Jessa and Bin getting married is really bothering me

[AniLand]

I don't know how to adequately express how much this is bothering me. They are both so young and immature. Neither of them is very bright. There is such a thing as being young and wise beyond your years, but these two don't have that. I honestly hate the thought of them getting married and having children. As a mom, the thought of babies having these 2 people as their parents makes me very upset.

 

I think Ben is trying hard to be nice to Jessa and her family. Yes, he is a total doofus with hardly 2 brain cells to rub together, but I like the fact that he is a team player and puts up with her crazy family for the sake of being with her. We should all be so lucky. He's not allowed to touch her, not allowed to be alone with her, not allowed to send her a private text message. I don't know any guys who would stick around for that. But they don't have any business getting married. I am really shocked that nobody has tried to intervene.

 

The thing that solidified it for me was the pizza place. When he told the kids to wash their hands so they don't slip off the steering wheel was, well, something a teenage babysitter might come up with. And then when she tried coming up with a different, more realistic reason, the 2 of them just looked so idiotic. They are so not ready for this. I really, truly wonder where this relationship will go from here.

[jchelleslastegg]

same here! I feel as if Jill and Derrick are more mature and have more chemistry than them. Ben and Jessa have like as much chemistry as a 12 year old girl and a 12 year old boy aka they have little "crushes" on eachother. Although Jill has a 13-16 year old mentality , I feel as if Derrick is a good match for her IMO since he can guide her through life since he's older and more mature than her.

[AniLand]

same here! I feel as if Jill and Derrick are more mature and have more chemistry than them. Ben and Jessa have like as much chemistry as a 12 year old girl and a 12 year old boy aka they have little "crushes" on eachother. Although Jill has a 13-16 year old mentality , I feel as if Derrick is a good match for her IMO since he can guide her through life since he's older and more mature than her.

Jill is definitely more mature and seems to have a clear idea for what she wants in life. Whether it's something we agree with or not, she seems to have it more together than Jessa. And Derick is awesome. I adore that guy.

[jchelleslastegg]

Jill is definitely more mature and seems to have a clear idea for what she wants in life. Whether it's something we agree with or not, she seems to have it more together than Jessa. And Derick is awesome. I adore that guy.

Definitely. She's pretty smart but, she still needs to learn more about the world and such. I have so much respect for Derrick tbh

[Cats B4 Quivers]

Usually, the prospect of a young, inexperienced couple deciding to marry freaks the hell out of parents.

I know falling head over heels in love is oodles of fun. Been there, done that, been devastated, picked myself up and became a little wiser. Why can't these fundie young ones get that chance too? The concept that dating breaks off pieces of someone's heart and thus is damaged goods is antithetical to what parents say to kids when another baby is born, or a new parent or family members brought into a family; that there is always room in one's heart to love one more person. Pretty much the equation for love is n+1 where n is the current number loved.

These people are being cheated! The whole courtship to engagement to marriage path is so judgemental, limiting, and wide open for abuse. What stops a parent from just forcing a young person to marry somebody completely awful? Sure, there are many eyes on the Duggars and the Batesesssess but there are far more fundie young ones who are at the private mercies of parents and elders.

It's sad BinJessa can't backpack across Europe on their own. Or go away to college and live in dorms, join clubs, and enjoy their independence. Or at least hang out together without a chaperone and figure out if this relationship really has legs.

[Four is Enough]

I just keep hoping that the reason we don't hear so much about Bin and Jessa getting married is.... they've actually delayed the wedding, or cancelled it, and are trying to figure out the right kind of spin to put on it.. so that no actual parts of hearts are exchanged or no purity is missed. (of course. What else would we consider? Jessa/Ben's actual happiness?)

[ILoveJellybeans]

I don't like the idea of them getting married. Neither Jessa or Ben are mature enough, in my opinion, they are 19 and 21, and nowhere near there emotionally. Jessa seemed to barely tolerate him at first, but now seems horny for him but doesn't seem to see anything in him other than sex and the fact that she will no longer be sharing a room with eleventy siblings and have people buy things for her that she doesn't have to share. Ben is just in it for the sex and because he thinks Jessa is hot. I don't think their personalities are compatible, watching them is painfully awkward. Ben tries so hard to be romantic, but Jessa is not romantic at all and has to be coached by relatives on how to respond nicely to them. I think once the excitement of sex wears off (or until after they first have sex and one or both of them are disappointed by it), they will begin to dislike eachother and become the next Jon and Kate, or be the first Duggar Divorce.

Also I cant imagine Jessa pregnant. She doesn't seem that maternal and I feel sad that she is going to be forced into having a million kids even though I don't think that is what she wants. I also cant imagine how horrible it would be to birth on TV and seen in such a vulnerable state when you are as private with emotions as Jessa is. I don't like showing my emotions either, never given birth but when I am sick I just want to go and hide away cause sympathy and being fussed over annoys me.

I don't even want to watch Jill give birth, although she definitely has more of an understanding of birth. We all watched her grow up and its weird.

[AniLand]

I just went to youtube and re-watched the episode where they started their courtship. Talk about AWKWARD. She couldn't even look at him. She came across as such a bitch/snob.

[CorruptionInc.]

I don't like the idea of them getting married. Neither Jessa or Ben are mature enough, in my opinion, they are 19 and 21, and nowhere near there emotionally. Jessa seemed to barely tolerate him at first, but now seems horny for him but doesn't seem to see anything in him other than sex and the fact that she will no longer be sharing a room with eleventy siblings and have people buy things for her that she doesn't have to share. Ben is just in it for the sex and because he thinks Jessa is hot. I don't think their personalities are compatible, watching them is painfully awkward. Ben tries so hard to be romantic, but Jessa is not romantic at all and has to be coached by relatives on how to respond nicely to them. I think once the excitement of sex wears off (or until after they first have sex and one or both of them are disappointed by it), they will begin to dislike eachother and become the next Jon and Kate, or be the first Duggar Divorce.

Also I cant imagine Jessa pregnant. She doesn't seem that maternal and I feel sad that she is going to be forced into having a million kids even though I don't think that is what she wants. I also cant imagine how horrible it would be to birth on TV and seen in such a vulnerable state when you are as private with emotions as Jessa is. I don't like showing my emotions either, never given birth but when I am sick I just want to go and hide away cause sympathy and being fussed over annoys me.

I don't even want to watch Jill give birth, although she definitely has more of an understanding of birth. We all watched her grow up and its weird.

Apparently in one article she said she wanted lots of kids like her parents...

A Jessa and Bin army worries me...

[EmmieJ]

I don't know how to adequately express how much this is bothering me. They are both so young and immature. Neither of them is very bright. There is such a thing as being young and wise beyond your years, but these two don't have that. I honestly hate the thought of them getting married and having children. As a mom, the thought of babies having these 2 people as their parents makes me very upset.

It doesn't really bother me, although I see a lot of red flags and the possibility that these two aren't really compatible. But they are both adults and lots of young, immature people do get married and some of them actually make a go of it.

At least Jessa has some child raising experience under her belt. I don't like Ben much because he's a pompous kid who thinks he knows it all. But I'm already feeling sorry for him because I think his wife is going to constantly correct him and mold him until he'll be wishing for a six pack of beer and a fishing hole somewhere far, far away from home. He may even think longingly of his little windowless room above the workshop.

[bluehydrangea]

I am glad to know that others feels this way. I also have an irrational fear of these two getting married and having babies. Like, it really bothers me. Every time I post about him, I know I'm too hard on him, but I just can't deal with him. Their chemistry is so stilted, awkward and just weird. When they're together, they don't seem at all in love. They make each other sound dumber just by speaking to one another. There is sexual tension out the wazoo, but otherwise, they don't seem to be on the same plane. It's just nails on a chalkboard all the way around.

I'm convinced that there's been something going on in the background that we don't know about. I think Ben asked JB for his blessing to get engaged before he moved to the compound, and JB told him no because he can't support her. So that's where he came up with the "personal assistant" idea, because I guess he does feel like they're right for each other, it's just not the right time? I would love to think that the wedding has been called off, but I doubt it, sadly.

PS - how much does it piss you off that they can say "I love you" to each other and that's within courtship standards?? "Guarding your heart" my ass.

[CorruptionInc.]

PS - how much does it piss you off that they can say "I love you" to each other and that's within courtship standards?? "Guarding your heart" my ass.

YES! Do they really KNOW what love is?

Love is something that you know when you're in it and not just lust, which is what I think Ben and Jessa are going through.

[browncoatslytherin]

as an empath, i get very conflicting feelings when it comes to the duggar couples. with jill and derrick, i at least could feel that there was a real connection there, a spark. with jessa and ben, i get nothing. i kind of feel sorry for her, because i just know she's going to end up incredibly unhappy in her marriage.

maybe lori will be a good mentor for her, as she definitely knows her way around a miserable marriage. :roll:

[nst]

I don't know how to adequately express how much this is bothering me. They are both so young and immature. Neither of them is very bright. There is such a thing as being young and wise beyond your years, but these two don't have that. I honestly hate the thought of them getting married and having children. As a mom, the thought of babies having these 2 people as their parents makes me very upset.

I think Ben is trying hard to be nice to Jessa and her family. Yes, he is a total doofus with hardly 2 brain cells to rub together, but I like the fact that he is a team player and puts up with her crazy family for the sake of being with her. We should all be so lucky. He's not allowed to touch her, not allowed to be alone with her, not allowed to send her a private text message. I don't know any guys who would stick around for that. But they don't have any business getting married. I am really shocked that nobody has tried to intervene.

The thing that solidified it for me was the pizza place. When he told the kids to wash their hands so they don't slip off the steering wheel was, well, something a teenage babysitter might come up with. And then when she tried coming up with a different, more realistic reason, the 2 of them just looked so idiotic. They are so not ready for this. I really, truly wonder where this relationship will go from here.

I say go to the church they are getting married in and pull a Dustin Hoffman from the graduate :D

[bluebird]

Jessa is marrying her father..I truly believe their family dynamic will be much like the one she grew up within. She will be distanced and detached and Ben will take on a very similar roll as JB has. Actually, JB and Ben share similar characteristics (that is why she is marrying her "father")..keeps rigid Jessa within her comfort zone whereas Jill married a bit outside of her box. As long as Ben continues to treat her like a queen, like JB does with J'chelle, it may be a good match. The immaturity factor is definitely going to cause issues and I wonder how well Jessa is going to deal with her looks and figure changing after having baby after baby.

[nst]

I do think he will get tired of her bossing him around

in like a year - but for now - it's just the pre sex with these two

[3 ring circus]

I don't know how to adequately express how much this is bothering me. They are both so young and immature. Neither of them is very bright. There is such a thing as being young and wise beyond your years, but these two don't have that. I honestly hate the thought of them getting married and having children. As a mom, the thought of babies having these 2 people as their parents makes me very upset.

I think Ben is trying hard to be nice to Jessa and her family. Yes, he is a total doofus with hardly 2 brain cells to rub together, but I like the fact that he is a team player and puts up with her crazy family for the sake of being with her. We should all be so lucky. He's not allowed to touch her, not allowed to be alone with her, not allowed to send her a private text message. I don't know any guys who would stick around for that. But they don't have any business getting married. I am really shocked that nobody has tried to intervene.

The thing that solidified it for me was the pizza place. When he told the kids to wash their hands so they don't slip off the steering wheel was, well, something a teenage babysitter might come up with. And then when she tried coming up with a different, more realistic reason, the 2 of them just looked so idiotic. They are so not ready for this. I really, truly wonder where this relationship will go from here.

ITA! It just seems so wrong to me. :wtf:

[HarleyQuinn]

It sucks they can't be like normal young adults and have sex and realize there's not much else there.

I wonder how Jessa's brothers feel about her marrying a total moron like Ben? The older ones anyways. JD, Joseph, and Josiah

[1st wiccan fundie]

I find it insane that both sets of parents are encouraging these two to marry! It's far different to me than Jill and derrick and even Josh and Anna. Anna seemed like a little girl when she was engaged but again it's just different. Some ways are things I can not describe but it has disastrous idea written all over it.

[moreorlessnu]

i kind of feel sorry for her, because i just know she's going to end up incredibly unhappy in her marriage.

This is what upsets me the most. I see her becoming a very unhappy woman as she grows older. She's going to look back and realize she could have married a much better match for her.

I see Jill and Derrick doing something off the beaten path (like becoming missionaries) that works for them. Plus, they just seem so well suited. She's annoying w/ her constant interrupting, but he seems to roll w/ it. Derrick is not a controlling person so we may see Jill blossom into her true self. Hopefully, she'll steer some of the younger Duggar girls into the right direction.

[pega127]

I find it insane that both sets of parents are encouraging these two to marry! It's far different to me than Jill and derrick and even Josh and Anna. Anna seemed like a little girl when she was engaged but again it's just different. Some ways are things I can not describe but it has disastrous idea written all over it.

You are on the right track. Think about the scenario: some random boy convinces his parents to drive 3 hours to go to a church so he could stalk the princess he's in lust. The parents agree because they like fundie celebs. The "girl", Jessa, is "in lust", flustered, and excited some guy is hot for her. He falls all over her and her fam., Her father NEEDS a courtship/wedding due to the Bateses marrying off their kids one after the other and ratings for his own show/bank account. She wants out of the family craziness. So, he blesses the getting- to- know portion of the two; BUT then what to do about prayer buddy Derick? Jana is not clicking with him, so show him to Jill. BOOM! They connect! Uh Oh...but what about the pre-arranged Jessa/Ben. Especially, now after some time has gone by and it is clear he is younger, very immature and no where near able to support Jessa. A mess happens with his plans. Jill and Derrick work out just great; but what to do with that Ben???

[bluebird]

Lol!!!

[SPHASH]

I kinda hope one of them pulls an Elizabeth Munck and calls off the wedding a week before. I know that's mean but Benessa are not going to last.

[twinmama]

Also I cant imagine Jessa pregnant. She doesn't seem that maternal and I feel sad that she is going to be forced into having a million kids even though I don't think that is what she wants.

It doesn't make me sad, it makes me angry. At some point you (not you Jellybeans, just you in general!) have to stop blaming her upbringing and realize she is a person who can say no and not do any of this. I know it's hard, nearly impossible probably, but that line is having children. She should not, cannot be forced to have a zillion children. She needs to grow up, get some balls and say no to it if she doesn't want it. And if she really doesn't want it, maybe she should do a little Andrea Yates research and see how badly it can turn out.

[Hooligan]

Is anyone else surprised that there is so LITTLE being said about BenJess's wedding? Here we are about 2 weeks out and really not a peep. There were all kinds of little hints out there about Jill and Derrick. Is Jessa really that disinterested or do you think it is something else?