Half of Americans don't want atheist in-laws

[mausi]

I was going to say the exact same thing. I've never met or heard of such a person.

I've also never met militant Christians, but that might have more to do with me living in secular Germany. I hear a lot about them from you guys here, so I know they exist.

I'm uncomfortable with religion in the sense that it's simply out of my comfort zone, I don't like thinking about it, I don't like listening to others talk about it, I don't even like going to churches for a wedding. So I can sort of see where these people are coming from, and I try not to be offended. It's such a generalization as well. Half the people might say that, but if they actually meet the person in question it could be another story. Sometimes I wish there was no religion, or at least no Christianity. Imo it's not been a force for good in the world overall.

I live in Munich, and during the flat search I had one potential flatmate ask if I was baptised because she only wants to live with baptised people. Shame, it was a lovely place.

[nomoxian]

Well, I would prefer to not have religious family members, so I guess the feeling is kinda mutual. :fsm:

[samurai_sarah]

Do these types of people exist? I've never heard of such a thing. In fact, I've never known an atheist to knock at my door, try to get me to join his/her club, try to force their worldview on me, leave scary, hate-filled literature on my windshied or at my home, to threaten me with a generally bad time if I don't adopt their point of view, or yell at passers-by on the street. Unlike Christians, atheists don't recruit; so where are these "militant" atheists? And they're screaming at people for celebrating Christmas? Wut? Everybody knows Christmas is a pagan holiday, anyway.

:fsm:

A few years back, there was an ad campaign on the London buses. It said something like "God probably doesn't exist, why not sleep in on Sunday?". Some Christian groups were outraged. Currently, in my lovely city we have a Christian ad campaign, also on buses, which read "Try praying!". I haven't heard anything about outrage from atheist groups.

Me, I'd love it, if an atheist came knocking on the door, just for a change!

An Australian comedian, John Safran, did that once, in Utah.

Can't figure out how to embed video, sorry.

[Peas n carrots]

Rude people come in all stripes.

[louisa05]

There are the occasional atheists who try to interfere with relatives and religious activities. We had one in our family. The same relative would occasionally make rude remarks to other people when they expressed religious ideas, but most of it was reserved for family.

My 19 year old nephew is currently going through a know-it-all stage that we sincerely hope ends before one of us kills him. Part of it is militant atheism in which he does things like refuses to eat take out food from the nearby Catholic parish's fish fry while at my parents' house because apparently the food is tainted with religion and would compromise his integrity. That incident was followed by my receiving a nasty email for "attempting to push" my religion on him. You know, by offering him free dinner.

His girlfriend's family is extremely religious--seem to be fundie lite and right wing conservative. I can see that that sort of behavior combined with his complete lack of ambition (he hopes maybe the girlfriend can support him so he does not have to actually work) and their daughter having to do his homework so he doesn't get kicked out of school might lead them to answer this sort of survey question in the negative.

[Jana814]

Well, I would prefer to not have religious family members, so I guess the feeling is kinda mutual. :fsm:

Same here!

[nokidsmom]

Variations of you're idiots and stupid. It's a waste of time. How gullible can you be to believe in lies. It's just fairy tales. It's an opiate for weak minded people. He tried to block the door a few times as people were leaving for church. Called people names. You get the idea.

Yes, awkward, rude, intolerant, and narrow minded. When he became an atheist, he became as obnoxious as any fundie who was just "saved." He needed to spread the message.

Oh boy, this completely describes a friend of mine. He was raised fundamentalist Christian and actually became a preacher. When he became atheist, he was just as dogmatic and intolerant as he was when he was fundie. Just moved to the opposite end of the religion spectrum.

You cannot talk about anything that smacks of religion of any kind without him launching into a tirade. I actually understand a lot of his points about religion and how / why he doesn't believe in it. But he certainly doesn't give the that same consideration to others. Even to those he counts as his best friends.

[Lawsome]

This reminds me of the parents of my two previous boyfriends. Once they found out I was an atheist, they told me I was basically a bad person and to fix myself, and then used the atheism as an excuse to treat me like shit and call me names. I never once said anything bad about their religion, I think my commentary was to the extent of "you have the right to believe what you like, as do I.".

Their main objection to me was that because I was an Atheist, I lacked a moral compass. The funny thing, looking back, is that on an objective basis of morality and general life success, I was way ahead of their sons. Their behaviour truly showed me what "Christian Love" was and it made it clear to me that there was no way I was going to become a convert.

[Rachel333]

My 19 year old nephew is currently going through a know-it-all stage that we sincerely hope ends before one of us kills him. Part of it is militant atheism in which he does things like refuses to eat take out food from the nearby Catholic parish's fish fry while at my parents' house because apparently the food is tainted with religion and would compromise his integrity. That incident was followed by my receiving a nasty email for "attempting to push" my religion on him. You know, by offering him free dinner.

His girlfriend's family is extremely religious--seem to be fundie lite and right wing conservative. I can see that that sort of behavior combined with his complete lack of ambition (he hopes maybe the girlfriend can support him so he does not have to actually work) and their daughter having to do his homework so he doesn't get kicked out of school might lead them to answer this sort of survey question in the negative.

Overzealous conversion syndrome happens with deconversions too. :lol: I've noticed that for most ex-Christians that ends up being more of a phase and they become a lot more relaxed about religion. Of course then there are those who never leave that phase, so I hope your nephew is in the former. That's just ridiculous behavior, though it does seem pretty common with guys his age.

[louisa05]

Overzealous conversion syndrome happens with deconversions too. :lol: I've noticed that for most ex-Christians that ends up being more of a phase and they become a lot more relaxed about religion. Of course then there are those who never leave that phase, so I hope your nephew is in the former. That's just ridiculous behavior, though it does seem pretty common with guys his age.

There is no de-conversion here. He has only been in churches for a few funerals (grandparents and great-grandparents--last one of those was three and half years ago) and for my wedding five years ago. His mother (who had sole custody from the time he was born until his senior year of high school) claims to be Lutheran but did not have her children baptized and never took them to church (except for her parents' funerals). My brother is ambivalent about religion after some bad experiences when the church we attended when he was a teen had a very ugly split. My parents, in fact, have not been regular attenders of any one church since that ugly incident, either. I became Catholic when I got married. We have truly never tried to push any religion on the kid. Ever. And we aren't going to start now even if he is accusing us of doing so. So I don't know what is going on with this. Since my husband and I are the only ones who attend church regularly, most of his ire and anger is directed at us, which is a nice bonus. Never mind that we don't discuss that with him.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I was going to say the exact same thing. I've never met or heard of such a person.

I've also never met militant Christians, but that might have more to do with me living in secular Germany. I hear a lot about them from you guys here, so I know they exist.

I'm uncomfortable with religion in the sense that it's simply out of my comfort zone, I don't like thinking about it, I don't like listening to others talk about it, I don't even like going to churches for a wedding. So I can sort of see where these people are coming from, and I try not to be offended. It's such a generalization as well. Half the people might say that, but if they actually meet the person in question it could be another story. Sometimes I wish there was no religion, or at least no Christianity. Imo it's not been a force for good in the world overall.

In the United States today, truly militant atheism is quite rare. Even if someone is extremely vocal about their views and general distain for religion, they don't have the power to truly threaten others because of Constitutional guarantees of freedom of religion and because they are a minority.

OTOH, my rabbi and my Russian SIL will be happy to tell you about genuine anti-religious persecution. "Threaten with a generally bad time" would be putting it mildly.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I looked at the actual Pew study, which was quite interesting.

As a Canadian, I was a bit surprised by how some of the responses varied. For example, I would have expected more consistently liberal folks to be upset by the idea of their child marrying a Republican. (Maybe I'm just picturing my agnostic Canadian mother giving the stink eye to Tea Party Republicans in Florida. Mom admits that she spends 4 months a year in Florida with a very active social life that includes virtually no Americans, she and my dad are constantly ranting about crazy Florida politics, and they would be visibly horrified by the thought of family dinners with a right-wing Republican complaining about Obama and declaring their love of guns.)

A large number of respondents also wanted to live in communities that reflected their views. Its important to liberals to live in diverse communities, and its important to conservatives to live around those who share their beliefs.

To properly understand the results, I think it's important to look at the actual question asked. It just asks if people would be "happy" or "unhappy" if their child married an atheist. You can be unhappy, but still accept your child and their spouse and recognize that the decision is not yours to make.

Questions about feelings involving family and religion aren't necessarily connected to general tolerance or civil rights. There can be plenty of folks with a general live-and-let-live attitude, who still have preferences about how they and their family want to live. Also, don't forget that some groups that are identified as "consistently liberal" may still be quite religious. White fundies are not the only religious people. Religion plays a huge role in many African-American and Hispanic families, for example, who may be characterized as liberal on this survey.

[Trynn]

Glad to hear the militant atheist can be a phase of de conversion. Hopefully it passes soon.

I'm agnostic right now leaning toward atheism. Hopefully I don't go through it, or if I do, it passes quickly.

[paganhomeschooler]

I'm not married, so I have outlaws instead of in-laws.

They were both raised Christian, but neither of them has been in church other than for a wedding or funeral in a couple of decades. I am very fond of them, not least because they both understand / are comfortable with their own children's atheism and understand / are comfortable with what I get out of religious faith and practice.

I wish more parents were like them! There would be a lot more happy people in the world.

Kind of OT, but my mom and uncle always referred to themselves as The Outlaws, as well! My uncle passed away almost 2 years ago, and my mom (who is no longer married to my dad) sent my aunt a card and wrote something about them being The Outlaws. Just struck a cord someone else used that, too. :-)

[Rebelwife]

Kind of OT, but my mom and uncle always referred to themselves as The Outlaws, as well! My uncle passed away almost 2 years ago, and my mom (who is no longer married to my dad) sent my aunt a card and wrote something about them being The Outlaws. Just struck a cord someone else used that, too. :-)

My uncle's ex-wife and current wife have referred to themselves as the outlaws for years - since they get along very well (sometimes to my uncle's chagrin).

[Arete]

I can also testify that atheists like that do exist. I have an otherwise very beloved uncle who never misses an opportunity to proselytize the family theists, and a husband of a dear friend who keeps literature on hand to pass out at social gatherings. Not all atheists live in fear in the Deep South, and some can be as insufferable as any evangelical trying to convert you. I will say out of the atheists/agnostics I know, these 2 are the most extreme cases, the rest just live their lives like anyone else.

[louisa05]

I can also testify that atheists like that do exist. I have an otherwise very beloved uncle who never misses an opportunity to proselytize the family theists, and a husband of a dear friend who keeps literature on hand to pass out at social gatherings. Not all atheists live in fear in the Deep South, and some can be as insufferable as any evangelical trying to convert you. I will say out of the atheists/agnostics I know, these 2 are the most extreme cases, the rest just live their lives like anyone else.

In the same way that evangelicals with bullhorns and tracts make people dislike or avoid Christianity, these are the people making atheism suspect. We all need to be more careful to avoid believing that loud minorities are always representative of entire groups. Especially large and diverse groups like Christians (a label that can encompass everyone from liberals in the UCC to Steve Maxwell after all) and atheists.

[halcionne]

Glad to hear the militant atheist can be a phase of de conversion. Hopefully it passes soon.

I'm agnostic right now leaning toward atheism. Hopefully I don't go through it, or if I do, it passes quickly.

This is me, too. I suspect I have been somewhat obnoxious to my poor daughter, who is more active in church than I ever was. I went to a Mother's Day/Graduation Sunday service as part of her graduation festivities and I was pretty much :evil-eye: through the whole thing. Sorry girl!

[guidedbybobafett]

I guess that's the half I haven't really been exposed to, given my heathen, urban upbringing. Both my boyfriend and myself identify as atheists, though he was raised Lutheran. His mother has a degree in Theological Studies and identified as Christian for many years. She has since left the faith, in a way, and only identifies as spiritual. She is not concerned that her son and his girlfriend are atheists. My parents have always been irreligious to the extreme so they definitely don't care, though I believe my mother self-identifies as agnostic.

I truly can't imagine caring about the religion or lack thereof of my inlaws unless I found them intruding on my life.