Abigail on Gwyneth Paltrow Divorce

[Jezebel]

She's almost 40 and still at a stage that most people grow out of by 25. Simultaneously dependent on her parents to support her irresponsible lifestyle and blaming them for everything that's wrong in her life. At some point, Abigail, you have to acknowledge that the problem here is YOU :roll:

Oh, god--this.

My parents had their problems. My mom did a much better job than my dad, but it was a lousy time for her, too, so in some ways she was still pretty inadequate. And as a teenager and early-20something, I did a lot of raging about that, and blamed them for my problems.

Then, one day, when I was maybe 22or 23, I had the realization: I couldn't go back in time to fix my parents or my childhood. I couldn't go home and make them try it again until they got it right. I was a grown adult, and supposed to be able to take care of myself, and if I didn't know how I needed to learn.

In effect, I had to become my own parent, taking responsibility for raising my future self. And I wasn't even sure how to do that--there was no How To Be Your Own Parent instruction manual. But somehow I managed to do it, and by the time I was 30 I'd long since made peace with my mother and quit blaming both parents for my adult problems. If I could recognize a problem, then it was within my power to fix it--and it was my responsibility to do so.

So Abigail just brings on massive fits of eye-rolling from me. And I'd sympathize with her parents, if only they weren't such enablers. Playing the victim and placing blame is her way of wielding power: "I am weak and helpless, therefore you must serve me!" She'd better pray to "Mommy Mary" that they never get wise to that game and stop playing. Then again, maybe they do see it, but keep playing out of concern for their grandkids.

[tropaka]

Not that it's any less pretentious, but "conscious uncoupling" is actually a pscho-pop program for breaking up nicely. An amusing article from the Guardian:

Name: Conscious uncoupling.

Age: Recently emerged.

Appearance: Wholeness in separation.

That doesn't make any sense. You ain't heard nothing yet, mate.

What is conscious uncoupling? It's something that Coldplay's Chris Martin and acting's Gwyneth Paltrow are trying out just now.

Is it a mediation technique? A new-fangled therapy? It's more of a divorce.

No! Or at least a separation.

But they seemed made for each other, like artichokes and quinoa rigatoni. They're consciously splitsville, according to a statement on Paltrow's website Goop.

I thought Goop was full of weird recipes and silly detox diets. That stuff is still there. But the newest post is an announcement headed "Conscious Uncoupling" that begins: "It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate."

What else? They've asked for their privacy to be respected as they "consciously uncouple and co-parent."

Conscious uncoupling – it sounds like something she made up. Apparently it's a thing. She has also posted a long treatise on the subject from Dr Habib Sadeghi and Dr Sherry Sami.

So how is it different from a normal, completely acrimonious separation? "Conscious uncoupling brings wholeness to the spirits of both people who choose to recognise each other as their teacher. If they do, the gift they receive from their time together will neutralise the negative internal object that was the real cause of their pain in the relationship."

OK. Who gets the car? That's not spelled out, but there's something about constructing an internal cathedral with spiritual trace minerals of self-love and self-forgiveness.

Oh, right. That clears that up then. Chris and Gwyneth were together for a long time, weren't they? Ten years. The general reaction on Twitter seems to be that if they can't make it work, no one can.

But by the same token, if they can get divorced, so can I! Are you even married?

I've always kept that part of my life private. Sorry.

Do say: "Drink plenty of water, cultivate your feminine energy, keep building that spiritual endoskeleton and don't forget to try the blueberry and almond smoothie."

Don't say: "After I got divorced I went out and did a lot of unconscious coupling, and that sort of worked too."

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... separation

[louisa05]

Yes, tropaka, I read that elsewhere. One site had an article about how it is just wonderful that Gwyneth is providing publicity for it and it will allow people to follow suit.

My favorite part is that one of these esteemed experts in "conscious uncoupling" is actually an orthodontist. Because that is a field renowned for relationship advice, right?

[GeoBQn]

Yes, tropaka, I read that elsewhere. One site had an article about how it is just wonderful that Gwyneth is providing publicity for it and it will allow people to follow suit.

My favorite part is that one of these esteemed experts in "conscious uncoupling" is actually an orthodontist. Because that is a field renowned for relationship advice, right?

According to Ken, it is . . .

[salex]

Yes, tropaka, I read that elsewhere. One site had an article about how it is just wonderful that Gwyneth is providing publicity for it and it will allow people to follow suit.

My favorite part is that one of these esteemed experts in "conscious uncoupling" is actually an orthodontist. Because that is a field renowned for relationship advice, right?

That would explain Ken....... :think:

[PennySycamore]

When I mentioned Chris and Gwyneth's "conscious uncoupling' to my daughter yesterday, she said that maybe Chris Martin would start making good music again. She used to be a big Coldplay fan.

[GeoBQn]

Slate has a Gwyneth Paltrow relationship generator.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/low_ ... nship.html

Out of curiosity, I selected "widowed." Gwyneth would call that "artisanally emancipated."

[moodygirl86]

On an adventure to find the Sparrow King?

Seeing Mr Brown and his friends off to the coast? With many apologies to Alan Partridge.

[16strong]

Oh lord. That "conscious uncoupling' is actually a real thing makes it worse. Once again, it proves that Gwyneth has no imagination whatsoever and relies on random quacks to feed her ways to be "better than everyone else." Blechh.

[CrazyCatLady]

You guys, GP doesn't poop...

[salex]

THANK YOU!! This is what I thought. She is too good to be like the rest of us. I wonder what she calls taking a shit. "Vacating bowels" is probably too grody and low-class.

Reminded me of this scene from Absolutely Fabulous.....

Eddie: Why do you have to pick on everything I do? Darling, all I want is a few little things, a few little pleasures, a few little crutches to help me get through life, darling.

Saffie: Get through? Mum, you've absolved yourself of responsibility. You live from self-induced crisis to self-induced crisis. Someone does your hair, someone chooses what you wear, someone does your brain, someone tells you what to eat and three times a week someone sticks a hose up your bum and flushes it all out of you.

Eddie: Oh. OH... It's called colonic irrigation, darling. It's not to be sniffed at.

Saffie: Why can't you just go to the toilet like normal people?

Eddie: Is that what you really want me to be, darling? NORMAL? Some boring, old, normal, old, toilet goer, huh? HMM? "Where is mommy?" "She's on the TOILET." "But I want to go somewhere interesting and meet exciting people". "Well, she can't take you while she's on the bloody TOILET". Why, anybody can go to the toilet, darling, these days.

Saffie: Well, they obviously haven't seen YOU drunk.

[DGayle]

Yes, tropaka, I read that elsewhere. One site had an article about how it is just wonderful that Gwyneth is providing publicity for it and it will allow people to follow suit.

My favorite part is that one of these esteemed experts in "conscious uncoupling" is actually an orthodontist. Because that is a field renowned for relationship advice, right?

I remember a time when "consciously uncoupling" was known as an amicable split.

[16strong]

You guys, GP doesn't poop...

Yes, it is a verified fact that Goop doesn't poop. :lol:

[GolightlyGrrl]

Yes, it is a verified fact that Goop doesn't poop. :lol:

But Goop does deserve to be snarked on, which I did several years ago on an old blog of mine.

http://popcorninmybra.blogspot.com/2009 ... -goop.html

Now that I think of it, Kelly C is kind of a fundie version of Gwyneth.

But I digress...

On-topic:

Aren't rocky financial issues one of the reasons why couples divorce, or in Gwynnie land, "Conciously uncouple?" Abigail may want to ponder that concept for a while. Sadly, I don't think critical thinking skills are her strong points. I can't believe Abigail went to Smith and to law school. She just seems so dim.

And I just loved this humble brag from her open letter to Gwyneth:

"I'm blessed to be puny, insignificant, and poor."

Hmm, I bet some starving kid in Haiti is thinking the same thing.

Ah, Abigail. If she didn't exist we'd have to invent her.