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Fundy mother of 15 dies, depression related


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I am no expert but even if she was seeing someone and on medication, aren't there some meds that can cause sudden suicidal ideation? What a shame if that were the case, the thing that they thought would help, made it worse. So terrible all around, that poor family.

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I am no expert but even if she was seeing someone and on medication, aren't there some meds that can cause sudden suicidal ideation? What a shame if that were the case, the thing that they thought would help, made it worse. So terrible all around, that poor family.

Yes, this is true. Every time I've started any kind of mind/mood altering meds (Anti-depressants/psychotics/anexity), I've been given this warning. It's extremely rare, but has been reported.

And then, immediately, dear husband would remind that if I ever had such a thought, I was to let him know, for my own friggin safety. I hope this wasn't the case here.

I feel so much for the children. I can't imagine being adopted from a bad situation, loved, and then my mother dies! There are some awful decisions to make here. Doesn't seem like the husband is going to be able to care for them all.

Keeping the wife pregnant/having kids messes with her mental state. Postpartum depression can vastly worsen when you have a bunch of rapidly fired children... It's a longstanding belief of mine that it helps keep the women in line :# They don't seem to consider that this very thing can happen!

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I also hope that whatever kind of fundie they are, they haven't been taught that suicide leads to hell and I hope even more that some shithead doesn't decide to tell those kids one day that their mum went to hell because she killed herself.

It's amazing how horrible people can be about suicide, even when there's no religious affiliation whatsoever.

At the funeral of the friend I mentioned who committed suicide, the woman officiating the completely non-religious ceremony (my friend was an atheist) decided to thank us all for coming, and wasn't it nice that so many people turned up even though she did what she did.

She might have meant is as 'It's so nice that even though she died in a horrible way that so many friends have come to show their love', but the tone and phrasing made it seem like she thought my friend was lucky to have people show up after doing such a bad thing. It came across as nasty and judgmental and it offended and upset a lot of us. My friend was terminally ill and had unexpectedly lost her mother (the only family she had any contact with) to a sudden brain aneurism a couple of months earlier and she couldn't cope. Anyone who would judge her for that is despicable. She also implied that being gay had something to do with her depression and it absolutely did not. She had a wonderful girlfriend and they were happy together and she had never had any issues with her sexuality. She was even involved in organising pride week here.

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I had an experience very similar to yours, Vex.

A friend of mine killed himself while on the phone with his boyfriend. It was, of course, so incredibly traumatic for everyone, especially the boyfriend. Unfortunately, he couldn't cope afterwards. About a month or so later, he killed himself too, in a horrific fashion.

Several of our circle of friends who were close to him refused to go to his funeral or burial or the celebration of his life we staged. The reasoning was that they just "Couldn't bring themselves to do it". He "should have known how painful it is". I have heard people since then tell his younger brother and sister, who absolutely adored him, this kind of thing.

There's some kind of stigma for some that suicide is an incredibly selfish act, and that anyone even contemplating it "should know better". It's like some people never consider how low one truly has to be to get to that point, how much pain and suffering is going on, or that people in that situation often truly feel that they are just a burden and people would be better off without them.

I certainly hope the mother in this case is remembered in a positive light. How she did is a fact of her life, yes, but it does not define her. Unfortunately, that can be what happens in some suicides.

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I am no expert but even if she was seeing someone and on medication, aren't there some meds that can cause sudden suicidal ideation? What a shame if that were the case, the thing that they thought would help, made it worse. So terrible all around, that poor family.

Not only medications that someone is taking specifically for depression or other mental health issues, but some medications prescribed for various other health problems can sometimes cause depression and suicidal ideation.and with these other meds the problem is you really aren't tying it to the increasing sadness and sense of hopelessness.

I was on a medication for awhile that made me horribly depressed, but didn't even realize it until after I stopped taking it for other reasons. Even though the mental health issues might be listed on the side effect warning, it's buried in there with a million other possibilities and not really noticed.

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Or sometimes the medication gives you just enough energy to actually plan and attempt suicide, rather than just being in a numb blur.

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I also hope that whatever kind of fundie they are, they haven't been taught that suicide leads to hell and I hope even more that some shithead doesn't decide to tell those kids one day that their mum went to hell because she killed herself.

It's amazing how horrible people can be about suicide, even when there's no religious affiliation whatsoever.

I wouldn't count on some shithead not telling the kids that mommy went to hell.

I know I've written about this before, but not long after our premie daughter died, my husband and I got this book mailed to us anonymously "Why Your Baby is in Heaven". The gist of the book is that God killed our baby so that we might be "saved". We were Catholic and none of our fundy neighbors came to either of Katherine's services. Two of them I'll excuse -one was playing piano for VBS right then and one was working in the NICU- but there's really no excuse for the others. My husband threw the book right in the trash where it belonged. What a shitty, fucking insensitive, stupid thing to send to someone who just lost a child! Not a good way to tell someone about God's love to tell then that God killed their child. A God like that is horrible, as far as I'm concerned

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I don't understand the "suicide is selfish" argument, especially when it comes to euthanasia. If you're in such terrible pain and you won't get better, then surely it's cruel to force the person to live? The grief of the person left behind is terrible, yes, but it shouldn't be more important than the pain of the person who wants out. I hope I never get to the point where I want to end my own life, and will never judge someone who has. It's the most deeply personal decision anyone can make.

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Or sometimes the medication gives you just enough energy to actually plan and attempt suicide, rather than just being in a numb blur.

From what I understand, this is the most likely reason that anti-depressants might increase suicide rates. Mediation definitely can cause suicidal ideation, though. I know a woman in her 50's with no history of depression who attempted suicide after going on a steroid for a medical condition. Suicidal ideation was listed as a side effect of the medication, but she never made the connection until after. It's kind of bizarre to me that medication can do that.

It is true that atheists have higher suicide rates, but when suicidal thoughts get really bad I don't think religious beliefs matter all that much, whether your religion teaches suicide makes you go to hell or not (and I don't believe this is the common view in Christianity anymore anyway). You're just too desperate to be able to see things at all rationally.

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Xanax, used for extreme anxiety, increases the risk of suicide because it lowers ingrained societal inhibitions, including those related to suicide.

The drug does not cause the suicidal ideation, but without the inhibitions, even a fleeting impulsive thought is more likely to be acted upon.

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I don't understand the "suicide is selfish" argument, especially when it comes to euthanasia. If you're in such terrible pain and you won't get better, then surely it's cruel to force the person to live? The grief of the person left behind is terrible, yes, but it shouldn't be more important than the pain of the person who wants out. I hope I never get to the point where I want to end my own life, and will never judge someone who has. It's the most deeply personal decision anyone can make.

My mother, who fancies herself a Christian yet has never read the Bible and does not go to church (and constantly tells me to "get saved" but won't elaborate what that means, but I digress) made a comment re: the bolded once... something to the gist of "Well if you kill yourself you go to hell! YOU don't get to make that choice of when your life ends, only Jesus does. Pray to God to heal you or end your suffering painlessly. There's always a chance someone could have a miracle and be cured!"

I point this out because the idea that only God has providence over life and death is a prevalent idea ime. Even, to an extent, among the nonreligious. The euthanasia kind of suicide tends to make people uncomfortable, it's a gray area for most, and seems like many people, probably in a well-meaning way, assume any suicide can be prevented in a very black and white fashion. You shouldn't kill yourself, simply because it could get better tomorrow! Whether that's an inoperable brain tumor or a secret battle with depression, it's a long standing stigma that shouldn't be.

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My mother, who fancies herself a Christian yet has never read the Bible and does not go to church (and constantly tells me to "get saved" but won't elaborate what that means, but I digress) made a comment re: the bolded once... something to the gist of "Well if you kill yourself you go to hell! YOU don't get to make that choice of when your life ends, only Jesus does. Pray to God to heal you or end your suffering painlessly. There's always a chance someone could have a miracle and be cured!"

I point this out because the idea that only God has providence over life and death is a prevalent idea ime. Even, to an extent, among the nonreligious. The euthanasia kind of suicide tends to make people uncomfortable, it's a gray area for most, and seems like many people, probably in a well-meaning way, assume any suicide can be prevented in a very black and white fashion. You shouldn't kill yourself, simply because it could get better tomorrow! Whether that's an inoperable brain tumor or a secret battle with depression, it's a long standing stigma that shouldn't be.

I think people are just so uncomfortable with suicide that they'll cling to any opposing argument they can get for it. Like when a three year old asks a mostly non-religious person a bunch of "why" questions they can't answer off the top of their head ("why do I have two eyes?" "so you can see." "but why two?") and the parent gets exasperated and says "because that's how G-d made it."

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I think people are just so uncomfortable with suicide that they'll cling to any opposing argument they can get for it. Like when a three year old asks a mostly non-religious person a bunch of "why" questions they can't answer off the top of their head ("why do I have two eyes?" "so you can see." "but why two?") and the parent gets exasperated and says "because that's how G-d made it."

^^^This. I think there's also a deflection, to a degree. Suicide and the reasons surrounding/for it are complex issues. A suicide leaves so many questions that you'll likely never get answers to, I think it's easier for some to just find a catch all answer and stick to it.

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I don't understand the "suicide is selfish" argument, especially when it comes to euthanasia. If you're in such terrible pain and you won't get better, then surely it's cruel to force the person to live? The grief of the person left behind is terrible, yes, but it shouldn't be more important than the pain of the person who wants out. I hope I never get to the point where I want to end my own life, and will never judge someone who has. It's the most deeply personal decision anyone can make.

I have a family member who has severe, suicidal depression. If he was to kill himself it would destroy his Mother- her life would be ruined. His father and siblings would be devastated. So in that way I can see why it would be seen as selfish that he would hurt so many people. But I take your point too. If he is in so much pain and has been for so many years isn't it his choice to make?

I wish psychiatrists and medication was the cure all. Sadly it is not for some people.

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From a suicide attempt survivor's point of view, these issues hit me hard.

As others noted out, AD's can help but they take 4-6 weeks to fully kick in, and that’s an agonizingly long time for someone in pain. And that's assuming that the first med they try on you works. That was not my case; I went through 4 before my doc hit the right combo. I requested an appt with a psychiatrist with my general practitioner’s referral in November and didn’t get an appt until April (their first available one).

The helpfulness of counseling depends on the quality of the counselor. I went through several before I found one that worked for me. There are many great counselors but also several sub-par ones and it takes time to weed through them.

Interesting comments re: atheists vs. religious people. In some ways, I think it’s harder for religious people to get help since we’re supposed to have faith that God will see us through and feel like we don’t have enough faith if we don’t.

I had a friend who committed suicide by car accident while suffering from post-partum depression. She left the house in her pajamas and drove around for a while before driving into a tree less than one mile from her parents’ house the week before Christmas. She left behind a 5-month old daughter. I think her husband and family recognized that she had some form of depression but were in denial as to how bad it was (which I think is common). Jessie was Catholic, very involved in the church, and had a beautiful funeral service in the church. The priest cried throughout the Mass.

I really hope this woman’s family uses her death to promote the importance of seeking help for mental illness and removing its stigma. May she rest in peace and may her family find strength to get through this.

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I had a friend who committed suicide by car accident while suffering from post-partum depression. She left the house in her pajamas and drove around for a while before driving into a tree less than one mile from her parents’ house the week before Christmas. She left behind a 5-month old daughter. I think her husband and family recognized that she had some form of depression but were in denial as to how bad it was (which I think is common). Jessie was Catholic, very involved in the church, and had a beautiful funeral service in the church. The priest cried throughout the Mass.

I really hope this woman’s family uses her death to promote the importance of seeking help for mental illness and removing its stigma. May she rest in peace and may her family find strength to get through this.

Your poor friend!! and I agree about the woman's family.

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I'm impressed that her husband is acknowledging her depression. This sounds like a suicide. I hope other fundy families will start paying attention to what they're doing.

Idk,I mean I think she could have had depression anyway,and adding children to her family...lots of them...made her feel a gap was being filled....but it was just temp. and she came to an end point with the depression.I am just guessing here.Not that it is that way for every fundie woman who feels overwhelmed.

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I have a family member who has severe, suicidal depression. If he was to kill himself it would destroy his Mother- her life would be ruined. His father and siblings would be devastated. So in that way I can see why it would be seen as selfish that he would hurt so many people. But I take your point too. If he is in so much pain and has been for so many years isn't it his choice to make?

I wish psychiatrists and medication was the cure all. Sadly it is not for some people.

The problem is that people who contemplate suicide seriously just don't always see that devastating effect their death will have. Speaking from personal experience and from experiencing suicides of way too many people around me.

You get to a point where you truly believe the world would be better without you.

When I was drowning in my own despair, I felt that I had no one I could confide in, no one that would understand, and that I was just burdening those around me. I honestly believed that they would be better off if I was gone.

My ex-fiance was frighteningly suicidal for a time, as well. When he was told that his family would be devastated, that they loved and cared for him, he laughed. He said that they didn't love him, that any feelings were obligations because he was their son, their brother, etc. That they would sad for a time, but move on.

Standing back and looking from the outside in on this kind of stuff, yeah, it looks selfish. It's easy to forget or be unable to imagine how the person suffering can feel. I have been called selfish and horrible to my face for even thinking about it. That didn't help me at all, in my mind, it proved that the world didn't need someone selfish like me.

Suicide isn't a black and white thing, it's a struggle with many possible causes, complications, issues, and "cures".

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