When is Alyssa Bates getting married again?

[ViolaSebastian]

I would be downright pissed if someone asked me to help fund a honeymoon for a Congressman's son!

[Swamptribe]

Was trying to describe this whole wedding by e-invite to Mr. Tribe. Including the requests for guests to bring goodies. His comment "Sounds like they need some loaves and fishes".

[Guest]

Not that I would ever do this, but if I did, my grandparents would be mortified. Simple wedding faux pas annoy them (a extended family recently member drew their second cousins' names out of hats to decide who would be invited, my grandmother is still annoyed) but begging for gifts, food, and money would mortify them.

If, after Erin's, this is another obvious money grab, I wonder how many people will keep attending weddings. I imagine poor little Ellie won't have many guests.

[Mela99]

I would be downright pissed if someone asked me to help fund a honeymoon for a Congressman's son!

Shut up.... They asked them to chip in for the honeymoon?

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Interesting.....byo desert and oh, bring us a present? Wow. Just wow. Of course I've been to weddings where they've done everything but say screw the gift we want money, so I guess it's on that same level. I imagine the Congressman really can't say anything since he's the father of the groom and it is usually up to the bride/family to pay for the wedding. If you can't afford it hold you head up proudly and just have a nice Church service and say "thank you" for coming with a sincere hand-written note. No shame in any of that.

I do worry that the Bates and similar HUGE families will have problems when they marry controlling the "gimmes" with the gift registries. They've had nothing..... Look at Josh and now Zack Bates--both have packed on weight once food wasn't rationed. Sort of seems it be the same with wedding gifts.

[ViolaSebastian]

Shut up.... They asked them to chip in for the honeymoon?

They did for Erin's, so I'm speculating that they might for Alyssa's, too. Nothing like a person whose parent makes $174,000 a year plus all the perks asking for money from people with no degrees and a bazillion kids to feed.

[Coconut Flan]

Not to mention someone who owns an air conditioning business in Florida. Hopefully that will keep them from passing the hat at the service to pay for a honeymoon.

[divadivine]

Traditionally, the bride's parents or the bride pays for the wedding. So, the Congressman is off the hook. Although that doesn't give Grifter Gil & Kelly the right to ask guests to bring desserts to the reception. If that's the case, either postpone the wedding so Alyssa can work to pay for it or just have a ceremony & no reception. Guess they missed Jim Bob's sermon on not buying something unless you can pay cash for it.

[ViolaSebastian]

I was under the impression that the groom traditionally pays for the honeymoon, though.

[divadivine]

I was under the impression that the groom traditionally pays for the honeymoon, though.

I'm not sure who pays for the honeymoon. It makes sense it would be the groom.

[actuallyjessica]

I was under the impression that the groom traditionally pays for the honeymoon, though.

Traditionally the groom and his parents.

[Coconut Flan]

The weddings I've seen lately all the old traditions about who pays for what have gone by the wayside. I've seen groom's parents paying for receptions and in most cases the couple is responsible for paying for the honeymoon. I've seen quite a few cases of parents from both sides giving a specific sum and letting the couple figure it out from there.

[Swamptribe]

Today, it's much more common for a bride and groom to pay for their own wedding. Families will often chip in financially if able.

I'm sitting here watching a rerun of "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding". Honestly, this Bates chaos reminds me of the 'they just show up' nonsense that accompanies weddings in the Traveler culture. These things are a spectator sport not a family celebration.

I can just imagine the poor MOG is about to have a stroke over this nonsense.

E-vites to strangers? Holy crap!! What, is there some kind of contest to see who can have the greatest number of guests show up? Now we have to wonder how the Duggars are going to handle Jill's wedding. Isn't that coming up soon?

[ViolaSebastian]

The weddings I've seen lately all the old traditions about who pays for what have gone by the wayside. I've seen groom's parents paying for receptions and in most cases the couple is responsible for paying for the honeymoon. I've seen quite a few cases of parents from both sides giving a specific sum and letting the couple figure it out from there.

Sure, for normal couples, this is the case. But those couples have (presumably) been educated/in the workforce and have more of their own dough to spend on their weddings, as they are functioning adults. But these are fundies and I think there's a greater chance that they'd adhere to tradition as they are more...conservative.

[Mela99]

Where was I when passing the hat for the honeymoon went down? I missed that...

[Hisey]

IReallyAmHopewell wrote

Interesting.....byo desert and oh, bring us a present? Wow. Just wow. Of course I've been to weddings where they've done everything but say screw the gift we want money, so I guess it's on that same level.

If an invitation says "no gifts" does that mean they want money? I just got an invitation like that and I assumed it meant no gifts of any kind INCLUDING no money. Does "no gifts" mean "don't buy us anything but give us money?" I didn't know that.

[Mama Mia]

IReallyAmHopewell wrote

If an invitation says "no gifts" does that mean they want money? I just got an invitation like that and I assumed it meant no gifts of any kind INCLUDING no money. Does "no gifts" mean "don't buy us anything but give us money?" I didn't know that.

I've always taken it to mean no gifts of any kind, including money.

[Swamptribe]

No gifts, means no gifts (and it's kinda rude to mention gifts at all on an invite). Many modern couples are combining two already existing households, so they may not need anything. Giving a gift is also not obligatory if one is invited to a wedding. Most people do give a gift, but a wedding invitation does not require the invitee to give a gift.

[nausicaa]

I've always taken it to mean no gifts of any kind, including money.

My understanding is that "no gifts" means no gifts of any kind.

However, some (very tacky people, imo) will put "No boxed gifts" on the invitation. Which means, we don't want presents, just your money. Others will be brazen enough to put something like "we're combining households and really just want money for our honeymoon/house fund" on their website, or even the invitation itself.

[freethemall]

Is this now the official Alyssa Bates wedding thread? I get so confused sometimes where to post stuff, and I'm not even a newb or anything.

If so, Kelly posted some details about Alyssa's wedding in a comment on her blog, and what I found particularly interesting was Michael, who didn't want the attention of being a bridesmaid at Erin's wedding, is going to be one in Alyssa's:

"The plans are going great! 13 days away. ABC will most likely be filming it. Her colors are hot oink and Malibu blue. The groomsmen will wear grey tuxes. Whitney, Michael, Erin, Tori, and 2 of John’s sisters, and 2 friends (8 total). Addee & Ellie are flower girls. Rachel Leftwich will be singing. Greg Howlett will be the pianist, and she will have 2 violinists, and a cellist. Gil will be doing the ceremony. Love, Kelly"

Maybe the attention issue was a bit of a fib, and she just isn't as close to Erin to be in her wedding? Maybe they're forcing Michael to get used to the attention, so it's not too uncomfortable for her in her own wedding? Maybe Michael's wedding brain is starting?

[silverspoons]

My understanding is that "no gifts" means no gifts of any kind.

However, some (very tacky people, imo) will put "No boxed gifts" on the invitation. Which means, we don't want presents, just your money. Others will be brazen enough to put something like "we're combining households and really just want money for our honeymoon/house fund" on their website, or even the invitation itself.

When I got married, my mom controlled the invitations, and she put on it that we would be moving cross country right after the wedding for my husband's residency and my grad school. We didn't put a registry in the invite and I only got 1 gift and the rest was money. Now the big difference might be is we invited 100 people all close friends and family so they knew we were driving our car cross country and did not want to pay to ship items. A few guests I remember said please use this money to buy a vacuum or I remember one person had a specific lasagna pottery dish they asked me to buy with them money (and I did and still love it).

I guess when you invite 100's of large families it is hard for them to really know you and your situation. Does Alyssa own her own car? How are they going to move 50 towels or dishes or any large gifts to FL? If someone buys them a $30 blender, it might cost $20 to ship. I can see if a guest hand makes them a quilt that they would save room in the car they drive to FL, but hundreds of tiny cheap gifts might just be a huge pain to try and get to FL.

[nausicaa]

When I got married, my mom controlled the invitations, and she put on it that we would be moving cross country right after the wedding for my husband's residency and my grad school. We didn't put a registry in the invite and I only got 1 gift and the rest was money. Now the big difference might be is we invited 100 people all close friends and family so they knew we were driving our car cross country and did not want to pay to ship items. A few guests I remember said please use this money to buy a vacuum or I remember one person had a specific lasagna pottery dish they asked me to buy with them money (and I did and still love it).

I guess when you invite 100's of large families it is hard for them to really know you and your situation. Does Alyssa own her own car? How are they going to move 50 towels or dishes or any large gifts to FL? If someone buys them a $30 blender, it might cost $20 to ship. I can see if a guest hand makes them a quilt that they would save room in the car they drive to FL, but hundreds of tiny cheap gifts might just be a huge pain to try and get to FL.

I'm sure that moving lots of little gifts around is a pain, and that plenty of people would prefer money to boxed gifts. You just don't put it on the invitation. Ever. At all.

[Hisey]

Speaking of gifts, something happened to me recently that has me baffled.

I sent a family friend a gift for their young daughter (aged 3). The mother wrote me back saying the little girl already owned the (rather expensive) item I had sent. She said the store would not allow her to exchange it, so she was returning it and I'd be sent a refund for the full amount.

Why would someone do this? I'm not offended, but I can't figure it out. Why not just keep the gift or re-gift it? That's what I do when my kids get things they already own. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just said OK.

I'd always thought that the only correct thing to say about a gift was "thank you." When my kids were little, we'd rehearse before a party. . . "What do you say if you already have the gift?" "Thank you." "What do you say if you don't like it?" "Thank you." Are there other acceptable responses, like the one I described above?

[Ralar]

IReallyAmHopewell wrote

If an invitation says "no gifts" does that mean they want money? I just got an invitation like that and I assumed it meant no gifts of any kind INCLUDING no money. Does "no gifts" mean "don't buy us anything but give us money?" I didn't know that.

When the host specifically says no gifts, I usually make a donation in their name to a charity they support.

[artdecades]

Fundie weddings really confuse me. The Bates see family as the ultimate goal. Don't kiss until you are married, don't date, have a million kids, etc. They hold marriage up on such a pedestal that you assume that a wedding, which cements this goal, would be treated with deference. And yet you have them begging for money and food which is just tacky. Now I know the reception isn't the same as the ceremony, but it is still part of the wedding.