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Let's hate on Non-Proverbs 31/UnGodly Women


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Apparently I can't be godly OR ungodly. :( I dont' fit her rigid definitions of either. What's a girl to do?

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Same here, but I am running out of time.......

Me four. I did recently fall in love with a married man though, does that count? I wouldn't dream of doing anything about it but if I've already looked at him with lust in my eyes, have I sinned in my heart anyway...?

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Where is this quote taken from?

Not sure where she got it but I found that it came from this article.

gty.org/resources/print/sermons/80-50

Who has the time to do all that they claim this woman does?

My kids had Cheerios for breakfast this morning along with bacon. When should I start watching for drug use?

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My son ate a handful of cashews for breakfast this morning. Next stop, crack den.

I have my own bank account, but there for damn sure isn't enough in it to pay for a maid service.

I have a gym membership that I never use (maybe I should cancel it and go for the maid service), so no muscles. Arobicize? Is that anything like Prancercize, cause just, well, no.

I don't really tan. I just manage to make myself a lovely, darkish yellow. A healthy looking jaundice maybe?

Couiffered? Well, I have hair. I do try to comb it at least. I am going to get it colored this weekend, so I guess I'm on my way down the Slip-n-Slide to hell.

Two or three affairs and divorces? Who the hell has time for that shit. Especially if you're focusing so much time and effort on your job and gym regimen.

**edited because I really do know how to spell.

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Sounds about right. I spend most of my time fornicating, aborting, and working at my soul-sucking job where I tell men what to do and get off on it. Spot on!

Also, my favorite part of this is the part where having cold cereal for breakfast is some sort of cruel punishment. So one woman's husband wanted pancakes every morning and now every family is supposed to eat that way every day? I like cereal and I'm a grown ass woman, I do whatever I want.

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I would have to be conducting my affairs with the female instructors at Jazzercise, shopping while I sleep, and having abortions during client appointments, school events, and after-school activities to get all of this done. Since the instructors are female and my husband and I are very careful to prevent pregnancy until we're ready to conceive our last kiddo, I'm not totally clear on how I'm getting pregnant. I'm also unclear on where the hell all the money to shop, tan, "arobicize," pay for daycare, pay a maid, buy daily take-out, provide TVs for the children, and still purchase the breakfast cereal and frozen dinners is coming from. My evil job certainly doesn't pay enough for all those things and cover the mortgage, too. Plus, I've been married for nearly 11 years with nary a divorce in sight (not that divorce is wrong at all, and I would never judge someone for getting one because that's their damn business and has not one fricken thing to do with me!). What does that say about me? Oh, and my kids aren't into drugs. They might be a bit young, but one goes to daycare and the other attends public school. Aren't those places just dens of iniquity? :roll:

It reminds me of Jim Bob saying his kids have lots of time to make up games in the house, since they don't watch TV or sit around playing computer games all day long. As if that's what all the non-fundie children sit around and do all day. :angry-banghead:

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I would have to be conducting my affairs with the female instructors at Jazzercise, shopping while I sleep, and having abortions during client appointments, school events, and after-school activities to get all of this done. Since the instructors are female and my husband and I are very careful to prevent pregnancy until we're ready to conceive our last kiddo, I'm not totally clear on how I'm getting pregnant. I'm also unclear on where the hell all the money to shop, tan, "arobicize," pay for daycare, pay a maid, buy daily take-out, provide TVs for the children, and still purchase the breakfast cereal and frozen dinners is coming from. My evil job certainly doesn't pay enough for all those things and cover the mortgage, too. Plus, I've been married for nearly 11 years with nary a divorce in sight (not that divorce is wrong at all, and I would never judge someone for getting one because that's their damn business and has not one fricken thing to do with me!). What does that say about me? Oh, and my kids aren't into drugs. They might be a bit young, but one goes to daycare and the other attends public school. Aren't those places just dens of iniquity? :roll:

It reminds me of Jim Bob saying his kids have lots of time to make up games in the house, since they don't watch TV or sit around playing computer games all day long. As if that's what all the non-fundie children sit around and do all day. :angry-banghead:

I wish mine would sit around and watch TV all day then I wouldn't have to get them to basketball, swimming, dance, gymnastics, birthday parties, picnics, projects at friends' houses and sleepovers. My life would be a hell of a lot easier and maybe I would have time for those affairs and abortions.

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Geez, I am so behind! I have no kids (and I do have a once-a-month cleaning service) yet no time (or opportunities!) for affairs, much less divorces or abortions. And I am not bulging with muscle, or even tanned. Sob!!!

[although if I got off my butt and planted a vineyard with my own earnings--I might get tanned!]

oooh--if these arobicized/coiffured/affair-having superwomen got together with the Maxwells, they could produce a "Managers of their Homes" edition for UnGodly Slutwomen! And chore-packs!

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The only part of that paragraph I agree with is that cold cereal is an abomination and makes the baby Jesus weep. Other than that, what working mother has the time for tanning, the gym AND affairs? I barely have time to manage my coiffure.

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I don't know about you all, but these Ungodly women that apparently have the time to be married, have kids, go to the gym, go shopping, work full-time, get tanned, and have a few affairs must be working with some kind of master planner that I would love to get my hands on. Those women obviously have time management skills that most of us could only dream of. Share the secret!

Managers of Their Homes! :lol:

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omg what an asshat.since when does having your own bank accn't and job mean you will do unsufferable things,and that your children will be neglected and get hooked on drugs?oh my,what black n white thinking! I hope she does understand that most women,married or not,are expected to hold their own these days,as far as having a job and helping their spouse w the finances.

And I've never had an affair,an abortion or a divorce.My kids went to public school, college and didn't do drugs.Or even get in any trouble,for that matter.And there's nothng ungodly about wearing the latest clothes,so you don't look out of style and like you came from the 50's.Or the 70's-80's.Lord help you there.And my kids didn't have a tv in their room,nor do we eat all frozen stuff.(veg's are best that way.I'll have her know!) I guess you can't fix stupid.

@@

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Re: The world would applaud her and she wouldn't be able to stay married or happy and her kids would probably be into drugs. But she would be the woman of today- and is a million miles from the woman of God described in Proverbs 31. God help me be a VIRTUOUS WOMAN FOR YOU!!!! - AA women of proverbs by beverley hammett

I hope she's getting up before dawn and seeking wool and flax,and using a spindle,while seeking food from afar.Also her candle should not go out at night.And if she's not considering a field and planting a vineyard w her owns hands,amongst all the other things in Proverbs 31,then she's a total hypocrite.

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Sounds about right. I spend most of my time fornicating, aborting, and working at my soul-sucking job where I tell men what to do and get off on it. Spot on!

Also, my favorite part of this is the part where having cold cereal for breakfast is some sort of cruel punishment. So one woman's husband wanted pancakes every morning and now every family is supposed to eat that way every day? I like cereal and I'm a grown ass woman, I do whatever I want.

I love cereal. I actually make (from scratch) porridge every morning for the kidlets and Docdad but I have my own bowl of cold cereal. I don't remember the part in Proverbs about the iniquities of cold cereal but it's been a while since I read it.

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Arguing against the virtues of cold cereal? it can be quite nutritious.I guess nothing but a full,homecooked bfast is worthy in fundie land. And yet,somehow I doubt the author herself does so.

Yes,there is just no way to compare Proverbs 31 to modern women.Not even fundie women could compare to what was long ago.apples to oranges.

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My son ate a handful of cashews for breakfast this morning. Next stop, crack den.

I have my own bank account, but there for damn sure isn't enough in it to pay for a maid service.

I have a gym membership that I never use (maybe I should cancel it and go for the maid service), so no muscles. Arobicize? Is that anything like Prancercize, cause just, well, no.

I don't really tan. I just manage to make myself a lovely, darkish yellow. A healthy looking jaundice maybe?

Couiffered? Well, I have hair. I do try to comb it at least. I am going to get it colored this weekend, so I guess I'm on my way down the Slip-n-Slide to hell.

Two or three affairs and divorces? Who the hell has time for that shit. Especially if you're focusing so much time and effort on your job and gym regimen.

**edited because I really do know how to spell.

Rather certain s/he meant aerobicize, but basically s/he is criticizing women are well-groomed and healthy/fit. Because apparently looking decent and staying in shape are bad? :evil-eye:

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You should only stay in shape by chasing children, doing housework and by not eating.

And your husband is the one who should dictate how you dress and present yourself.

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Apparently I can't be godly OR ungodly. :( I dont' fit her rigid definitions of either. What's a girl to do?

Rejoice in your normalcy and happy life.

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You should only stay in shape by chasing children, doing housework and by not eating.

And your husband is the one who should dictate how you dress and present yourself.

My husband criticized my gym attire last weekend. He didn’t like my choice of stretchy yoga pants and long t-shirt. He said I looked homeless.

His choice would be a form fitting tank top/sports bra and tighter shorts/pants. Somehow I don’t think this is what they had in mind… :P

On a somewhat positive note though, my son had a granola bar this morning. It’s one step up from the cashews of yesterday. I may never reach the pinnacle of Fundie Mother of the Year, but one can dream.

:pray:

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My kiddo likes to eat those sausage egg and cheese biscuits that you get in the frozen foods section of the grocery store (ew, but she likes them, so whatever). So it's not cold cereal, but since I didn't slaughter the pig, harvest the eggs and make cheese and biscuits myself, I should probably expect kiddo to start shooting up any day now.

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My husband, a cradle Catholic, has little experience with fundies. I read this to him last night. His first response:

"Take out the whole abortion, divorce, affairs thing, and those are all good things to be". Followed by "And women are not supposed to have opinions? What is that?"

I explained that a good submissive fundy wife always agrees with her husband's opinions. Answer: "So a good fundy wife is supposed to be boring and act stupid?"

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Rather certain s/he meant aerobicize, but basically s/he is criticizing women are well-groomed and healthy/fit. Because apparently looking decent and staying in shape are bad? :evil-eye:

I guarantee the writer is the first to condemn a woman who carries any extra weight. So we're just supposed to be naturally thin-- being overweight is not an option, but if you actually work at it, you are selfish and unfeminine. Same goes for hair/makeup.

You really can't win with these people can you?

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So guys, I guess I'm not cool enough to join society cause I haven't had any divorces, affairs or abortions. And, to top that, I'm currently pregnant and I haven't even aborted for funsies yet! I think I should go hide in shame... Society must think I'm a total loser...

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What kind of woman does our society honor today? She would work at a job, build her own career, demand and get equal pay with men. She would refuse to submit to her husband, demanding equality with him in everything. She would have an affair or two or three, a divorce or two or three, or an abortion or two. She would definitely exercise her independence. She would make sure that she was imminently fulfilled herself. She would rely on her own resources. She would not want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals. She would have her own bank account. She would hire a maid or cleaning service. She would eat out at least 50 percent of the time with her family or without. She would make cold cereal and coffee the standard breakfast fare for the family and quick frozen meals usual dinner fare, and she would certainly expect her husband to do half the housework. She would be tanned, coiffured, arobicized, bulging in muscle. She would be shopping to keep up with the fashion trends and make sure she could compete in the attention getting contest. She would put her children in a day care center, making sure that each one also has a TV in his or her room so that when they were home they wouldn't interrupt her routine. She would be opinionated. She would demand to be heard from and eager to fulfill all of her personal ambition. The world would applaud her and she wouldn't be able to stay married or happy and her kids would probably be into drugs. But she would be the woman of today- and is a million miles from the woman of God described in Proverbs 31. God help me be a VIRTUOUS WOMAN FOR YOU!!!! - AA women of proverbs by beverley hammett

All of the bolded sound either exactly like the Proverbs 31 woman to me, or the modern equivalent.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

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Anyone want to get together this weekend for an abortion party? I feel like I haven't had enough of those this year.

Weelll, I'd have to get pregnant first... :lol:

(And being 47 and widowed, not much chance of that happening! :whistle: )

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