Abigail on Secondary Infertility

[snarkykitty]

I would give almost anything to be healthy enough to have a child. Just one. I've been content most of my adult life knowing that it will never happen, but in the past year or two, I've really felt the urge. Maybe because I'm at the age when most women stop have kids (early 40s), but not having a child almost physically hurts, if that makes any sense. I almost burst into tears at the store today, my husband was trying on some clothes in the dressing room, which was right next to the baby stuff.

Sorry to get off topic, it's just been really hard lately.

(I can't/don't have children is because I have Cystic Fibrosis, which makes it harder to conceive (overproduction of mucus in every organ), and if I did conceive, I would have to stop a lot of my medications and it would be rough on my body, and even if I could carry a child, it would likely lessen my lifespan, and it would be very, very difficult for me to care for a child. And most people aren't going to give someone with CF a baby to adopt, so that's that.)

[Ave Maria]

Slickcat -- Oh wow -- she sounds a little unhinged, especially about the orphan comment (and this is coming from someone who is VERY anti-daycare). I haven't read her blog beyond the one post, I'll admit -- but this does seem like a bit much.

anjulibai -- Infertility just means not conceiving while trying to conceive for a certain period of time. It's a pre-requisite for fertility treatment (except in cases like a single woman wanting a sperm donor) and exists regardless of treatment choices. Some people have fertility treatments that fail and then later conceive naturally (happened to someone I know). It's rare, but it happens. There's a lot that isn't understood about how fertility works, both male and female.

[paganhomeschooler]

But this isn't about her miscarriages, it's about her secondary infertility. And the fact that she's STILL grifting for sympathy 4 years later, despite having 2 more kids since then and now being pregnant with a third. A pregnant mother of 5 has no business lumping herself in with infertile women, on a week designated to draw attention to people dealing with infertility. I mean, if you were coming off a second failed adoption (like friends of mine in KY) and an acquaintance with 5 kids wanted you to feel bad about her infertility, would you be sympathetic or angry?

This is the same woman who has claimed that she is just like a Romanian orphan because her mother used to put her in day care. Or you can look at her myriad claims of living in poverty, despite the fact that she has extra money laying around for cello rental+lessons (for herself), new kitchen appliances, food from restaurants and concession stands, and random broken crap from Hobby Lobby because she wants to support the "healthcare martyrs" :roll:

I also don't see what's so bad about thinking that people who go through the horror of losing a child are in a better place when they have other children than those who don't. Of course it's not the same because children are not interchangeable, and nothing compares to the pain of losing your child, but I would hope that the knowledge that you have other children to love and care for and bring joy to your life would ultimately be a source of comfort. And of course, all this is kind of moot when talking about Abigail because she hasn't lost a child, she's had miscarriages. While I don't doubt her grief over that, again, it's not the same experience as losing your living, breathing child, as anyone who has experienced both miscarriage and the child loss could attest.

Thank you for this! My cousin has been FB ranting all week on Infertility Awareness Week etiquette and posting her lists of "don'ts"....even though she broke most of them when I was having fertility issues after my oldest was born. But then it happened to her, and people should walk on egg shells, damn it! Even though she's now had biological twins by surrogacy, a child that was foster/adopted, was able to carry her own biological child herself, and now has another foster they're looking to adopt, even though she couldn't take care of the 4 kids she had, 2 of which are holy terrors. That would be 5 kids, 6 and under; 3 of them 2 and under. She still considers herself poster child of Infertility and requires "respect." Sorry, I respect people who deserve it, not whiners who don't seem very appreciative of what they have that some people will NEVER get to experience. One of her whacko foster friends told her she's the "best mom she knows", TM. That went right to her head. That woman must not know many mothers. lol If you are crying on FB that your 80-something grandpa had to come rescue you at Walmart because you couldn't control your kids, maybe you should reconsider taking on a 5th one in the first place? Especially if your family members already don't invite you places because your kids are so bad, they can't stand to be around them. /rant

Seriously, though, I worry about her becoming a child hoarder. She's definitely become more obsessed with the FSM since she's started racking them up. I'd run around like a lunatic, too, if I was stuck with her all day! Her boys are worse than the Howlers.

[dairyfreelife]

I agree that she is very blessed -- but I could also see where the miscarriages, etc, would cause pain, even for someone who does already have children. Recurrent miscarriage also gets lumped in with infertility, though in truth failing to get pregnant and failing to stay pregnant are two different issues.

Technically, trying for 12 months (6 past a certain age) and not getting pregnant = infertility. If you've already had at least one baby, it's secondary infertility. So she does meet the definition. Personally, I'd be happy with the amount of kids she has -- but even so, miscarriages are a rough thing, especially ones that happen so late, when most women can safely feel safe that their child will be okay.

Technically, she did get pregnant during that time, so she does not meet the definition. She miscarried, but she did get pregnant. Miscarriages are awful things to go through, no doubt, but she can't claim infertility. She did have two miscarriages total, but not one after another, having two children in-between. This lady tried to claim she had secondary infertility again and wanted to cry buying tampons after she just had a baby...her period had just come back after having a baby...and was all upset she was not pregnant again and cried infertility. She wants to be this martyr, wants to pretend she just has it oh so hard, but she honestly does not. She just wants the attention, that's all. Basically, she and her husband suck with money and as a result claim they are in poverty all the time and when she doesn't immediately get pregnant after having a baby, she acts like she's infertile. I don't have any sympathy for her except on her two miscarriages of wanted children. Also, that she claims she and her husband are CF carriers and yet have baby after baby, apparently risking the chance of having a CF baby. Personally, I'm not so sure they are carriers at all or just one of them is and she is just using that as a way to 'martyr' herself and gain sympathy...especially since none of their children so far have CF. She is just one pathetic lady and I wish her and her husband would see a therapist and someone to advise them on finances.