What's happening over at Gentle Christian Mothers?

[Sister_Wife]

I normally skim over the topics at GCM, but I'm not a member. Tonight, when I clicked over, they were requesting a registration to see the forums. I'm happy to do that, but once I got started it was quite the process. They want christian testimony etc etc.

So that begs the question? Why the new security measures? Anyone a member over there and doesn't mind giving some insight??

[16strong]

Sounds utterly Maxwellian. Just make something up and throw terms like "sweet fellowship," "Season of life," and "such a blessing" in there and you'll probably be fine. ;)

[WonderingInWA]

I am a member but I haven't been there or active in a long time. I do know there was some kind of doctrinal disagreement a couple of months ago involving some of the legacy members whom I know and respect very much, but again, my head was in the sand and we have mutually chosen not to speak about the specifics. The board shut down for about a week while everyone cooled off, and then there were some small adjustments to the Statement of Beliefs. I'm sure you will find another member who knows more about it than I do. In my case, ignorance is bliss.

FWIW, GCM gets a lot of very young girls that join just seemingly to rock the boat and they don't understand the principles upon which the board was originally founded. Some of them get frustrated and leave because it's not the place they want it to be and they can't change it. It comes across as being hugely disrespectful to the founding mothers, at least it feels that way to me, but I think overall anyone who chooses to leave that community is probably in the wrong place anyway.

[Dovenoir]

I know there's some internal strife going on right now, but public stuff should still be online.

[debrand]

That is sad. A very long time ago, I used to lurk on their forums and enjoyed reading some of their threads.

How did the newer members try to change things?

[Curious]

I don't know specifics, but I understand there has been some kind of board split semi-recently. I don't know the url for the new board either, but I'm sure someone will come along that does have the information that you are looking for.

[chaotic life]

One of the admins publically bullied a member for coming out. Long term members got mad because that admin has a LONG history of bullying members publically and privately that has cause two previous board splits. Rather than address it and apologize, the owner shut the boards down for an unannounced "Lenten break" conveniently just as the members had had enough and were demanding the bully own up and apologize.

Talking away from the boards unearthed LOTS of shit. Rather than address it, the leadership has gotten more controlling and more in denial.

Funny, it hasn't seemed to stop the members from pushing back and the whole thing has been in an imploding cycle since first of March.

The more the leadership tries to spin the implosion, the more the members keep pushing back, the more it grows.

Careful there, if you're a member there and caught talking negatively about the admins, you'll now get out on moderated status, and if you get caught talking about any of the mess anywhere online NOT GCM, you'll get in trouble there, or as of this week they have declared they will ban you from the board entirely.

[Curious]

One of the admins publically bullied a member for coming out. Long term members got mad because that admin has a LONG history of bullying members publically and privately that has cause two previous board splits. Rather than address it and apologize, the owner shut the boards down for an unannounced "Lenten break" conveniently just as the members had had enough and were demanding the bully own up and apologize.

Talking away from the boards unearthed LOTS of shit. Rather than address it, the leadership has gotten more controlling and more in denial.

Funny, it hasn't seemed to stop the members from pushing back and the whole thing has been in an imploding cycle since first of March.

The more the leadership tries to spin the implosion, the more the members keep pushing back, the more it grows.

Careful there, if you're a member there and caught talking negatively about the admins, you'll now get out on moderated status, and if you get caught talking about any of the mess anywhere online NOT GCM, you'll get in trouble there, or as of this week they have declared they will ban you from the board entirely.

I've never been to the site, but your last paragraph doesn't sound very gentle :mouse-shock:

[WonderingInWA]

In their defense, the GCM admins are there to defend the founding principles. And some may or may not, in their personal lives, be steadfast about every single founding principle, but in their jobs as admins, they must play that role. I believe one of the founding principles is that marriage is between a man and a woman. So, if you are gay and a member at GCM, you just have to know that that particular point may not be a good fit for you. Not that I condone it, but it is clearly stated in the Statement of Beliefs which has been around for over 15 years (and recently modified after the scuttlebutt a couple of months ago, but I have not read the new version, nor do I particularly care to).

I fully support gay marriage personally, but that certainly didn't keep me from being on GCM for years and years while raising my kids through those tough early years. Like any message board, you find the people you click with and you get the advice you need. It was a great support system for me. I am still friends with a number of women I met there (one who is gay and married -- gasp!) who are legacy members, and I know this last round of arguments was particularly hard on everyone, especially the admins.

[WonderingInWA]

I've never been to the site, but your last paragraph doesn't sound very gentle :mouse-shock:

The "gentle" of GCM generally refers to grace-based discipline of children and stems from the argument over spanking (which many Christians will tell you is Biblical -- the Pearls are a great example). GCM was founded with the idea that Christian mothers could still be Christians and parent following the Bible but didn't have to rule with such authority and weren't spoiling their child if they dared spare the rod.

But I understand your point -- being gentle means being gentle to everyone, not just children.

[chaotic life]

Actually the no gay clause in the SOB was added at some point. Many long term members never agreed to any such clause when they joined, and even the admins admitted in the event that sparked everything that the poster had not violated the SOB at all in her post. It wasn't gays that sparked the ongoing implosion. If could have been anything that sparked it. The bully admin has been getting progressively worse for years, she was the primary cause if both former board splits and she continues to stir trouble even though she has, at least for the moment, stepped down from so-called leadership.

The whole place is just a microcosm of how Christian leaders who are corrupt and have no accountability will tear any place down. It might have been lessened if the owner would be honest that the place is a business, but even now she wants to pretend it is a ministry yet runs it like a business and not a ministry.

There's no confusion what FJ is. No one cones here with a mistaken idea that this is a community if equals building intentional, religiously based community. GCM has portrayed something very different, continues to try to portray it, when the reality us that it's a private business and the owner really just wants those who don't like how she runs it to go away and don't come back, but that would sound unChristian and not gentle. So she continues to do one thing and say another.

[chaotic life]

Pardon the riffles, phone typing tends to cause them and makes it hard to correct them.

[WonderingInWA]

Actually the no gay clause in the SOB was added at some point. Many long term members never agreed to any such clause when they joined, and even the admins admitted in the event that sparked everything that the poster had not violated the SOB at all in her post. It wasn't gays that sparked the ongoing implosion. If could have been anything that sparked it. The bully admin has been getting progressively worse for years, she was the primary cause if both former board splits and she continues to stir trouble even though she has, at least for the moment, stepped down from so-called leadership.

The whole place is just a microcosm of how Christian leaders who are corrupt and have no accountability will tear any place down. It might have been lessened if the owner would be honest that the place is a business, but even now she wants to pretend it is a ministry yet runs it like a business and not a ministry.

There's no confusion what FJ is. No one cones here with a mistaken idea that this is a community if equals building intentional, religiously based community. GCM has portrayed something very different, continues to try to portray it, when the reality us that it's a private business and the owner really just wants those who don't like how she runs it to go away and don't come back, but that would sound unChristian and not gentle. So she continues to do one thing and say another.

I guess calling it a business implies there is money being made from it and calling it a ministry implies there isn't? I don't know. I think ministries have to be run like businesses -- they need the infrastructure any business needs. Maybe I don't understand your point.

[chaotic life]

Ministries have to have oversight and accountability for their leadership. Businesses don't have leaders but owners. It is a business. She's held a business license on the place for years, files taxes and declares income, and did make a small profit last year. But a ministry has to have a process of accountability, some method and group if people who hold the head of any ministry accountable.

Good example: Vision Forum Ministry was shut down by the board of Directors over Doug Phillip's behaviors. Vision Forum the business is still owned by him, liquidated their inventory but has never declared to be closing down. In fact, when the board forced the ministry shut down, he was still declaring his full ownership of the business side.

[WonderingInWA]

Ministries have to have oversight and accountability for their leadership. Businesses don't have leaders but owners. It is a business. She's held a business license on the place for years, files taxes and declares income, and did make a small profit last year. But a ministry has to have a process of accountability, some method and group if people who hold the head of any ministry accountable.

Good example: Vision Forum Ministry was shut down by the board of Directors over Doug Phillip's behaviors. Vision Forum the business is still owned by him, liquidated their inventory but has never declared to be closing down. In fact, when the board forced the ministry shut down, he was still declaring his full ownership of the business side.

Ah, gotcha. I didn't realize GCM had a business license, and I guess if anything, I thought they were non-profit -- tells you how plugged-in I am there, right?

Are you still active there? I logged in around the time of the most recent scuffle just to see if I could figure out what happened, but by the time I did, the offending threads had been locked and then I just decided I didn't really care. I do know who a couple of the major players were, just no details. I've been a GCM member since before I had children and I think the owner is just trying to preserve the original intent. Which is hard to do with a 2nd and maybe even 3rd generation of members. The neighborhood has definitely changed.

[chaotic life]

I was. I'm not anymore. Doesn't seem to be anything worth saving the worse the implosion gets ANC the bigger the stink of garbage there.

They have lost tons of members, primarily long term members. They have just added new members in the middle of it to try to hide how many have left.

The idea behind it was good, but the owner is the wrong person to carry that idea out. I expect it will continue to limp along, getting more controlling and cult-like and keep spinning this implosion with lies like they have the other two. When they finish running off every long time member who will talk back to them, then I have no doubt the resident bully will take back over and the owner with extreme social anxiety will go back into hiding like she was.

I don't think they'll ever know the total count of this implosion. Already about 1/3 if the active members this year have left openly, but who knows how many left quietly as well. Those still there say everything is dead except the carefully buried processing forum, which they are now shutting down, supposedly for a two week cool off.

Most of the members who knew how have fled to Facebook or two different parenting boards as alternatives.

[WonderingInWA]

Well, you know more than I, although I did know there were some carefully buried forums that only the elite know about or know how to ask to join. I used to post enough to have access to the 250+ and 500+ secret forums, but then I stopped visiting and posting so somehow lost my status and when I asked for it back about 3 years ago, I never even got a reply. So, I just sort of lost interest. There are a couple of long-time drama queens there that simply cannot solve their own problems so spend a lot of time on the board typing and typing about their "whoa is me, nothing ever goes right for me" stories rather than just shut off the computer and deal with real life, and I got tired of trying to propose solutions to people that weren't willing to help themselves or follow sound advice. That sounds mean, but I'm sure if you spent any kind of time there at all, you know at least a couple of the gals I'm talking about.

I just outgrew the community, but I do like to check back in from time to time to see who is still there. Now you have me curious.

[Dru]

The owner is 100% about covering her bully friend's ass and this has nothing to do with re-focusing on the goals of the message board. This wasn't an issue with new users rocking the boat, they lost 80+ long term prolific posters.