Men Cant Live Without Sex

[Toothfairy]

So I found this on a blog. I can't believe the Pearls are still giving advice and writing books :snooty: This is from her book called created to be his help meet :angry-banghead:

patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2014/03/ctbhhm-tell-my-wife-to-have-sex-with-me/

Dear Mr. And Mrs. Pearl,

I am in a dilemma and need you guys to write my wife and tell her what I say is true. My wife thinks I am a sex pervert because I need sex. She feels I am not sensitive to her needs when I want sex and she doesn’t, which is most of the time. She will give me sex, but it hurts her feelings that I do not love her enough to consider her first. I tried to explain to her that to a man sex is just like having to eat. When I have missed a meal I unconsciously roam the kitchen, opening cabinet doors, and peer into the refrigerator, just looking and looking. I told her that a few days without sex leaves me in the same condition sexually. No matter how much I love her and respect her feelings and needs, I still have this overwhelming sexual need that drives me until it is satisfied.

There are very few times when everything is just right for her. She is exhausted, or has a backache or not healed right down there or whatever she comes up with. I tried to explain to her that she is setting me up for temptation, and that really set her off. Now I am not only a pervert, I am also unfaithful in my heart, so she is upset every time a good-looking girl walks by.

Please tell her I just down-right need my woman. That’s the bottom line; I am normal—all guys need a woman. She said I made it until I was 23 without sex, so why do I have to have it now? I told her when I was single, I did not have to see one undress or lie in the bed and know I could if I wanted to. I just want to come home and be a family man. I want to crawl into bed at night with a woman who is glad I am her man, and I want to make love every few days so I don’t have to think about the girls at work. Would you write her and explain all this to her. Maybe if she heard from you she might understand that I have feelings, too—physical feelings as well as emotional feelings.

Micah

Debi's response:

A man’s concept of love and marriage is different from a woman’s, especially after he has gone without sex for a few days. This is not a “how-to†book for a man. I will skip his part, and deal with the ladies’ part. God describes marriage as “they two shall be one flesh,†which is their bodies coming together. Many men feel that marriage is not quite what they thought it was going to be. Some men spend their youth dreaming about the wild passion they are going to experience with the woman they love more than life. It is their expression of the oneness they will have with her alone. This is truly God’s design for a man in the department of love. The man remembers the passionate and loving looks his sweetheart had for him before marriage. He had naturally assumed that she would always think of him in that all-consuming, loving way. When they were courting, that is the way she made him feel. He saw it reflected in her face. All he wanted was to satisfy that hungry animal he thought she was, and, for a while, she was all he had hoped for; but then that faded away. She wasn’t interested anymore. Her disinterest in him sexually is a reflection of her heart, and he knows it. There are a multitude of excuses women use to explain why the would “rather not†or why the “cannot respond†sexually. I believe I have heard them all. Her husband knows in his spirit that all her excuses are just that: excuses for not wanting him.

When a woman is not interested in his most consuming passion, he feels that she is not interested in him. When a woman just “allows, cooperates, and tolerates,†it leaves a man feeling sick at heart. If, to a man, sex were just copulation, he would make his deposit and be satisfied, but to him it is intimacy, a merging of spirits, a way of saying, “I love you . . . I need you . . . I like you.†A man’s most basic needs are warm sexual love, approval, and admiration. For his wife to be willing but indifferent, speaks of neither sex nor love.

A woman is a fool to believe her own excuses or to thinks he can convince him that what she says is truth. Her half commitment makes him feel incomplete and unloved. By not obeying God in this area of sex and love, a woman is putting a terrible curse on her husband. When a woman forces a man into that position, it is the equivalent of a man saying to his wife, “You are a stupid, ugly, lousy wife, but I will still be a good husband and kiss you today.†A man’s wife has more influence on his frame of reference than any other thing or person in life.Man is driven to succeed. Hormones drive him to be the best at work, to drive aggressively, to build the best building, or write the finest musical piece. But his most pressing drive is to be a successful lover. Making his wife feel glorious when he touches her is the ultimate test of his manhood—the very measure of the man. He cannot view life differently; that is the way God made him.He needs a wife, a help meet, a helper who will meet the need God put in him. If a wife does not meet his intimacy and sexual needs, she is a help-not-meet, a helper not suitable to the task for which God created her.

[Georgiana]

Since this man is clearly able to roam the kitchen and aimlessly open cabinets and the refrigerator, I take it he has fully functioning arms and hands. If so, could someone please explain to me why he is unable to use said extremities cook or to relieve his tension?

[Chowder Head]

Since this man is clearly able to roam the kitchen and aimlessly open cabinets and the refrigerator, I take it he has fully functioning arms and hands. If so, could someone please explain to me why he is unable to use said extremities cook or to relieve his tension?

Because penis = wife serves him. Actually he is just an asshole. :angry-banghead:

[lilith]

One's husband asking the Pearls to write one a letter commanding one to have sex with him is surely grounds for divorce.

[Georgiana]

One's husband asking the Pearls to write one a letter commanding one to have sex with him is surely grounds for divorce.

Frankly, I'd divorce any man who tried to get anyone to write a letter commanding me to have sex with him and like it.

[debrand]

The man is too immature to be married. He wants to have sex with his wife even if she is unwell or "not healed right down there'" What does that even mean? Apparently, he hurts his wife during sex so badly that she needs to heal.

[samurai_sarah]

It never fails to astound me how lowly fundies think of men. They always make men sound like sex-obsessed beasts who can't control themselves, and are a menace to everyone. Not only is that insulting, but mind-boggling for a group who claim to hold men in such high regard. :roll:

edited to add:

Just saw that, after only skimming the article:

The man is too immature to be married. He wants to have sex with his wife even if she is unwell or "not healed right down there'" What does that even mean? Apparently, he hurts his wife during sex so badly that she needs to heal.

I have no words, only capitals: OMG! WTF????!!!?

[RosyDaisy]

Gee, when I'm sick, my SO wants to take care of me and vice versa.

[Snarknado]

Not only do they make men sound like sex-obsessed beasts, they make women seem like uninterested frigid beings who have to just submit to having sex in order to please their men.

[guidedbybobafett]

Masturbation is frowned upon in these ultra fundie circles, right?

It also seems like this man is commanding the Pearls to write a letter demanding that his wife want to have sex with him, so he must be pretty stupid. Religious nutbars can, I guess, dictate that a wife have sex with her husband at his discretion, but ain't nobody in this world gonna be able to make her want it if she doesn't.

[Georgiana]

Just want to call out this gem from Debi pearl:

"Man is driven to succeed. Hormones drive him to be the best at work, to drive aggressively, to build the best building, or write the finest musical piece."

Hormones make aggressive drivers, y'all.

[lilith]

The man is too immature to be married. He wants to have sex with his wife even if she is unwell or "not healed right down there'" What does that even mean? Apparently, he hurts his wife during sex so badly that she needs to heal.

I assumed that he was referring to her healing after childbirth, not that that makes him demanding sex any better.

[Toothfairy]

I assumed that he was referring to her healing after childbirth, not that that makes him demanding sex any better.

Sex after childbirth can be painful. Imagine pushing out a small melon through your v-hole and might even tear and/or need stitches. Sex is the last thing on a woman's mind.

[Toothfairy]

According to Debi, some of the other things from her book demands women to have sex with her husband. It's her duty as a wife :angry-banghead: Women are not sex objects, they are people :roll:

No woman really loves her husband if she does not seek to please him in this most important area. If you are not interested in sex, then at least be interested in him enough to give him good sex. (p. 164)

A wise woman gauges her husband’s needs. She seeks to fulfill his desires before even he is aware of them. She never leaves him daydreaming outside the home. She supplies his every desire. (p. 167)

God grants the marriage partner full access to his spouse’s body for sexual gratification. And remember, indifference is unwillingness. (p. 167)

God made man to need sex. He must be relieved of his built-up sexual desire, even if it means spilling his seed in his sleep. (p. 168)

A man is negatively affected by a halfhearted response from his wife. The poor guy is never fully relieved and therefore never feels totally satisfied, making him think he is a sexual pervert or something, because he needs sex so often. (p. 168)

God created man with a regular need for a woman, and God commanded the man’s wife to see to it that his need is met. Do yourself and everyone else a favor, and devote at least 15 minutes every few days to totally pleasing your man. (p. 168)

For a wife to defraud her husband of this vital need that God has instilled in him should cause her to tremble in fear of the consequences. (p. 168)

It is a man’s duty to walk in truth and have high integrity, but a woman who trusts in a man’s ability to endure all things, while providing circumstances to test him to the max, is a fool. It is your duty to fulfill his sexual needs. His faithful responsibility to you, and yours to him are both equally important, and we wives must give an account before God for our faithfulness in this area. I call it “ministering†to my husband. He says I am a mighty fine minister. (p. 169)

For a woman, sexual expression starts in her mind and heart. Love is giving up your center, your self-interest. It is choosing another’s needs above your own. A woman chooses to be interested or not interested in her husband’s needs. So when a woman’s first commitment is to her own needs and feelings, she is necessarily going to view sex as strictly a carnal experience, for then she does indeed have an entirely hedonistic outlook – her self-gratification. But if a woman views sex as a ministry to her husband, then it is a selfless act of benevolence. (p. 169)

Don’t talk to me about how uncomfortable or painful it is for you. Do you think your body is special and has special needs? Do you know who created you, and do you know he is the same God who expects you to freely give sex to your husband? Stop the excuses! (p. 170)

All taken from her book.

[Snarknado]

Whenever I read excerpts from the Pearl's I am instantly reminded why I am so happy I do not sleep with men.

[VixenToast]

Would it be safe to assume fundie males don't understand a woman's body? Like really, Starving Husband, rough sex is one thing, but for damn sure she may be sore down there if she's not as.... Excited.... As you. So stop your hammer time and learn how to touch a woman before you adventure into a desert. (Or should it be dessert, since he compares giving him sexy time as on the same level as making him sammich?)

Honestly. This dude sounds a little rape-y to me....

[Earthshine]

What I don't understand about fundies: Men are in charge, the boss, the leader. But they need their egos pampered and every little need met as if they were children. Leaders are supposed to put their needs aside when leading. A captain goes down with the ship and puts the women and children in the life boat first. But fundies expect women to do this. Women must continuously give and bury their needs and desires. Women aren't people to them.

[Coconut Flan]

I am reminded of a woman I knew at work. She had her gallbladder removed and they couldn't do it laparoscopically . She had a five inch incision. After being in the hospital for five days she went to her mother's house to recuperate. Her husband immediately began whining for her to come home. She held out two days and then let him come get her - because he had neeeedddsss. She had to walk upstairs to the apartment when she wasn't supposed to climb stairs and he did such a wonderful loving act that they had to call an ambulance to come get her. The doctor sat him down and said no sex for six weeks means no sex for six weeks and if you can't behave you'll have to pay for her to stay here in the hospital for six weeks so we can keep her safe.

Yep, another fundie male who just had to have sex and thought she and the doctor were lying to him.

[Earthshine]

I am reminded of a woman I knew at work. She had her gallbladder removed and they couldn't do it laparoscopically . She had a five inch incision. After being in the hospital for five days she went to her mother's house to recuperate. Her husband immediately began whining for her to come home. She held out two days and then let him come get her - because he had neeeedddsss. She had to walk upstairs to the apartment when she wasn't supposed to climb stairs and he did such a wonderful loving act that they had to call an ambulance to come get her. The doctor sat him down and said no sex for six weeks means no sex for six weeks and if you can't behave you'll have to pay for her to stay here in the hospital for six weeks so we can keep her safe.

Yep, another fundie male who just had to have sex and thought she and the doctor were lying to him.

That is fucking horrible!

[lilith]

Sex after childbirth can be painful. Imagine pushing out a small melon through your v-hole and might even tear and/or need stitches. Sex is the last thing on a woman's mind.

Oh, I know. I have 3 kids. I just wasn't sure the inference people were making that the woman in question was healing from rough sex was correct. Even after waiting the suggested 6 weeks I was very nervous and uncomfortable having sex for the first time after giving birth to my first child, I'm sure it would have been even worse if my husband was insisting I do it wether I felt ready or not and minimising any pain or discomfort as excuses.

[Trynn]

I'm asexual, and a woman, but I feel like if my partner told me sex was painful, my first thought would be "please go see a doctor." I would immediately cease any requests for sex.

[16strong]

What is this guy, 5 years old? There is no reason he can't tell his wife on his own how he feels. The fact that he needs some crazed lunatic to demand that his wife have sex with him speaks volumes.

[salex]

It strikes me that a lot of these people (men and women) need to visit this site, for all their sake.

the-clitoris.com/

[ViolaSebastian]

Yep...and this is from the best book that Ken's never read. :roll:

[Miggy]

What I don't understand about fundies: Men are in charge, the boss, the leader. But they need their egos pampered and every little need met as if they were children. Leaders are supposed to put their needs aside when leading. A captain goes down with the ship and puts the women and children in the life boat first. But fundies expect women to do this. Women must continuously give and bury their needs and desires. Women aren't people to them.

This is one of the classic examples of fundies taking the bible literally but not reading all of it. Ephesians 5:22, the verse we all know about woman submitting is followed by Eph. 5:25 Husbands love your wives as Christ lived the church, giving himself up for it.

This guy doesn't seem ready to die for his wife so why should she submit?

Couples can have problems with very different needs sexually but asking the Pearls to guilt your wife into having sex is not a brilliant way to solve that problem.