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Steve Maxwell throws his dad Paul Bargar under the bus


SPHASH

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Long silence from the Maxwell blog. Any ideas what family crusade Steve might be training his troops for?

Maybe they are helping move Gigi to AL. One can pray right?

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Mirele, my deepest sympathy. Your dad was like mine in many ways.

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mirele, hugs, my dove.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I so well remember one Sunday afternoon 50-odd years ago, scouring the front page of the small-town newspaper after BDJB had finished reading it. I'm pretty sure I could read but don't remember any of the articles, just that I pointed at a man's picture and laughed, "He's not handsome!" To which Big Daddy Junebug immediately said sharply, "Shame! You NEVER speak ill of the dead! They can't defend themselves."

I've never forgotten my dad's rebuke, because I had no idea the photo was of someone who had passed, but mostly because of the seriousness of my dad's sense of what one did and didn't say about the departed.

And here's Steve, blithely/petulantly/bitterly criticizing his own biological father. Bad form, very bad.

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Not to mention being in complete disobedience to the commandment about honouring your father and mother.

You know those Biblical rules you love so much, Steve? I found one you seem to have missed.

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Lots of dads don't spend enough time with their families. Could they do better? Sure. But can't everyone? And this doesn't make his dad a bad person. Steve sees everything in black and white. He just can't wrap it around his head that although his dad may have had some poor parenting qualities, it doesn't mean he was an abuser. Steve would do well to remember the things about his bio dad that were good and forgive him for the rest. It's not healthy to live with the kind of resentment that Steve harbors.

The way I see it is you've spent enough time with your family when you want a break from them. I'd rather spend just south of enough so that I have a desire to be with my family when I'm not.

Also when these fundy men have to provide for tons of kids, that means less time to be with the kids.

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Too often, however, we let important needs such as discipling our children, spending time with our wife, and leading family Bible time get crowded out by less important, though seemingly more urgent, tasks.

Can't let having a life outside the family, like having friends, get in the way of the #1 most important thing. Beating the kids.

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Fuck you, too, Steve. We know you read here and posted that as as fuck you, FJ.

mirele, I'm so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

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I don't know that I really understand the 'don't say bad things about someone who has died' concept. If they spent their lives being a jerk, no one can ever talk about that after they die? They just have to act like that person was wonderful all of a sudden. I'm not saying Steve Maxwell should have posted that about his dad, but if Steve or Michael Pearl or others died, I doubt people here would stop talking about what they have done. We wouldn't start trying to only remember good things about them would we?

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I don't know that I really understand the 'don't say bad things about someone who has died' concept. If they spent their lives being a jerk, no one can ever talk about that after they die? They just have to act like that person was wonderful all of a sudden. I'm not saying Steve Maxwell should have posted that about his dad, but if Steve or Michael Pearl or others died, I doubt people here would stop talking about what they have done. We wouldn't start trying to only remember good things about them would we?

I don't disagree with what you're saying. I think, though, that it is odd that their blog does not acknowledge the passing of three people in the family. Moreover, it seems that Steve might be the only one of his siblings that shares his views on his parents, though it's hard to tell. I guess, finally, that we don't trust Steve's perceptions of his own reality.

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There's a big difference between calling someone out for their behaviour (including publicly, if need be) and waiting until someone is dead before throwing their reputation under a bus. When it comes to the likes of Michael Pearl, no body is waiting around until he's dead. There is a very active movement attacking his ideas NOW and there are ppl working pretty damn hard to provide alternatives to the demographic who think his style of child abuse is a necessary part of being a Christian parent. The same can be said of Steve Maxwell (although, to a lesser extent since his audience isn't as big).

Admittedly, I have no idea what kind of relationship Steve Maxwell had with his father while he was still alive, but the fact remains that there is no need to air that particular piece of dirty laundry in public. It's even worse that he makes no mention of his father or his father's failings until his parents are both in the ground and cannot respond or defend themselves.

In the case of JB, I find it even more disgusting. JB used his father as a prop on his TV show (and I don't think his father was in any place to be able to resist at that point) and then had the gall to piss all over his reputation once he had died. On a television show no less.

To then, to add insult to injury, is the fact that fundies like to trot out Matt 18 as the ultimate method for sorting out disputes. The process outlined goes something like this: first, approach the person who has hurt you in private, if you're not happy with the outcome try again, this time take a few ppl to back you up. Then, if you still have no joy, you can take it to the authorities and the public. It's a fairly sensible approach in many (but by no means all) cases but fundies will insist that other ppl must stick to it if they have a problem with someone. But when it comes to fundies having a grievance, it seems to fall by the wayside.

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"Honor thy father and thy mother" doesn't contain the qualifier "if you think they deserve it." (Neither does "Sell what thou hast and give to the poor," but that's a different conversation.)

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It is strange that someone such as Steve, who preaches that parents are perfect and must be honored, would post something like that about his dad. But again, Steve seems to believe he's perfect and can do no wrong.

I can see how someone raised by a parent like Steve would wait until that parent was dead to speak out and might after years of frustration day something as soon as he died. Maybe he was actually intimidated by his father (step-father, whoever he's talking about) and now feels he can say something. Whatever the story, it is still odd.

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Whatever the issues were between Steve and his dad, I see nothing wrong with saying something about it privately amongst his family, siblings, or even friends (assuming he has any). It may not go over with these people hearing about it but at least it's private.

It's the public airing that grates on me just as JB criticized his father posthumously. It smacks of a public shaming of the deceased and doing this especially when the person is gone and has no means to defend themselves (and just as publically) looks mean spirited and cowardly, regardless of the issues and how legitimate they may have been. Now, it might still be mean spirited and cowardly to do it privately but taking it into the public arena appears to be taking a unnecessary step further and looks to be with the aim of disparaging the person rather than just a statement about whatever the problems were.

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I don't know that I really understand the 'don't say bad things about someone who has died' concept. If they spent their lives being a jerk, no one can ever talk about that after they die? They just have to act like that person was wonderful all of a sudden. I'm not saying Steve Maxwell should have posted that about his dad, but if Steve or Michael Pearl or others died, I doubt people here would stop talking about what they have done. We wouldn't start trying to only remember good things about them would we?

THere is a scene in the Sopranos where Tony's mother had died and his sister thinking it would be a good idea, starts the "give a fond memorie of Mama" moment. It goes south quickly.

One of my husband's grandmothers was-- well, pretty horrible. (Small example and not neccesarily the worst-- over the years after an accident her sons were in as children, told the one who survived that "the wrong son died.")

A while after she died, someone thought it would be good to play the "let's remember grandma" game at a family thing--over wine. The game ground to a halt when finally someone said "she was a rotten bitch and I"m glad she's dead."

Not nice, but very true.

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THere is a scene in the Sopranos where Tony's mother had died and his sister thinking it would be a good idea, starts the "give a fond memorie of Mama" moment. It goes south quickly.

One of my husband's grandmothers was-- well, pretty horrible. (Small example and not neccesarily the worst-- over the years after an accident her sons were in as children, told the one who survived that "the wrong son died.")

A while after she died, someone thought it would be good to play the "let's remember grandma" game at a family thing--over wine. The game ground to a halt when finally someone said "she was a rotten bitch and I"m glad she's dead."

Not nice, but very true.

Agree not nice but at least it was private and was kept to the "let's remember grandma" game with family. If your relative had stated it publically over say, a public internet blog like Steve did, I bet there would have been an uproar amongst your family even if they agreed with what was said. Even with wine.

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A little ot, but in regards to the blog being so quiet, is it possible there is something big happening in Maxwell land?

A courtship, perhaps?

I don't recall a time previously when they were so busy that comments were suspended. Even during Christopher's wedding preparations, and Susannah's hospitalization.

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A little ot, but in regards to the blog being so quiet, is it possible there is something big happening in Maxwell land?

A courtship, perhaps?

I don't recall a time previously when they were so busy that comments were suspended. Even during Christopher's wedding preparations, and Susannah's hospitalization.

Naw, I'm guessing it's because they don't want "Happy Father's Day" greetings to Teri's Dad..... Better to stick your head in the sand like as Ostrich....

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They just put up a new post about their "Energize!" conference tour and their flyer pictures.

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