Dangers of Fundie approach to female sexuality

[Othello]

I wonder how these poor girls enter marriage. I know they must be scared to death about the wedding night and I wonder if fundie men are taught to be patient and gentle with their new brides. Of course there would be some adjustment period for any young couple, but do their husbands allow them to be sexual? I really hate the thought that these women are basically sexually abused throughout their married lives, but some of these young men really give a creepy vibe.

I wonder what in the world the wedding night would look like for either of them; it's not just the girls that are left completely naïve about sex. I imagine it's pretty embarrassing for all parties involved. They're essentially forced to be completely asexual for the first 20 years of their life, and then suddenly expected to make babies at an alarming rate... how logical!

The strangest thing about masturbation is that fundies decry it so strongly as a horrible sin, yet it is never once addressed in the bible, even the old testament. It used to be called Onanism, after the guy who pulled out, but if you actually read the passage the reason he was judged is because he didn't give his brother's wife children, because he (1) wanted to continue using the woman for pleasure and (2) didn't want the expense of raising the kids, even though (in that weird, twisted culture) it was his responsibility to give her children because the children would then care for and support her in her later life. The passage doesn't even talk about masturbation. Female masturbation is never mentioned, although female sexuality is celebrated in SoS and mentioned briefly in the Pauline epistles (in a somewhat negative sense, as he treats all sexuality, being celibate himself). Again, an example of brilliant fundie logic. Essentially the fundie outlook on everything is that if anything enjoyable, then it's probably a mortal sin.

[Toothfairy]

This. They consider masturbation selfish because sex is only for procreation among married heterosexual couples. In other words, every sperm is sacred.

Yes because my husband and I almost always have sex to get pregnant :( Most people including married couples have sex for pleasure and to feel closer to their partner. Who comes up with these rules?

[Toothfairy]

I wonder what in the world the wedding night would look like for either of them; it's not just the girls that are left completely naïve about sex. I imagine it's pretty embarrassing for all parties involved. They're essentially forced to be completely asexual for the first 20 years of their life, and then suddenly expected to make babies at an alarming rate... how logical!

The strangest thing about masturbation is that fundies decry it so strongly as a horrible sin, yet it is never once addressed in the bible, even the old testament. It used to be called Onanism, after the guy who pulled out, but if you actually read the passage the reason he was judged is because he didn't give his brother's wife children, because he (1) wanted to continue using the woman for pleasure and (2) didn't want the expense of raising the kids, even though (in that weird, twisted culture) it was his responsibility to give her children because the children would then care for and support her in her later life. The passage doesn't even talk about masturbation. Female masturbation is never mentioned, although female sexuality is celebrated in SoS and mentioned briefly in the Pauline epistles (in a somewhat negative sense, as he treats all sexuality, being celibate himself). Again, an example of brilliant fundie logic. Essentially the fundie outlook on everything is that if anything enjoyable, then it's probably a mortal sin.

I can't like for some reasons but((((like)))))) members on fj know more about the meaning of the bible than fundies

[Hane]

Maybe it's dependent on where your church is located, but I was raised catholic (I'm no longer Christian, though), attended catholic schools for most of my schooling (including an all girls catholic high school), had a 8 family members work for the church, have attended catholic masses in 3 states (CA, CT, and FL), and have very devout family members (my cousin was in a seminary training to be a priest when he met his future wife who was training to be a nun), yet I've never experienced the church spinning falsehoods about sexuality and your body.

In middle school, we were told to explore our bodies so we might understand how they work. The girls were even told to get a hand mirror and check out the nether regions. In high school, we got a comprehensive education about sex in 4 different classes (PE Health, Biology, Religion 9A, and Ethics). Those discussions included everything from the normalcy of masturbation to the history of why and how it was demonized, from the official church's stance on BC to how it was more important to be protected and what each method was/how it worked/whether it was effective or not, and from the official view of premarital sexual encounters to the reality that most of us will experiment before marriage and even with other genders (whether it was our gender or our partners gender). We were never made to feel shamed, whether at school or in church; except maybe by parishioners, but you learn to avoid those few people.

Wow. When I was in First Communion class as a second grader back in 1959 or so, we were taught that "abusing one's body" was a sin.

Fast-forward to 1986, when my daughter was in First Communion class and the M-word came up in the "examination of conscience" lesson. I made damn sure to tell her that any non-harmful thing she did with her own body was her own damn business. (For the record, we're talking the Archdiocese of Hartford in both cases.)

[Talitha Cumi]

This I don't understand. I don't even think it's a sin. People are sexual beings with hormones. It's your body.

I was told it was a sin because you grow focused on your own body, and when you finally have a partner (who you're married to, of course), you won't focus on making them enjoy it, just on what you can get for yourself. Damn. I haven't thought about that in years. That's fucked up.

I "lost the battle" all the time, but only stopped beating myself up about it when I got a boyfriend I desperately wanted to jump. But VIRGIN, so I figured jerking off was the lesser sin. :)

[slh12280]

This is probably the number one thing that really makes me mad about a lot of religious teachings. I would say it's ridiculous but I can't because I've been there. I know about all the guilt and shame and wondering why you can't just "get it together" and be a "good" girl. These psychological issues take time to resolve. Years later I am still working through it. I really hope she starts to realize that rather than beat herself up. It's ok to be a sexual person. It's a good part of life when you are ready for it and in the right situation and even if you do something you wish you hadn't it won't ruin your life.

[Janes Heir]

In conservative Seventh-day Adventism there's the influence of Ellen White's teaching that "self abuse" (masturbation) caused a gamut of diseases leading right up to insanity. (Consevative defenders of her teachings have pointed to some link between low zinc levels [zinc apparently depleted during ejaculation] and mental illness.)

At the church I attended when I was a child and early teen there was a young man in his late twenties (I think) who was palid, and barely spoke a word. He would come to our friends' Bible studies, eat a tremendous amount during supper, and fall asleep during the study. Once when I was maybe 13 he was going to ride somewhere with my family and he and Iwere waiting for my parents in the back seat & he started talking to me about Mrs White's council to youth & "self-abuse". I knew what he meant, but was pretty grossed out by a nearly-thirty talking to me about a dity thing that was not my problem. Around that time he had a Sabbath school talk and confessed he had been practicing self-abuse. I remember my mom and one of her friends talking about it. My mom said it was no worse than the girl in church who'd recently gotten pregnant from her boyfriend, but the other lady said it was, because it was a selfish practice.

Forgive typos, I am on my phone.

[Othello]

I can't like for some reasons but((((like)))))) members on fj know more about the meaning of the bible than fundies

Ha! Well, I was raised fundie, so plenty of Biblical knowledge from that — but unfortunately fundies tend to be more interested in reading their victorian/1950's mores into the Bible than actually reading what's there...

[RosyDaisy]

I wonder how these poor girls enter marriage. I know they must be scared to death about the wedding night and I wonder if fundie men are taught to be patient and gentle with their new brides. Of course there would be some adjustment period for any young couple, but do their husbands allow them to be sexual? I really hate the thought that these women are basically sexually abused throughout their married lives, but some of these young men really give a creepy vibe.

Fundie women go into marriage knowing that they will have to obey their husbands, and that sex (not matter now much it hurts) is necessary for breeding soldiers for Christ. So, given that mentality, I have to wonder if they feel truly traumatized or abused or see it as their role in the family? I also wonder if fundie women are given any kind of real sex advice before the honeymoon, and if they go on to have somewhat normal sex lives with their husbands?

NOTE: I'm just wondering and asking, I am in no way defending the fundie lifestyle or how fundie women are treated on their wedding night or any other time by their husbands.