Pooping on Michael Pearl

[polecat]

If you inflict pain on a child he/she will cry. This is logic 101, oh wait, we're talking about Mike Pearl.

Fundies are really good at trying to train this out of you, though.

One of the most messed-up things my parents did when spanking went something like this:

swat, swat, swat -- "WHY ARE YOU CRYING? I AM BARELY SPANKING YOU! STOP YOUR MELODRAMATICS!" Child stuffs fists in mouth to silence crying. Then, swat, swat, swat, swat -- "I am going to keep spanking you until I knock that rebellious spirit right out of you." (Meaning, this brat isn't crying?! Must hit harder!).

It was the ultimate mind-fuck. You never knew whether you SHOULD cry or shouldn't. And almost always, you'd choose wrong. If you didn't cry, you had a rebellious spirit and were defiant. If you did cry, you were being melodramatic and deserved to get spanked more until you shut up.

Writing all that out just brings back such shitty feelings. Fuck Michael Pearl and all the rest of these monsters.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Wait, so this kid had eaten nothing but cantaloupe and beans before Michael fell asleep?

My theory is that this kid is some kind of genius. He's the only one in the family that has the full measure of his grandfather.

He was stockpiling munitions and waiting to deploy them the second that grandpa fell asleep! :lol:

[thoughtful]

Fundies are really good at trying to train this out of you, though.

One of the most messed-up things my parents did when spanking went something like this:

swat, swat, swat -- "WHY ARE YOU CRYING? I AM BARELY SPANKING YOU! STOP YOUR MELODRAMATICS!" Child stuffs fists in mouth to silence crying. Then, swat, swat, swat, swat -- "I am going to keep spanking you until I knock that rebellious spirit right out of you." (Meaning, this brat isn't crying?! Must hit harder!).

It was the ultimate mind-fuck. You never knew whether you SHOULD cry or shouldn't. And almost always, you'd choose wrong. If you didn't cry, you had a rebellious spirit and were defiant. If you did cry, you were being melodramatic and deserved to get spanked more until you shut up.

Writing all that out just brings back such shitty feelings. Fuck Michael Pearl and all the rest of these monsters.

According to Pearl, one is supposed to hear the difference in the crying, like knowing Mozart from Haydn. :roll:

From TTUAC:

PERSISTENCE

Some have asked, "But what if the child only screams louder, gets madder?" Know that if he is accustomed to getting his unrestricted way, you can expect just such a response. He will just continue to do what he has always done to get his way. It is his purpose to intimidate you and make you feel like a crud pile. Don't be bullied. Give him more of the same. On the bare legs or bottom, switch him eight or ten licks; then, while waiting for the pain to subside, speak calm words of rebuke. If the crying turns to a true, wounded, submissive whimper, you have conquered; he has submitted his will. If the crying is still defiant, protesting and other than a response to pain, spank him again.

Eventually, the child is supposed to never cry again, and always have a cheerful countenance.

By taking control and teaching them to control their emotions and to instantly obey, the child will be cheerful and pleasant.

If you are faithful to guard against and reward every infraction, whether in attitude or action, in just a few days you will have a perfectly obedient and cheerful child.

BAD ATTITUDE

Bad attitude is pure bad. For as a child "thinketh in his heart, so is he (Prov. 23: 7)." "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life (Prov. 4:23)." If a child shows the least displeasure in response to a command or duty, it should be addressed as disobedience. If a child sticks out his lip, you should focus your training on his bad attitude. The wrong slant of the shoulders reveals a bad frame of mind. Consider this a sign to instruct, train or discipline. A cheerful, compliant spirit is the norm. Anything else is a sign of trouble.

If what he wrote was in a book of fiction, it would go unpublished for being too over-the-top and unrealistic.

[brillig]

Because I'm too new in fg, I have no better place to raise this question. One of my teenage daughter's favorite sub teacher for nearly the entirety of the year last year was arrested for murder and child abuse of a 2 yo foster child. The child's liver was lacerated and he was the only one home at them time. He was investigated previously for a 2 yo in his care ending up with skull fractures and limbs broken, but not charged. My daughter refused to talk about this, but she woke me up to tell me when she saw it on the evening news. She is a teenager and in my care.

When I spoke to my ex - husband, and told him her reluctance to talk about it, and he started making what I feel are excuses for the foster dad that he was sure the intent wasn't to kill, blah blah blah. THIS is my problem with corporal punishment, human or otherwise. That there is no other consideration BUT complete compliance regardless of developmental or mental ability. Absolutely NO consideration of the developing being in your care. It's all about you. Your convenience, your tolerance, your ability to be compassionate. Abusers literally kill for this.

So my question is, if my daughter ever wants to ask, how do I explain her teacher's actions. How do you tell kids that some people think abuse is fine, but sometimes they go to far?

[Mama Mia]

Brillig, what an awful situation! That poor child, and how horrible that they let him keep fostering after the previous incident. I think the way you described it was pretty good actually. I would just maybe try to keep it toned down enough that she doesn't think that seeing a kid get swatted on the hand when he reaches for the stove is likely to lead to murder. Because while there are, IMHO, generally better ways to deal with things...I think if you give her to extreme a statement she might either a) panic and worry too much or b) discount your message. If that makes sense.

What is likely really concerning and worrying her the most is that this was someone who was a nice guy, who seemed perfectly normal to her - who could then commit such a horrific crime. So talking about rage, and how a big problem with corporeal punishment is that it can escalate - especially if someone has underlying mental illness, or is drinking or has been abused themselves etc. you described the problem really well I think.

I'm sorry your daughter has to deal with this. It's hard when young people discover that the people in their lives aren't always as they seem.

[brillig]

Thank you for your reply. I apologize for the delay in my own reply.

This sub teacher really helped her get through her days last year (she's kind of a nerdy kid, socially awkward with health issues, and she was picked on a lot), and she was devastated hearing that news.

What I told her at the time is that we don't have all the facts. There is a possibility that her teacher is not responsible. I found out about the other two year old after she told me, hoping to find something with which to reassure her.

She absolutely will not discuss it. At all. I don't know if pushing the issue would help.

The thing that really bothers me is her dad saying it was probably a "spanking" taken too far, and his sympathy for the foster dad.

Love should NEVER hurt. I think anyone who ever thinks they want kids should raise and train an independent dog breed, like an Akita or Bully breed on the condition that they do not raise their voice OR a hand or foot. Then, you can have a kid.

[brillig]

Also, this is the third teacher from her k-8 to be arrested for crimes against children. The other two were for sexual issues. Two of the three were teachers that she admired and interacted with on a daily basis.

[Mama Mia]

Wow Brillig, that's really awful. I would think the cumulative effect might make it hard for her to trust people . Is the school maybe providing counseling to kids to help them deal with it?

[16strong]

Brillig, I am so sorry. I am much like your daughter, and I had an [emotionally] abusive ex in college. It was a real mindfuck coming out of that relationship.

I had considered him a good friend for years, but he cheated on me from the start of the relationship and generally treated me horribly. It turns out he was not a friend, but a predator. He wove a web of manipulation so deep that I was left wondering how much of what he had said to me was true, and what had been lies. I was devastated.

I had to go to counseling to sort it all out (which I highly recommend for your daughter). In the end I had to decide that nothing he had said to me about myself was reliable and to discard all of it, good and bad. I had to understand that I was beautiful and worth it, no matter what anyone else said, and that understanding couldn't come from anyone else but myself.

I did, however, learn to view certain things from that relationship as positive, and carry them forward.

Your daughter sounds like she learned a lot from this guy. If it was positive, life-affirming stuff, she should keep it and use it to make herself a better person. It will be very hard for her, but she will have to learn how to divorce the sub's outside actions from the good experiences she had. Take him out of the equation and remember what (during the past year) contributed to the wonderful and even more lovely person she is now.

It will get better over time, but I do recommend encouraging her to talk to someone that is impartial to the situation, preferably a therapist not connected with the school.