Jessa and Bin getting married is really bothering me

[justodd]

These two are a disaster waiting to happen. If they make it past the five year mark, I'll be genuinely shocked. (I'd place Vegas odds at sometime during year three.) I've seen people saying they think Jessa will be the one to call it quits, but I just can't believe the J'schmucks would let her get away with it. Ben, on the other hand, I have no problem picturing walking out on her and whatever kids they have once he realizes just how over his head he is (both in terms of his marriage and family with Jessa, and the extent to which her parents control it).

There's been lots of speculation about the eventual tell-all over the years. I'd be willing to place a fairly sizable bet on Ben being the one to do it.

[Coco]

These two are a disaster waiting to happen. If they make it past the five year mark, I'll be genuinely shocked. (I'd place Vegas odds at sometime during year three.) I've seen people saying they think Jessa will be the one to call it quits, but I just can't believe the J'schmucks would let her get away with it. Ben, on the other hand, I have no problem picturing walking out on her and whatever kids they have once he realizes just how over his head he is (both in terms of his marriage and family with Jessa, and the extent to which her parents control it).

There's been lots of speculation about the eventual tell-all over the years. I'd be willing to place a fairly sizable bet on Ben being the one to do it.

ita, he's already shown he's willing to mouth off opinions. And they've laid the groundwork by treating him like shit. This should be good :lol: Even the comments by shraderfriend about renting a crappy house from the Duggars and buying a car from the Josh are revealing. (over in the Shraders in Zambia thread).

About him walking off, i can see that too. Except that he'll just be MIA out playing with his guns and kayak.

One thing about them getting married while they're still kids -- that's JB's goal. He wants them on the compound creating the next generation, while the other Duggars do enough to help them out so that they stay sane and stick together. Definitely a TTH in Jessa and Ben's future imo.

It's actually a thing in fundie land, to marry while clueless and let the older generation take care of the big decisions. Obeying one's dad is like obeying God, after all. They sign off all the major opinions to their parents and the brotherhood. It makes leaving the circle extremely scary and difficult and lonely.

[CorruptionInc.]

Jessa seems to me that she will keep Ben in line by controlling the sex. She could easily NFP, still do some sexual activity, and keep it out of her vjj a few critical days a month.

Ben seems to me that as long he gets his rocks off, he won't notice a pattern or realize Jessa is controlling her fertility.

Is Jessa that clever though to use the rhythm method?

I'm pretty sure if a Mrs. Jessa Seewald went to purchase some birth control; that stuff would be on the internet in a heart beat!

[Ralar]

Meatloaf's "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/meatloaf/paradisebythedashboardlight.html" reminds me of the Benessa relationship. Especially the last few verses:

I couldn't take it any longer

Lord I was crazed

And when the feeling came upon me

Like a tidal wave

I started swearing to my god

And on my mother's grave

That I would love you to the end of time

I swore I would love you to the end of time

So now I'm praying for the end of time

To hurry up and arrive

'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you

I don't think that I can really survive

I'll never break my promise or forget my vow

But God only knows what I can do right now

I'm praying for the end of time

So I can end my time with you

[twinmama]

Is Jessa that clever though to use the rhythm method?

I'm pretty sure if a Mrs. Jessa Seewald went to purchase some birth control; that stuff would be on the internet in a heart beat!

I feel like no matter how dumb someone is, if they don't want to have children they will find a way not to. With the internet, Jessa can just get an Amazon account, or not even have an account and get condoms from Drugstore.com or something. It's not like it comes in a labeled box that says TROJANS that the mailman will see. No one has to walk into Rite Aid to get condoms anymore. She can buy a book about birth control or NFP or even female anatomy and get enough info to do a pretty good job preventing pregnancy. Heck, she can talk to Jill who presumably (HOPEFULLY!!!!) knows about the menstrual cycle, do it all under the guise of achieving rather than preventing (its the same info, just used differently!).

[Trynn]

She could even get a shot from the doctor. That way it would be even more private. Especially if she wanted to hide it from Ben.

[bluehydrangea]

Ben's dad wrote a blog post about how marrying young is biblically correct, and should be done to avoid indulging in sinful pleasures out of wedlock. So you know that they're being very blatantly directed to marry ASAP specifically because of sex. Which is pretty disturbing, when you sit down and think about it.

I find Father Seewald almost more creepy than JB, believe it or not.

[CorruptionInc.]

I feel like no matter how dumb someone is, if they don't want to have children they will find a way not to. With the internet, Jessa can just get an Amazon account, or not even have an account and get condoms from Drugstore.com or something. It's not like it comes in a labeled box that says TROJANS that the mailman will see. No one has to walk into Rite Aid to get condoms anymore. She can buy a book about birth control or NFP or even female anatomy and get enough info to do a pretty good job preventing pregnancy. Heck, she can talk to Jill who presumably (HOPEFULLY!!!!) knows about the menstrual cycle, do it all under the guise of achieving rather than preventing (its the same info, just used differently!).

Hopefully she does look into that sort of thing. I worry about the children those two would produce.

[FreeHannie!]

I feel like no matter how dumb someone is, if they don't want to have children they will find a way not to. With the internet, Jessa can just get an Amazon account, or not even have an account and get condoms from Drugstore.com or something. It's not like it comes in a labeled box that says TROJANS that the mailman will see. No one has to walk into Rite Aid to get condoms anymore. She can buy a book about birth control or NFP or even female anatomy and get enough info to do a pretty good job preventing pregnancy. Heck, she can talk to Jill who presumably (HOPEFULLY!!!!) knows about the menstrual cycle, do it all under the guise of achieving rather than preventing (its the same info, just used differently!).

Exactly. Ben may be dumb, but I think JessaBlessa is smart enough to stop those babies coming. She can easily order a few boxes of condoms from Walgreens that will come in a standard box, no risk of someone seeing her or Bin buying them. There are options like the contraceptive injection where no one other than her doctor has to know she's gotten it. Learning about NFP. Jessa may be ignorant, but I think she's smart enough to prevent ending up with 10+ kids.

[toejamflipflop]

Jessa and Ben remind me of horny hamsters humping whenever they get the chance.

[socalrules]

I am on board everyone else who thinks that this marriage has a short expiration date. I just think Jessa is a lot smarter and craftier than given credit for. I do not see Jessa wanting to be bogged down with eleventy kids. I think she just sees this wedding as a way out from under her parents. I could see her using it as a stepping stone for full freedom. I could see her using the unfettered access of her new home’s internet to see what is out in the world for her and figuring out a way to get it. If necessary, looking for a real job for Ben, if not for herself. Jessa touts a lot of the crazy views of her parents but I do not see her buying into the submissive wife and mother role. I think Jill really wants the SAHM lifestyle but Jessa has always seemed like she was over it and wanted out. We have been told that Jessa was the hardest one to raise, the stubborn one. I cannot see her just giving in, falling in line and becoming Jill 2.0. I think she knows that Ben is not ready to be a husband and father. Maybe that is the way she likes it. Makes it easier to control him and plan her, and maybe his, future. If, and when, this marriage ends, I do not see Jessa rushing back to her parents’ house. I see her trying to live the life she wants on her terms.

Since I have never had a registry I have to ask, if you return the gifts, is there any way the gift giver would find out, say if they used a credit card? I was thinking they asked for so many gifts because they planned to return them for the cash.

[FreeHannie!]

I am on board everyone else who thinks that this marriage has a short expiration date. I just think Jessa is a lot smarter and craftier than given credit for. I do not see Jessa wanting to be bogged down with eleventy kids. I think she just sees this wedding as a way out from under her parents. I could see her using it as a stepping stone for full freedom. I could see her using the unfettered access of her new home’s internet to see what is out in the world for her and figuring out a way to get it. If necessary, looking for a real job for Ben, if not for herself. Jessa touts a lot of the crazy views of her parents but I do not see her buying into the submissive wife and mother role.

I agree with this. There is a difference between being conservative Christian and a full blown fundie. I can see Jessa continuing to be a right wing Christian, but I can't see her being a submissive quiverfull wife with 5-under-5 and another on the way. She'll continue to be a republican voting, abortion hating, creationist-believing Christian, but I can see her starting to dress in more mainstream clothes, not popping out a kid within a year of marriage and moving out of the fundie quiverfull bubble into the mainstream conservative christian circle.

I've always said Jessa isn't marry this boy because she loves him. She's marrying him to have sex and get the hell out of that house.

[grandmadugger]

Since I have never had a registry I have to ask, if you return the gifts, is there any way the gift giver would find out, say if they used a credit card? I was thinking they asked for so many gifts because they planned to return them for the cash.

No the gift giver doesn't find out. The little road block in their plan for a cash grab, I really think that's what they are going for, is that a lot of stores now have a policy of putting the value on a gift card. So they won't end up with 25k in cash but 25k in gift cards.

[16strong]

Jessa and Ben remind me of horny hamsters humping whenever they get the chance.

So...exactly like her parents?

[FreeHannie!]

No the gift giver doesn't find out. The little road block in their plan for a cash grab, I really think that's what they are going for, is that a lot of stores now have a policy of putting the value on a gift card. So they won't end up with 25k in cash but 25k in gift cards.

Ugh, that happened to me when my aunt bought me clothes for a gift at a shop where I hate the clothes. Could only swap them for other clothes there or a gift card, so I was stuck with a gift card to a shop where I don't want any of their stuff.

[CorruptionInc.]

So...exactly like her parents?

It's all the girl knows really. Sex is bad... until you get married and BAM!

[BrownieMomma]

So...exactly like her parents?

Who demonstrated right on the putt putt course.

[Mama Mia]

I really see the two of them as having a lot more in common than sexual tension ( and I'm not quite getting how sexual tension is a bad thing?)

I think they both see themselves as warriors for their faith. Everyone in her family describes Jessa as very rigid and seeing everything in black and white. She found a young man who is also extremely passionate in his beliefs ( or he found her)

She may be the more dominant personality, but he doesn't seem to particularly mind that. She's probably just the more driven of the two. The thing with the pizza place showed that. To me, the funny part wasn't that they gave different explanations of why the kids should clean their hands - it was that when he said it was ok to have different ideas she basically told him " nope - everyone's entitled to MY opinion" . I think she'll do everything she can to make sure they stay on track to raise a large family that's out there promoting their message. I think he'd probably like to end up being a minister and she's going to be right there beside him- making sure it happens.

I don't think she's the most gushy maternal type, but I think she believes strongly in whatever theology they are basing their belief in leaving the number of children up to God. I think she'll probably rely on Ben to be the more lovey / fun parent, while she makes sure everything stays structured and organized.

If you look at the times she's been snarky on the show it isn't about their restrictive lifestyle -- it's usually about how she thinks people view her life as too extreme or weird. She's snarking at us - not at her family. The times she HAS snarked on her family it's isually when they are treating her like she wouldn't follow these rules of her own accord, or are being sentimental or disorganized.

I don't think they find the modesty rules particularly important, and seem to think the extreme gender trait emphasis kind of silly. But I think they just feel they are a more modern, hipper version of King and Queen of God's Army.

As far as them being young and not having much money - people always seem to forget that at least for now, they both have jobs. They are reality television personalities. They also go to conferences, and give talks, and interviews and product placements. As well as living in an incredibly cheap area, with a family that will give them a house. How much money do they need? Sure, down the line the TLC and related income will dry up, but they'd be pretty stupid not to focus on raking that in now.

I don't know if they'll make it. I, personally, don't know a lot of people who stay married. But of the ones who have, that actual dynamic - driven, ambitious woman with a pretty laid back man seem to be the most common. I don't know why.

[SassyPants]

I really see the two of them as having a lot more in common than sexual tension ( and I'm not quite getting how sexual tension is a bad thing?)

I think they both see themselves as warriors for their faith. Everyone in her family describes Jessa as very rigid and seeing everything in black and white. She found a young man who is also extremely passionate in his beliefs ( or he found her)

She may be the more dominant personality, but he doesn't seem to particularly mind that. She's probably just the more driven of the two. The thing with the pizza place showed that. To me, the funny part wasn't that they gave different explanations of why the kids should clean their hands - it was that when he said it was ok to have different ideas she basically told him " nope - everyone's entitled to MY opinion" . I think she'll do everything she can to make sure they stay on track to raise a large family that's out there promoting their message. I think he'd probably like to end up being a minister and she's going to be right there beside him- making sure it happens.

I don't think she's the most gushy maternal type, but I think she believes strongly in whatever theology they are basing their belief in leaving the number of children up to God. I think she'll probably rely on Ben to be the more lovey / fun parent, while she makes sure everything stays structured and organized.

If you look at the times she's been snarky on the show it isn't about their restrictive lifestyle -- it's usually about how she thinks people view her life as too extreme or weird. She's snarking at us - not at her family. The times she HAS snarked on her family it's isually when they are treating her like she wouldn't follow these rules of her own accord, or are being sentimental or disorganized.

I don't think they find the modesty rules particularly important, and seem to think the extreme gender trait emphasis kind of silly. But I think they just feel they are a more modern, hipper version of King and Queen of God's Army.

As far as them being young and not having much money - people always seem to forget that at least for now, they both have jobs. They are reality television personalities. They also go to conferences, and give talks, and interviews and product placements. As well as living in an incredibly cheap area, with a family that will give them a house. How much money do they need? Sure, down the line the TLC and related income will dry up, but they'd be pretty stupid not to focus on raking that in now.

I don't know if they'll make it. I, personally, don't know a lot of people who stay married. But of the ones who have, that actual dynamic - driven, ambitious woman with a pretty laid back man seem to be the most common. I don't know why.

Assuming that JB gives them free shelter- likely, and that TLC will cut them separate checks. IMO, less likely, especially if JB has any say in the matter.

Too many ifs, in my book.

[It'sFunToRun]

Ugh, that happened to me when my aunt bought me clothes for a gift at a shop where I hate the clothes. Could only swap them for other clothes there or a gift card, so I was stuck with a gift card to a shop where I don't want any of their stuff.

Was it Old Navy? You can still get socks there, they can't really mess those up.

[Mama Mia]

Assuming that JB gives them free shelter- likely, and that TLC will cut them separate checks. IMO, less likely, especially if JB has any say in the matter.

Too many ifs, in my book.

I know young couples with kids in my highly expensive area , without family with money, who still manage to get by and support their families. Even without college or advanced training. That's why I really don't get all the worry about their finances - when they have so many built in advantages. Not the least of which is living in a place with dirt cheap cost of living. Maybe I'm just jealous after seeing the cost of homes in that area.

[nokidsmom]

I am on board everyone else who thinks that this marriage has a short expiration date. I just think Jessa is a lot smarter and craftier than given credit for. I do not see Jessa wanting to be bogged down with eleventy kids. I think she just sees this wedding as a way out from under her parents. I could see her using it as a stepping stone for full freedom. I could see her using the unfettered access of her new home’s internet to see what is out in the world for her and figuring out a way to get it. If necessary, looking for a real job for Ben, if not for herself. Jessa touts a lot of the crazy views of her parents but I do not see her buying into the submissive wife and mother role. I think Jill really wants the SAHM lifestyle but Jessa has always seemed like she was over it and wanted out. We have been told that Jessa was the hardest one to raise, the stubborn one. I cannot see her just giving in, falling in line and becoming Jill 2.0. I think she knows that Ben is not ready to be a husband and father. Maybe that is the way she likes it. Makes it easier to control him and plan her, and maybe his, future. If, and when, this marriage ends, I do not see Jessa rushing back to her parents’ house. I see her trying to live the life she wants on her terms.

Since I have never had a registry I have to ask, if you return the gifts, is there any way the gift giver would find out, say if they used a credit card? I was thinking they asked for so many gifts because they planned to return them for the cash.

Jill and Derick come across to me as more mature compared to Jessa and Ben. And not just that they are both older. Both have more (relatively speaking) life experience, meaning Derick has gone to college and has done his missionary work, Jill with her midwife training and work, such as it is. Also their personalities seem more calm, mature, more grounded.

Ben and Jessa on the other hand, it really strikes me that Jessa wants out of that house (can't blame her really) and Ben is her ticket. Ben strikes me as someone she can control and call the shots. He's too much in lust and twitterpated right now to see that but let's see how things play out down the line when he's over it and realizes fully what he signed up for.

[silvia]

Do we think Ben and Jessa's vows will specify that they are going to leave the number of children they have "up to the Lord," as Josh and Anna's did? (And do we know if Jill and Derick's vows contained such wording?)

[Yoshimi]

Do we think Ben and Jessa's vows will specify that they are going to leave the number of children they have "up to the Lord," as Josh and Anna's did? (And do we know if Jill and Derick's vows contained such wording?)

IIRC, one of the Duggar kids (maybe Jessa?) talked about how it was really unusual to put the “leaving it up to God†spiel in Josh and Anna's vows and the impression I got was that even the Duggars thought that part was pretty weird and not something they expected. I think that was just something Anna and her family insisted on including. I would be surprised if the vows for Derick/Jill and Jessa/Ben contained similar wording.

[CorruptionInc.]

IIRC, one of the Duggar kids (maybe Jessa?) talked about how it was really unusual to put the “leaving it up to God†spiel in Josh and Anna's vows and the impression I got was that even the Duggars thought that part was pretty weird and not something they expected. I think that was just something Anna and her family insisted on including. I would be surprised if the vows for Derick/Jill and Jessa/Ben contained similar wording.

It could've also been Josh wanting to put it in because he likes his mum and she always uses the "leaving it up to God" phrase?