Jessa Planning to Re-Use Jill's Wedding Decorations

[LongDogMom]

In the article on Starcasm: http://starcasm.net/archives/284820

Jessa states: "“I think my wedding might be similar to Jill’s in a lot of ways,†Jessa, 21, told People. “I don’t want to spend a whole bunch of money and buy a new set of decorations. We will save that money for the honeymoon.†Ben added, “It will be simple, but it will be unique.â€"

 

This makes it sound like they are paying for it themselves, or given a fairly small budget from JB. I mean, a luxury honeymoon for a week averages around $4000 depending on where you go. Obviously you can pay much less or pay much more but you can go to a 5 star all inclusive resort for around that amount. I wonder how much of a budget they are given?

 

It just struck me as somewhat strange in that you would expect with all the TLC money they get, JB & J'chelle would want to at least pay for a new set of decorations! I mean, it's not like they have a big sit-down steak dinner with a DJ, open bar, cocktail hour, or all the other fancy things that can make the average wedding costs rise. Most of the food at Jill's wedding was homemade and there was no booze or dancing or full meal.

 

I guess the flowers and the dress cost some money, but it depends. Erin Bates said she got her dress for $250 (before alterations). She surely cannot be talking about wearing Jill's dress, and you have to get fresh flowers on the day, so what decorations do you think she's walking about? And do you think JB gives the couple a budget? Do you think Ben's family pitches in money?

[VixenToast]

I believe tradition dictates the parents of the bride should pay for the wedding.

I can see reusing the bridesmaids gowns, but I highly doubt she will use Jill's dress.

[mebeforee]

I guess they aren't encouraged to be individuals even for their own weddings... kind of sad imho. Maybe the families in question actually have more of a problem with Jessa and Ben's relationship than they are willing to say publicly. That would also explain some of Ben's dad's comments and posts on his blog that appear to be at odds with the Duggar belief system. Maybe JB (who the TLC money surely goes to) isn't helping them out because of of some other issue - for example, not certain that Ben can support her so making them pay for the wedding themselves as proof that he can generate enough money to keep her comfortable.

But I wonder if there's more going on than the show can touch on. The boys in the family certainly seem to have given Ben a hard time with their 'checking him out, make sure he makes the cut' macho bullshit. I haven't seen all the episodes but even ones where both Ben and Derick are present (like when they did the dinner theater for their parents), there are several instances of them being on Ben's case and hardly any mention of their opinions of Derick. Maybe the fact that apparently JimBob introduced Derick to Jill makes a difference, whereas Ben approached her and then approached JB to see if he could start getting to know her (at least that's what I thought they said happened when talking about how they met). JB also has been extremely obnoxious toward Ben, though I haven't seen much of him with Derick. He certainly flaunts his creepy kissing and continuously asks Ben his intentions. That may also be why Ben seems so self-conscious and overcompensates, if he knows that he gave a bad impression to the parents by being too forward in the beginning.

[Coco]

Their wedding is so SOON after Jill's. All the friends and family are going to have to troop out again and this time they might just give mainly bucks in the truck as gifts. :lol: Maybe Jessa's preparing herself for the wedding to be less than spectacular. Such a bummer. They're a cute couple, the wedding could have been a big production if they'd waited longer.

[nst]

I really wanted Jessa's wedding to be original - a Snow White Theme or a Tropical Island theme.. Hopefully they can go somewhere else than the Outer banks for their honeymoon.... (plus it might be snowing there? I don't know )

but it looks to be like a re-using sad mess. Don't forget it\s been six months since Jill's wedding...

If it were me there would be no way in hell I would re-use my siblings decorations or anything. And I don't have any siblings....

JESSA CHANGE YOUR MIND -You are original - YOU ARE NOT YOUR SISTER

[nst]

I guess they aren't encouraged to be individuals even for their own weddings... kind of sad imho. Maybe the families in question actually have more of a problem with Jessa and Ben's relationship than they are willing to say publicly. That would also explain some of Ben's dad's comments and posts on his blog that appear to be at odds with the Duggar belief system. Maybe JB (who the TLC money surely goes to) isn't helping them out because of of some other issue - for example, not certain that Ben can support her so making them pay for the wedding themselves as proof that he can generate enough money to keep her comfortable.

But I wonder if there's more going on than the show can touch on. The boys in the family certainly seem to have given Ben a hard time with their 'checking him out, make sure he makes the cut' macho bullshit. I haven't seen all the episodes but even ones where both Ben and Derick are present (like when they did the dinner theater for their parents), there are several instances of them being on Ben's case and hardly any mention of their opinions of Derick. Maybe the fact that apparently JimBob introduced Derick to Jill makes a difference, whereas Ben approached her and then approached JB to see if he could start getting to know her (at least that's what I thought they said happened when talking about how they met). JB also has been extremely obnoxious toward Ben, though I haven't seen much of him with Derick. He certainly flaunts his creepy kissing and continuously asks Ben his intentions. That may also be why Ben seems so self-conscious and overcompensates, if he knows that he gave a bad impression to the parents by being too forward in the beginning.

I still think its Ben's age - he is 19 - Derick is 25 a lot more maturity there

[EmeraldPickle]

The one day in those poor fundie women's lives where it's all about her and what she wants, Is being ruined by the fact that Jim Bob want's to be cheap. I mean common the Bates were able to swing separate wedding decorations for all three of their married children and they are way less financially set than the Duggars. Also their children went on respectable honeymoons. Ireland,Hawaii, and Lake Tahoe are pretty decent locations. I get that there are many kids in that family that have to have weddings and it adds up especially if it's 10 or 15 thousand per wedding but common decorations and colors should not be reused. Even if it's gonna be the church wedding with the cake and punch reception. I have a feeling that Jessa and Ben's wedding is going to be less than stellar especially if they want a holiday wedding where everyone's time and resources are being consumed by other things.

[Feberin]

Perhaps Jim Bob told them whatever isn't spent on the wedding can go towards their home or starting a business for Ben? Considering we all have major concerns about Ben being able to support Jessa and Jessa working is out of the question in their belief system then I think a small wedding makes sense. To me it makes a lot more sense for a couple that are going to have a hard time keeping themselves afloat have a small wedding with money to put towards other things instead of having a big wedding and having to eat ramen noodles for a couple weeks to make up for the high wedding costs.

Derrick and Jill weren't in that same boat financially. Derrick appears to make plenty to support them.

[nst]

Perhaps Jim Bob told them whatever isn't spent on the wedding can go towards their home or starting a business for Ben? Considering we all have major concerns about Ben being able to support Jessa and Jessa working is out of the question in their belief system then I think a small wedding makes sense. To me it makes a lot more sense for a couple that are going to have a hard time keeping themselves afloat have a small wedding with money to put towards other things instead of having a big wedding and having to eat ramen noodles for a couple weeks to make up for the high wedding costs.

Derrick and Jill weren't in that same boat financially. Derrick appears to make plenty to support them.

it doesn't even have to be 500 people - I would be fine with just the two of them and a preacher and Jill as matron of honor - and maybe Ben's dad as his best man - have JB and Michelle not even be there

if they have to get married :D

[Feberin]

it doesn't even have to be 500 people - I would be fine with just the two of them and a preacher and Jill as matron of honor - and maybe Ben's dad as his best man - have JB and Michelle not even be there

if they have to get married :D

I think Jinger would definitely be the maid of honor. And I think there should be at least both sets of parents, grandparents, siblings, niece and nephews unless for some reason they don't want there family there. Gosh isn't that like 100 people right there?

[Evilbad]

She's always said she's no-nonsense, and needed to be helped with the romance. Makes sense that she's not having a huge wedding. It's not her. I get it. Maybe she is being original by not going over the top.

[shedemei]

Maybe she actually doesn't give a shit about wedding decorations?

[Evilbad]

I don't think she does.

[karen77]

I still think its Ben's age - he is 19 - Derick is 25 a lot more maturity there

Do you think that JB might feel slightly intimidated or something of Derrick, since D went to college, was a missionary, etc,....things that JB never got to do?

[mebeforee]

That could be, though JB seems like the kind of guy who amps up his obnoxious behavior if he feels intimidated or threatened by someone. Thus the competitiveness with Gil Bates, someone who embodies all the same values as JB. Two dogs from the same pack jockeying for dominance, basically.

ETA: I don't think there's a family-wide competition between the two, for the record. The kids really do seem like genuine friends, especially the girls. But I don't believe that JB and Gil really care for each other all that much, and they are extremely competitive when they spend time together. Like building onto the Bates house - although very generous indeed, they had to present it as a gift to Kelli in order to get Gil to agree to it, because JimBob knew Gil wouldn't accept it otherwise - and he explains it himself. That's a power play even if he's doing it for a kind reason.

[Dandruff]

I think it'll be a big wedding. Can't imagine the Duggars not inviting the same hordes as they did for Jill's, though fewer would probably show up. Maybe partial re-use of decorations, JD as pilot, and some comps at the honeymoon spot (if TLC is filming) to keep costs down.

[Toothfairy]

I agree that jessa probably doesn't care, but JB should at least give her something to feel special on her wedding day. Michelle and Jim Bob got a new dress and decorations for the vow renewal

[Coco]

Perhaps Jim Bob told them whatever isn't spent on the wedding can go towards their home or starting a business for Ben? Considering we all have major concerns about Ben being able to support Jessa and Jessa working is out of the question in their belief system then I think a small wedding makes sense. To me it makes a lot more sense for a couple that are going to have a hard time keeping themselves afloat have a small wedding with money to put towards other things instead of having a big wedding and having to eat ramen noodles for a couple weeks to make up for the high wedding costs.

Derrick and Jill weren't in that same boat financially. Derrick appears to make plenty to support them.

Or for a couple of years :lol: , with just one balanced meal a day, if they're committed to getting out of any debts. no thanks lol

I have a friend who privately married her husband at the courthouse and then took a year or so to save up for the big wedding of her dreams. Some uninformed people thought they were just "living together" and they caught a little flack, but in the end they got to meet their goals without paying out the wazoo for ages, or having to abstain that whole time.

[Grace]

Meh...If my sister or even a close cousin or friend had gotten married so recently before me I totally would have re-used decorations. I mean, bows are bows. I totally would have borrowed a dress from someone if I knew anyone who had one I liked. But I'm pretty cheap and I just wanted to have a fun party after I married my husband.

[E Street Fan]

It would be really nice if they were married at the same chapel where Ben Bob proposed. That would be so unique and pretty that they really wouldn't need any decorations. But I doubt Jim Bob and Jichelle would allow them to marry in such a small place. Must have room for TV cameras and their eleventy dozen hangers-on close friends.

[silverspoons]

I think Jessa is focused on her dress & the photography & won't care much about how the pews are decorated or the trinket decorations. Jessa is going to be the star not the bows on the pews.

Since I'm sure they will be selling wedding pictures, she will have a new dress & the bridesmaids will have new dresses. That's why people buy those magazines to see the dresses and the cake not the decorations.

[neuroticcat]

It could be that the sisters picked out wedding decorations together. I mean, it's not like it was a surprise that Ben was going to propose, so Jill and Jessa could have planned her wedding together, knowing she would be the next one married.

Given that they did the pregnancy test together, I could see that happening - ha!

Also: Jessa has been raised to be super-practical, self-denying, and thrifty. So add to all of that zero sense of self - what she wants or desires - that has been stripped out of her since birth, and she could just shrug her shoulders at the wedding.

I could be reading my own story into it, but that's how it was for me. I opted for hand me down dishes and a tiny registry, because it was more practical, and I didn't really have any taste of my own. I even was persuaded away from the wedding dress I wanted. And it didn't really bother me at all until a decade later. So it could be that she's so Others-First minded, that she's told herself it's the better way.

Or, as others have said, it really could be unimportant for her. And she'd rather spend the $$ on a honeymoon.

[DGayle]

Since no matter what she does, she'll be compared to Jill, I can see her deciding she's not going to care about it. Her engagement got a strip at the bottom of the magazine (the magazine holder covers it up) while her sister getting knocked up got the priority.

[Coco]

It could be that the sisters picked out wedding decorations together. I mean, it's not like it was a surprise that Ben was going to propose, so Jill and Jessa could have planned her wedding together, knowing she would be the next one married.

Given that they did the pregnancy test together, I could see that happening - ha!

Also: Jessa has been raised to be super-practical, self-denying, and thrifty. So add to all of that zero sense of self - what she wants or desires - that has been stripped out of her since birth, and she could just shrug her shoulders at the wedding.

I could be reading my own story into it, but that's how it was for me. I opted for hand me down dishes and a tiny registry, because it was more practical, and I didn't really have any taste of my own. I even was persuaded away from the wedding dress I wanted. And it didn't really bother me at all until a decade later. So it could be that she's so Others-First minded, that she's told herself it's the better way.

Or, as others have said, it really could be unimportant for her. And she'd rather spend the $$ on a honeymoon.

And with their fundie modesty rules she probably can't have her dream wedding dress. That disappointment probably produces a 'meh' attitude about other things too. It's sad that their religion takes away those little special things all brides should have fun planning.

[freejoyannatoo]

Isn't it amazing how this has all panned out? If you'd asked me a year ago, I'd have said that of course Jessa would be the one with a spectacular bridegroom and massive wedding. She is the beauty of the family after all, and although I hear what people say about her being raised to be self-denying, I never thought of her as short on self-esteem.

Whereas I thought that if any of the eldest girls might be left on the shelf, it would be Jill. She always seemed quite homely, and her dedication to the little children suggested she'd find it hard to break away.

Now look! Jill is the star of the show, with an older, worldly and intelligent husband (who has a college education, experience of life outside the US AND a proper career). She's had her big wedding and now she gets to be the first pregnant daughter, conceiving on her wedding night, no less. They've even made her look glamorous in the magazines.

And Jessa is relegated to also-ran status in every respect. Second engagement, totally overshadowed by Jill's pregnancy. Inferior groom - too young, dumb and barely able to provide for her. And now she's reduced to second-hand wedding decorations as well.

Who'd have thought :o :? :lol: