Pennington Point daughter escapes/ Has no ID's MERGED

[feministxtian]

Faith was probably not looking forward to be an adult living in her mother's house because, as we can learn from Lisa's blog, that's a horrible prospect: thepenningtonpoint.com/2014/08/adult-kids-living-at-home/

Interesting quote:

So she doesn't prepare her kids for an adult life outside of her house (by having them stay home all day every day) but still expects and wants them to leave?

And if they stay they have to do half a day of family chores and be okay with their mother setting ALL the rules? :cray-cray: Like this:

I've had adult kids living at home and I didn't "discipline" them at all. There were expectations and responsibilities laid out, and what would happen if certain things were done (up to and including eviction), but I never thought of trying to be "mommy" to them. The kids knew they had to work and/or go to school, pay for their cars, car insurance and reimburse me for their phones. They had to keep their rooms to a certain standard, do their own laundry, clean up after themselves and help out if they were asked. That was it. I didn't ask for "rent" because I figured I had to pay for the house anyway and it was in my budget.

The difference between me and those fundies is that I did work at making sure I had taught my kids what they needed to know by the time they were 18-ish and before that, they weren't wrapped in cotton-wool. They were given graduated freedoms and learned the boundaries and the good and bad consequences for their own actions.

[memabelle]

What I don't get is that if Lisa says in that post about adult children living at home that she doesn't want to be running an adult living center and she wants her kids to break out...then what was the big effing deal with her daughter actually leaving?

[Coco]

So many parents are like that, and it's just naive. They wrap their children up in cotton wool to protect them from bad influences, expecting that they'll turn 18 and just automatically know how to do the right thing. Doesn't work like that - kids and adults alike can only learn by making mistakes.

I've even seen some make fun of their kids for not knowing basic information that the parents themselves kept them from being able to learn.

[moodygirl86]

I've even seen some make fun of their kids for not knowing basic information that the parents themselves kept them from being able to learn.

Really? That's sick!

[Hane]

The rule for FUCKING ADULTS that they be up and dressed by 7 AM or they lose use of the car for a week made me literally ill--as in my stomach flipped over. "Adult consequences," my @$$. Control for the sake of control is more like it.

[Coco]

Really? That's sick!

It is. Parents sometimes don't realize that freedom equals learning. So many fundie parents choose their convictions as adults with a world of experience that they unconsciously reference. I've seen this teasing and belittling happen in more than one family.

[Hane]

I've also noticed that religious parents often think that being well-behaved (=obedient) equals maturity. It doesn't, not by a long shot.

[moodygirl86]

I've also noticed that religious parents often think that being well-behaved (=obedient) equals maturity. It doesn't, not by a long shot.

Exactly. True maturity is being able to know the difference between good/bad things you're being asked to do, and being able to say no if it's something bad/illegal/dangerous or whatever. Say if you're a child and you're out with a trusted friend or relative who wants to shoplift. That's a classic example of when you SHOULD disobey, but you might go along with it simply because the person is older and you've been taught to obey someone simply because they've travelled round the sun a few more times than you.

[lawlifelgbt]

She blames her kids for not knowing enough to be independent, but kept them from learning so they could be?

That sounds familiar! My family is very education-focused and sent me to college, but my mom was (and still tries to be!) really controlling and stifling. End result: I can write legal briefs, read Shakespeare, and speak three languages, but I can't do my own taxes. I don't know what to do if an appliance breaks, I can barely cook, can't fix my own clothes if the hems are too long or I lose a button, and have only the shakiest grasp of what cleaning agents to use where and what cleaning tricks work best.

What Faith is going through is like that in reverse- she has the "home" knowledge but needs to know more about the world. If I could, I'd meet her, and we could teach each other.

[Clutched Pearls]

What I don't get is that if Lisa says in that post about adult children living at home that she doesn't want to be running an adult living center and she wants her kids to break out...then what was the big effing deal with her daughter actually leaving?

Faith leaving on her terms (instead of her mother's terms) is the big deal.

[nokidsmom]

Faith leaving on her terms (instead of her mother's terms) is the big deal.

Totally this.

And furthermore, given the level of surprise and hurt over her daughter flying the coop, it looks like that for Lisa the idea of their kids leaving the nest someday is totally different from the reality of it actually happening. My folks talked a lot about how someday us kids would be on our own but when that day finally came, it was like the end of the world.

Also, don't be surprised if Lisa circles the wagons around the remaining kids in order to avoid it happening again. Especially since her own parents were involved. Lisa is reacting like her parents were the foxes in the henhouse.

[memabelle]

Totally this.

And furthermore, given the level of surprise and hurt over her daughter flying the coop, it looks like that for Lisa the idea of their kids leaving the nest someday is totally different from the reality of it actually happening. My folks talked a lot about how someday us kids would be on our own but when that day finally came, it was like the end of the world.

Also, don't be surprised if Lisa circles the wagons around the remaining kids in order to avoid it happening again. Especially since her own parents were involved. Lisa is reacting like her parents were the foxes in the henhouse.

I guess it's easy to spout the rhetoric about wanting your kids to leave the nest, and I suppose it's hard for all parents when their kids finally go out on their own, whether the parents are ready for it or not...you just don't usually hear fundies even bother with that kind of rhetoric.

[nokidsmom]

I guess it's easy to spout the rhetoric about wanting your kids to leave the nest, and I suppose it's hard for all parents when their kids finally go out on their own, whether the parents are ready for it or not...you just don't usually hear fundies even bother with that kind of rhetoric.

I agree it's easy for a parent to say when it's something off in the future and not something that has to be dealt with. And yes, it's completely understandable that it's hard for all parents, even those that expect it and know it's something that should happen.

Lisa's reaction is still over the top though. She's entitled to her feelings, however, blogging about it publicly reeks of shaming her daughter and IMHO that's not going to bode well for their future relationship.

[Grimalkin]

From her blog

as some of the circumstances unfolded. We discovered that my parents had been planning this with her without telling us (as you can imagine, an additional part of my grief is not only the loss of my daughter but the total end of the relationship with my parents). We also learned that she has been telling exaggerated stories about what is going on inside our home to a godless woman who has been giving her foolish counsel and encouraging her to deceive us and get out.

If your daughter is exaggerating the truth, why is the woman helping her godless, and giving foolish counsel? She is godless and foolish for helping someone????? Your parents were fully aware of the risk they took by helping your daughter escape your house, and yet they plotted and planned behind your back, knowing they might get cut off from the other grandkids- yet they did it anyway! This speaks volumes you crazy lady.

So just keep dressing up and taking selfies, it will be ok.

Does anyone else think this is eerie...... Between the decorating, controlling, drama, and excessive use of selfies...... She is Tonia from "Four Little Fergusons" all growed up!!!!!!

[VVV]

From her blog

as some of the circumstances unfolded. We discovered that my parents had been planning this with her without telling us (as you can imagine, an additional part of my grief is not only the loss of my daughter but the total end of the relationship with my parents). We also learned that she has been telling exaggerated stories about what is going on inside our home to a godless woman who has been giving her foolish counsel and encouraging her to deceive us and get out.

If your daughter is exaggerating the truth, why is the woman helping her godless, and giving foolish counsel? She is godless and foolish for helping someone????? Your parents were fully aware of the risk they took by helping your daughter escape your house, and yet they plotted and planned behind your back, knowing they might get cut off from the other grandkids- yet they did it anyway! This speaks volumes you crazy lady.

So just keep dressing up and taking selfies, it will be ok.

Does anyone else think this is eerie...... Between the decorating, controlling, drama, and excessive use of selfies...... She is Tonia from "Four Little Fergusons" all growed up!!!!!!

She is a freak. I read her post about adult children living at home with horror--taking away car privileges for a week when an adult child is not up and dressed by 7 AM? Really? And cutting off her parents immediately with no thought of a possible reconciliation, let alone no self-reflection about how she could possibly have handled things differently so that her daughter didn't feel it necessary to make arrangements in secret? And treating a private family drama as an opportunity to sell essential oils?

My fervent prayer is that the other kids escape too. This is one scary lady.

[Sarietty]

Lisa's reaction to this situation suggests that she's more upset about her own loss of face than she is at the "loss" of her daughter and parents. Her first response is to publicly belittle her family members, accusing them of being deceitful, misguided, etc. That's not loving or generous, and it's not the behavior of someone who believes in reconciliation. If Lisa feels that she's been misunderstood or unfairly judged, she would be seeking clarification and understanding. Instead, she's going out of her way to inflame the situation and increase bad feelings among those involved.

I can't tell whether it's pure narcissism, or the result of intense pressure to present a particular kind of "godly womanhood," one that doesn't allow for any deviation from prescribed roles and expectations. Either way, it's clear that Lisa has a very limited set of emotional tools for dealing with challenging situations. She puts so much thought into the way everything looks, but hasn't done a lot of work on her inner self.

[Howl]

I was just noodling around on the Pennington Point blog site, and clicked on the "Health" tab.

Apparently, Lisa has suffered big time from depression, fatigue, and thyroid and adrenal issues (and their BFF weight gain). At some point (relatively recently?) she went and got serious about eating well and dropped 75 pounds.

Interesting. Perhaps she still has "issues" that make her, shall we say, Overly Emotional?

Also, I can't think that these people are poor, even with a lot of kids.

She has a fashion element to her blog and she talks about buying some "expensive" pieces and using less expensive pieces from Target and Old Navy to supplement her wardrobe.

When you are the mom of 10 (or is it 9?) and you can put together a beautiful house and still think about dressing fashionably, I just don't know what to say.

Also, just had to re-read her "The Hardest Post I Ever Wrote". Jeeeesh. With all of the Jesus, God, Holy Spirit out the kazoo, I have a sense that this woman will find it very, very hard to truly forgive her daughter, if ever. The histrionics, Lawzy Mercy.

Sadly, she has also transmitted her profound sense of loss to her children:

[tab=30]I would so appreciate your prayers for not only my heartbreak, but my other children as they cry and constantly ask me why this happened and endure their own betrayal and pain.

[tab=30]Their precious lives will never be the same either. And please pray for my husband as he finds the strength and wisdom to lead a sobbing wife, grieving children and a lost daughter through this horrific event in our lives.

Heartbreak, betrayal, horrific event, tragedy? What would happen if this woman ever experienced a real tragedy? Her daughter is NOT dead. But it reinforces why this girl had to leave her family by making a clean break.

[ladyamylynn]

I was just noodling around on the Pennington Point blog site, and clicked on the "Health" tab.

Apparently, Lisa has suffered big time from depression, fatigue, and thyroid and adrenal issues (and their BFF weight gain). At some point (relatively recently?) she went and got serious about eating well and dropped 75 pounds.

Interesting. Perhaps she still has "issues" that make her, shall we say, Overly Emotional?

Also, I can't think that these people are poor, even with a lot of kids.

She has a fashion element to her blog and she talks about buying some "expensive" pieces and using less expensive pieces from Target and Old Navy to supplement her wardrobe.

When you are the mom of 10 (or is it 9?) and you can put together a beautiful house and still think about dressing fashionably, I just don't know what to say.

Also, just had to re-read her "The Hardest Post I Ever Wrote". Jeeeesh. With all of the Jesus, God, Holy Spirit out the kazoo, I have a sense that this woman will find it very, very hard to truly forgive her daughter, if ever. The histrionics, Lawzy Mercy.

Sadly, she has also transmitted her profound sense of loss to her children:

[tab=30]I would so appreciate your prayers for not only my heartbreak, but my other children as they cry and constantly ask me why this happened and endure their own betrayal and pain.

[tab=30]Their precious lives will never be the same either. And please pray for my husband as he finds the strength and wisdom to lead a sobbing wife, grieving children and a lost daughter through this horrific event in our lives.

Heartbreak, betrayal, horrific event, tragedy? What would happen if this woman ever experienced a real tragedy? Her daughter is NOT dead. But it reinforces why this girl had to leave her family by making a clean break.

Her post tells you everything you need to know about why her daughter moved out.

[DarkAnts]

I see cutting off the relationship with her parents as a way to prevent other children from ex aping. The young ones will now get to hear sermons on their grandparents being evil and to never trust them.

[VVV]

I was just noodling around on the Pennington Point blog site, and clicked on the "Health" tab.

Apparently, Lisa has suffered big time from depression, fatigue, and thyroid and adrenal issues (and their BFF weight gain). At some point (relatively recently?) she went and got serious about eating well and dropped 75 pounds.

Interesting. Perhaps she still has "issues" that make her, shall we say, Overly Emotional?

Also, I can't think that these people are poor, even with a lot of kids.

She has a fashion element to her blog and she talks about buying some "expensive" pieces and using less expensive pieces from Target and Old Navy to supplement her wardrobe.

When you are the mom of 10 (or is it 9?) and you can put together a beautiful house and still think about dressing fashionably, I just don't know what to say.

Also, just had to re-read her "The Hardest Post I Ever Wrote". Jeeeesh. With all of the Jesus, God, Holy Spirit out the kazoo, I have a sense that this woman will find it very, very hard to truly forgive her daughter, if ever. The histrionics, Lawzy Mercy.

Sadly, she has also transmitted her profound sense of loss to her children:

[tab=30]I would so appreciate your prayers for not only my heartbreak, but my other children as they cry and constantly ask me why this happened and endure their own betrayal and pain.

[tab=30]Their precious lives will never be the same either. And please pray for my husband as he finds the strength and wisdom to lead a sobbing wife, grieving children and a lost daughter through this horrific event in our lives.

Heartbreak, betrayal, horrific event, tragedy? What would happen if this woman ever experienced a real tragedy? Her daughter is NOT dead. But it reinforces why this girl had to leave her family by making a clean break.

She might as well be sitting shiva.

[acheronbeach]

When you read her post about her daughter leaving, it's clear that Lisa is a self-absorbed person. Her post didn't even CONSIDER any reasons her daughter might've left; there was absolutely no self-reflection, just angry blame toward her daughter and parents.

The grandparents' assistance especially should've made Lisa pause - other people are actively helping your kids escape the nuclear family. They are worrying for your children because of something you are doing. THAT alone should have made a normal person reflect...

[Coco]

Faith was of age and carefully planned her move, with trusted family. It doesn't seem like she wanted to cut ties forever, she just wanted to breathe. She was smart enough not to run off willy nilly without a plan. The whole thing is very sad, but it seems like she is giving the other kids a good role model for when their chance at freedom finally arrives.

Lisa's modesty posts are really awful. How can someone so great at decorating fail so badly at fashion? :lol: thepenningtonpoint.com/2013/12/embracing-modesty-50/

[memabelle]

Faith was of age and carefully planned her move, with trusted family. It doesn't seem like she wanted to cut ties forever, she just wanted to breathe. She was smart enough not to run off willy nilly without a plan. The whole thing is very sad, but it seems like she is giving the other kids a good role model for when their chance at freedom finally arrives.

Unless all they hear is the version of her leaving as told by their parents. But she really did have what I wish all the kids/young adults in this kind of situation had - a solid support system in her grandparents to help her leave and face life on the outside safely, lovingly, and with her best interests at heart. Hope Faith tries to be that outside support for her siblings when they're ready.

[feministxtian]

the shoes are FUGLY!!! The rest isn't much better....

[Howl]

She might as well be sitting shiva.

Yes, exactly! She has decided that her parents are dead to her and her daughter has betrayed her, so might as well have a funeral.