The Duggars and their single mom friend

[BrownieMomma]

I watched old episodes on Netflix and one that stood out was when JB took the oldest girls to some kind of camp out. I believe he also took some sisters whose father had passed away.

 

When you live this patriarchial lifestyle, what happens when the patriarch dies? Or what if he wants a divorce or just up and leaves?

 

I have been curious as to what has become of that family, or any fundie family in similar straits.

[artdecades]

One of the two girls was Amara Query. The Query family is really close with the Duggars and attend their church. I am not sure how they operate regarding headship or money. Their daughters Mandie and Heidi help the Duggars with music lessons and home school, and probably get paid for that. There is an adult son, Peter Query, but I think hes only like 19 or 20 so i don't know if he is the headship or anything like that.

[FloraDoraDolly]

Isn't Peter Query the one who went on the Duggars' Instagram and posted that his sister is the one who actually homeschools the Duggar children?

[FJismyheadship]

Isn't Peter Query the one who went on the Duggars' Instagram and posted that his sister is the one who actually homeschools the Duggar children?

Yes, and the Duggars deleted it and any other comments about it, and edited the caption to include "Thanks Miss Heidi for her help!" or something like that.

[VixenToast]

Yes, and the Duggars deleted it and any other comments about it, and edited the caption to include "Thanks Miss Heidi for her help!" or something like that.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Yeah they had an oops moment.

At least it supports the theory that J'chelle don't learn her kids nothin.

[Sundaymorning]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Yeah they had an oops moment.

At least it supports the theory that J'chelle don't learn her kids nothin.

On the one hand I'm glad that they get help from outside to ensure that the kids learn at least something. On the other hand it shows once again how hypocritical the Duggars are.

They encourage people to homeschool, but have to admit themselves that they alone can't manage to teach the kids enough. Since they are stars in their fundie world, they are able to get help from outside. But what about the families that don't have people waiting on their door-step to help them out??

I think thats another example of how irresponsible and false the Duggars are. They encourage people to do stuff, and pretend that it works for them, but conceal how they really do it. Not using birth control and providing for all the kids that the Lord gives you? Sure, if you have a tv show and TLC to pay for most things.

Raising 19 children? Sure, if you enslave your young daughters to raise them for you. Managing your huge household? Sure, if you have enough friends and Grandma and not to forget your daughters who do all your work...

[Letgo]

Yes, and the Duggars deleted it and any other comments about it, and edited the caption to include "Thanks Miss Heidi for her help!" or something like that.

They may have done that to protect themselves. I have no idea about homeschool laws in Arkansas, but in some states there are limits or requirements for who does the schooling. It may be that only a parent or a qualified teacher can do it. In my state I would be able to homeschool my own children but not anyone else's children. Others can do some teaching but parents must do most of it, I believe. The Duggars would not want it advertised that they are not doing their own homeschooling, although they did show Jessa being in charge of her younger siblings. Jessa is at least a family member, but a Query is not.

[utter solitude]

It doesn't appear to me that Michelle does all that much "teaching" once the kids get older, seems like it's more "making sure they're doing the work" as it appears to be mostly if not entirely computer based. I wouldn't call her their "teacher", more like their "moderator".

I used to babysit my goddaughter in their home and her older brother (I believe he was a seventh grader at the time, old enough that I wasn't really watching him) was homeschooled. They used an online, state-funded program for him at the time. The days he was at his mother's house I would just make sure he was logged into the program. (It seemed to be a good one, there were actual teachers webcamming live with a group of 15 or so and they would ask questions the kids responded to via a kind of chat board). He would occasionally ask me for help on a few things, just like you'd expect from a kid going to a public school.

I have a friend in another state who homeschools one of her sons using a series of books and handouts. She studies them beforehand, then teaches it to him and then he does worksheets and eventually is tested over it. Works for them.

[Coco]

[...]

It doesn't appear to me that Michelle does all that much "teaching" once the kids get older, seems like it's more "making sure they're doing the work" as it appears to be mostly if not entirely computer based. I wouldn't call her their "teacher", more like their "moderator".

She doesn't seem to be taking the time to teach them how to cook either. Unless Jessa was just playing dumb for the cameras, the girls had never made an apple pie from scratch before the show where they visited Ben's house. (not sure if they made piecrust from scratch even then, but i'd doubt it). :snooty: That's just unacceptable for a fundie mom, who cares how many other kids are running around. All the kids need to learn how to do basic food prep from scratch. I can't believe Grandma hasn't stepped up and taught them basic cooking/baking skills. It's hard to imagine that NONE of the kids would have an interest in learning how to cook. Of course, as far as we know they don't get to watch anything educational like the Create channel on PBS that would inspire a hobby.

[lilith]

She doesn't seem to be taking the time to teach them how to cook either. Unless Jessa was just playing dumb for the cameras, the girls had never made an apple pie from scratch before the show where they visited Ben's house. (not sure if they made piecrust from scratch even then, but i'd doubt it). :snooty: That's just unacceptable for a fundie mom, who cares how many other kids are running around. All the kids need to learn how to do basic food prep from scratch. I can't believe Grandma hasn't stepped up and taught them basic cooking/baking skills. It's hard to imagine that NONE of the kids would have an interest in learning how to cook. Of course, as far as we know they don't get to watch anything educational like the Create channel on PBS that would inspire a hobby.

When Jessa tried to replicate the apple pie that she allegedly baked with Ben's sisters for the family dinner theatre, Ben had to come and save her by doing the crust for her. Thank Jesus for manly man headships who can save good godly keepers at home from the sinking titanic and pie crusts that won't roll out without tearing.....

[utter solitude]

It doesn't seem like any REAL cooking is done in the TTH. Off the top of my head, I don't recall seeing any REAL meals. It's all the kind of shit you'd expect to see in cafeterias. Casseroles, beans, etc. Stuff you just open a can of and dump into a pot/pan and heat up. That's not cooking! I know they're a large family, but that's no reason they can't eat REAL food. I doubt Michelle can cook at all.

Oh, and eggs. They seem to eat a lot of eggs. Which isn't bad, but that's all I can recall seeing Moochelle make other than the homemade applesauce. (Of which the ingredients were bought from what looked like a brand name notWalmart grocery store, but that's another rant)

[Coco]

it's just ridiculous that Michelle poses as a homeschool mom but doesn't train her daughters in the most important basics (to them) for a girl to learn.

[halcionne]

These are my notes on the Query family:

Parents Philip and Debora, ages 56 (if he were still living) and 54; Amanda, 30; Adelheid "Heidi," 28; Amara, 22; Peter, 19. Philip passed away eighteen years ago, in 1996, meaning Amara and Peter never knew him.

There's quite an age gap in the middle of the kids. Mandie and Heidi are headed fast into old-maid territory. /obvious statements are obvious

I've been wondering lately if the Duggars (Michelle, mostly) have any REAL friends; the kind you call when you need a shoulder to cry on, or who would call you if they need to vent about something (let's assume for a moment that fundies are allowed to let their keep-sweet facade down occasionally, though it wouldn't surprise me if they aren't). The Duggars "friends" are really just acquaintances and/or competitors, Bateses especially included. When Michelle had her breakdown with 7 kids under 8, didn't she call Mrs. Query? Maybe there is a real friendship there.

[Letgo]

These are my notes on the Query family:

Parents Philip and Debora, ages 56 (if he were still living) and 54; Amanda, 30; Adelheid "Heidi," 28; Amara, 22; Peter, 19. Philip passed away eighteen years ago, in 1996, meaning Amara and Peter never knew him.

There's quite an age gap in the middle of the kids. Mandie and Heidi are headed fast into old-maid territory. /obvious statements are obvious

I've been wondering lately if the Duggars (Michelle, mostly) have any REAL friends; the kind you call when you need a shoulder to cry on, or who would call you if they need to vent about something (let's assume for a moment that fundies are allowed to let their keep-sweet facade down occasionally, though it wouldn't surprise me if they aren't). The Duggars "friends" are really just acquaintances and/or competitors, Bateses especially included. When Michelle had her breakdown with 7 kids under 8, didn't she call Mrs. Query? Maybe there is a real friendship there.

Did Michelle call someone? I don't remember that happening. I recall that the woman who taught piano to the children came over for lessons and volunteered to do the laundry. She said she enjoyed it. So Michelle must have mentioned her laundry breakdown-or maybe she just looked as if she hadn't' slept much and the piano teacher asked questions. I think she was an older woman, so that wouldn't have been Mrs. Query, would it? Does anyone else remember the laundry helper?

Michelle does have a friend from high school who has been on the show. Their lives have followed very different paths, but they have remained in touch. I can't remember her name, but she seemed normal.

[utter solitude]

Did Michelle call someone? I don't remember that happening. I recall that the woman who taught piano to the children came over for lessons and volunteered to do the laundry. She said she enjoyed it. So Michelle must have mentioned her laundry breakdown-or maybe she just looked as if she hadn't' slept much and the piano teacher asked questions. I think she was an older woman, so that wouldn't have been Mrs. Query, would it? Does anyone else remember the laundry helper?

Michelle does have a friend from high school who has been on the show. Their lives have followed very different paths, but they have remained in touch. I can't remember her name, but she seemed normal.

Cindy. Every time they go to Little Rock they visit her. Michelle has talked about her a few times... they're accountabillabuddies for exercise and Boob claims they call each other every day and text throughout the day. (I just watched the episode where Moochelle takes like four of the kids to LR and they made these comments)

[neuroticcat]

These are my notes on the Query family:

Parents Philip and Debora, ages 56 (if he were still living) and 54; Amanda, 30; Adelheid "Heidi," 28; Amara, 22; Peter, 19. Philip passed away eighteen years ago, in 1996, meaning Amara and Peter never knew him.

There's quite an age gap in the middle of the kids. Mandie and Heidi are headed fast into old-maid territory. /obvious statements are obvious

I've been wondering lately if the Duggars (Michelle, mostly) have any REAL friends; the kind you call when you need a shoulder to cry on, or who would call you if they need to vent about something (let's assume for a moment that fundies are allowed to let their keep-sweet facade down occasionally, though it wouldn't surprise me if they aren't). The Duggars "friends" are really just acquaintances and/or competitors, Bateses especially included. When Michelle had her breakdown with 7 kids under 8, didn't she call Mrs. Query? Maybe there is a real friendship there.

I think it is impossible for them to have real friendship. Real friendship requires authenticity, self-awareness, and a true self. They are stuck in codependence and the authoritarian cult that has forced them to live out a false self. If there's anything true left in there it's been squashed so far down with self-denial and doing the Right Thing that how can they really authentically connect with anyone? Add to that the whole being famous dynamic, and I think they're probably pretty lonely.

[halcionne]

Thanks for the correction, Letgo, I misremembered the details of the laundry breakdown story. And I'd like to be wrong, but I suspect Cindy is a FU internetz friend TLC found to make Michelle appear more normal.

neuroticcat, I agree with everything you said. It's a wonder there haven't been more tragedies like Andrea Yates and the recent car accident/suicide (sorry I don't know her name that thread is too triggery for me). Everyone should have at least one person in their life who they can be 100% honest and open with. :cry:

[antwan]

Isn't Peter Query the one who went on the Duggars' Instagram and posted that his sister is the one who actually homeschools the Duggar children?

He was onthe missions trip with the Duggars this summer, -posted several pics to his Twitter account (and Amara visited Josh's car lot and it was filmed for an episode that aired) so I'm sure the Querys and Duggars are highly connected.

[alba]

She doesn't seem to be taking the time to teach them how to cook either. Unless Jessa was just playing dumb for the cameras, the girls had never made an apple pie from scratch before the show where they visited Ben's house. (not sure if they made piecrust from scratch even then, but i'd doubt it). :snooty: That's just unacceptable for a fundie mom, who cares how many other kids are running around. All the kids need to learn how to do basic food prep from scratch. I can't believe Grandma hasn't stepped up and taught them basic cooking/baking skills. It's hard to imagine that NONE of the kids would have an interest in learning how to cook. Of course, as far as we know they don't get to watch anything educational like the Create channel on PBS that would inspire a hobby.

Maybe this is a cultural difference, or I may have misread the post and you're talking about fundie homemaker standards, but I've been cooking for myself for half a decade and I've never made a pie, nor would I consider it basic food prep. I mean, pies aren't exactly essential, are they? And DF, who's a WAY better baker than I, says they're tricky.

I consider myself to have passable food skills. I can put tasty, nutritious meals on the table, and even do things like bake my own bread or make muffins and quickbreads, but you won't see me making apple pie anytime soon (though Thanksgiving's coming up next month, so I may have to make pumpkin pie. With a storebought base :lol:).

[weirdemmaline]

I don't understand why fundie women would need to know how to make pies from scratch though?

Like, is it a homemaker thing? Stereotypical, have the pie cooling on the windowsill when the hubby gets home?

I've been baking and cooking with my grandma (and when she was still alive, my mom) since I was 13 years old and we've never once made a pie from scratch. I don't think anyone in my extended family knows how to make a pie crust except maybe my grandma, and it's just not a skill we ever have needed.

[freejoyannatoo]

I don't understand why fundie women would need to know how to make pies from scratch though?

Like, is it a homemaker thing? Stereotypical, have the pie cooling on the windowsill when the hubby gets home?

I've been baking and cooking with my grandma (and when she was still alive, my mom) since I was 13 years old and we've never once made a pie from scratch. I don't think anyone in my extended family knows how to make a pie crust except maybe my grandma, and it's just not a skill we ever have needed.

It's a tradition thing, isn't it? Pie-making was a standard housewifely skill decades ago, as was making bread from scratch. I guess like many aspects of fundie housewifery it harks back to an earlier era.

I'm not quite sure why this is considered hard though. I'm not much of a cook but I can bake a pie. You make shortcrust pastry, which is the easiest kind, roll it out on a floured surface (children can do this) and put it in a pie dish - then add a filling, which could be a can of fruit if you don't want to peel and chop apples, put the lid on and bake it. Not exactly haute cuisine.

[thepinkleprechaun]

Pies are not hard to make. I made my first one when I was an adolescent...the crust recipe that I make (FROM SCRATCH) includes flour, oil, and milk. I wouldn't just dump apples in there though, you're supposed to season them. That's it though. I don't know why people think this is hard.

[Alachantal]

Must be tradition. Although who doesn't like pie? :lol: I too don't understand why pie is considered "hard" to make. I actually just baked an apple pie 2 days ago - but I do mass amounts of baking from scratch weekly, so maybe that's why I find it so simple? But honestly, if these girls don't do much else than stay home taking care of kids & house, even I would expect them to really know how to take care of kids & house. If that's all they do all day, you'd kind of expect them to know how to make a pie from scratch - maybe not apple, maybe an "easier" pie, but still. That expectation is there - which, I'm sure, if another reason why some Fundie marriages don't work the way they "should".

There is something to be said for your partner coming home to fresh-baked goodies though. BF is quite used to coming home from work to find the kitchen smelling like pies or cinnamon buns or cookies or muffins etc etc and I can read the child-like delight in his face. The same goes for bringing a fresh-baked box of cupcakes to his work once a week, the joy in these guys faces is very evident: they're welders & mechanics if you need to picture these giant men with vanilla & real-strawberry (so super-pink) cupcakes lol. [And before anyone asks, I'm not a stay-at-home-GF, I work in a male-dominated field & deal with douchebags who think I should be at home playing house every day].

So, to get back on topic, maybe that's another reason for the Fundie wife to need to know how to bake a pie? It would definitely make her husband happy, which might make her life a lot easier. If the headship is happy, then it'd be easier for the wife to get what she wants?

Thanks for dealing with my rambling, I haven't had my ice capp yet lol.

[grandmadugger]

I would also think the skill of being able to make a pie and fresh bread would be a money saving factor. I don't bake as much as I used to, hubby's dietary restrictions, but it's cheaper to bake from scratch. They claim to live frugally but I see so much waste going on in the Duggar household it makes me want to scream. I just don't see any of the girls having real cooking skills. I do know JD has taught a few of the girls to make bread though but they try to keep that hush hush. On the bright side, Jessa won't starve though because Ben appears to know his way around the kitchen. I don't think they'll have to live off of TV dinners like JB suggested.

[alba]

Must be tradition. Although who doesn't like pie? :lol: I too don't understand why pie is considered "hard" to make. I actually just baked an apple pie 2 days ago - but I do mass amounts of baking from scratch weekly, so maybe that's why I find it so simple? But honestly, if these girls don't do much else than stay home taking care of kids & house, even I would expect them to really know how to take care of kids & house. If that's all they do all day, you'd kind of expect them to know how to make a pie from scratch - maybe not apple, maybe an "easier" pie, but still. That expectation is there - which, I'm sure, if another reason why some Fundie marriages don't work the way they "should".

There is something to be said for your partner coming home to fresh-baked goodies though. BF is quite used to coming home from work to find the kitchen smelling like pies or cinnamon buns or cookies or muffins etc etc and I can read the child-like delight in his face. The same goes for bringing a fresh-baked box of cupcakes to his work once a week, the joy in these guys faces is very evident: they're welders & mechanics if you need to picture these giant men with vanilla & real-strawberry (so super-pink) cupcakes lol. [And before anyone asks, I'm not a stay-at-home-GF, I work in a male-dominated field & deal with douchebags who think I should be at home playing house every day].

So, to get back on topic, maybe that's another reason for the Fundie wife to need to know how to bake a pie? It would definitely make her husband happy, which might make her life a lot easier. If the headship is happy, then it'd be easier for the wife to get what she wants?

Thanks for dealing with my rambling, I haven't had my ice capp yet lol.

Ice capp? Ooh, I miss those D;

Re: the bolded, I think part of the reason they're not that great at the whole homemaking thing is that they've spent so much time raising children and cleaning their parents' bedroom it hasn't left a whole lot of time for learning to cook or bake. It's only in the past few years that none of them has been the primary caregiver for a baby or toddler in addition to a couple of other kids. I'm not saying it's impossible to learn a skill like cooking while looking after several children and taking care of a house, but for a teenager it is a bit much to ask. They were probably all too exhausted to bother learning themselves, and Mullet had checked out by this point and didn't care, IMO. I think you're right, though, that fundie men do expect their wives to be able to do these things.

Regarding pie being hard, I was under the impression that the crust could tear easily. Then again, I'm the girl who set a knife alight making grilled cheese (plastic handle, meet gas flame), so maybe when DF said they were tricky he was just being too polite to add "for *you*" :lol: