Why Jill First?

[MandyLaLa]

Forgive me if this answer is buried in one of the courting threads.

 

The way TLC has shown it, Jessa and Ben started courting first, but Jill who started after them is already engaged.

 

It just seems off to me given how much they emphasize courting, and taking time. That Jill would get married first when she started courting second.

[16strong]

Maybe someone has an answer better than mine, but I think Jill is in luuuurrrvvveee and wants to get hitched as fast as possible, whereas Jessa is more reticent and wants to wait and see how it all works out with Ben. She doesn't strike me as the kind of person to jump in head first. She's led a bit more by logic than emotion.

[artdecades]

Ben is 18 and Derick is 25. Derick has a job, Ben works and is in school (iirc). Women in this cult rely entirely on their husbands for financial support, its what they are taught. It makes sense that Jessa wouldn't want to rush into marriage with someone who can't provide for her.

[tralala]

I agree that it all comes down to being able to provide. Its possible that Jessa and Ben have their minds made up and know they will eventually marry, but if Ben still has schooling to complete and his work doesn't provide enough, then yes, they're probably putting it off. Especially since a baby could come about from the wedding night itself. You aren't just preparing to marry, you're preparing for children. Its their own form of birth control in a way.

Its also maybe why Anna was determined to not marry before 20. Marrying also meant being ready to face motherhood head on. She clearly wanted it, but maybe she wanted to wait till she felt ready.

I'm not in these people's heads, of course, but that would be my best guess.

[Ursula]

Because Ben is, for all intents and purposes, an 18 year old child and Jessa is considerably older than him. In the real world a two and a half year age difference wouldn't be a big deal at all, even with the woman being the older one (for some reason it's always seen as more acceptable for the man to be older than the woman but not vice versa, even amongst us secular heathens) because they wouldn't be expected to wed soon, start breeding immediately, and live for the rest of their lives on only one salary, that is, that of the man. What can an 18 year old boy possibly provide for Jessa? If Ben was that desperate for a Duggar woman, he should have completed his degree, established some what of a career for himself, and pursued Joy-less in a few years. THAT would be a much more appropriate match up in crazy fundie land. 21/22 year old Ben, 19 year old Joy-less (though I'd hope she would wait until at least 20 to wed!)....yeah, that sounds much better to me.

Though I'm personally no Ben fan at all due to his frighteningly radical anti-choice views, his cute awkwardness around Jessa be dammed.

[lilith]

My (cynical) suspicion is that it's cause Derrick has real life commitments and can't hang out at the Duggar compound indefinitely to film extended courting/engagement/wedding preparations/wedding/honeymoon episodes. So they are marrying first (and quickly - the wedding is only 8 weeks away) so they can get it all on film. Ben and Jessa have a more flexible schedule, and Ben seems to be indicating willingness to be available for the dog and pony show as and when needed.

[isarhenne]

It's the age, I think. Jill's and Derrick's age is 23,5 years, Jill will be 23 soon, so 24 for both of them, which is almost the average age of first marriage in the US ( ? ).

Ben is a TEENAGER. I still can't believe how JB would let Jessa court him, sorry, maybe he is a nice guy and all, but if my daughter's financial stability depended on her future husband (cause I made her grow up in a cult where children will pop out right after consumption of marriage), I wouldn't let her be with a much younger teenager, wtf!! this is almost irresponsible. I hope they will wait for another 2 or 3 years before engagement, seriously!

Maybe even Jana will get married before Jessa. I hope so! I'm still hoping for a doctor for Jana , lol, I don't know why :)

[Jilli]

I think it's multiple things.

The obvious one is Derick is older, 7 years older than Ben.

Derick has more experience with life, not just in age but what he's done with it(college mascot, missions) some might think this would make Jim Bob uninterested but that leads to my next point.

Because he was friends with Jim Bob first, he takes a lot less vetting then Ben.

I'm also convinced that Jill is far more interested in being married than Jessa. I think she likes Ben, she may even love him, but the standards that that family has on marriage just doesn't seem to be something Jessa is fully interested right now.

[RosyDaisy]

Jill and Derick seem to be a good match (based on what Jill herself has said about wanting to be a missionary) and are probably in love. Plus, do we really know how long Derick and Jill have been communicated with each other (besides what is shown on the show).

Is Derick involved in ATI? If not, then this could be JB's way of distancing himself from Gothard somewhat, even if they do follow ATI/IBLP...as in following the teachings but dissing the fallen guru.

[Luisainlondon1]

Just from the pictures I have seen so far you can see that Jill is totally in love with this guy. Why should she wait and consider to being stucked in a courtship? They are adults and both seem to know what they want. Also Jessa and Ben don't seem close at all (compared to Jill & Derick). Did anyone notice that Jessa hardly looks into Ben's eyes?

[ILoveJellybeans]

I think it makes sense.

Jill and Derick are older and more mature, and seem way more comfortable together. They look madly in love, so seem more ready for marriage. They also have more of a plan for the future, with both of them having experience with work and an idea of what they want to do in the future.

Jessa and Ben are younger-Ben is only 18, and is still in college. Neither of them could support a family right now, and marriage means sex that causes pregnancy. Also Jessa is less emotional and more reserved, and I imagine it takes her way more time to become comfortable with someone than her happy and way more friendly older sister, she doesn't seem too comfortable with being in a relationship yet, and I am glad they aren't pushing the two of them into a wedding, as that is just asking for a disaster on the wedding night. Its best that they take it slow, if they actually are sure they want to be together. Im not sure whether Jessa does, or she just doesn't like showing her feelings.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Wait, they're getting married in the next couple of months? I could have sworn that Jill and Derick were getting married next November. I must have missed something somewhere.

[Peas n carrots]

Agree to all said here. Also, Jill is a few years older than Jessa...she just maybe more emotionally ready for marriage. I get from Jill and Derick's photos they are into each other and look ready for it. I just don't get that level of comfort between Jessa and Ben...I suppose I wouldn't be surprised if they did get married, but I also wouldn't be surprised if they didn't get married either. I think the only thing that would surprise me about those two is if Jessa and Ben married sometime this year.

[singsingsing]

Wait, they're getting married in the next couple of months? I could have sworn that Jill and Derick were getting married next November. I must have missed something somewhere.

Yep, their wedding date is June 21st. Of this year. So, two months away. Like I said somewhere else, there is a very real possibility now that 'GrandDuggar #4' will result from Jill and not Anna (although I guess technically it would be 'GrandDillard'). I don't know why that freaks me out so much, but it does...

[LadyPriss]

I reaaly think Jill was the best candidate for being married. She has her goals figured out.

On a side note- Derick has the capability to present a boatload of opportunity to Josiah and the other males in that family, by having gone to College and still came out fine. I sure as heck hope his testimony is positive school wise.

[singsingsing]

I reaaly think Jill was the best candidate for being married. She has her goals figured out.

On a side note- Derick has the capability to present a boatload of opportunity to Josiah and the other males in that family, by having gone to College and still came out fine. I sure as heck hope his testimony is positive school wise.

I really hope that's the case, too. Josh got his job because he's the eldest son of the Duggars. That's basically it. Would Jedidiah or Jason or Justin be so lucky? Something tells me not. They can't all want to be used car salesman or run a towing business or cut branches. I think it's interesting that both Derick and Ben have pursued traditional, brick and mortar, non-Gothardite education. How can Jim Bob think that's fine for the men his daughters marry but not for his own sons? I hope some of Ben and Derick's brothers-in-law follow suit.

[MandyLaLa]

Somehow it completely escaped me that Ben is only 18 (I haven't been paying attention lately) so it makes much sense to me now.

[Jana814]

I also agree is has to do w/ Jill being older. Ben might be ready to take the blung & Derrick is.

[lascuba]

Besides the age thing, haven't Jill and Derrick known each other a lot longer via phone, text, and skype? It might not have become official until she went to Nepal, but those two were very clearly courting long Jessa and Ben even met.

[Jana814]

Besides the age thing, haven't Jill and Derrick known each other a lot longer via phone, text, and skype? It might not have become official until she went to Nepal, but those two were very clearly courting long Jessa and Ben even met.

I think u r right. Cause if my memory is correct they knew each other for over a year cause Derrick asked Jim-Bob do be this prayer partner.

[eye_browz]

In my opinion, I don't think Ben will finish college (and I hope I'm wrong). He's a freshman which means he's got 3 more years (if he is going FULL TIME) but I don't think he is. He's working part-time (I assume), going to school part time and spending his remaining time with Jessa. I think after Jill's wedding, the pressure will be on him to get married. I'm afraid he'll drop out and start working full time because he's got to secure a home for them prior to marriage. Jessa knows this and she's taking it slow. She knows Josh had a home for Anna, Chad had one for Erin, and Derick presumably has one for Jill. I wonder if she's asking Ben about this. I wonder what there plans are. Something tells me they'll get married in 2015 or 2016. Jim Bob should have allowed them to be friends but no courtship yet, but due to pressure from the show, he let it happen. She should have remained friends with him for the time being, if a better guy came along, she could have moved on (and she still can do this, but it will be harder due to the media and "official courtship" vs friendship).

I hope Jessa is aware of what kind of life that she'll have with Ben if they rush into marriage before they are ready. He really needs to establish himself and prove himself financially and he's got to gain more maturity, which might take a few years. She has to be patient.

[singsingsing]

This is so true. Living on my own, having to find a job and pay my own bills, has really shown me how difficult it is. I'm 26 and I graduated university last year. I have no debt so I'm really lucky. I managed to find a really good job after about six months. I now make a lot more money than most of the people my age I know (but that's not saying much). Right now my goal is to save up enough money to be able to afford a car and to put a down payment down on a small, VERY reasonably priced condo. I'm still looking at being at least 30 before I can realistically achieve that, and I have no dependents. I don't know how these guys do it, plus have to support a wife who brings in zero income, plus have to support an ever-increasing brood of children.

[FJismyheadship]

In my opinion, I don't think Ben will finish college (and I hope I'm wrong). He's a freshman which means he's got 3 more years (if he is going FULL TIME) but I don't think he is. He's working part-time (I assume), going to school part time and spending his remaining time with Jessa.

National Park is a two year college. He has to fulfill his prereqs before he can get into the business program, so if he started in the fall, then technically he only has two years left, IF he is going full time.

[slickcat79]

I think Jill and Derrick have more say in their own relationship, while Jessa and Ben's courtship was carefully timed and crafted for the show. Which is not to say they don't care about each other (although I take their luuvvvv talk with a grain of salt), but I don't think the timing of this relationship is a coincidence. The Duggars have been talking about what will happen when their kids find a "lifelong partner" since their very first special, and J&A's courtship was quite awhile ago. They have to demonstrate what courtship means as it applies to their daughters, directly to the viewing audience. I imagine that Jill prefers to fly under the radar, while Jessa was willing to take one for the team.

I also don't think Jessa has any issue with the fact that her future husband is younger and less mature. It's exactly what she needs to play by the fundie rules and still get to FINALLY "wear the pants". Maybe literally. One can hope.

[thekate]

I think Jill and Derrick have more say in their own relationship, while Jessa and Ben's courtship was carefully timed and crafted for the show. Which is not to say they don't care about each other (although I take their luuvvvv talk with a grain of salt), but I don't think the timing of this relationship is a coincidence. The Duggars have been talking about what will happen when their kids find a "lifelong partner" since their very first special, and J&A's courtship was quite awhile ago. They have to demonstrate what courtship means as it applies to their daughters, directly to the viewing audience. I imagine that Jill prefers to fly under the radar, while Jessa was willing to take one for the team.

I also don't think Jessa has any issue with the fact that her future husband is younger and less mature. It's exactly what she needs to play by the fundie rules and still get to FINALLY "wear the pants". Maybe literally. One can hope.

I don't know. Of the two, I think Jessa would be the one who likes to stay out of the spotlight but Ben was a dumb teenager excited about his first girlfriend and blew their cover by posting on Facebook.

Once the cat was out of the bag, they had to say something, hence the tacked on, half-assed announcement at the end of last season. Otherwise I think they would have waited until engagement, as they did with Josh and Jill, and advised the Bates to do with Zach.