Adeye upset at clinic practicing sound medicine

[chaotic life]

Nightlight charges $8k for their snowflake adoptions. That is in addition to the costs of IVF. Additionally, I would suspect since they market it as a type of adoption, they likely require some level of home study. The Salems have homestudies and in CO previously, so they likely only required an update and those generally run around $1K. So, if you assume the previous quote of $3500-4000 for that type of IVF, because I have NO clue on that cost, and assume Nightlight paid the shipping to transfer the embroyos to another clinic in their standard fees (which very likely they did NOT), the embroyo game cost the Salems $12500-13000 PLUS the costs for Adeye to travel and stay in a hotel for the week of the transfer, at bare minimum.

[chaotic life]

Adeye's husband was a model and supposedly he invested most of his earnings from that career. The house in Richmond, VA is an income earning rental property, Asia at least one or more of the CL houses. I don't know if they have rental property in other locations in the US or elsewhere. I do know they get several thousand a month from the state of CO for nurse aide services for the special needs children. That is why both Adeye and Anthony hold CNA certificates because CO requires that to pay you as the parent instead of hiring actual nurse aide or nursing services. Adeye has an undetermined income from her BlogHer contract, but look at McMama to see how high the warnings can be for those, and they can be startingly high. Then, Anthony has always worked as a hospital chaplain, which is where they get their health insurance though I suspect it is the smallest of all their income generating endeavors.

The Salems have resources far beyond the average family. However, they have financed five very expensive adoptions, two cross country moves, trips overseas, and the daily living expenses of a large and growing family, oh and before they moved this last time expedite private school tuition for the older boys--no idea if they are paying for private schools for them now or not.

Their resources have got to be running thin. The $30,000 they are seeking is annual support. I believe they already bought their airplane tickets before the embroyo transfer. They need $30,000 on top of what their own resources bring in annually, likely to compensate for the lost CO funds and chaplain salary, adjusted for the cost of living and currency exchange to SA.

[Maggie Mae]

Actually, in the USA, if you are a person of size most airlines have policies that require payment for the second seat, though it might be refunded if the flight is not full.

Which is consistent with the 1 seat = 1 ticket, I guess. I did hear of some people who were required to buy a second seat that wasn't even in the same row, which is dumb. Ugh, flying.

[Trynn]

I've heard of people needin to purchase plane tickets for their instruments if they were big enough.

[Ave Maria]

The frustrating thing with Adeye is that her best quality is also her worst.

I genuinely think that she's got a big heart. Unlike some other adoption blogs that terrify me and give the impression that the kids are just unsaved demons, she seems to actually love her children and she's accepting of their special needs. She's sees kids that are suffering and that desperately need a home, she feels distressed and she needs to do whatever she can to make that happen. She and her husband pushed themselves beyond their comfort zone to adopt all the kids and take on kids with extreme medical needs. Maybe you do need to be a bit irrational to do that - quite frankly, I haven't fostered or adoption even though I know there is a need in my community, because it would be disruptive to my family. They had the mindset that they would push through logical obstacles to love and care for children, and with a child like Hasya, the transformation has been stunning.

So, I can't call this impulse to feel deeply and be moved to help wrong. It's actually quite awesome. It just needs to be balanced with some sense of reality and self-preservation and recognition that she really can't do it all, and that's the piece that's missing. If she were to say, "I can't save the entire world by myself, but I can be the best mom to my children here and continue to inspire others on my blog and draw attention to conditions in foreign orphanages", she could do an amazing job. If she burns herself out, though, at some point she won't be able to continue to help her children.

I've heard people say that "crazy cat ladies" have the same sort of thing going on. They see an abandoned cat and think they can help the poor thing -- and fail to realize when to stop. It starts with a good and loving motivation, but eventually becomes more than one person (or family) can take on.

[KateFowler]

Yes, yes, yes -- Adeye is totally a crazy cat lady. The comparison is apt. And the Salem's surely have some other source of income -- or wealthy parents who willingly assist them.

In just the past 3-4 years, the Salem's have moved cross-country twice. Anthony was unemployed for a stretch. They used other people's money for their zillion adoptions and some post-adoption costs ($1200/mo formula for the 17 yo the size of a toddler), adaptive equipment for the house, etc.

[Belugaloo]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Everytime this thread pops up I get a wave of anxiety, because the most discomforting thing has been FJ snarking on people I am acquainted with! When you guys first started talking about Adeye, I was horrified and it was really at that moment that I started to realize how little we really know about fundie bloggers, because so many of you were snarking on things about Adeye that really weren't snark-worthy (for example, Haven not receiving therapy was one that annoyed me because she is getting therapy)


Anyway- now with the move to SA, I am finally having my snark moments.

As someone who has been involved in the Non Profit world since I was a young teenager, and is now helping to start an NGO in SouthEast Asia, I am finding myself really frustrated with Sindisa... I know many an NGO worker that begs new NGO-founders to not build orphanages. They say "do whatever you want... just please no orphanages!" Because as long as you build orphanages, parents will take their kids to them thinking that it will give them a better chance to escape poverty. I am so frustrated, because I think Sindisa could be a fantastic NGO... Why aren't they starting a program to include education for local communities about special needs and how to care for special needs children? They could start a child sponsorship program that would help pay for the costs of taking care of a special needs child, which would encourage parents to keep their children rather than putting them in orphanages. I understand that a special needs orphanage may be a bit different from a regular one, and perhaps there is a need for that in SA -- I don't know if there is but perhaps there is and in that case, good for them for starting one. But why aren't they also trying to encourage and enable parents to keep their children? Many parents in developing countries don't want to give up their kids, but they feel like they have to because of stigma and lack of ability to care for special needs.... I would think it would be really obvious to start a program that will provide education to the community and a child sponsorship program that would assist with the costs of taking care of a special needs child, rather than just encouraging everyone to relinquish their kids directly to them. :think:

[Lissa1481]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Everytime this thread pops up I get a wave of anxiety, because the most discomforting thing has been FJ snarking on people I am acquainted with! When you guys first started talking about Adeye, I was horrified and it was really at that moment that I started to realize how little we really know about fundie bloggers, because so many of you were snarking on things about Adeye that really weren't snark-worthy (for example, Haven not receiving therapy was one that annoyed me because she is getting therapy)

Anyway- now with the move to SA, I am finally having my snark moments.

As someone who has been involved in the Non Profit world since I was a young teenager, and is now helping to start an NGO in SouthEast Asia, I am finding myself really frustrated with Sindisa... I know many an NGO worker that begs new NGO-founders to not build orphanages. They say "do whatever you want... just please no orphanages!" Because as long as you build orphanages, parents will take their kids to them thinking that it will give them a better chance to escape poverty. I am so frustrated, because I think Sindisa could be a fantastic NGO... Why aren't they starting a program to include education for local communities about special needs and how to care for special needs children? They could start a child sponsorship program that would help pay for the costs of taking care of a special needs child, which would encourage parents to keep their children rather than putting them in orphanages. I understand that a special needs orphanage may be a bit different from a regular one, and perhaps there is a need for that in SA -- I don't know if there is but perhaps there is and in that case, good for them for starting one. But why aren't they also trying to encourage and enable parents to keep their children? Many parents in developing countries don't want to give up their kids, but they feel like they have to because of stigma and lack of ability to care for special needs.... I would think it would be really obvious to start a program that will provide education to the community and a child sponsorship program that would assist with the costs of taking care of a special needs child, rather than just encouraging everyone to relinquish their kids directly to them. :think:

thank you for this. While I don't know this family, the whole orphanage thing has always bothered me. There wouldn't be so many children needing homes if these families didn't feel like giving up their children was their only option.

When that whole thing with the Australian guy and the woman (was she Bulgarian maybe?) And she wanted to give up the disabled child but he didn't, everyone was ranting about her. I wasn't surprised though, if it's a cultural thing to do so. These people need education and support, not American missionaries with money saying they can take them.

[Idolatry]

I don't really get that whole orphanage rant, but Adeye is still in the beg for money phase, so this isn't exactly set in stone.

I can definitely see how an orphanage would be very appealing to a woman with whatever is going on in Adeye's head. I don't get her husband at all. I think it would be interesting to hear his point of view on all of this. It has to be a great burden to pay for all of this, beg for money all the time, come up with some new big plan. But then what do I know, I'm just a working stiff who brings my lunch to the office and pays my bills.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I still cant understand why she hasn't thought of how traumatic it is going to be for her kids to come from an orphanage, then move to another country, and then have a happy life with a mom and dad who love them...and then all of a sudden their mommy tells them that they are moving to a different country and opening an orphanage. Does she not think that any of the kids are going to worry that they are being sent back, or be triggered by the general running of an orphanage, because even if Adeye's isn't going to be abusive, with babies stuffed into cribs and ignored, and malnourished teenagers who only weigh the same amount as toddlers, its still going to bring back memories for them.

[KateFowler]

I still cant understand why she hasn't thought of how traumatic it is going to be for her kids to come from an orphanage, then move to another country, and then have a happy life with a mom and dad who love them...and then all of a sudden their mommy tells them that they are moving to a different country and opening an orphanage. Does she not think that any of the kids are going to worry that they are being sent back, or be triggered by the general running of an orphanage, because even if Adeye's isn't going to be abusive, with babies stuffed into cribs and ignored, and malnourished teenagers who only weigh the same amount as toddlers, its still going to bring back memories for them.

All true -- and that's before taking into consideration the fact that Adeye's already got her hands full homeschooling NINE kids, four of whom have high needs special needs serious enough to require hospitalization on a regular basis (Harper with the croup, Hasya with the broken bones/feeding tube, etc). There just aren't enough hours in the day!