Hair Design by Bill Gothard...wtf?

[circularlogic]

I've noticed lately that Ben Seewalds hair has quickly become a replica of Jim Bob's. Why this bothered me so much I'll never know...but I googled it and this is what came up. wtf? specifically check out phase 3. these people are beyond bizarre. in fairness, this is from 2005 and may have changed since, but i seriously doubt it. The sit is xatiguy.blogspotdot.com

 

Hair Design the IBLP Way (and God's way, of course)

 

ATI's newest exciting program...

 

Godly young ladies attending the Hair Design Workshop can become competent and experienced in the skill of enhancing the outward appearance to the glory of God. This ministry may be used in the home to meet the needs of family members, friends, church members, and the elderly.

 

Young ladies must be careful to not cut hair outside this sphere of influence, as such a practice might lead to a profession outside the home, causing satanic darts to pierces through the "umbrella of protection." As we know, this umbrella is only available to a woman while inside her home, provided her father or husband is at home. Also, since accepting others outside your sphere of influence may actually lead to you being paid for your services, this would no longer be a ministry and therefore the Lord will remove His blessing from your work. Lastly, by only making your ministry available to family members, friends (fellow ATI grads), church members and the elderly, you will lessen the attacks of the Devil. Since you may get tempted by a woman of ill repute who may bring a worldly magazine to your home to show you how she would like to have her hair styled -- not to lift her countenance, but rather to draw attention to her . . . womanly attributes, so she can be flirtatious and cause little boys to have lascivious thoughts that could lead to the sin of Onan. So please, keep it in the home, don't make any money off it, and whatever you do, don't do anything that will pop even the tiniest hole in your umbrella of protection.

 

Warning!!! Keep that "Umbrella of Protection" away from the "Hedge of Thorns!!!" These are two very different universal non-optional principals and they cannot be intertwined!!!

 

Phase One of the Hair Design Workshop will include two days of instruction on the attributes of hair! This includes never before heard of insights to the characteristic of human hair that were recently discerned by Bill Gothard himself after he memorized and mediated on the only four hair passages that are found in the Bible. You won't believe what hidden truth he discovered when meditating on Judges 16:17. Blunts and under cuts, advanced techniques in layers, tapers, stacking, male clipper cuts, and much more will be included in the seminar. Instruction will also be given on the only haircut ordained by God for men. Well, most men, that is--those "Queer Eye for the Straight Guys" types are hopelessly lost since they have gone all the way down the reprobation chart and have almost no hope of even climbing their way back. Using the male clipper cut principal, you will be taught how to never leave any hair over the ear or have it touch the white shirt collar or heaven forbid the blue suit collar!

 

Phase Two (advanced) is designed to further equip you in cosmetology skills for your ministry. This course includes advanced techniques in haircutting, hair design, perm wrapping, manicures, pedicures, skin care, make-up, protocol, hospitality, etiquette, and building your ministry. Prerequisite is Phase One completion. Special attention will be paid to hair colors and making sure you understand Godly hair colors as found only in His creation (no hot pinks, greens, blues or other colors found only in the false god worshiping Canaanite culture). Also, while manicures and pedicures are covered (how to trim your nails and clean your hands so they are wholly acceptable to Him), applying any type of color to the nail is not covered, since this is one of the 5 signs of a harlot. Only five to ten minutes is given to make-up, just to reiterate that it is forbidden, and is counter productive to countenance enhancement since it draws the attention of men to your face, and you know first the face, next the bosom and then the . . . aahhh don't you just hate those slippery slopes. Finally, material from the Song of Solomon is not covered until Phase Three!

 

Phase Three is currently under development but can only be attended by pastors wives who have had a hair design ministry in their home for at least 7 years, 7 months and 7 days and have had at least 8 offspring, and have never used any form of birth control (this is includes the rhythm method). Complete memorization of the Song of Solomon required. The main topic covered will be Hair Design and talking to the folks in your ministry about God's heavenly design for conjugal relations. For you Growing Kids Gods Wayer's out there, Gary Ezzo has granted special dispensation to Bill who will explain this to you with a "chalk talk." This features a diagram of a flower with a extremely explicit close up of both the stamen and pistil, all while rapidly repeating I Cor. 6:18.

[browncoatslytherin]

slightly off topic, but...i wish i could easily screenshot right now, because the ad right next to your post is an ad for besthairbuy.com that is advertising "virgin human hair" for sale. :lol:

[bluehydrangea]

Oh this cracks me up. I googled "5 signs of a harlot" and came up with this, and now I'm laughing even harder.

http://letspleasegod.com/2010/11/avoidi ... ltery-pt1/

[browncoatslytherin]

Oh this cracks me up. I googled "5 signs of a harlot" and came up with this, and now I'm laughing even harder.

http://letspleasegod.com/2010/11/avoidi ... ltery-pt1/

from that article:

She’s loud and proud

In Proverbs 7:11, it mentions the harlot being loud and proud. I like Matthew Henry’s definition of loud and proud: “She talkative and self-willed, noisy and troublesome, willful and headstrong…†She can’t bear to be corrected, even on the smallest thing – try it and watch how she reacts – it will be ugly.

omg, please tell me i'm not the only one thinking of zsu and lori!

[AniLand]

I am really confused! Is this for real, or is this a joke? I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to think - I think I'm afraid of it being true, because that would just be messed up!!!!!!!! Phase 3, really?

[BrownieMomma]

I've noticed lately that Ben Seewalds hair has quickly become a replica of Jim Bob's. Why this bothered me so much I'll never know...but I googled it and this is what came up. wtf? specifically check out phase 3. these people are beyond bizarre. in fairness, this is from 2005 and may have changed since, but i seriously doubt it. The sit is xatiguy.blogspotdot.com

Hair Design the IBLP Way (and God's way, of course)

ATI's newest exciting program...

Godly young ladies attending the Hair Design Workshop can become competent and experienced in the skill of enhancing the outward appearance to the glory of God. This ministry may be used in the home to meet the needs of family members, friends, church members, and the elderly.

Young ladies must be careful to not cut hair outside this sphere of influence, as such a practice might lead to a profession outside the home, causing satanic darts to pierces through the "umbrella of protection." As we know, this umbrella is only available to a woman while inside her home, provided her father or husband is at home. Also, since accepting others outside your sphere of influence may actually lead to you being paid for your services, this would no longer be a ministry and therefore the Lord will remove His blessing from your work. Lastly, by only making your ministry available to family members, friends (fellow ATI grads), church members and the elderly, you will lessen the attacks of the Devil. Since you may get tempted by a woman of ill repute who may bring a worldly magazine to your home to show you how she would like to have her hair styled -- not to lift her countenance, but rather to draw attention to her . . . womanly attributes, so she can be flirtatious and cause little boys to have lascivious thoughts that could lead to the sin of Onan. So please, keep it in the home, don't make any money off it, and whatever you do, don't do anything that will pop even the tiniest hole in your umbrella of protection.

Warning!!! Keep that "Umbrella of Protection" away from the "Hedge of Thorns!!!" These are two very different universal non-optional principals and they cannot be intertwined!!!

Phase One of the Hair Design Workshop will include two days of instruction on the attributes of hair! This includes never before heard of insights to the characteristic of human hair that were recently discerned by Bill Gothard himself after he memorized and mediated on the only four hair passages that are found in the Bible. You won't believe what hidden truth he discovered when meditating on Judges 16:17. Blunts and under cuts, advanced techniques in layers, tapers, stacking, male clipper cuts, and much more will be included in the seminar. Instruction will also be given on the only haircut ordained by God for men. Well, most men, that is--those "Queer Eye for the Straight Guys" types are hopelessly lost since they have gone all the way down the reprobation chart and have almost no hope of even climbing their way back. Using the male clipper cut principal, you will be taught how to never leave any hair over the ear or have it touch the white shirt collar or heaven forbid the blue suit collar!

Phase Two (advanced) is designed to further equip you in cosmetology skills for your ministry. This course includes advanced techniques in haircutting, hair design, perm wrapping, manicures, pedicures, skin care, make-up, protocol, hospitality, etiquette, and building your ministry. Prerequisite is Phase One completion. Special attention will be paid to hair colors and making sure you understand Godly hair colors as found only in His creation (no hot pinks, greens, blues or other colors found only in the false god worshiping Canaanite culture). Also, while manicures and pedicures are covered (how to trim your nails and clean your hands so they are wholly acceptable to Him), applying any type of color to the nail is not covered, since this is one of the 5 signs of a harlot. Only five to ten minutes is given to make-up, just to reiterate that it is forbidden, and is counter productive to countenance enhancement since it draws the attention of men to your face, and you know first the face, next the bosom and then the . . . aahhh don't you just hate those slippery slopes. Finally, material from the Song of Solomon is not covered until Phase Three!

Phase Three is currently under development but can only be attended by pastors wives who have had a hair design ministry in their home for at least 7 years, 7 months and 7 days and have had at least 8 offspring, and have never used any form of birth control (this is includes the rhythm method). Complete memorization of the Song of Solomon required. The main topic covered will be Hair Design and talking to the folks in your ministry about God's heavenly design for conjugal relations. For you Growing Kids Gods Wayer's out there, Gary Ezzo has granted special dispensation to Bill who will explain this to you with a "chalk talk." This features a diagram of a flower with a extremely explicit close up of both the stamen and pistil, all while rapidly repeating I Cor. 6:18.

You are a BAD BAD PERSON. :naughty:

I was about 3/4's believing this til part 3.

[TaterTotsAndPuddingPops]

“Let’s have a bible studyâ€

Pretty sure this one wins the internet.

[circularlogic]

It is satirical but based in truth. i looked up the 'hair design' course in the ati course book and it does exist. phases 1 and 2 are true. phase 3 seems to be pure fun. however, bill gothard did in fact find god's way of hair design in a few bible verses and created a whole program around it. and yes, there are only a few ways to wear your hair for both genders. also, the ministry part is real.

i also believe the 5 signs of a harlot are real. i wouldn't doubt there is a workshop set up very close to this though...this guy is a ati refuge and has been to the school, workshops, etc. he knows what he is snarking on.

[N The Prayer Closet]

Once I picked my jaw off of the floor I had a good laugh! Thank you for that.

[BrownieMomma]

It is satirical but based in truth. i looked up the 'hair design' course in the ati course book and it does exist. phases 1 and 2 are true. phase 3 seems to be pure fun. however, bill gothard did in fact find god's way of hair design in a few bible verses and created a whole program around it. and yes, there are only a few ways to wear your hair for both genders. also, the ministry part is real.

i also believe the 5 signs of a harlot are real. i wouldn't doubt there is a workshop set up very close to this though...this guy is a ati refuge and has been to the school, workshops, etc. he knows what he is snarking on.

God's way of hair design. My my. How did God know about curling irons and what in the world have women done in the interval of time between then and now?

I'm not snarking on you circularlogic lol. It was a fun read.

[HarleyQuinn]

....holy shit.

[ViolaSebastian]

I refuse to believe that hairstyling can be in any way shape or form called a 'ministry.' Maybe if you provide them to the homeless, but that's about it.

[Toothfairy]

Is he desperate? WTH did I just read

[CorruptionInc.]

....holy shit.

Exactly. Lots of WTF phrases over here!

[ILoveJellybeans]

Hahaha who looks at Gothard and thinks of him as the perfect person to tell them what to do with their hair. His looks like he dyes it with paint.

[Pandora Spocks]

That kind of makes all the Duggar women harlots, doesn't it? What with their jamberry wraps and their makeup. :naughty:

[MichellezBangz]

Oh this cracks me up. I googled "5 signs of a harlot" and came up with this, and now I'm laughing even harder.

http://letspleasegod.com/2010/11/avoidi ... ltery-pt1/

I thought this linked article was satire but...holy shit! :wtf:

[MichellezBangz]

That kind of makes all the Duggar women harlots, doesn't it? What with their jamberry wraps and their makeup. :naughty:

And, GASP! What of the painted nails? ;)

[Dovenoir]

But wraps aren't paint. :snicker

[RosyDaisy]

I would like to take that "umbrella" and stick it up his ass. Qh, and if I'm a harlot, that makes Gothard a dirty minded abuser and sexual deviant.

[Miggy]

I was totally believing this until I got to "7 years, 7 moths, 7 days and has at least 8 offspring". It is a bit of a worry that it is so believable.

My hair is two layered. The top is navy blue. The underneath is rainbow stripes of pink, yellow, blue and green. Are the five colours in my hair the five signs if a harlot?

[CorruptionInc.]

I was totally believing this until I got to "7 years, 7 moths, 7 days and has at least 8 offspring". It is a bit of a worry that it is so believable.

My hair is two layered. The top is navy blue. The underneath is rainbow stripes of pink, yellow, blue and green. Are the five colours in my hair the five signs if a harlot?

That's really cool! I have a friend with Pink, Purple and Blue here. She gets it done in this really cool inner city salon.

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

That's really cool! I have a friend with Pink, Purple and Blue here. She gets it done in this really cool inner city salon.

My hair is currently a brilliant shade of burgundy (much like plums and liver chestnut horses... does that make it a Gothard-approved color? :lol: