modest dress

[Full enough quiver]

So, I notice fundies make a huge deal out of modesty and how it sets them apart from everyone else. They act like wearing skirts and covering up makes them sooper speshul or something.

I generally dress in cutoffs and tank tops. Nothing too crazy immodest, but socal is frickin hot, so what can you do? I decided to do an experiment. For two weeks, I wore ankle length skirts and t shirts that cover my collarbones. I wanted to see if I got treated any differently. You know what I noticed? No one seemed to notice or care. I was treated exactly the same.

I think the fundies make up how differently they get treated. Maybe if they didn't announce to everyone how modest they are, people wouldn't treat them differently. I think they just like feeling persecuted. Most (non fundies) don't seem that interested in how other people dress.

Anyone else ever "go modest"? Did you notice any difference in the way you were treated?

[apple1]

I was raised in a family/church that required girls and women to wear dresses/skirts only. In the 70s. I attended a public university - when and where everyone else was wearing jeans. I would call that church fundy, but it was actually fairly liberal IN COMPARISON to much of what is discussed here. I complied with the dresses only requirement, not because I ever believed in it myself, but because it was imposed upon me by my circumstances at the time.

I purchased my first pair of jeans and wore them on my honeymoon. Goodbye and never looked back - 37 years later. (Still Christian, but not that kind).

I own exactly one dress now, no skirts. Wore the dress to a couple of weddings.

All that said -

Yeah, you are viewed differently. Not in a good way. I can't imagine that two weeks is enough to get the actual experience.

PS - None of that is actually modest. Modest = not drawing undue attention to oneself. The complete opposite of what many call "modest".

[Full enough quiver]

I think most people just thought I was a crunchy hippie chick. Prairie skirts, long hair, it can be hard to tell the difference. I think I'll wait for cooler weather and go frumpier. Maybe I need to try it for longer, or announce to everyone how modest I am. Maybe I could try to shove the bible down everyone's throat. It just really seemed like nobody cared. Of course, I live in a huge city. Back home, people may have cared more, or at least noticed.

[2xx1xy1JD]

In the 1980s, normal people dressed the way fundies do now. I remember wearing mid-calf, full skirts, stockings, flat shoes and baggy shirts. No particular reaction.

At work, I dress fairly modestly - but it doesn't stand out, because it's just work-appropriate. My industry is pretty conservative, so my goal with dressing for work is to look professional and competent. I don't want my clothes to be a distraction.

If I'm out in the community, sometimes my clothes will get different reactions. I live in a Jewish area, with a mix of Orthodox and non-Orthodox. Certain styles will paint me as fitting into one group or the other. I tend to dress relatively modestly regardless, just because I'm 42 and carry a bit extra weight and tend to wearing exciting colors like black and gray, so it generally comes down to a difference in style. Skirts are considered Officially Modest, even though the pants I wear might offer better coverage. Sleeveless stuff looks horrible on me, so it's just a matter of whether I wear sleeves that cover the elbow or not, and how close to the collarbone the neckline goes. I used to have some really hideous modest stuff, but then I found a place selling really cute modest clothes. When I first started shopping there, I got a lot of compliments because the clothes fit me much better, and flattered my figure. A knee-length pencil skirt, elbow-length shell and sleeveless cardigan, for example, hide my problem parts and make me look a lot better than a baggy t-shirt and jeans. In my area, neither Officially Modest nor regular clothes will attract attention, since both are pretty common.

[catlady]

I wear skirts almost every day and have done so for over 10 years, but not because i'm modest or religious; i'm about 50 lb. overweight and skirts fit me better than pants (I also don't like shopping or trying on clothes, so I can't be bothered to spend too much time finding pants that fit properly).

So I do agree with FullEnoughQuiver in noticing that no one has ever treated me differently after I began wearing skirts. I do cover up more in the winter, but if anyone has ever noticed my cleavage in the summer, they've never made it known to me.

I do, however, have enough common sense to wear pants in appropriate situations (i.e. hiking or very cold days). I will confess that I like white skirts in the summer, and I have been known to pull weeds in the garden in a white skirt, but then bleach was invented for a reason.....

[Vivi_music]

I never tried to dress modestly for a long period of time but I do have a lot of outfits that would be fundie approved. I love long and maxi skirts and during the winter, I often wear above-the-knee length skirts with leggings. I also have a couple of dresses that cover my shoulders and thighs perfectly. When I wear those outfits, people don't treat me differently at all.

I really think fundie fallow modesty rules so it can make them feel good compared to us heathens. It's this whole ''holier-than-thou'' attitude.

[SoybeanQueen]

I dress modestly 99% of the time. Not because I feel compelled to do so by my faith. I just prefer it for my own self. I do wear pants, but I don't consider those to be immodest at all.

People treat me the same whether I'm in a dress or skirt or one of the rare times when I have on a lower-cut top. But, I don't hold myself out to be super special because of how I dress, nor do I hang out with the type of people who would treat a person poorly because their clothing was tight/revealing. So there's that.

The Duggars and their ilk are just self-absorbed. End of story. How arrogant and bizarre is it to wander around constantly obsessing over whether or not someone might be ogling your crotch? Weirdos.

[It'sFunToRun]

I think it would depend a lot on whether it looked like you just happened to be dressed in a skirt and modest shirt (like the Duggars today), in which you would be treated the same, or if what you were wearing screamed religous fanatic (the Duggars ten years ago), in which case I think people would treat you a little worse.

My mom said that when she was in her 40s, she noticed that people would treat her nicer when she was in a dress, but this was vs her normal mom jeans + tee shirt. Men would hold doors open for her, etc. I think the issue here was ironically that she was more attractive (even though the dresses would have been modest), not that she was more modest.

If you usually dress sloppily and wear pants, and then you switch to skirts and pay attention to fashion, then I bet you'd be treated better, but not for the reason the Duggars think.

[Peas n carrots]

I think it depends on where you live and what exactly you wore. Right now maxi skirts are in right now (in general I think the fashion trends at the moment trend more modest). I'm guessing there isn't a huge fundie pop in SoCal...so it makes sense the default assumption would be "crunchy hippie girl" over "fundie."

I live in a neighborhood with a lot of Orthodox Jews and I can usually tell who is observant and who is someone not Jewish by certain cues - usually the Orthodox ladies around here wear black stockings and married women cover their hair.

However, I tend to associate long jean skirts with fundies...they are so not in style, that when I see someone wearing them I wonder if they are fundie :lol:

[RosyDaisy]

I dress however I please (usually conservative in public) or according the dress code set by my employer or host of a party/function. If other people don't like it, too bad.

[Coco]

So, I notice fundies make a huge deal out of modesty and how it sets them apart from everyone else. They act like wearing skirts and covering up makes them sooper speshul or something.

I generally dress in cutoffs and tank tops. Nothing too crazy immodest, but socal is frickin hot, so what can you do? I decided to do an experiment. For two weeks, I wore ankle length skirts and t shirts that cover my collarbones. I wanted to see if I got treated any differently. You know what I noticed? No one seemed to notice or care. I was treated exactly the same.

I think the fundies make up how differently they get treated. Maybe if they didn't announce to everyone how modest they are, people wouldn't treat them differently. I think they just like feeling persecuted. Most (non fundies) don't seem that interested in how other people dress.

Anyone else ever "go modest"? Did you notice any difference in the way you were treated?

Yes, that's very true. Unfortunately, from experiencing it, their persecuted feeling mostly comes from their own too-sensitive consciences. They tell themselves that being sexy is VERY VERY BAD... so they run in the opposite direction out of guilt and shame. It's a very sad situation. Some of them are self-righteous, yes definitely. But most of the girls i used to know just felt ashamed, like they were going to cause someone to sin if they were beautiful or enjoyed their bodies. It's a sad way to live.

Here are some ideas if you want to see what it feels like to walk around as a fundie. :D i love fashion and lived 10 years as a fundie. Good luck! (all of these photos are advertisements from clothing sites)

To get the actual fundie experience you have first prepare your mind! :lol: Put on the mindset that your shape is shameful and causing others to stumble and should be covered. Add in a print meant for quilting or home decor. I have to add: Not all fundies who believe in modesty and femininity believe their bodies are bad. Some, like the Duggars have become and the Bates's seem to be, believe in beauty and gracefulness. The more graceful modesty is probably not going to make you feel the stares from the public, just get special attention (like opening doors for you) and sometimes respect from men who appreciate feminine women.

If you dressed like this: (a fashion shoot photo from a site selling modest jumpers) you would be feeling the "must appear to be as childlike as possible while still a grown woman." side of being a fundie.

source: mariemadelinestudio.typepad.com/mariemadeline_studio/

or this: (another site selling nursing jumpers) "body shaming 101" MUST NOT CARE ABOUT FASHION!!!!

source: sewmodestclothing.com/nursingjumper.shtml

it also helps if the clothing is obviously homemade, something that you could not buy anywhere.

source: liliesapparel.com/

Those are all great ways to get the fundie feeling! :lol:

But if you just wanted to be the modest but not ashamed fundie, here are some to try:

Very fundie trendy right now but totally acceptable to mainstream people too:

non fundie style site wearitworkit.blogspot.com/2013/03/5-different-ways-to-wear-bright-tank-top.html

or this: (modest coverage, feminine and graceful)

from jane.com/

or even this: (suspiciously ugly color choices, but still trying to be "in" with trends - from a not overtly fundie craft site.)

and definitely this is an example of feminine but not body shaming, i especially like the translucent top)

source: lookbook.nu/look/5391686-Topknot-Macys-Bohemian-Maxi-Skirt-Union-Bay

while completely shapeless with updone hair, it still has a sense of style and gives the impression of actually caring about appearance.

Good luck, it can actually be a lot of fun. 8-)

[2xx1xy1JD]

There is also the "technically modest while being hot as hell" look:

http://www.kosherpersianfoodblog.com/20 ... eous-gown/

The reaction from others would be more "wow" and less "gee, that's a modest fundie"....and maybe just a touch of jealousy because she looks fabulous and can pull it off. [Won't snark on Reyna, just observing that she's drop-dead gorgeous and she has really good recipes.]

[Coco]

yes exactly! i don't have experience with the covered up but sexy-on-purpose look, that's another segment of fundie-land :lol: but my hubs does love it when i wear a dress, if you kwim.

[karismanic]

My cousin went fundie for a time about ten years ago (a product of her bipolar personality, but that's another topic). She went from really revealing to skirts-only, no makeup in our small town.

I think the experience really differs in small towns vs. the city. In a small town, dressing fundie shows everyone that you're now one of "that church". It changes the expectations people have of you. It also automatically identifies you to others in the church's flock.

If I had to compare it to something, it's almost like joining a sorority or frat and wearing the Greek letters everywhere you go. It gets you a certain group of friends, which sometimes gets insulating. It also can make a person feel superior to others.

(I realize not all people in Greek life act that way...just a generalization...don't slam me too much!)

[Coco]

My cousin went fundie for a time about ten years ago (a product of her bipolar personality, but that's another topic). She went from really revealing to skirts-only, no makeup in our small town.

I think the experience really differs in small towns vs. the city. In a small town, dressing fundie shows everyone that you're now one of "that church". It changes the expectations people have of you. It also automatically identifies you to others in the church's flock.

If I had to compare it to something, it's almost like joining a sorority or frat and wearing the Greek letters everywhere you go. It gets you a certain group of friends, which sometimes gets insulating. It also can make a person feel superior to others.

(I realize not all people in Greek life act that way...just a generalization...don't slam me too much!)

oh yeah it is totally like being in a "club" for the ones who are doing it in a holier-than-thou way. :angry-banghead:

i saw a fundie lady in town the other day, wearing super modest clothes... with a see-how-godly-i-am self-conscious smile... and it was like: *sigh* get off your high horse dear there are God-fearing Christian people who see you and think 'hypocrite'. :lol: and right after that i felt sorry for her because she wouldn't be doing it if she didn't think it was required to be a good person, (bring on the guilt) no matter how much of a stuck-up that made her seem like. :lol:

[2xx1xy1JD]

In my area, it is absolutely like wearing a team jersey - which was/is a big part of my fence-sitting on the issue.

I live in a cold climate. I'm a married, middle-aged woman who doesn't go clubbing. Except for July and August, normal clothes will cover me. It's not about being sexy or revealing.

Around here, it's a declaration that you follow a certain set of rules, set out by a certain group. As someone who has shifted and floated around different groups, making that kind of statement is harder for me. I definitely get different reactions from people based on how they think they can categorize me. Sometimes, I want to say "don't assume that I don't keep kosher just because I'm wearing jeans" or "don't assume that I oppose same-sex marriage just because I'm wearing a skirt". At this point, most of my friends and neighbors and people in my congregations understand where I'm at and I'm not out-of-place, but it's more of an issue in the wider community.

[momof2treasures]

I dress modestly but it's not because of religious convictions at all. I feel more comfortable not showing lots of skin. It's really about not calling attention to myself. I don't wear skirts only but longer shorts, looser tops, and no cleavage. As a teen I did not do this and when you show a lot of skin you do get treated a little different. And as a grown woman and mother I can look back and say that was not a good thing. So a little coverage does mean less unwanted sexual attention, less leering etc. it's kind of one extreme to another instead of normal clothes to super modest though.

[Chowder Head]

I am a fluffy kind of girl. It is hot and humid most of the year except when we get almost winter. I were tanks, shorts, pants etc etc. I rarely wear skirts or dress because i am not comfortable in them. I am one of those people that can fall over air.