Too Much of a Fairytale not to feel Disillustioned Later?

[LongDogMom]

One thing I noticed watching Erin Bates wedding was this whole thing about how romantic the courtship and engagement was, and then how much like a fairytale the wedding was, and with the whole not-kissing until they are married it all plays into this sort of fairytale story of waiting for The One. But it made me wonder if the sheltering and protecting (from the real world and dating) of these girls doesn't make it more of a shock when reality hits later after the wedding.

 

They talk about how their courtship allows them to become best friends and really get to know each other, but I don't think they really do. They are so on their best behaviour, so to speak, and always chaperoned and being careful not to touch. I think the guys get swept up into all the attention and fairytale aspect of the whole experience as much as the girls, but then what happens after the novelty wears off, or a few babies come along and money is tight and they are so young and stunted emotionally and with regards to life in general. Even Michelle admitted to losing it when the kids were young. But I think there will be even more pressure to be blissful mothers who have it all *joyfully* under control due to the Duggars expectations and the show's image.

 

Just trying to imagine the pressure they would feel to be the perfect wife and mother (and the perfect father, husband and provider for a quickly growing family). I think of Ben and Jessa and they are so young and seem so unrealistic and unprepared in so many ways. Sure they love the fairytale they are featured players in right now, but what will happen later? Who do you think will crack? Anna? Jessa? How many kids in?

[FloraKitty35]

One thing I noticed watching Erin Bates wedding was this whole thing about how romantic the courtship and engagement was, and then how much like a fairytale the wedding was, and with the whole not-kissing until they are married it all plays into this sort of fairytale story of waiting for The One. But it made me wonder if the sheltering and protecting (from the real world and dating) of these girls doesn't make it more of a shock when reality hits later after the wedding.

They talk about how their courtship allows them to become best friends and really get to know each other, but I don't think they really do. They are so on their best behaviour, so to speak, and always chaperoned and being careful not to touch. I think the guys get swept up into all the attention and fairytale aspect of the whole experience as much as the girls, but then what happens after the novelty wears off, or a few babies come along and money is tight and they are so young and stunted emotionally and with regards to life in general. Even Michelle admitted to losing it when the kids were young. But I think there will be even more pressure to be blissful mothers who have it all *joyfully* under control due to the Duggars expectations and the show's image.

Just trying to imagine the pressure they would feel to be the perfect wife and mother (and the perfect father, husband and provider for a quickly growing family). I think of Ben and Jessa and they are so young and seem so unrealistic and unprepared in so many ways. Sure they love the fairytale they are featured players in right now, but what will happen later? Who do you think will crack? Anna? Jessa? How many kids in?

I wonder if the Duggars or the Bates have ever read a fairy tale (i.e. Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, or Aesop's Fables)? Most fairy tales aren't like the Disney versions.

[Four is Enough]

I expect that as long as the "formulas" work, i.e., blanket training, etc., they'll get along pretty well. One demanding or special needs child could upset the apple cart pretty thoroughly. I'm shocked that there seem to have been no special needs children born to these people that we can see easily.

[RosyDaisy]

Well, if they keep breeding a large number of kids and can only marry like-minded people, they're going to start inbreeding which increases the chances of having a special needs children. Advanced maternal age and numerous births already put them at risk, inbreeding will only increase those chances. I just hope the lifestyle will implode before that happens.

[FrancineFishpaw]

I've also been wondering this as well. Even in the wedding epi Erin talked about their fairytale courtship and how she "can't believe its gonna be over". This is what they've been raised to do, marry and reproduce.

[uber frau]

I wonder what happens to the women who believe that sex is just so supa-speshul and who expect things to be all about fireworks and mind-blowing orgasms from day one.

I think that a whole lot them have got to be disappointed.

[Coco]

or (probably rare) pleasantly surprised if they were expecting it to be a painful chore a la Debi Pearl's book Created to Be His Helpmeet.

i bet some of them are GLAD to be pregnant if it means their husbands leave them alone for months on end. :lol:

[HarryPotterFan]

I've also been wondering this as well. Even in the wedding epi Erin talked about their fairytale courtship and how she "can't believe its gonna be over". This is what they've been raised to do, marry and reproduce.

That just makes me think about how Disney movies and romantic comedies end with the couple being together or married. It's the "courtship" or what have you that is special and magical...and then you get married and your life is over.

[Feberin]

I don't even think it will take until the first baby is born for them to realize that it's not all a fairytale and they married a real person. I would think they quickly realize that the person the courted wasn't really who they married. I mean even when you date somebody until you move in together it can be difficult to fully realize their faults and understand them. I mean you can know that somebody has a messy room but it's different when it's your room they're leaving clothes littered all over. Or with all the fundie girls who giggle about their inability to cook and their fiancé smiles and say that it's all right but when the man comes home from work to something inedible again things are going to get a lot tenser especially a boy who has been raised to believe that he shouldn't cook.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I don't even think it will take until the first baby is born for them to realize that it's not all a fairytale and they married a real person. I would think they quickly realize that the person the courted wasn't really who they married. I mean even when you date somebody until you move in together it can be difficult to fully realize their faults and understand them. I mean you can know that somebody has a messy room but it's different when it's your room they're leaving clothes littered all over. Or with all the fundie girls who giggle about their inability to cook and their fiancé smiles and say that it's all right but when the man comes home from work to something inedible again things are going to get a lot tenser especially a boy who has been raised to believe that he shouldn't cook.

This is why courtship is terrible, and you should at least spend time alone together (or preferably live together) before marriage.

For all Jill knows, Derick could snore loudly and wake her up each morning by loudly farting himself awake. He could be just as annoyed if she likes to pick her nose and wipe it on the bathroom wall while sitting on the toilet. Nobody knows the other's disgusting habits before they spend time living together, and surely both of them have at least one completely disgusting thing about them. We all do. Or maybe they could turn out to be completely sexually incompatible, like that Derick wants to wear his college mascot costume to bed and Jill is weirded out by it, or that Jessa wants to just roll over and go to sleep while Ben wants to cuddle afterwards. Or that one of them is just really bad in bed, but doesn't know any better to tell them how to satisfy them as theyre virgins who haven't masturbated before.

What if by 3 months into Jessa and Ben's marriage, she is trying to resist the urge to strangle him over his flowery compliments and over the top romantic gestures, and he feels unloved and unappreciated as he goes to all that effort and she ignores him completely or responds to every compliment with sarcasm and mocking him for his emotions. Or that he wants her to treat him as romantically as he treats her, but Jessa just wants him to leave her the hell alone. Or that her lack of ability to cook is not as cute as he thinks it is now, but annoying when he comes home from work to find the smouldering remains of dinner on the ground outside, while she is trying to clear the smoke from the kitchen, and just suggests that maybe they call a pizza (again). Or he gets really annoyed and picky over it and yells at her for her lack of cooking skills until she has enough and dumps it over his head. Or if he gets pregnant and he is so over the top happy, but she responds by crying and screaming at him for doing this to her because she doesn't want to be her mother.

[gustava]

He leaves the toilet seat up and she leaves the top off the toothpaste. :angry-screaming:

[alba]

This is why courtship is terrible, and you should at least spend time alone together (or preferably live together) before marriage.

For all Jill knows, Derick could snore loudly and wake her up each morning by loudly farting himself awake. He could be just as annoyed if she likes to pick her nose and wipe it on the bathroom wall while sitting on the toilet. Nobody knows the other's disgusting habits before they spend time living together, and surely both of them have at least one completely disgusting thing about them. We all do. Or maybe they could turn out to be completely sexually incompatible, like that Derick wants to wear his college mascot costume to bed and Jill is weirded out by it, or that Jessa wants to just roll over and go to sleep while Ben wants to cuddle afterwards. Or that one of them is just really bad in bed, but doesn't know any better to tell them how to satisfy them as theyre virgins who haven't masturbated before.

What if by 3 months into Jessa and Ben's marriage, she is trying to resist the urge to strangle him over his flowery compliments and over the top romantic gestures, and he feels unloved and unappreciated as he goes to all that effort and she ignores him completely or responds to every compliment with sarcasm and mocking him for his emotions. Or that he wants her to treat him as romantically as he treats her, but Jessa just wants him to leave her the hell alone. Or that her lack of ability to cook is not as cute as he thinks it is now, but annoying when he comes home from work to find the smouldering remains of dinner on the ground outside, while she is trying to clear the smoke from the kitchen, and just suggests that maybe they call a pizza (again). Or he gets really annoyed and picky over it and yells at her for her lack of cooking skills until she has enough and dumps it over his head. Or if he gets pregnant and he is so over the top happy, but she responds by crying and screaming at him for doing this to her because she doesn't want to be her mother.

Well, I imagine Ben Bob getting pregnant would come as a bit of a shock :lol:

[freejoyannatoo]

I expect that as long as the "formulas" work, i.e., blanket training, etc., they'll get along pretty well. One demanding or special needs child could upset the apple cart pretty thoroughly. I'm shocked that there seem to have been no special needs children born to these people that we can see easily.

Me too, though I guess the answer is that a family with a special needs child just wouldn't be cute enough for national TV. But still, either the Duggars or the Bates could well have had a disabled child as the show went on.

I would never wish ill to a child and am delighted that Josie is developing so well (even with maybe some remaining developmental delay). Even so, in one way if they had been less lucky it would have presented a more normal and realistic picture of the likely outcome when a 40+ mother has her 19th child. The chances of a baby born at Josie's gestation having cerebral palsy, in particular, are high.

In fact there is almost a message here that the Duggar's religion protected Josie, which is terrible. I'm sure some viewers will believe that. In reality she was just very lucky.

[Free Them All]

I doubt any of these girls know what an orgasm is let alone have one. They married self-centered boobs that know nothing about pleasing a woman and they have been raised to believe masturbation is a sin and they have never been allowed to be alone or have any privacy. Their sex lives must be one big fake after another.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Well, I imagine Ben Bob getting pregnant would come as a bit of a shock :lol:

Hahaha OMG that was a mistake :D

Of course it would be Jessa who gets pregnant and not Ben.

[Feberin]

Me too, though I guess the answer is that a family with a special needs child just wouldn't be cute enough for national TV. But still, either the Duggars or the Bates could well have had a disabled child as the show went on.

I would never wish ill to a child and am delighted that Josie is developing so well (even with maybe some remaining developmental delay). Even so, in one way if they had been less lucky it would have presented a more normal and realistic picture of the likely outcome when a 40+ mother has her 19th child. The chances of a baby born at Josie's gestation having cerebral palsy, in particular, are high.

In fact there is almost a message here that the Duggar's religion protected Josie, which is terrible. I'm sure some viewers will believe that. In reality she was just very lucky.

I don't think we'll see any more kids from Michelle and I'd also be surprised by another pregnancy from Kelly Bates so I'm not sure if either family will have a special needs child. I used to believe back when the specials started that there might be a special needs kid and they just covered it up but now that all the kids are getting older I think it would be obvious if any children had severe impairments. I am amazed that Josie is doing as well as she appears to be doing. However if there were any major issues with her that couldn't be hidden by saying "Josie is doing real good" then I think they'd be honest and ask for prayers or something in her case since everyone knows she was a miracle baby and it'll just be their cross to bear or something.