Feminism is to blame for stress in our middle years - Lori

[DGayle]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/09/most-stressed-out-in-society.html

 

Women 45-64 are the most stressed, and it's due to feminism giving us choices. Yeah, if we had no choices, then we could just sit around whining about how life sucks instead of having to accept that we have choices that contribute to the state of our lives.

 

Lori got to experience certain things in her life, thanks to feminism. So did Michelle D, among others. So how is feminism so evil?

 

My reply obviously isn't going to be posted.

 

 

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

I know women who work, and who aren't stressed like that. I know stay-at-home mothers who are stressed. Feminism means having the right to choose whether we stay home or work outside the home. Just staying home with the kids while Husband works doesn't mean a woman, even a devoutly Christian woman, will be happy and unstressed.

 

I don't get into my family life with many people online, but I am an at-home mother starting homeschooling with my kids. One of them is special needs. My husband and I would like more kids, but that's not possible now. He works outside the home. I run a business from the office in our home. I wouldn't be able to stay home and earn the money we need to make all the ends meet if I hadn't worked outside the home for years first, learning new skills and building the connection I need. My life is pretty swell as an at-home mom, but this doesn't mean this is the right path for everyone.

 

A good friend is an at-home mom of one. Her husband has a job at a store that sees a seasonal drop in patronage that started a month ago. Along with his cut in hours, their rent just went up. In the best of months, this god-fearing family barely scrapes by, and that's with other friends and I anonymously sending them grocery gift cards. Their church has a lot of poor people, which means there's not much help to be had. They've tried trusting that her staying at home and their faithfulness could mean God will provide, but they can't pay their rent next month, and they're about to lose their home, them and their 7 kids.

 

In my family, both of my parents worked. They had to. This doesn't mean no one did the cooking and the cleaning. They had to communicate well, and cooperate. I grew up learning how to help with these things, and I can cook a killer roast for it, as well as BBQ a mean tri-tip. I also learned from the example they set of having very clear very open communication, and this has made my own relationship stronger, because I apply what I saw. If my mom had stayed home, we would have been dirt-poor instead of having the money to be comfortable and even take family trips.

 

Could you explain how the working-outside-the-home mother's family was happy and healthy with kids who grew up well, the non-working at-home mother's family is struggling and facing homelessness, and the lone non-believer is an at-home mother running a business with a very happy family? Feminism is about having choices. If you want to be a stay-at-home mother, you still have that choice. If you want to work outside the home, you have that choice. Feminism doesn't mean you must leave your kids to go to work. It means you get to choose.

[feministxtian]

I'm 50, have a career, currently living 300 miles from my husband and am NOT stressed! The stress was when my husband and mother were sick.

Crazily enough...my house got cleaned, bills got paid and meals got cooked even with me working...

This bitch is flat out of her fucking mind...

[polecat]

I can see how several factors could lead to women being stressed from 45 to 64, and none have to do with feminism.

1. Those are the years in which most women go through menopause. Having out-of-control hormones during perimenopause sounds like a surefire route to stress. Add to that the mixed feelings that may accompany menopause for some women, and, well, stress.

2. Those are the years in which most mothers send their kids off to college, see them marry or otherwise settle down, watch them start lives on their own. Not every mother goes through empty nest syndrome, but I do believe that enough of them do for someone to have coined the phrase "empty nest syndrome." Even for mothers who are happy to have launched their kids into the world and are excited about starting the next phase of life, this can be a challenging time as they adjust and transition to this big life change.

3. These are the years in which, sadly or not, some long-term relationships or marriages end. Again, this can be a positive change for these women, but even positive changes can bring stress. And if it is a negative situation, that is for sure going to bring stress.

4. These are the years in which people begin to think about retiring. Along with retirement comes concerns about financial security. Stress.

5. Lest we forget, these are also the years in which elderly parents often need help. Whether that means the woman becomes a caregiver or finds a long-term care solution for them, it is still stressful.

Note: I'm making a lot of generalizations that simply aren't going to apply to all women. But I do think at least some apply to a large percentage of them.

[brillig]

You know, Lori, I gave you all kinds of doubt thinking you were under your husband's thumb. I apologize to every fj ' ER for trying to see her side.

[feministxtian]

I can see how several factors could lead to women being stressed from 45 to 64, and none have to do with feminism.

1. Those are the years in which most women go through menopause. Having out-of-control hormones during perimenopause sounds like a surefire route to stress. Add to that the mixed feelings that may accompany menopause for some women, and, well, stress.

2. Those are the years in which most mothers send their kids off to college, see them marry or otherwise settle down, watch them start lives on their own. Not every mother goes through empty nest syndrome, but I do believe that enough of them do for someone to have coined the phrase "empty nest syndrome." Even for mothers who are happy to have launched their kids into the world and are excited about starting the next phase of life, this can be a challenging time as they adjust and transition to this big life change.

3. These are the years in which, sadly or not, some long-term relationships or marriages end. Again, this can be a positive change for these women, but even positive changes can bring stress. And if it is a negative situation, that is for sure going to bring stress.

4. These are the years in which people begin to think about retiring. Along with retirement comes concerns about financial security. Stress.

5. Lest we forget, these are also the years in which elderly parents often need help. Whether that means the woman becomes a caregiver or finds a long-term care solution for them, it is still stressful.

Note: I'm making a lot of generalizations that simply aren't going to apply to all women. But I do think at least some apply to a large percentage of them.

I spent 40-48 stressed out of my mind...troubled kids, a mother in failing health, a sick husband, job upheaval...but the generalizations she makes like this comment "When both work, there usually is no one responsible for cooking and cleaning. It is very sad." she pisses me right the fuck off...we never had problems deciding who was "responsible" for anything...I'm a better cook than my husband and he's better at cleaning than I am (he fussed at the way I vacuum so I told him he could do it)...I don't understand why she says shit like that. I mean, we've managed to keep a house, everybody got fed, things got done and there weren't any fights about it. Oh wait...we're both adults who are capable of seeing that something needs to get done and then we get up and do it (or just let it go if it isn't a priority).

But then again, I seriously doubt Ken ever got off his ass and lifted a finger and I have a low opinion of Lori's housekeeping skills if she needed a housekeeper AND a nanny to help her run her house....and she only had 4 kids....

[lilwriter85]

That blog entry pisses me off for several reasons as usual when it comes to Lori's blog. My mother is 64 years old and retired two years ago. She was a SAHM off and on for a decade, before working for 23 years. My mother has dealt with stress, but it didn't come from feminism. My mom had to deal with my grandmother dementia for seven years before my grandma died. That caused stress, but mother did a lot of things to relieve her stress.

These responsibilities don't change much as you get older. Teenagers still need mothers at home. Even grown children need help with babysitting and help with the grandchildren. Husbands will always need their wives. The homes still need to be cleaned and maintained with nourishing food shopped for and prepared. Then there are the elderly parents that start needing help. Finally, older women are suppose to be teaching the younger women. How are they supposed to do that when they can hardly take care of their own families?

Feminism didn't take away my mother from my father. Husbands and wives need each other to work together to make homes run well. My parents have always taken turns grocery shopping and cooking. I guess Lori will blame feminism as the reason my father does shopping and cooking. When I was teenager my mother was there for me and my mom was able to take care of family and teach about me different things. My father also taught me a lot of skills. As previously mentioned, my mother had to deal with my grandmother having demenita, but she had siblings and they all worked together to care for my grandma. Lori needs to realize situations vary from family to family. Also my two nephews live in other cities away from my parents and sorry Lori not grown children turn to their parents or in laws for babysitting.

My mother has a friend who is 62 and pretty much has a lot of the same beliefs as Lori regarding women. My mom's friend was SAHM off and on with her two kids and later she quit a job to take care of her grandchildren while her daughter and ex son-in-law worked. That woman's life was always more stressful than my mother's life. That woman's ex son-in-law was abusive to her daughter and grandchildren. Later on, my mom's friend's husband suffered a stroke and is now suffering from dementia. That woman's life is hectic 24/7 and it comes down to individual circumstances.

[Coco]

So true. I think Lori's just trying to justify her laziness with that age bracket and her examples of "ministries" for older women.

[DGayle]

I think the early adult years of trying to establish an adult life, and the menopause years, would be rough because both of those times comes with so much change. I just HATE people making natural changes, like menopause causing so much hormonal hell, on feminism, and trying to slam feminism for it. She's twisting feminism to get more women on her side.

[jerkit]

This all boils down to Lori wanting every woman in the world to live the exact same life she has lived. Anything else is obviously wrong and amoral and Jesus doesn't approve.

[formergothardite]

Okay, this might be all crazy talk but what if the teens that are home pitch in and help clean the house and cook? Wives will also always need their husbands so the husbands can pitch in too instead of coming home and plopping down on the couch to do nothing. Caring for elderly parents can be difficult, but when my grandmother got to the point of needing lots of help everyone in the family took turns being with her, the job didn't just fall to my mother.

As for the wife also being responsible for watching the grandkids, why don't we just all copy Lori and hire a nanny?

[ViolaSebastian]

This all boils down to Lori wanting every woman in the world to live the exact same life she has lived. Anything else is obviously wrong and amoral and Jesus doesn't approve.

Not even the same life she lived, the life Lori WANTS them to live. Don't forget:

Lori used birth control, but you're ungodly if you use birth control.

Lori had a nanny, but you're ungodly if you have a nanny.

Lori worked as a teacher when she had her first child, but you're ungodly if you work outside the home.

Lori bossed around her husband, but you're ungodly if you boss around your husband.

Lori's husband worked too much and traveled frequently, but your husband is ungodly if he has to work two jobs to make sure your kids have food and shelter.

[littlemommy]

Why does she act like taking care of housework is so horribly difficult? My dad (when a bachelor...again) did his housework and fed himself daily and he is a MORON.

[FundieWatcher]

I won't claim to be a Bible expert. But, I don't think stress for women is "against what God wants", as Lori says. Where is that in the Bible?

I I appreciate that her readers pointed out homeschool is stressful.

[jerkit]

I have no idea what to say about Lori's post today.

Who needs obscure vague theology when we can talk about vegetarianism?

[louisa05]

Cooking and keeping our house clean is, frankly, the LEAST stress causing thing in our lives. We just do it. My husband kind of likes cleaning and I love to cook most days. But the days I'm not loving it, I can do it on auto-pilot.

It is managing my parents' household from 65 miles away that stresses me out. And feminism did not cause that situation.

STFU, Lori. :hand:

[salex]

I have no idea what to say about Lori's post today.

Who needs obscure vague theology when we can talk about vegetarianism?

I have an answer about what to say about Lori's post today, even though i just skimmed it.

Lori is an idiot who has no idea what the fuck she is talking about.

Really, nothing more needs to be said given her complete inexperience, lack of understanding and failure to research anything she writes about.

[Firiel]

I have no idea what to say about Lori's post today.

Who needs obscure vague theology when we can talk about vegetarianism?

Would it be the worst thing in the world if we were all vegetarians?

I wonder what Lori would say about the fact that my boyfriend is a vegetarian and I'm not. Does that mean he's a woman? I mean, he did feel very badly about the black widow he had to kill the other day. According to Lori, "Women have a hard time not having an emotional attachment to animals and would hate having to slaughter them." So... he's probably the most feminine woman of them all!

I'm sending this link to the boyfriend. He doesn't understand my fundie obsession as it is, but this one is just too perfect.

[littlemommy]

So women can't kill animals because we're such softies? My grandma was born in 1905 and grew up on a working farm.she had no trouble wringing chicken necks. She also told me very matter of factly how her father used to drown sacks of kittens because "they didn't need more cats". :shock: Now, kitten killing aside, my grandma was a huge softie. But the grandkids she cuddled had a place in her heart the farm animals never did.

So I guess my family would NOT have been vegetarians, thanks to my Oma.

[ViolaSebastian]

So women can't kill animals because we're such softies? My grandma was born in 1905 and grew up on a working farm.she had no trouble wringing chicken necks. She also told me very matter of factly how her father used to drown sacks of kittens because "they didn't need more cats". :shock: Now, kitten killing aside, my grandma was a huge softie. But the grandkids she cuddled had a place in her heart the farm animals never did.

So I guess my family would NOT have been vegetarians, thanks to my Oma.

This reminds me of a story that's oft-told in my family. My uncle decided it would be a great idea to get some chickens. But the day came when they weren't laying and had to be made into chicken soup. He couldn't bring himself to do it, so my tiny 100 pound grandmother who grew up in the inner city came and did the honors. The woman can wring a chicken's neck like nobody's business.

[browncoatslytherin]

my mother is very lucky, due to feminism. she was a sahm for years, but when i got into my pre-teen years and she was doing less with homeschooling directly, she was starting to get bored. she went back to school and got her certificate for medical transcription, got in with a big medical group in our area, and even got to the point where she was working from home. she gave up that job when we moved to pa, but after she left my dad, she had left on such good terms with the medical group that she was able to come back to her old position with no problem. if she hadn't gone back to school and spent years working, she wouldn't have had anything when she left. she just retired last year at 66 years old. she tried to stick it out a little bit longer, but her health problems due to sitting and typing all day plus all kinds of changes going on in the group caused her to decide to retire earlier than she anticipated.

i'm so glad she had something she could do when she got out, though. i don't remember how she got into teaching years and years ago, but i'm sure it would have been difficult as hell to get everything caught up. and right at the start of the economy bottoming out, she would have likely been sol in just about anything else.

[polecat]

Would it be the worst thing in the world if we were all vegetarians?

I wonder what Lori would say about the fact that my boyfriend is a vegetarian and I'm not. Does that mean he's a woman? I mean, he did feel very badly about the black widow he had to kill the other day. According to Lori, "Women have a hard time not having an emotional attachment to animals and would hate having to slaughter them." So... he's probably the most feminine woman of them all!

I'm sending this link to the boyfriend. He doesn't understand my fundie obsession as it is, but this one is just too perfect.

It blows my mind that Little Miss Cat Kicker is talking about how much she would hate to hurt animals. Bitch, please.

I love animals. I also enjoy eating some animals (not a big beef or pork person). But I think I'd rather kill an animal for food (thinking hunting here) than buy meat at the grocery. I don't hunt yet, but I do enjoy fishing, which also results in an animal being hurt/killed for food. I have several female friends who deer hunt. And two female friends who live on farms and regularly have to slaughter their chickens and goats. One gets extremely attached to her goats -- names them, brings the babies into the house and everything. But when the time comes, you do what you need to do to keep your family fed.

[dairyfreelife]

My boyfriend is a vegetarian. His brother-in-laws are vegetarians. His father is a vegetarian as well. He was raised Hindu and part of the religion involves not eating meat. The majority of Hindus believe all creatures are sacred and therefore should not be killed or eaten. And my boyfriend is very loving toward animals. He likes to fish like I do, but regardless of catch and release rules, he puts it back. He does not hunt. He does not want to hunt. He does not want to kill animals.

Lori can call him a woman all she wants, but based of her own writings, she can keep her so-called "manly-man" Ken. I am confident I got the better deal on men.

[usmcmom]

I swear, her writing and thought process are on the level of an eight-year-old.

"If the mom works, who will cook and clean?"

"Without men, who would shoot the animals?"

My grandmother had her own hunting rifle and the stories of her use of it are amazing. My mom grew up eating every imaginable animal that one of her parents could shoot, clean and cook. My grandmother was also a wonderful seamstress, cook, crafter, church leader. Basically, she could do everything that she needed to do to keep her home running and her six children clothed and fed.

On another recent topic - the speculation that Ken has cheated - I wonder if that could be why Lori absolutely hates all other women. If Ken has had an affair (or several), Lori is the kind to blame the woman and minimize Ken's fault.

Finally, I'm really tired of Klorien's misuse of scripture.

[lilwriter85]

Okay, this might be all crazy talk but what if the teens that are home pitch in and help clean the house and cook? Wives will also always need their husbands so the husbands can pitch in too instead of coming home and plopping down on the couch to do nothing. Caring for elderly parents can be difficult, but when my grandmother got to the point of needing lots of help everyone in the family took turns being with her, the job didn't just fall to my mother.

As for the wife also being responsible for watching the grandkids, why don't we just all copy Lori and hire a nanny?

I was thinking the same thing about teens helping out. I'm sure that Lori's kids did chores around the house when they were teens, unless the nanny was still around at that point and being a housekeeper for them, which wouldn't me surprise me. My three older siblings were a bit older than me and they were all out of the house by the time I was 10. It was a bit easy for me to help out around the house, because the house wasn't getting too dirty and there were only three people in the house. I also would do all the laundry and didn't mind it that much. I know if my parents had a larger family things would have been different. Lori has talked about how much she likes the Duggars and Bates families. I guess she forgets about the teen girls cleaning and cooking in the home.

[lilwriter85]

Whenever Lori talks about ranches and farms, you can tell that she doesn't know jack shit about a long of things that go on. My mother's parents had a ranch and my grandmother did a lot on that ranch and included killing livestock. I would like to send Lori to spend time at a ranch or farm and at the very least, she will see at least one woman working.