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Larissa's book


lilwriter85

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I took a break from reading some blogs and I'm now getting caught up on several bloggers. I checked out Ian and Larissa's site. Her book is being released in a couple of days. So far it seems there hasn't been major press or promotion for the book. Christian Post has an article about them

http://www.christianpost.com/news/marri ... un-125346/

I checked out Amazon and it seems the book is already being sold there and there are 21 reviews up. I wouldn't be surprised if some of those people are paid reviewers or friends of the couple.

http://www.amazon.com/Eight-Twenty-When ... ssa+murphy

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I took a break from reading some blogs and I'm now getting caught up on several bloggers. I checked out Ian and Larissa's site. Her book is being released in a couple of days. So far it seems there hasn't been major press or promotion for the book. Christian Post has an article about them

http://www.christianpost.com/news/marri ... un-125346/

I checked out Amazon and it seems the book is already being sold there and there are 21 reviews up. I wouldn't be surprised if some of those people are paid reviewers or friends of the couple.

http://www.amazon.com/Eight-Twenty-When ... ssa+Murphy

They have had some tv interviews (taped and maybe some live) on Inside Edition that will likely play on the "official" release date of their anniversary. Meanwhile, He's supposed to "Walk by 30" and had some surgery and she's sitll having issues with him and the colostomy bag (bad car trip home in the last month)

I am sort of interested if he speaks in the interview-- I guess i can want them to do OK with the book so they have enough income to hire help in, etc but I am so hesitant to have them promote their choices since I've never felt her decision to marry was a wise one.

edited To correct name of news show

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I always feel like a semi-stalker admitting it, but they live in my college town. I went to IUP as well. I know the area where they live now because I have a friend close by. He's seen them around a few times, but nobody ever hears Ian speak...

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I always feel like a semi-stalker admitting it, but they live in my college town. I went to IUP as well. I know the area where they live now because I have a friend close by. He's seen them around a few times, but nobody ever hears Ian speak...

You aren't a stalker. You know people who know them and you are familiar with the area.

I looked at their twitter and FB pages, which I didn't check out earlier. I saw the Inside Edition taping pictures that salex mentioned. I'll set my DVR to record Inside Edition tomorrow and Thursday. I saw pictures of them taping for show on Toronto, that might come up on youtube.

I'm not trying to be cruel, but I do wonder if Ian is worse off than they will admit. But I do find Larissa to be likable compared to Katie from the Ben and Katie blog. I'm starting to follow that blog again since Katie and Ben's baby is due next month IIRC.

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I don't think he is anywhere near where they want him to be. She mentions in that one interview that it's "golden" when he finally does talk, so....

I can't imagine they won't touch on it more in the book, but I do get the feeling that she... fluffs it a little.

I wonder how doctors determine where a personally is, mentally and capacity wise, when they can't talk to you. How do you know, really?

When I volunteered as a Guardian ad Litem for people in Ian's condition, to see if a guardianship was warranted, the ability to communicate needs and wants was first on my list.

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Interesting video from a few months back has Ian talking, with subtitles. The wedding video is partially included, but you can forward to about midway through when the content picks back up at 2014. What do you all think? He's definitely speaking, but not clearly enough for a non-caregiver to understand well. Even Larissa asks him to repeat. desiringgod.org/blog/posts/update-on-ian-and-larissa

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I've had a fair amount of experience communicating with people with aphasia. Mostly PBP/ALS, stroke, and some TBI. I find Ian's speech mostly understandable at the end of that video (I listened without looking at the screen) but would have needed him to repeat some things. He also seemed to understand and respond appropriately to her questions. That is big when it comes to determining capacity.

Understandable "speech" (ability to vocalize words) or even written communication isn't the issue really. There are many non-verbal ways people can communicate wants and needs. I don't know about Ian, but if someone can still read they can indicate words or letters on a communication board. If they can't read they can often still recognize and indicate symbols. Some almost completely paralyzed people communicate by blinking, moving their eyes to the right or left, or lifting a single finger. Caregivers can usually tell you how a person best communicates and you have to learn and adapt to their individual method.

Communication difficulties do not mean that the brain is not functioning and the person cannot make valid decisions, and should never imply lack of capacity. It does make determining capacity more difficult, of course.

A vital technique in communicating with someone with aphasia is to ask a series of Yes/No questions and avoid open-ended ones at all costs. It goes without saying that you should also make every attempt to maximize the person's self-determination as far as possible.

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Palimpsest, I agree with you completely-- my background is in medical social work with older adults (in Maxwellese, "the elderly"), so I've spent many hours talking with post-stroke patients with significant brain dysfunction and speech deficits, as well as cognitively impaired people trying to communicate through dementia. So what I saw in the video is someone who is still capable of higher-order thinking: he's not just answering Yes and No to hungry? in pain? etc, but thinking about abstract concepts and verbalizing his opinions. It looks like he must make a significant effort to speak, and he is perhaps fully aware that his speech is not standard American English at this point, so he may stay quiet to preserve energy, or he may be used to Larissa speaking for him.

Anyway, I thought it was interesting because we've had a lot of questions about his ability to express himself, and for me at least, this answers many of them. I disagree with almost every aspect of their decision tree except the fact that they are still seeking treatment and therapy to improve his functioning. I've worked with too many TBI families who get tired of the work (which is exhausting) and decide to accept the status quo as permanent, and then when there are setbacks, the patient is in a much worse place than if s/he had been continuing to build strength and skills. So at least they're doing well on that front.

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I agree with Thatsnark. Ian is showing evidence of higher-order thinking and he's able to discuss abstract concepts. He clearly also retains a great sense of humor. However, his brain injury is severe, his short term memory terrible, and obviously his physical limitations mean that he will probably always have to have assistance with activities of daily living. I do think Larissa is "fluffing" or deluding herself when she insists that Ian is her spiritual leader, but what the heck.

OTOH, I'm not sure why people are so very skeptical about his progress in speaking and walking. While a Christian paper might exaggerate when it comes to Ian's ability to communicate, I don't see why a reporter for a secular paper would fudge on what Ian himself communicates.

I think he has shown enormous progress physically. There is video of Ian walking (unsteadily, short distances and with a cane) but walking by himself. Also he wouldn't have qualified for the surgery on his leg if he hadn't shown significant progress.

We may get a better idea of where he is mentally and physically after the TV interviews.

Just for the sake of accuracy, it was his catheter that failed on the car ride, it happens, not a colostomy bag. I don't think he has had a colostomy. So, pee not poop. Both embarrassing but being covered in poop more so. Larissa must get angry and frustrated frequently and she is honest about it. I found that story quite touching and credible.

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I got the book and started reading. A few things stood out.

Ian seemed to be 'courting' her. And she mentioned times when "Ian cried because of things I did in my past that hurt him."

Sigh. That bugs the hell out of me.

Though it does make me feel so warm and fuzzy and nostalgic for IUP/Indiana where the live.... she mentions so many things I miss.

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I got the book and started reading. A few things stood out.

Ian seemed to be 'courting' her. And she mentioned times when "Ian cried because of things I did in my past that hurt him."

Sigh. That bugs the hell out of me.

Though it does make me feel so warm and fuzzy and nostalgic for IUP/Indiana where the live.... she mentions so many things I miss.

I'm pretty sure I couldn't stomach the book and have no intention of reading it. Any chance you have time to summarize it?

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Oh I've been highlighting passages and such since I started it - I plan on doing a post on it.

I can't even find it in me to snark on Larissa, though. This book is making my heart break a thousand times over for her.

So much of it leading up to the wedding is her crying or being upset because she doesn't want to, and she keeps convincing herself it is what God wants.

She is surrounded by a lot of strong personalities, and it's clear Steve's death hit her very, very hard.

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Oh I've been highlighting passages and such since I started it - I plan on doing a post on it.

I can't even find it in me to snark on Larissa, though. This book is making my heart break a thousand times over for her.

So much of it leading up to the wedding is her crying or being upset because she doesn't want to, and she keeps convincing herself it is what God wants.

She is surrounded by a lot of strong personalities, and it's clear Steve's death hit her very, very hard.

The bolded makes me very sad. Why oh why didn't anyone (her family, his family, a friend) sit her down and say "Hon, you don't have to marry him. If he was healthy you would not have had to marry him, if he's sick you don't have to marry him. IF it is making you unhappy and sad, you don't have to marry him. You and he will both survive breaking up and if you have this much doubt, it is clearly the wrong thing.

My father would have been telling me not to do it. Heck my father told each of his chldren, at our weddings right before theythat if we had doubts or didn't want to marry for any reason, tell him, we'd stop it he would take care of everything.

Makes me think they were way more culty than I realized.

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I'm getting the review ready for this weekend. Does anybody have any specific questions or such they want answered? I'll make notes and do my best.

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I'm getting the review ready for this weekend. Does anybody have any specific questions or such they want answered? I'll make notes and do my best.
I would like to know about her thoughts on the legalities of the situation - did she feel it was necessary to get a court order? What was her understanding of why it was necessary? Was she troubled about that aspect or did attorneys advise her to avoid the marriage? Did the judge have an opinion he expressed to her?

Have they discussed alternatives to traditional marriage - for instance a sexual surrogate? (I know, I know..... This is highly unlikely period, let alone addressed in a book, but.... I'm curious!!) how does she deal with sexual temptation.

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Does Larissa say anything about her plans for children? Hopefully she won't have any - she's got enough on her plate - but I recall her saying she and Ian do have sex, so...

Also, I'm wondering about the details of the car accident. Was Ian at fault? Just curious because I don't remember any legal battles to sue the other driver for negligence or anything like that.

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I'm getting the review ready for this weekend. Does anybody have any specific questions or such they want answered? I'll make notes and do my best.

What did her parents and friends think of her marrying him?

Do they want children, if so how will that happen?

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Does she talk at all about her family's support of their marrying, or if there were any objections raised? If they did object, how did Larissa handle it? What sort of involvement does her family have now? What do her parents think of how things have turned out?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm laid up with a foot injury so this put my summary on a bit of hold - but tomorrow is review the book and answer all your questions day!

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