The truth about Derick and Ben...

[iknowright]

I think to be a Duggar husband (funny that I can't think of them as husband's with their own last name...ironic patriarchy)....they have to also be brainwashed.

 

I don't think who they were independently matters once they become a "prayer" partner of JimBob's. I think he moves right in and controls and brainwashes. They give up all of the professional outside work that Gothard doesn't allow (don't see Derrick lasting long at Walmart...he'll probably become the Bookkeeper for the Duggar brand). Didn't he drop out of seminary? REAL seminary? Not the Gothard fake thing...

 

And Ben...personal assistant to whatever Jim Bob demands and he lives on their compound err...property I mean?

 

If Derrick ever does come back to his own hopes and dreams and remember who he was and breaks away, I doubt Jill will be with him...

[grandmadugger]

I think to be a Duggar husband (funny that I can't think of them as husband's with their own last name...ironic patriarchy)....they have to also be brainwashed.

I don't think who they were independently matters once they become a "prayer" partner of JimBob's. I think he moves right in and controls and brainwashes. They give up all of the professional outside work that Gothard doesn't allow (don't see Derrick lasting long at Walmart...he'll probably become the Bookkeeper for the Duggar brand). Didn't he drop out of seminary? REAL seminary? Not the Gothard fake thing...

And Ben...personal assistant to whatever Jim Bob demands and he lives on their compound err...property I mean?

If Derrick ever does come back to his own hopes and dreams and remember who he was and breaks away, I doubt Jill will be with him...

I don't remember anything about Derrick and seminary. Ben's original career path was to finish college and go to seminary.

[iknowright]

I saw Derrick was in seminary a number of times and it was on the Duggar family blog. I never knew Ben had intended to go to college and seminary. I'm sure his trajectory has now changed...

[SassyPants]

Derick seems like a nice young man. I hope he sees the light sooner rather than later and as the family headship, whisks Jill away from the crazy.

Ben is a kid- a snot nosed kid. Those 2 are doomed. Shame on JB and Ben's parents for encouraging a doomed relationship.

JB is all about control.

[bluehydrangea]

Derick seems like a nice young man. I hope he sees the light sooner rather than later and as the family headship, whisks Jill away from the crazy.

Ben is a kid- a snot nosed kid. Those 2 are doomed. Shame on JB and Ben's parents for encouraging a doomed relationship.

JB is all about control.

My husband and I were discussing these two last night. Here's my theory on Derick - genuinely good guy, not an idiot. But he was obviously raised in a very religious home, if not fundie, and very much stuck with the beliefs. As a result, he probably couldn't find many girls at college that met his standards, because even the "nice" girls probably drank and partied and did other unseemly things. But a Duggar girl, that's a sure bet that they'll share beliefs, even if hers are a wee bit more extreme. I think it's possible that he didn't really think through the level of extreme-ness he was taking on with the Duggars.

Ben -- total horndog db. Knows he's decent looking and used his fundie status to his advantage to get the *hottest* fundie girl around. Could not possibly be any more insincere.

[grandmadugger]

I saw Derrick was in seminary a number of times and it was on the Duggar family blog. I never knew Ben had intended to go to college and seminary. I'm sure his trajectory has now changed...

Ben was in a brick and mortar college until he moved in with the Duggars. He supposedly is continuing his studies online. :(

[iknowright]

I do think that neither boy know the level of fundie the Duggars are. I believe Derick was from possibly an evangelical family, but NOT fundie. I think though, that considering the level of Gothardism and IBLP the Duggars embrace, neither Derick's nor Ben's family will loom into their lives as they once had. I think it is also why you rarely see them on the show. The fundie/Gothard family is the one that is important...all others are deemed as "less than."

[grandmadugger]

My husband and I were discussing these two last night. Here's my theory on Derick - genuinely good guy, not an idiot. But he was obviously raised in a very religious home, if not fundie, and very much stuck with the beliefs. As a result, he probably couldn't find many girls at college that met his standards, because even the "nice" girls probably drank and partied and did other unseemly things. But a Duggar girl, that's a sure bet that they'll share beliefs, even if hers are a wee bit more extreme. I think it's possible that he didn't really think through the level of extreme-ness he was taking on with the Duggars.

Ben -- total horndog db. Knows he's decent looking and used his fundie status to his advantage to get the *hottest* fundie girl around. Could not possibly be any more insincere.

I agree with you about Derrick. I'm not sure how fundie his childhood was because mom worked and wears pants. Dan, his brother, also appears pretty mainstream and we know that doesn't fly in fundie homes.

[BrownieMomma]

Having been subject to the pre-wedding episodes again last night, due to daughter watching them, it's just so telling how JB keeps talking about how D&B have to prove themselves to join the Duggar family - and how much, at least on camera, Derick gulps down the kool aid. I'm thinking he is as big a drinker as Jill.

Jim Bob's continual "if you wanna be a duggar" statements... ugh....

Derick is never going to whisk Jill away, he's never going to assert his headship, Jim Bob has managed to maintain control by pulling weaker young males into Duggar orbit.

If Derick ever breaks away, he'll be leaving Jill and his children behind. :(

[iknowright]

Isn't it interesting? As a fundie, shouldn't JB be encouraging his daughters to make new families with their new husbands and not have those boys give up everything about themselves in order to become a Duggar? See that is where this family becomes a cult in my eyes.

I think that whoever marries into the family, begins to have it ingrained into their head that they lessen their contact with their own perspective families in favor of the Duggars. But in order for that to work, their whole inner self would have to be worked and chipped away over time. Its such a stealthy cult. You would think with boys who have real educations behind them, this wouldn't be possible, but it looks like it is no guarantee for these young men's families.

I agree if Derrick ever leaves, he would not be able to take his family with him.

[nst]

I think it's telling that JB is constantly talking about how things are and things will be - he organizes it all - he thinks he is the headship and it is insane

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Ben was in a brick and mortar college until he moved in with the Duggars. He supposedly is continuing his studies online. :(

Since we don't know where he's going online, we don't have to assume the worst. Most colleges today offer online classes. We don't know if he's changed temporarily or for a different degree program or what. Not all online college classes are a joke--I know, I work for a university that offers them. People bitch here that that Duggars don't do college--well Brainless Bin is at least getting a degree! I say cut him so slack on this one.

[BrownieMomma]

Since we don't know where he's going online, we don't have to assume the worst. Most colleges today offer online classes. We don't know if he's changed temporarily or for a different degree program or what. Not all online college classes are a joke--I know, I work for a university that offers them. People bitch here that that Duggars don't do college--well Brainless Bin is at least getting a degree! I say cut him so slack on this one.

Is Ben actually doing it? I have never seen it mentioned not one single time on any show I've watched and I don't see anything about it written anywhere.

Plenty about Ben being the yardboy and proving himself worthy to be a Duggar.

[FreeHannie!]

My husband and I were discussing these two last night. Here's my theory on Derick - genuinely good guy, not an idiot. But he was obviously raised in a very religious home, if not fundie, and very much stuck with the beliefs. As a result, he probably couldn't find many girls at college that met his standards, because even the "nice" girls probably drank and partied and did other unseemly things. But a Duggar girl, that's a sure bet that they'll share beliefs, even if hers are a wee bit more extreme. I think it's possible that he didn't really think through the level of extreme-ness he was taking on with the Duggars.

I think this might be spot on. He's not as conservative/fundie as the Duggars (after all, he was allowed to go to college) but he was probably more conservative than 98% of the girls at his secular college.

[Hooligan]

I think this might be spot on. He's not as conservative/fundie as the Duggars (after all, he was allowed to go to college) but he was probably more conservative than 98% of the girls at his secular college.

I agree with this and would add that Derrick seems like a very sensitive, shy guy. I think a strong independent woman would scare the hell out of him and I doubt he had much if any dating experience. I read somewhere (I think on FG) a post from someone who works at Walmart corporate that before they knew Derrick or that he was "courting" Jill that they thought of him as a nerdy, shy and quite guy. And from Jill's Instagram posts we know he either goes home at lunch or that she goes to his office for lunch EVERY day which pretty much keeps him from making any friends outside of the cult. As for Derrick attending seminary, I read he was telecommuting for his degree from Dallas Bible College which is an actually accredited college. BUT, don't count him out yet. He just may grow up enough to assert his "headship" and get Jill and progeny out of there.

[Dandruff]

I think Derick's best move is to keep his outside job, gain marketable experience, and save money. That way, if they choose to escape, they should be able to maintain a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. That beautiful house they're "temporarily" living in seems like golden handcuffs. It would be nice if they could leave without having to sacrifice major comforts.

It wouldn't surprise me if Jessa and Ben want to leave. Maybe there wouldn't be too much objection considering the negative media attention both have generated. Ben seems bright to me, opinions aside. If they really wanted to (following the transfer of authority, gag), and TLC was willing, maybe they'd move back to Hot Springs and appear on the show occasionally. He could go back to fixing windshields, finish his degree, and I think they'd be OK.

[bluehydrangea]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees Derick that way. In many ways, he reminds me of my husband, but ESPECIALLY my brother-in-law, who didn't marry until his early thirties, when he found my saintly sister-in-law (seriously, she is a saint. a perfect doll. I adore her, and really want to know her secrets of being so genuinely sweet all the time!) Those sweet, traditional, decently-religious kind of guys are definitely put off by "wild" girls, and so they'll either wait as long as it takes or seek out a girl they know is the opposite of wild.

I think that's why many viewers were so refreshed to see Derick on the show - I think many people are like, okay, if you're gonna be religious, be a religious, college-educated, hard-working, nice person. And Ben, on the other hand, is all too happy to drink the Kool-Aid and has nothing intelligent to add to the conversation. Maybe I'm a little bit hard on him, but he just gives me a bad vibe...

[Free Them All]

Since we don't know where he's going online, we don't have to assume the worst. Most colleges today offer online classes. We don't know if he's changed temporarily or for a different degree program or what. Not all online college classes are a joke--I know, I work for a university that offers them. People bitch here that that Duggars don't do college--well Brainless Bin is at least getting a degree! I say cut him so slack on this one.

Well let him get the degree then get the job then go courting. Don't get the cart before the horse.

[LongDogMom]

Isn't it interesting? As a fundie, shouldn't JB be encouraging his daughters to make new families with their new husbands and not have those boys give up everything about themselves in order to become a Duggar? See that is where this family becomes a cult in my eyes.

But I'm sure he would say that he is encouraging his daughters to make new families and their new husbands...just like they say that the courtship rules are ones that the kids decided on for themselves and all that other BS that they try to pass off as not coming directly from them (when everyone knows it does).

I sure hope Derick's mother's cancer doesn't come back and that she is around a long time because she is the only thing holding him back from being completey and utterly immersed into Duggarland. She may provide some balance and get him to stop and think once in a while, especially regarding his child-to-be. Without her, every single thing will be the way Jim Bob and Michelle want it to be because you know that Jill will do whatever they say.

[grandmadugger]

Since we don't know where he's going online, we don't have to assume the worst. Most colleges today offer online classes. We don't know if he's changed temporarily or for a different degree program or what. Not all online college classes are a joke--I know, I work for a university that offers them. People bitch here that that Duggars don't do college--well Brainless Bin is at least getting a degree! I say cut him so slack on this one.

I hope he's doing real online college classes. I've taken many myself and know that there are many good schools out there. I'm just worried it was either just lip service or college plus.

[Toothfairy]

I hope he's doing real online college classes. I've taken many myself and know that there are many good schools out there. I'm just worried it was either just lip service or college plus.

Is online classes legit? What if you're a Biology or engineering major?

[CorruptionInc.]

Is online classes legit? What if you're a Biology or engineering major?

I'm studying an arts degree online (been to bricks and mortar university twice before); however it's not through College Minus! 8-)

[Mabel]

Is online classes legit? What if you're a Biology or engineering major?

Yeah they are. A lot of campuses today offer online courses, and mine does. I think as long as it's from an actual school and not the ones you see advertised on TV, it's pretty legit.

[jaynie]

Is online classes legit? What if you're a Biology or engineering major?

I don't know how it works in all cases, but I took a chemistry course online and a component of that was spending a week on campus to do the labs. I imagine a lot of courses with practical components are similar.

[Toothfairy]

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