Teri Maxwell on Modesty

[kpmom]

This is a two part series on modesty that Teri Maxwell wrote in 1999 for the Momys (Mothers of Many Young Siblings) forum.

 

Sarah reprinted the article on her site preparingdaughters.com in 2002 (which I don't believe they keep up anymore)

 

Several things struck me in reading the articles;

 

1. I believe we can gather from the paragraph on how some girls in their church dress immodestly why they ended up leaving that church and starting their own.

 

2. How gossipy, condescending and holier than thou that family actually is (again, see the paragraph about how the girls in their old church would dress, and how Teri and Sarah talked about them behind their backs after church.).

 

3. Just how truly crazy this family is (as though we didn't know).

 

Here's some of the two articles, and a link for the rest.

 

 

 

Modesty Articles

 

By: SarahMaxwell4 on 10/3/2002 7:58:31 PM

 

Here are two articles by my Mom that I thought you girls would enjoy! These were written in 1999.

 

~Sarah~

 

I am going to share with you two posts I once wrote to the MOMYS digest on the issue of modest dressing..

 

In addition to what is in the posts, we also discovered this year that necklines in the back were a concern for us. I purchased two dresses of a similar style that were just on the border of okay for us at the front neckline. However, the back neckline was just a bit deeper than I would normally wear. No big deal, I thought. My hair will cover it up. What I didnt consider was how a dress with a rather large neck shifts. It wanted to come forward because of the larger back neck. I did discover this in my family style show before I had worn the dresses so that they could be returned.

 

The first post I am copying here had to do with how we have tried to teach our daughters to dress modestly. The second one was in response to another post asking for specifics on eye traps that I mentioned in the first message.

Trusting in Jesus,

Teri Maxwell

 

Modest Dressing

Post 1

It is interesting for me to look back on how we have passed on the idea of modesty to our oldest daughter (our other girls are young enough to still be in the learning stages in this area). As with so much of our parenting we have no plan, simply a continual crying out to the Lord for His wisdom and direction.

 

For the last ten to twelve years of my walk with the Lord, I have been more aware of the issue of modest dress for women. Because of this, it has been something Sarah and I have regularly talked about as I share with her the choices I make in clothing and why I make them. She has readily accepted these same standards.

 

One of the most helpful things we did was when we had a school assignment on dressing modestly. There were some very specific examples with drawings given of eye traps. These were styles of womens clothing that draw the eye away from the face and to other parts of the body. Some were a revelation to me! I had to go to my husband and ask, Steve, if you see a woman with a slit in her skirt does it draw your eyes to her legs? We went through each of the examples and he confirmed that they were eye traps for men. We also went to the airport and sat the family in a busy spot. We watched the people specifically watching mens eyes as they looked at women with some of these clothing styles on. Ugh! What a lesson for our daughter!

 

The rest of the articles can be read here;

 

forums.preparingdaughters.com/forums/t/3352/

[Marian the Librarian]

"Preparing Daughters" for what?? A lifetime of servitude to Mom and Dad???

[fundiefan]

What horrible, hateful, ugly people they are. They take their family to the airport to mock people.

Well, ok, I suppose I'd mock them, too, if I saw them so it's not all that bad - except, I'd never search them out. And I'd never make it a family sport.

[clibbyjo]

They went to the airport and stared at mens eyes for EYE TRAPS!!!!!! EYE TRAPS!!!!!! WTF, those psychos!!! I wore a spegetti strap maxi dress with a 3 quarter length tshirt today. What my dress an eye trap because it was low cut and had a built in bra?(even though I had a shirt under?)

I want a shirt that says EYE TRAP across the chest. Not that mine would be all that entraping....

[fundiefan]

They went to the airport and stared at mens eyes for EYE TRAPS!!!!!! EYE TRAPS!!!!!! WTF, those psychos!!! I wore a spegetti strap maxi dress with a 3 quarter length tshirt today. What my dress an eye trap because it was low cut and had a built in bra?(even though I had a shirt under?)

I want a shirt that says EYE TRAP across the chest. Not that mine would be all that entraping....

Oh, now I want one too. Specifically, a thin strapped tank top.

[keeperrox]

This is an eye trap, right?

[ladypuglover]

It is my desire personally, and for my daughters, to wear clothing that does not prompt men to lust. Remember, men are often tempted by what they see. That is why pornography ensnares men. Women are generally more stimulated by touch than the visual, so that is why many women often dont understand how their dress can affect men.

Would this be the reason behind the no touching rule in courtship? I must be a gay man inside because I am visualy stimulated more than touching when meeting a man.

[VodouDoll]

If Steve were all I had to look at, I wouldn't be stimulated by the visual either.

I remember an entry Sarah once wrote (maybe one of the times they handed out tracts at the county fair?) that she only wears frumpers because her parents make her. I wonder if it's still there or if Steve made her take it down. I think it's the same entry where she says the girls she talked to were shocked that she's never kissed a guy.

I bet the title of that website actually means preparing daughters for marriage. No wonder she's abandoned it: at this point, it would only draw attention to how Steve and Teri have utterly failed her. Poor Sarah.

[Koala]

Terri is completely nuts. Contrasting buttons????? W.T.F???????

[gardenvarietycitizen]

This is an eye trap, right?

Well that's disturbing! In the most awesome way of course... :P Quite enjoying!

[DamnPrecious]

I know if I met these people I would try to be defrauding as possible.

[skankbiscuit]

These people are so fixated on modesty and men looking at women that I think Steve either had an affair or a porn issue at one point. The way he makes such a big deal about that woman at work, and then seeing the chest of that other woman, that is really the only conclusion. I am wondering if and affair is what triggered the extreme fundamentalism.

[skankbiscuit]

I also think that is why they have the church in the nursing home, so Steve won't be tempted to look. Who the hell cries over seeing a woman's cleavage? Even the most religious would just look away and call it good...

[doggie]

If god wanted men to only look at faces why did he make woman's bodies so attractive? another screwup of god.

[FloraDoraDolly]

I also think that is why they have the church in the nursing home, so Steve won't be tempted to look. Who the hell cries over seeing a woman's cleavage? Even the most religious would just look away and call it good...

Wouldn't it be something if one of the boys went all Harold & Maude and ran off with a high-spirited old lady?

[tehgoobster]

She is out of vogue with some of the girls in our church. Quite often this is a topic of conversation between she and I that she will bring up after church.

It's interesting that Sarah noticed that she didn't quite fit in with the other girls at church. I wonder if she secretly felt bad about that.

If, on the other hand, she understands that the choices I make are out of my love for Jesus Christ and how I interpret following Him and His Word and she makes her choices based on the same, then she will gain a hearing and perhaps even the respect of those who question her. Let me tell you; they do question her! When she helps out at the home of a family with young children, almost always the parents will ask her many, many questions about what our family is really like behind the scenes even concerning our dress standards!

I would love, love, LOVE to hear inside scoop on the Maxwells! Anyway, it sounds like these families may have been kind of concerned for Sarah.

[Letgo]

Read the Harris' brothers modesty survey on the Rebelution site. There are all sorts of "eye traps" for guys. The modesty survey refers to them as stumbling blocks. Pockets on shirts, floral patterns, stripes, lace, dresses with a waist, a sweatshirt with a word or words across the chest, slits in long or short sleeves, skirts with many layers, fitted skirts or dresses...the list is long and some have problems with virtually anything. I am sure the Maxwells will agree with all of the modesty issues in the survey. I am all for dressing modestly as in not showing my cleavage, although at my age no one is going to want to look, but avoiding a pattern on my shirt because some guy might look lower than the face? Not my problem!

And what about guys being modest? Don't the Maxwells realize that women can notice other parts of a man besides his face? Shouldn't men be wearing robes or at least really long, untucked shirts so we don't notice how manly they are? I'm lookin' at you, Dougie!

[JesusFightClub]

Wait, wait, floral patterns? Is that because they are...flowers? And flowers have...pollen? And pollen makes men think of reproduction or, er...Seriously, WTF.

[zcccrv]

I honestly think Steve was addicted to online porn thus all the drama about modesty, computer passwords, controlling every aspect of life while never relaxing... emerged.

[tehgoobster]

I honestly think Steve was addicted to online porn thus all the drama about modesty, computer passwords, controlling every aspect of life while never relaxing... emerged.

I also suspect that he's struggled with something related to lust and sex. Freaking out because you accidentally looked at your friend's chest is simply not normal behavior. I've noticed that if religious people are obsessed with something above and beyond what their religion requires, then it's possible that that is something that they struggle with personally. Ted Haggard and George Rekers, anyone?

[twin2]

We also went to the airport and sat the family in a busy spot. We watched the people – specifically watching men’s eyes as they looked at women with some of these clothing styles on. Ugh! What a lesson for our daughter!

That is just creepy.

[Patsy]

And how on earth could they trace the men's eyelines in such a huge area?

[notsocommon]

Funny how I am reading this thread in Starbucks when in walks three totally defrauding guys in biking outfits. Tight biking outfits. I haven't a clue what their faces look like. Too busy looking at the butts. ;)

[clarinetpower]

k. Styles with a V kind of seam at the waist or hips.

What? Because V is for Vagina???

[ElphabaGalinda]

Wait, wait, floral patterns? Is that because they are...flowers? And flowers have...pollen? And pollen makes men think of reproduction or, er...Seriously, WTF.

Because...Flowers are pretty and colourful so if they are across the chest area that's where they draw the eye instead of the face? :lol: That's all I got. I love small floral patterns. I would think the Maxwells would be more of an eye trap because i'd definately be like * WTF are they wearing, must stare at thei rclothes instead of their face*. Personally, I find a woman with a pretty face the biggest eye trap for me :) I shudder to think what the Maxwells would do if they figured out that was a possiblity. Or is it okay to stare at someone's face with "lust in your heart" or whatever because it's still the face?