lot to process going from holding hands to sex in one day!

[Lissa1481]

I have always wondered about this too. If neither person has any idea at all of what is supposed to happen, how does it?

[NotALoserLikeYou]

The duggars and bates give the sons books about sex and how to please the woman. Im sure the girls are given a talk.

[Beammeup]

It's like LEGOS!

No Smuggar. Not a bit.

[Coco]

A lot of engaged fundies are given this book: amazon.com/gp/product/B000SFJ0BC?btkr=1 The Act of Marriage and here's a list of the chapters:

although i don't know what Quiverful parents would say about the family planning chapter.

There is even a book about marital love for Mennonites! :D I don't think that one has diagrams. I can't remember, i got too bored with it.

[Coco]

eta: i found the Mennonite one! After one failed search that led to a bunch of Victorian morality books (of course) here: :lol: biblio.com/bookstore/used-books-at-the-lancaster-mennonite-lancaster/family-marriage/244813

This is the actual fundiest sex book i know of: clp.org/product/gods_will_for_love_in_marriage_418

i think a lot of parents are just "Here, read this... and just go slow" and think that their kids will just figure it out like Adam and Eve.

[Toothfairy]

It's really sad they don't know about sex. Sex is more than creating babies. It should be enjoyed by both parties involved. It's okay to masturbate, use lube, dress sexy and discover what you like and dislike. They should also know that it's not what it's hyped up to be. The first few times might suck until you get the hang of it.

[Four is Enough]

With any new partner, the first few times might suck until you get the hang of it ... with each other.. not everyone is an expert right off the bat.. I was thinking of this myself.. they might (a girl can hope) feel, that with all restrictions being off, that they are commanded by God to make a good job of this, and go-go-go! They certainly LOOK happy, so, if they don't figure out the lube/masturbation/dress sexy part of it... well, they must still be enjoying it!

[polecat]

My parents swore by this book: "http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379

And that's about all I can say about that.

[Jana814]

I always wondered this also!! Does anyone thing that Steve gave him the "sex talk" the night before the wedding?

[Firiel]

My parents swore by this book: "http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379

And that's about all I can say about that.

I feel terrible for all those people who gave it five stars. :shock:

[jerkit]

My parents swore by this book: "http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379

And that's about all I can say about that.

These are the no oral, no mutual masturbation, intercourse only people. They think you can get addicted to other sex acts other than intercourse so you shouldn't do them.

LO-fracking-L

[ViolaSebastian]

My parents swore by this book: "http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379

And that's about all I can say about that.

This review really had me raising my eyebrows:

This was so bad, i felt compelled to write my first review to encourage people to wave off from buying this book.

As a male that is very sexually experienced, but relatively new in my walk with Christ, I read this book at the request of my significant other. I admit that I found the first three chapters on the role of sex in a Christian marriage compelling. After that, the information quickly went into basic anatomy, and a few tired sex clichés a lot of pitches for companion books that he and his wife have penned on other relationship subjects, and soon after totally bottomed out. Once it hit bottom, Dr. Wheat starts to dig. I forced myself to speed read thru the remaining and finally had to put the book down in absolute disappointment when I came to the one brief entry on oral sex that basically boiled the act as a 'crutch' for men lacking the self-discipline to use intercourse to bring their mate to orgasm (chapter 15, pg 242). Or that a woman unhappy with the after sex mess 'use a tampon to control the issue' (chapter 15, pg 240).

The ONLY reason I gave this book two stars was for the first three chapters. Beyond that, this book has few redeeming qualities. Look at some of the other recommendations in this review thread for some better alternatives.

I have never in my life heard of someone doing that. I mean...just wash up with a wet washcloth or take a shower...but a tampon? Am I alone is saying 'WTF?'

[jerkit]

Uggghh I forgot how mad that book made me with the whole "inter course just needs to be longer and your wife will orgasm" thing. NO. Some women just need clitoral stimulation. It's really okay. Really. Uggghh.

[Firiel]

This review really had me raising my eyebrows:

I have never in my life heard of someone doing that. I mean...just wash up with a wet washcloth or take a shower...but a tampon? Am I alone is saying 'WTF?'

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

*raises hand* So, I'll cop to saying I think that actually sounds like a great idea. There's not always time for a shower, and a washcloth takes care of any stuff on the outside... but, well, it doesn't all drip out at once. It's standard practice for me to use a pantyliner after intercourse, but sometimes even that isn't enough. And walking around with a wet pad for an hour or so is less comfortable than a tampon would be.

ARGH. That was so much TMI and I apologize.

[browncoatslytherin]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

*raises hand* So, I'll cop to saying I think that actually sounds like a great idea. There's not always time for a shower, and a washcloth takes care of any stuff on the outside... but, well, it doesn't all drip out at once. It's standard practice for me to use a pantyliner after intercourse, but sometimes even that isn't enough. And walking around with a wet pad for an hour or so is less comfortable than a tampon would be.

ARGH. That was so much TMI and I apologize.

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

more tmi coming your way, firiel...i have very strong kegel muscles because i exercise them a lot, and i'm able to push the majority of the mess out of me. anything left amounts to pretty much the same amount as normal discharge during ovulation. yes, it's my superpower. well, that and typing REALLY REALLY FAST. like 100+ wpm average.

[Firiel]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

more tmi coming your way, firiel...i have very strong kegel muscles because i exercise them a lot, and i'm able to push the majority of the mess out of me. anything left amounts to pretty much the same amount as normal discharge during ovulation. yes, it's my superpower. well, that and typing REALLY REALLY FAST. like 100+ wpm average.

Your superpowers sound more useful than mine which is somehow magically ALWAYS being in people's way. I do set a mean screen when playing basketball because of it, though!

[Shirley Blest]

I was a wedding night virgin...as was my ex husband. My parents told me next to nothing. I was like 20 years old before I found out what 69 was (and then never did that until like...2 years ago AFTER my divorce!)

Sex with us was never great.

I used to think "Well its good enough because we don't know any better" well after 16 yrs we divorced and now I am living with a man that is very experienced and yes...it does make a difference! :cracking-up:

[Four is Enough]

I used to think "Well its good enough because we don't know any better" well after 16 yrs we divorced and now I am living with a man that is very experienced and yes...it does make a difference! :cracking-up:

I'm not sure why a couple of inexperienced fundies can't try a little mutual experimentation... do the books say that "missionary position man on top" is the ONLY HOLY way to procreate?

ETA: I totally get the lack of improvement after years of trying for some people. In my case, the XH was more interested in boys than girls... and I am all girl.

[Toothfairy]

I wonder if fundies actually know what goes where. The Bible doesn't exactly tell you how to have sex

[jerkit]

I'm not sure why a couple of inexperienced fundies can't try a little mutual experimentation... do the books say that "missionary position man on top" is the ONLY HOLY way to procreate?

ETA: I totally get the lack of improvement after years of trying for some people. In my case, the XH was more interested in boys than girls... and I am all girl.

No, but like I said above, a lot of them prohibit oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc (basically anything other than PinV intercourse) so there's little opportunity to explore.

[browncoatslytherin]

No, but like I said above, a lot of them prohibit oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc (basically anything other than PinV intercourse) so there's little opportunity to explore.

yeah, and especially if they don't specifically tell you different kinds of positions, even with just pinv intercourse, it can be difficult to figure out yourself. hell, the first time i was on top, it was awkward as hell. thank the gods for porn, i was able to figure out how to be on top and feel good at the same time by watching it.

[blackkatya]

I wonder if fundies actually know what goes where. The Bible doesn't exactly tell you how to have sex

LOL, they must somehow figure it out given how quickly they pop out babies.

[usmcmom]

I've always been under the impression that they teach young couples that sex is for the pleasure of the husband; and the wife is supposed to simply endure it. Some of them have indicated this with their own words.

Ken Alexander brags about his ten minutes and lube sexual release.

Robert, aka Cabinet Man, brags about how he demanded "enthusiastic sex every other day (Period!)"

Debi Pearl writes about how her husband forced sex upon her numerous times on their wedding night, in an effort to out do one of his buddies. She writes this story as though it is just a woman's lot to be raped by her husband.

Steve Maxwell writes about how he alone decided they should have more children, despite his wife's struggle with depression.

As far as actual technique and actually consummating their marriage, I've always just felt really sorry for the young brides. Imagine going from never being touched, and having no knowledge of your own body in a sexual way, to having to submit to painful clumsy intercourse simply because you've said "I do." None of these young fundie husbands give me the impression that they'd be willing to wait and take things slow.