Ken and Lori: Molestation doesn't have to = divorce

[Koala]

They have reached the bottom of the fucking barrel this time.

 

Random Reader:

 

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Also, I read a little bit at the NGJ ministries, but I had to quit when Michael Pearl advocated staying married to a man, even if he had sexually abused the children. Personally, I could never trust a man like that again & it's a horrifying, but sadly common problem.

 

Lori Alexander:

 

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Concerning divorce, what Michael said is not unbiblical. I don't remember exactly what he said and if he truly said not divorcing a child molester, but I recall him saying to have him locked up in prison and visit him and speak the Gospel to him. God hates divorce. Jesus never commands divorce, only permits it in case of fornication "because of the hardness of your heart." "What God has joined together, let NO MAN put asunder." Therefore, a wife may decide not to divorce a despicable husband but instead, have him locked up, protect her children but stay married to him until death do they part. There is nothing unbiblical what Michael said...difficult, YES, unbiblical, No.

Cause Jesus is totally okay with a woman staying married to a child molester. What he's really worried about is women being keepers at home.

 

Ken Alexander:

 

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The Pearl's do take a strong stance on staying married to a spouse, almost regardless of the issues the spouse has, but with qualifiers. The first qualifier is that if there is any abuse it at a minimum needs a warning that such abuse will not be tolerated, or a call to the police to handle the situation. Jail is a great place to think about life and its consequences, says Michael Pearl.

http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/abusive-husband/...

 

The easy response in some cases is black and white. Never should a wife allow a husband to molest the children... ever... ever... never. But this does not mean she has to divorce him. I would say in most cases divorce will be the end result, but if a wife chooses to stay with this man, and it part it may depend on what the actual abuse was, she is responsible to insure the children's protection and to me that almost always means he cannot live in the same home with the children nor be alone with them again. That still does not necessarily mean divorce. Each case must be decided on its own merits and repentance, but even with repentance, the husband has lost any right to be in ANY position to molest again, and jail is where he belongs.

 

People who molest children are very sick individuals and the sickness can be cured by the blood of Jesus, but the consequences must be to keep them away from all vulnerable children who are not being watched by other adults. It is sad that this has to be the case, but I see no exceptions and the molester should understand this. The choices we make have consequences and some last a lifetime.

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source: comments from this post: lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/07/building-your-childrens-lives-upon-rock.html#idc-container

[ViolaSebastian]

Jesus never commands divorce, only permits it in case of fornication "because of the hardness of your heart."

Wouldn't sexually abusing children fall under the definition of fornication?

I'd also be interested in hearing if they'd allow a person who was a known child molester but converted, was baptized, and "saved by the blood of Jesus" to babysit their grandchildren? By your definition they're cured, aren't they Ken and Lori?

[salex]

The easy response in some cases is black and white. Never should a wife allow a husband to molest the children... ever... ever... never. But this does not mean she has to divorce him. I would say in most cases divorce will be the end result, but if a wife chooses to stay with this man, and it part it may depend on what the actual abuse was, she is responsible to insure the children's protection and to me that almost always means he cannot live in the same home with the children nor be alone with them again. That still does not necessarily mean divorce. Each case must be decided on its own merits and repentance, but even with repentance, the husband has lost any right to be in ANY position to molest again, and jail is where he belongs.

So, does it sound to anyone else that Ken thinks some forms of sexual abuse by a father to his children may not mean that the wife should leave nor that the husband should be disallowed from being alone with the children.

Really?

REALLY!

Of course, none of this is monstrous in the least.....just k and l being assholier than thou. Again. :angry-banghead:

[doggie]

the only good thing is they say to keep the monster away from the lids. but other then that it is bull. put them in jail how do you go about that? and how do you keep them there?

[SPHASH]

Ken and Lori Alexander are fucking monsters.

[Koala]

So, does it sound to anyone else that Ken thinks some forms of sexual abuse by a father to his children may not mean that the wife should leave nor that the husband should be disallowed from being alone with the children.

Really?

REALLY!

Of course, none of this is monstrous in the least.....just k and l being assholier than thou. Again. :angry-banghead:

I read it the same way. "Almost" always = not "always". :angry-banghead:

[lilwriter85]

I bet Lori will lose a few readers with this posting. Some of her readers have ditched her in the past when she posts really shitty things. I remember a few readers of hers were pissed when she posted about Trayvon Martin.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I felt sick reading this. Depressing would be an understatement. This is really not ok. Women are so worthless they can't even divorce a pedophile? Give me a break!!!

[RosyDaisy]

If it were me, there wouldn't be a divorce, I would be a widow. Some of the men in family would have no problem offing a child molester.

[Mama Mia]

Personally, to me, it would be a toss up which would be scarier: leaving my children with a child molester or leaving them with the Pearls. I would put Ken as lowest risk over Lori, Pearls or Child Molester. But I think the best choice would be to avoid leaving ANY child with ANY of them.

[RosyDaisy]

If I had kids, they would be better off with with my feline headship than the likes of the Pearls or Alexanders. He doesn't hurt kids.

[Coco]

If it were me, there wouldn't be a divorce, I would be a widow. Some of the men in family would have no problem offing a child molester.

1) i wonder why we don't hear more about perverts being killed for this kind of thing. Hopefully it's because abuse is not as prevalent as we think. I don't know any non-fundie mom that wouldn't do serious damage to someone who hurt her kids. But in fundie land victims are silent because they're brainwashed. A friend went through this situation with one of her close family members, forgave him... and has drive him to appointments and manage church volunteers now while he is in the final stages of terminal illness. I could never do that. Silent victims are brainwashed and blamed. And trapped in denial. Manipulators can pretend to have changed. One consequence of their abuse is never to be trusted again for. the. rest. of. their. life., no matter how sincere they seem. Fundies write off the evil deeds of men just because of patriarchy. How sick can they be to say loving an abuser who "repents" is like loving Jesus. How blind can they be to not realize that taking away the fear from perverts of being killed by an angry mother or father or other relative actually could lead to more abuse?

2) It is so difficult knowing the balance of when to trust someone with our kids and when to keep an eagle eye watch over them. Probably kids out in society are a thousand times safer than fundie kids. There's safety in being part of the community of strangers who don't answer to the same authority (like a church elder would be over the entire fundie community). Nothing brings out the evil in horrible people like isolation and poverty and men being enabling by the total submission of their wife and kids.

I'm putting my kids in self-defense classes when they're older. And i even stopped dressing them cute, because of some people we are around temporarily. The protection is worth the hassle.

[Jana814]

What she said is soo wrong. What the hell is wrong w/ her that she would say this.

[susykt4]

I'm fairly new and don't know a lot about Ken and Lori, but seriously? How much jail time does a molester actually get? I'm guessing that unless the offense is absolutely horrendous (any molestation would be, but you know what I mean) the man isn't going to be locked up for very long. Certainly not long enough for the children to grow up and be safe from their father!

[polecat]

1) i wonder why we don't hear more about perverts being killed for this kind of thing. Hopefully it's because abuse is not as prevalent as we think. I don't know any non-fundie mom that wouldn't do serious damage to someone who hurt her kids. But in fundie land victims are silent because they're brainwashed. A friend went through this situation with one of her close family members, forgave him... and has drive him to appointments and manage church volunteers now while he is in the final stages of terminal illness. I could never do that. Silent victims are brainwashed and blamed. And trapped in denial. Manipulators can pretend to have changed. One consequence of their abuse is never to be trusted again for. the. rest. of. their. life., no matter how sincere they seem. Fundies write off the evil deeds of men just because of patriarchy. How sick can they be to say loving an abuser who "repents" is like loving Jesus. How blind can they be to not realize that taking away the fear from perverts of being killed by an angry mother or father or other relative actually could lead to more abuse?

2) It is so difficult knowing the balance of when to trust someone with our kids and when to keep an eagle eye watch over them. Probably kids out in society are a thousand times safer than fundie kids. There's safety in being part of the community of strangers who don't answer to the same authority (like a church elder would be over the entire fundie community). Nothing brings out the evil in horrible people like isolation and poverty and men being enabling by the total submission of their wife and kids.

I'm putting my kids in self-defense classes when they're older. And i even stopped dressing them cute, because of some people we are around temporarily. The protection is worth the hassle.

1. Because I suspect, at the end of the day, most parents know that having a parent locked up for defending the child would be just as traumatic if not more traumatic for him/her than the initial abuse. The kid will almost certainly blame him/herself AND essentially lose a beloved parent. Sure, there are lawyers who could possibly get the person off on temporary insanity, but the family would still have to go through the trial process PLUS not everyone can afford such an attorney.

I 100 percent agree with the idea that the doctrine of forgiveness, as most fundies seem to interpret it, does more harm than good. It absolutely puts the responsibility (if not the actual blame) for reconciliation on the victim and absolves the perpetrator entirely. The church I attended as a teen not only stood behind and supported Jack Schaap after his rape of a vulnerable girl in his charge but they also welcomed a rapist back into their midst (the man had raped a mentally disabled woman, and the church decided that it was just A-Ok because she had not been a child so it wasn't really a big deal. Meanwhile, women and children were expected to wear long skirts, high blouses and behave modestly so as to avoid tempting men.

2. No parent can physically protect their kids from everyone or every potential predator, but they can build their kids up to reduce the risk that they will be seen as "easy prey." Predators aren't interested in having to fight for what they want. They want to find easy prey, kids who are isolated, who are being otherwise abused, kids who are taught blind submission to authority or who are otherwise vulnerable -- all of which you touched on. (By saying this I am NOT blaming the kids or non-offending parents EVER -- ONLY the predator is responsible for his/her choices).

I was molested and it's colored my own parenting choices. I have to fight every day to allow my kids to just be kids because I DO feel paranoid (usually irrationally) about some things, but I also know in my heart that I've done the best I can to encourage their own strength and confidence. My kids do not blindly accept things, they WILL argue if they think something is unjust or unfair, they know that they can disagree with me or another adult, they know that they have the right to say no to any kind of touching (including kisses, hugs, tickling, etc. from mom or dad or sibs), etc. It's not fail proof, but I've given them all the protections that I didn't have. Physical protection was meaningless in my case, but those other things might have made a world of difference for me.

[jerkit]

I am dying that lori posted with the word dildo. Did she even read the comment she ganked for this post?!

[Koala]

I am dying that lori posted with the word dildo. Did she even read the comment she ganked for this post?!

:shock: :shock: :shock: Me too! Wow. Wasn't expecting that at all!

[polecat]

I am dying that lori posted with the word dildo. Did she even read the comment she ganked for this post?!

Do they realize that this post is essentially saying that masturbation is better than sex with their partners?

... indulging in masturbation not only will create dissatisfaction sexually with our spouse and their ability to please us, but it cheats them out of their role in meeting our sexual needs and desires.

[jerkit]

And not even to mention that masturbation can be a part of sex with a partner. The narrow view of what constitutes sex is so sad.

[Chowder Head]

Monsters. What would their thought be on divorce if the woman is found to be molesting the kids? rare but know to happen. Again They are monsters. :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead:

[usmcmom]

I really think it's time Lori realize that blogging is just not her gift, bless her heart.

I keep up with quite a few blogs; I used to write a blog almost daily. I've never seen anybody who simply copied somebody's thoughts and counted it as their post quite so often. I've seen a lot of people link to another's article and then write their own thoughts on the issue. Really, she is so lazy.

Also, while Lori is examining her heart about her lack of a gift - it really is time she consider that whole idolatry thing. Is anybody else just a little tired of how much she LOVES the Pearls or Duggers? Seriously, I don't think my daughter had such annoying crushes when she was 13.

I cannot even address their defense of child molestation - and yes, that's what it is. Anybody who will not encourage a spouse to divorce a molesting parent is defending molestation. I just cannot go there without using profanities that I've not learned yet.

[tehfanglyfish]

1) i wonder why we don't hear more about perverts being killed for this kind of thing. Hopefully it's because abuse is not as prevalent as we think. I don't know any non-fundie mom that wouldn't do serious damage to someone who hurt her kids. .

It's not just a fundie thing. Experienced it personally with my own mother. My grandfather molested her, my sister, and me. Years later her husband, my stepfather, also did inappropriate things to me. When I finally told her (after the abuse stopped), we had some contrived-ass meeting where he gave me permission to yell at him for what had happened and then we were all supposed to move forward. He'd divorced her at this point for another woman but we were all still living together. It was a fucked up old time. I left home at 16 and have been distant and guarded ever since. When the stepfather died, she cried. I smiled (not even intentionally - it was just my first reaction.)

For what it's worth, he abused my mom, too - beat her, choked her, etc. Like I said, I smiled when he died.

Edit for clarity.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Women who stay with known abusers will lose custody of their children. If Daddy comes back from his piddly 18 month jail sentence and she lets him move back in, the kids are on their way to foster homes, according to my close friend who's work for family services for several years. It does happen, and it frustrates the hell out of people whose job it is to see that children are in safe environments. I'd love to see Lori and Ken and the Pearls explain that one away.

[EmiGirl]

Women who stay with known abusers will lose custody of their children. If Daddy comes back from his piddly 18 month jail sentence and she lets him move back in, the kids are on their way to foster homes, according to my close friend who's work for family services for several years. It does happen, and it frustrates the hell out of people whose job it is to see that children are in safe environments. I'd love to see Lori and Ken and the Pearls explain that one away.

My cousin works with a woman this happened to.

[salex]

My cousin works with a woman this happened to.

This kind of thing -- the ebil government getting involved-- is why:

Cabinetman lives in the boonies--because innocent people get their kids taken away all the time, doncha know.

The Pearls had their kids learn escape tactics in case the house was raided

They don't get birth certificates/ss cards for their kids

They don't want to take things to court-- just get resaved and there you go.

Of course, it probably isn't because they know they are abusive fucks and know that outsiders would see them for what they are. It is because they have the correct world view and The World has a sinfull evil world view, so they must hide what they do from the world.

or whatever.