What about the Duggar Boys?

[calimojo]

Forgive me if this has been brought up before, but as a newbie who is just getting caught up in this, I had a thought about the boys.

 

I see a lot of posting about the girls and their limited choice in life, their roles in the patriarchal society, their raising up of their younger siblings, and their destiny to become baby breeders. However, It also strikes me that the Duggar and other QF boys, have reasons to fear their future.

 

I can't imagine the fear of the future, I would have if I knew that I was expected to not only repeatedly impregnate my wife, and have 10 or more kids, but also financially support them, on a homeschool education.

 

I look at John- David and Joseph, and wonder if they will ever marry, or if the fear of being the breadwinner to a litter of babies will turn them off of the idea.

 

They are possibly not as imprisoned, as their sisters, by their parent's expectations, as it is no doubt easier for them to break away, if they want, and in JD 's case he does seem to have his own source of cash. But I still can't help but feel for the boys, as they see their future of trying to make ends meet, be the headship of one of these huge families. The media interest in the boys doesn't seem to be as strong as it is for the girls, so I really don't see most of them getting much ongoing $$ from TLC after they are grown up.

 

When I see adorable Jackson, handsome James, and often overlooked Justin, in their TH's it breaks my heart because you can still see optimism and happiness in their personalities. But as the boys get older, you can see the guarded "Duggar" speak, they all eventually adopt.

 

While, as a woman, my heart goes out the girls who are forced to follow the QF cult for all the obvious reasons, we already know, I feel equally bad for the boys. On the surface, they seem to have more choices, and definitely fewer responsibilities around the house, they will one day be trying to figure out how to earn, grift, beg or whatever, to pay for their own families.

 

I do think it is likely that the first to defect the Duggar family set up, will be one of the boys, simply because they will have more opportunity to be on their own, and perhaps mingle with non-believers. I also find it very hard to believe, that a young man John-David's age has never been with a woman. Or Joseph's age. They are featured so rarely with the rest of the family, that it makes me wonder if they are already someone on the fringe anyway, and only must play the role when the camera's are on.

[calimojo]

Oh dear, just re-read that and noticed my poor grammar and sentence structure. I am typing on small iPad for the first time, and it just doesn't work as well for me as an actual key board. Hopefully though, my overall topic was clear.

[Four is Enough]

We've wondered if all the girls are straight online with the QF philosophy, and whether or not they will try to slow down the baby making. You've asked an interesting question. FWIW, I believe that some of the boys and some of the girls will elect to stop or slow the conceptions down to a much smaller family than their parents had. Some of them might not want any children.. and may very well never marry, because they either think birth control is a sin, or because they don't know how to get out of not having kids. The question that remains is: Will they ever leave their parents' home?

[Closed Womb]

The only advantage to being a Duggar boy is that the adult son can change the rules for himself; once married, he need not submit to dad. But, if they really buy in to what they've been told, it has to be very intimidating to know that you will have to provide for a family, likely a large one, on one salary. JD and Joseph would clearly remember the lean years, too. With two attempts at being elected alderman, JD knows that the Duggar name isn't magic for him the way it seems to be creating jobs for Josh (who everyone likes to hate on, but I find to be much more comfortable in front of people and well spoken that the other adult Duggar sons.) That's a lot of hard work they're going to have to put forth, with sex and privacy being the two "benefits" in return.

[calimojo]

I read somewhere that Josh was sent to ALERT camp at one time. Was that covered on the show? I see a lot of things on here that I have never seen on the show, so I often wonder how so many on here get this info. I haven't watched every single episode of the show, so I no doubt have missed a few things.

I can't quite figure out my fascination with this family. On the one hand I am very unhappy and very much in disagreement with their extreme conservatism, and their infiltration into politics, indirectly and directly. On the other hand, I find myself kind of fascinated by how they run their day to day life, especially the early episodes, that show how they strategize to shop, do laundry, etc. I think that was back when they had just 14-16 kids. Then I stopped watching them, and only lately, as a result of being laid up with a broken leg, did I start to watch them again.

The boys, other than Josh, seem very ignored, in my mind, at least by the show. Jackson, gets a lot of time in TH's, but I think that is because he is so darned cute. The other boys seem very inconsequential to the show, and possibly to their parents.

Michelle seems deranged much of the time, and honestly, JB doesn't bother me as much as some on here as he does honestly seem to enjoy being with his kids. There have been a few times, when he has let his guard down and seemed quite genuine, in his grief over his dad and his fears for Michelle and Josie. I am still not a fan of his, just that of the two parents, he seems more involved and closer to his kids than the mom.

I think the boys are going to have some hard times. I don't get the feeling they will get the financial support like the girls might get, and while they might have some rudimentary handyman skills, I don't see any of them as being able to get a decent job. And, I would not trust their handyman skills much as I doubt following building codes, or OSHA standards matters much to JB. I imagine their handyman skills are more of the "Hold it together with spit and bailing wire" type, than from any true idea of the right way to do things.

The older boys may have learned some principles of frugal living, but the twins on down, probably only remember the "good life" that they have now, with buses, RV's, BobCats, BackHoes, fancy tractors, fancy cars, Trips all over the country, etc. I seriously doubt that most QF families have those kinds of opportunities.

Kids who are raised like that, don't easily adjust to not having much, when they go out on their own

[Sundaymorning]

The only advantage to being a Duggar boy is that the adult son can change the rules for himself; once married, he need not submit to dad. But, if they really buy in to what they've been told, it has to be very intimidating to know that you will have to provide for a family, likely a large one, on one salary. JD and Joseph would clearly remember the lean years, too. With two attempts at being elected alderman, JD knows that the Duggar name isn't magic for him the way it seems to be creating jobs for Josh (who everyone likes to hate on, but I find to be much more comfortable in front of people and well spoken that the other adult Duggar sons.) That's a lot of hard work they're going to have to put forth, with sex and privacy being the two "benefits" in return.

This. Duggar boys have it hard, but still better than Duggar girls. They didn't have to play sister-moms, have more freedoms, can actually pursue some kind of career (granted, a limited one without any real education, but it still provides independence), can court women instead of waiting for prince charming to jump through Boobs hoops and generally are regarded much more competent than their sisters in ATI circles.

[calimojo]

I would agree, being a Duggar Boy is probably better than being Duggar Girl. They may also enjoy more privacy as well, since TLC and the public in general don't seem as interested in the boys as they are the girls. I think it would be easier for them to quietly disengage from the lifestyle to a degree, possibly even with their parent's knowledge as long as they don't talk about that and play their part when the cameras are rolling

[FloraDoraDolly]

The Duggar boys don't seem to have a healthy relationship with either parent. Michelle barely knows who they are while Jim Bob has this whole weird competitive thing going on with them. Then there's the whole Josiah-at-ALERT situation. I don't know if Josiah was sent there because something he did displeased Jim Bob, or if that's the only way the poor kid could get out of the house. But I can't see Jim Bob or Michelle sending a girl away to a place like that for months on end.

[Feberin]

I agree that the Duggar boys have it easier then the girls but I don't think that means life is a walk in the park for them. I think this is especially true for any Duggar boys who don't seem to want one of the few careers that JB seems to have OKed for his sons. I think JD and Joseph both can find careers that are accepted and make them happy while still toeing the Duggar line. But more creative and less technical boys may find it difficult to find a career that JB will approve and they enjoy.

I wouldn't be surprised if JD and Joseph remain single or delay marrying until they get to the point that they won't have quite so many children if they marry a similarly aged woman. I bet one of those SAHDs past their prime would jump at the chance to finally marry too.

Josh was sent to ALERT back when they were still doing specials I believe. He is in one of them (16 kids?) with a buzzed hair cut I believe. So it's not mentioned for the show at all. I think ALERT is only mentioned for the first time with Joseph.

[lisa_m]

The Duggars have never said that Josh went to ALERT. He had a buzzcut in one of the specials which ALERT boys do have, but neither Josh nor the rest of his family have said he went to ALERT.

[Dandruff]

If the boys don't want huge families of their own at least they have some control over it. They can try to find a spouse from a very small family, or one where the kids are spaced far apart (less fertility). Regarding supporting their families, I think it'll work out OK...despite the SOTDRT. If they stay in the area they could probably live in Duggar-owned properties or build near the TTH. Perhaps there's work to be done with the family real estate, or selling/fixing/towing vehicles, or doing handyman work. If not, then maybe a job through the wife's family (hi Ben), or at Gothard HQ, or a missionary organization, or even the media for some. And I doubt they'll feel the need to put money away for their children's college educations. The more "intellectual" boys may have a harder job finding satisfying work, but I still think they'll manage.

[crazyforkate]

Being a Duggar Boy has advantages over being a Duggar Girl, but it sure doesn't sound like much fun, either. That entire brood has been screwed over from birth, with their narrow upbringing and rather limited education. Perhaps the TLC money can give them a better start, if they ever see any of it.

[calimojo]

not that this is just for the boys, but I hate to see the older kids, the ones that are actually adults, being dragged along on all of the field trips that are clearly more appropriate for the younger children. Who, in their right mind, would force a 24 year old boy to go to a petting farm, or sing simple bible songs at appearances with the family. So often, I catch a glimpse of JD or Joseph with pained looks on their faces. Obviously the older girls have to go, because they are caring for the younger ones, but the older boys just look out of place

[Sundaymorning]

The Duggar boys don't seem to have a healthy relationship with either parent. Michelle barely knows who they are while Jim Bob has this whole weird competitive thing going on with them. Then there's the whole Josiah-at-ALERT situation. I don't know if Josiah was sent there because something he did displeased Jim Bob, or if that's the only way the poor kid could get out of the house. But I can't see Jim Bob or Michelle sending a girl away to a place like that for months on end.

Honestly, I'd rather spend a few months, or even some years in a program like this instead of having to be a sister-mom and J'Chelles slaves for decades and then having to submit the rest of my life to whatever guy Boob approves of.

I'm not saying that Duggar boys have it easy or have a nice childhood at all. I'm just saying that they are much better off than the girls.

[silverspoons]

I see Josh and Josiah being similar and JD and Joseph. Only issue is there is one FRC job and one towing business. I think Jim Bob is scrambling to find "jobs" for the younger boys. Do we even know what Joseph does at 20? During dishing with the Duggars he said he likes carpentry and might still do something like that(he was reading his prediction for 2005).

I think the boys have an easy life. Go to school till 16 and then some sort of part time/flexible work till marriage. During this work time your bed is made for you, your laundry is done by your grandma, your food is cooked for you, your bathroom is cleaned. You have a variety of insured car/trucks you can use with gas in them. Besides sharing a room with tweens/teens, there are few drawbacks.

As for supporting a family as long as Jim Bob finds a way to get each of them some no cost housing they will be okay. The Duggar boys aren't going to care about new clothes for themselves or their kids or organic foods. I doubt we will see the Duggar boy having kids and having them be in sports. Most young couples are paying the most for housing, transportation, and childcare and these expenses are virtually non-existent in Duggar world.

[Clutched Pearls]

I feel the Duggar boys may have it as hard as the girls. The boys will be pressured to keep the QF status quo for the sake of the Duggar brand.

[Toothfairy]

I do think they have it easier than the girls. The boys have yo get a job with little education and skills and support a whole load of kids. It doesn't help that they're at home all day doing nothing. The older boys are jerks.If they wanted to be a stay at home dad that's not allowed. They have to keep the Duggar name and brand going. The only thing I see good about the boys is that they can change the rules. They can prevent children from coming encourage an education and maybe move away from the cult. There's also nothing interesting about them.

[calimojo]

Well, jobs for the Duggar boys will be hard to find, if JB has to help all of the young men who will be courting their daughters jobs as well.

Clearly bringing Ben on as an assistant to JB is ridiculous, considering he has a few grown up boys who could do that for him

[doubleT]

I think that Josh and John had a lot of experience as being a buddy. Yeah, they didn't have to clean the house or prepare the food, but I do think they each had a couple of buddies that they were responsible for, something the younger boys will never know. Also Josh and John had to do most of the building of the TTH before some help came in. I think Boob took Josh out of his comfort zone many, many times.

[Mama Mia]

If the boys don't want huge families of their own at least they have some control over it. They can try to find a spouse from a very small family, or one where the kids are spaced far apart (less fertility).

But that's really not how fertility works. And even if it did, many Quiverfull families came to that philosophy when the mothers were already past their primary childbearing years. And quiverfull is a sub-set of fundamentalism. Plus there are health reasons apart from fertility why a woman might not have further children - such as a hysterectomy. Plus, that's really not how fertility works -- an extremely large family, especially with fraternal twins, and a mother who exclusively breast fed, is more likely to signify that the daughter might inherit good fertility from her mother. Because fraternal twins mean the mother may have passed down a tendency towards hyper-ovulation. And getting pregnant while breastfeeding means the daughter may also have a tendency to regain her fertility quickly. But a small family, with no other information, really doesn't say anything about the daughters future fertility.

[Ivycoveredtower]

I think that Josh and John had a lot of experience as being a buddy. Yeah, they didn't have to clean the house or prepare the food, but I do think they each had a couple of buddies that they were responsible for, something the younger boys will never know. Also Josh and John had to do most of the building of the TTH before some help came in. I think Boob took Josh out of his comfort zone many, many times.

Josh supposedly had Joe and JD had Josiah. The girls each have at least three Buddy's.

[nelliebelle1197]

The Duggars have never said that Josh went to ALERT. He had a buzzcut in one of the specials which ALERT boys do have, but neither Josh nor the rest of his family have said he went to ALERT.

Didn't someone do some research that turned up photos or something of Josh at ALERT? I don't think folks around here necessarily need rely on what fundies say.

[calimojo]

is ALERT always a punishment, or do most of the fundie boys go at least once? At Josiah's Grad party, he announced it like he was excited about going. I am more worried about it as I wonder how many of the Fundie families are militarized

[Ivycoveredtower]

is ALERT always a punishment, or do most of the fundie boys go at least once? At Josiah's Grad party, he announced it like he was excited about going. I am more worried about it as I wonder how many of the Fundie families are militarized

there is rumors that Josh went but no clear proof. I don't think JD ever went. we know for sure that Joe and Si have went. All the younger boys are in a boy scout like setting for the week at the Home school conference. I have't heard anything about the Bates boys going so I'm not sure if they do.

[Gherkin]

I wish there was a way to tell fertility from family size. I'd be fine rather then paying a doctor $1000's.

Anyway, perhaps some are infertile (girls included)? What happens then?