How have the Duggars influenced YOU?

[It'sFunToRun]

This is sorta a spinoff of roddma's 'how influential are the Duggars' topic. I am a believer that whatever you watch influences you, whether it is CSI, Cutthroat Kitchen, or the Duggars. I also believe that the more you watch something, the more you become tolerant to it (NOT that you'll necessarily do it!), whether it is doing drugs or not kissing until marriage.

 

I'll go first: the Duggars influenced me by making me consider having a large family. Not because I think the Duggars are so great, but because I had been raised around people with 2 - 4 kids, and it just never even occurred to me to have more.

[Lovebug]

They have been a prime example of all the things I would NOT do with my own children while raising them. It's an overall blanket statement. They're coo-coo. :D

[OneFifthQuiverFull]

It kind of came to a head for me with Jill's uber-virgin wedding talk. I got unnaturally obsessed with her wedding, and her virginity, especially as a 40-something year old married for nearly 20 years.

I have realized through the Duggars now that there is a "fundie world" and I realized that though I was not raised "fundie" I was raised somewhat LIKE a fundie and so this is helping me sort through my childhood a little differently. I know my parents loved me and wanted what is best for me but I also was taught that I should strive for virginal bride status. I didn't, not only did I have premarital sex with my husband, but with other partners as well as a young adult. I have always felt like less of a woman for that - and I was a wild child in bed before I got married :embarrassed: , but then once I got married I had a hard time reconciling being a good woman with good sex, especially once I became a mother. My poor husband. :(

To this day I believe my parents feel like they should be my "headship". There are two incidences which stand out to me: My dad was being honored at an event in his hometown. I was asked to go. The problem was that it was a weekend my soon-to-be sister-in-law and brother-in-law were coming in to town and we were going to go to a theme park with them (my family of 6, my ILs, and the two of them). It was also my own husband's birthday. I was hemming and hawing about going because I wanted to be with my immediate family and those plans were made first. I got an email from my mother giving me hell about not being willing to give up my plans to see my father receive his honor. I think it was more about them being embarrassed that I wouldn't be there than that he CARED if I were there. And so I went. While there I was ridiculed and talked over and treated like an errant child. One of the evenings we went to dinner and my dad chewed me out up one side and down another about what terrible parents my husband and I were. Things like I hadn't trained them to write thank yous and I let them use cell phones, etc. I don't even remember, but it wasn't anything of true substance and certainly not something I needed to be berated for at the point that spit was flying out of his mouth. Then, after that, I was expected to go into the restaurant and sit nicely with the rest of the family like it hadn't just happened. A grown ass woman would have hailed a taxi and changed her flight out, but I didn't.

And then another really small one but it must have been significant to me because I haven't forgotten it. I was young, married and had 2, maybe 3 small children. My mom and I were shopping. I had pulled off a rack a pair of capri-length pants. I don't know if a conversation ensued about capris or what, but my mom said to me, "Your dad doesn't like capris." And it wasn't part of the conversation, it was more like, "You won't buy those now, right, knowing your father doesn't like them?" I kinda laughed and said, "So? I do!" and pissed her off royally. I didn't say it disrespectfully, I just said it like a normal grown daughter would say. I would have even said it if my own husband had said he didn't like them. I just couldn't figure out why it mattered what I wore several states away.

One last - as a teen I wasn't allowed to wear bikinis. At the time I didn't care but now I am a little sad for me. I had a cute little figure and it would have been nice to wear them because now I couldn't wear them (too fat, too stretched out) and I am envious of those who can because they look like pure freedom to me. I was always told I needed to be in one-pieces because they "leave more to the imagination". When I would try on sexier suits as an older teen I was told I was too fat for them. :( At 5'7.5" and 135-140 pounds at the time, I doubt that.

Anyway - the Duggars and the rabbit hole I followed them down to fundie-thought has really made me revisit my childhood and young adulthood in a new light. I actually think the next step is to seek therapy to deal with my new revelations.

How's that for influence?

[HarleyQuinn]

They've made me realize that even though I believe in God and Jesus and I love them, that I really don't like religion in general.

If that makes sense.

[Lovebug]

They've made me realize that even though I believe in God and Jesus and I love them, that I really don't like religion in general.

If that makes sense.

I say this ALL the time. I don't have anything against God or Jesus. It's their fan club that I cannot stand.

Not sure that either of them want anyone doing any judging, condemning and finger shaking on their behalf. Just sayin'...

[BrownieMomma]

Watching 19KAC put into perspective my own brush with fundie homeschooling, Pearls, headship, etc. It only lasted for a few years because my husband was battling demons of his own and unable to function within our marriage, eventually abandoning me and our two very young children.

Then I went out of organized religion, and against God, for a number of years. In the last year I have started attending a small Pentecostal church which has been amazing.

Watching the Duggars has helped me keep an eye out for things in my new church to make sure I am not falling into a cult. A year later, I do not think it is a cult but I am still very mindful of what I see as problematic areas for the Duggars and similar instances in my own life.

For example, I have a 14yo daughter who is a rising high school freshman. We are now mandated by law to pick an educational program, this is public school. I have to decide for what kind of future am I raising this child. Higher education? SAHM? Career? I am also a single mother, having never remarried, the choices I've made, the things in which I had no choices.

Watching the Duggars on Netflix came along at a crossroads and I am not sure it is accurate to say they have influenced my life as much as provided a sounding-board type perspective while contemplating my own place in organized religion.

[becky4201]

They've made me realize that even though I believe in God and Jesus and I love them, that I really don't like religion in general.

If that makes sense.

This makes so much sense to me. My husband is an associate pastor & I have become so sick of the 'church' in general & how supposed Christians treat each other, that I don't really care if I ever attend another service.

[Geechee Girl]

The Duggars made me realize how creepy the mannerisms and speech of the good, submissive really could be. While in that world, phrases like: "laid it on my heart," "convicted," "purposed," etc seemed totally normal. Now, I'm embarrassed I used to talk like that.

[twinmama]

Good question. They make me even more determined to accept and love my children for exactly who they are. To never stifle them, to never push my beliefs (or lack of beliefs as the case may be) onto them, and to see them as individuals separate from me. Basically, to raise my children the opposite of how they are raising theirs.

[PicklePrincess]

I have to admit I've been whispering over yelling. Tonight my daughter was being unreasonable and I decided to whisper over yell at her. It worked. :)

[Toothfairy]

The Duggars made me realize how I'm a much better parent than they will ever be.

[neuroticcat]

The Duggars have helped me process through my own childhood experience of being raised by a narcissist.

At first I was very drawn to them - probably attracted to the authoritarian lifestyle and codependent me liked the idea of everything rigidly controlled so I could live a Good Christian Life.

But as I began working through my own crap I began to see how it was the same old stuff from my childhood in a different form. And ever since then I've become more and more aware of how rampant abuses of all kinds are in fundamentalism.

They've also helped me appreciate the individuality of my children and made me realize that I always want to cheer them on to develop as individuals even if it's not what I think is best for them.

And to be honest, I have picked up a few positive parenting suggestions from them. Reframing to think of my children not as interruptions but as a priority. I think it was Josh and Anna who were trying to get one of their kids to stay in their crib and he kept coming out and I remember Anna saying "It's so good to see you" or something and smiling at him before putting him back in. That really struck me, because I probably would have given my kid a passive aggressive death stare.

And for the first time I've thought about RV travel as a possible vacationing option - haha!

[BrownieMomma]

The Duggars have helped me process through my own childhood experience of being raised by a narcissist.

At first I was very drawn to them - probably attracted to the authoritarian lifestyle and codependent me liked the idea of everything rigidly controlled so I could live a Good Christian Life.

But as I began working through my own crap I began to see how it was the same old stuff from my childhood in a different form. And ever since then I've become more and more aware of how rampant abuses of all kinds are in fundamentalism.

They've also helped me appreciate the individuality of my children and made me realize that I always want to cheer them on to develop as individuals even if it's not what I think is best for them.

And to be honest, I have picked up a few positive parenting suggestions from them. Reframing to think of my children not as interruptions but as a priority. I think it was Josh and Anna who were trying to get one of their kids to stay in their crib and he kept coming out and I remember Anna saying "It's so good to see you" or something and smiling at him before putting him back in. That really struck me, because I probably would have given my kid a passive aggressive death stare.

And for the first time I've thought about RV travel as a possible vacationing option - haha!

Ohhh yes. I now eye the RV places near me and would love to travel with my family in one. So yep, I guess they did influence me for that! lol

[weirdemmaline]

The Duggars really helped cement my belief in never having children.

[jerkit]

The Duggars and following other fundies were part of the catalyst for me leaving the evangelical church and seeking a liberal liturgical church. I saw that even though we wore pants, we were really no different from the fundies. We just had a shiny modern wrapper.

[Mela99]

They have made me really explore the plight of women and young girls in this world, and I've made a lot of promises to myself about what my future daughters will NEVER endure. I hope they've made me a better parent in that regard....

[Sundaymorning]

I think I'm even more critical now if someone shows off his "perfect" family. Sure, the Duggars would never claim themselves they are perfect, but they still promote their "lifestyle" and their cult.

I now scratch a bit more on the surface if I see families and "organisations" who want others to convince to live like them or pretend they know the key to live a "godly" life.

[ILoveJellybeans]

The Duggars introduced me to fundamentalism, and gave me a whole bunch of new stuff to read about-I already found large families interesting (and used to make up stories involving extremely boring restrictive cults), now I have a whole list of large family blogs to read and Quiverfull resources, and interesting debates and discussions.

[Alye]

I don't think the Duggars have influenced me much but I think FJ has- and I found FJ through the Duggars.

For example, before I came to FJ I thought home-schooling was ridiculous- better to leave it to teachers who are trained to do it and the Duggars only cemented that. But hearing about the home-schooling stories here on FJ. I know that this can be successful if done properly. It is now something I'll consider when I have children, given we have the financial means to do it.

They've made me realize that even though I believe in God and Jesus and I love them, that I really don't like religion in general.

If that makes sense.

I agree. I really think that the only thing the Duggars have done is solidify is my distaste for organised religion. The idea that there is a right way to worship God is abhorrent to me. But they have made me think about my beliefs. I now recognise that I'm not quite as agnostic as I've always thought but I certainly wouldn't say I belong to any religion. My beliefs are my own- they are different to yours and that is ok!

[Emme]

They've introduced me to the FRC, a hate group. So las week when someone cut me off on the highway and I realized they had a FRC sticker, I knew exactly what kind of asshole I was dealing with...

[Becia]

Long time lurker, first time poster...

Honestly, they've made me live a bit more frugal. I admit I started making my own laundry soap after reading about it and seeing it on tv. As one who had 9 other people under her roof (I lived with my parents to take care fog mom, and my sister and her husband and kids lived with us for a period of time), any way to save money was a good thing. And by making my own laundry soap, I've managed to realize how allergic I was to what we used (even though it was free and clear), so while it saved some money, it helped my skin and made me no where near as itchy as I normally am.

Hate to say they helped me there, but they did.

[Four is Enough]

They've influenced me to not accept everything I see at face value. I used to think that DQ was a good mother.