Kingdom Twindom got her cheating husband back

[Kaylee]

I like how she drops these hints about OMG terrible things are going on, and then wants respect for her privacy (IE: no one to question her.) Here's a thought - if you want respect for your privacy, don't bait people with your very dramatic marital issues on the internet.

This is somewhat common with fundie women asking for prayers or in marital trouble. I've BTDT to a degree, trying to figure out how much to actually say when there were major issues but I didn't want them all over the net (and ended up over-sharing probably but needed to get some of it out). There's this whole setup where you're expected to ask for prayer about things, knowing others want some idea of going on but, at the same time, you're not supposed to say anything bad or negative about your husband or complain about him. This is also why you get women who are being mistreated or even abused talking about how they are trying to do better or praying to be better wives or better at submitting and honoring their husbands, instead of asking for advice on how to deal with the husband's behavior or stand up for themselves.

I don't even know if I can explain it to people who haven't held that sort of view before, but it's what underpins a lot of the marriage advice and stuff on most blogs and several books that have been discussed here. The underlying ideal is that the wife should do her best even if the husband is a total ass, and should still treat him like he's the kind of husband she wants him to be (and it's often implied that will make him turn out that way, but it doesn't always/usually work in real life). It's an all-or-nothing type thing - either don't be with him at all, which is complicated because of how most fundies view divorce, or choose to be with him and obligate yourself to trying to be a wonderful wife even if he's a lousy husband (with an implied "don't complain about him or criticize him, because you choose to marry him or stay with him".

This really bothered me, too. I don't like the idea of telling/forcing kids to pray about stuff. Sure, suggest it if prayer is something you do in your family, but making them do it is super gross in my opinion. If the kid wants to talk to God, they can. If they don't, then leave them alone about it for goodness' sake. Plus, how does she *know* the kid didn't pray? What if the kid actually prayed for her parents to grow brains and that's why she looked sheepish? I would be praying for some freaking stable adults in my life if I was one of her children.

This. I'll teach my kids to pray and encourage it, but forcing them to pray about certain things and checking up on them is weird. Also, even some adults aren't really comfortable discussing when they've prayed or who they prayed for. I'm like that - I pray pretty often, but I'm shy/sheepish when it comes to really discussing it or the whole praying in a group thing. It just feels to me like it should be more private I guess.

[blisterine]

i call a big steaming twin-sized load load of bull shit on a fever of 230- that's 2 degrees from boiling. maybe the resulting brain damage is why she tool the bastard back.

[Guest Anonymous]

This is somewhat common with fundie women asking for prayers or in marital trouble. I've BTDT to a degree, trying to figure out how much to actually say when there were major issues but I didn't want them all over the net (and ended up over-sharing probably but needed to get some of it out). There's this whole setup where you're expected to ask for prayer about things, knowing others want some idea of going on but, at the same time, you're not supposed to say anything bad or negative about your husband or complain about him. This is also why you get women who are being mistreated or even abused talking about how they are trying to do better or praying to be better wives or better at submitting and honoring their husbands, instead of asking for advice on how to deal with the husband's behavior or stand up for themselves.

I don't even know if I can explain it to people who haven't held that sort of view before, but it's what underpins a lot of the marriage advice and stuff on most blogs and several books that have been discussed here. The underlying ideal is that the wife should do her best even if the husband is a total ass, and should still treat him like he's the kind of husband she wants him to be (and it's often implied that will make him turn out that way, but it doesn't always/usually work in real life). It's an all-or-nothing type thing - either don't be with him at all, which is complicated because of how most fundies view divorce, or choose to be with him and obligate yourself to trying to be a wonderful wife even if he's a lousy husband (with an implied "don't complain about him or criticize him, because you choose to marry him or stay with him".

I do get that Raine, having grown up in that environment. But come on. The lady went on TV and aired the dirty laundry for anyone with cable to see it, but now she's super coy about what's going on? I don't think she's avoiding badmouthing him as much as she's baiting people for attention and clicks. YMMV, of course, but that's my opinion.

[Witsec7]

I was reading her blog last night and no where does she mention taking an STD test after the hubby cheated. This is always so WTF for me when the xtian hubs go out screwing, the wives take them back and whalla no risk or mention of STD prevention.

[Kaylee]

I do get that Raine, having grown up in that environment. But come on. The lady went on TV and aired the dirty laundry for anyone with cable to see it, but now she's super coy about what's going on? I don't think she's avoiding badmouthing him as much as she's baiting people for attention and clicks. YMMV, of course, but that's my opinion.

Good point. I'd forgotten about the TV thing. Yeah, once its out there people are going to assume the worst anyway and you're right about being coy drawing more attention/clicks, and usually more comments.

[MaroonMandy]

I do get that Raine, having grown up in that environment. But come on. The lady went on TV and aired the dirty laundry for anyone with cable to see it, but now she's super coy about what's going on? I don't think she's avoiding badmouthing him as much as she's baiting people for attention and clicks. YMMV, of course, but that's my opinion.

:o Did she blog about this? I kinda nosed around on her site, but I couldn't find any mention of it.

[Guest Anonymous]

:o Did she blog about this? I kinda nosed around on her site, but I couldn't find any mention of it.

There's a transcript that emeraldskull did of the TV show appearance on page 3 of this thread. It's skeevetacular.

[BelieveinScience]

I do get that Raine, having grown up in that environment. But come on. The lady went on TV and aired the dirty laundry for anyone with cable to see it, but now she's super coy about what's going on? I don't think she's avoiding badmouthing him as much as she's baiting people for attention and clicks. YMMV, of course, but that's my opinion.

Didn't she say something about how the show portrayed what happened wrong and she was upset with oprah about it?

[NurseNell]

Damn. What a world of hurt. Sorry, I have never, EVER heard of a case of a serial cheater reforming.

Nope, me either. I could forgive one episode of infidelity, and with counseling, could move on. But learning I was married to a serial womanizer, no, I couldn't forgive that or work through it.

[kb2]

BRIAN: The affair was all about sex. We didn't have a real emotional connection, she wasn't special to me. But there was a point where Aries turned more emotional towards me. Her solution was that I get divorced and spend more time with her. Then she told me that she was gonna call my wife and tell her about it. I didn't know how to react, that wasn't what I was looking for from her. I wanted to get out, I wanted to be done with it, and she wanted to draw me back in. I was just worried about how do I keep Sarah from finding out.

I question the judgement of someone who knowingly becomes involved with a married man expecting a good relationship (because he's cheating on someone else, so it's possible he'll cheat on you the same way later). But I also question the portrayal of his relationship with his mistress. He was the one going to strip clubs, but she was the one who approached him. He was lying to his wife about that whole monogamy thing, but he was completely upfront with his mistress about their relationship meaning nothing emotionally to him. And his mistress was a crazy person who pulled an emotional connection out of thin air, not, oh, say, anything he said to get her into bed. Riiiiiight.

[luckystone]

Wow, this is really tragic for her and the kids. I don't understand the mindset of blaming everything on Satan, that's so odd to think he'd be sort of taking over bodies and making that much interference just to annoy them. I suppose it's a very convenient explanation but it must be such a weird way to live.

I'd read about Madonna/whore but never heard a description of it that close to what her husband said. That's really interesting (and disturbing). Also very odd how they didn't know each other before getting married. This is so weird and sad.

[mirele]

Resurrecting this to note that she's apparently filing divorce.

kingdomtwindom.net/2012/07/mary-martha-and-me/

[Sprocket]

Sorry, I would never buy the book of someone who was so willfully a doormat.

[kpmom]

I don't quite get it.

First she writes this;

Yes, there are valid, more than valid, reasons for divorce! But people in love with the Lord Jesus do not get divorced due to lack of feelings. Not ever. That is the world’s doctrine, but it should not be adopted by the Church. I believe that my husband was created to walk with Jesus and be the vibrant and successful head of our home. I know that God has spoken that on several occasions. Do I know that Papa Bear will become a radically changed man after God’s heart and begin to seek God’s will for his life and for our marriage? No, I do not know that. If I say that I “know†that, I’m speaking out of faith–words of life–not out of delusion. I plan to continue speaking life for as long as HE empowers me to do so. But I do not “know†what the end result of my faith will be.

Then she writes this;

Currently, I’m planning to accept my marriage’s death with a certificate of divorce (one that I will be filing). I am still hopeful for a resurrection, but what God does with my hope is up to Him. I am willing, and I will trust Him, either way. I now know more confidently than ever that I do hear Him. And it is that voice, and that voice alone, that will guide me from here.

[desertvixen]

Yes, there are valid, more than valid, reasons for divorce! But people in love with the Lord Jesus do not get divorced due to lack of feelings. Not ever. That is the world’s doctrine, but it should not be adopted by the Church.

Getting divorced from a guy who consistently cheats on you (possibly exposing you to STDs) and refuses to change is not "feelings". It's called being realistic and protecting yourself.

At the same time, I can understand a little of her feelings here:

Currently, I’m planning to accept my marriage’s death with a certificate of divorce (one that I will be filing). I am still hopeful for a resurrection, but what God does with my hope is up to Him.

When we were going through the initial divorce and separation process, I was hoping that something would make my husband stop and say that he didn't want it after all. Our process was much shorter, but I'm a little ashamed to admit that I did want him to come back, and to not have betrayed me. I snapped out of it after a month or two, but it can be very hard to accept the end of a marriage.

[Guest Anonymous]

She's a silly twit and I give her a rousing "I told you so." There was no reason to put herself and her kids through that again except that she loves to be a martyr and she probably thought it would make nice fodder for her book. I don't think that guy ever really wanted to be married - which is totally on him. But I do hold her responsible for how she chose to act once she saw his true colors.

**ETA: She's also been baiting her blog readers with this business for ages. Oooooh there's big stuff going on! But don't ask me about it!

[Witsec7]

I don't quite get it.

First she writes this;

Yes, there are valid, more than valid, reasons for divorce! But people in love with the Lord Jesus do not get divorced due to lack of feelings. Not ever. That is the world’s doctrine, but it should not be adopted by the Church. I believe that my husband was created to walk with Jesus and be the vibrant and successful head of our home. I know that God has spoken that on several occasions. Do I know that Papa Bear will become a radically changed man after God’s heart and begin to seek God’s will for his life and for our marriage? No, I do not know that. If I say that I “know†that, I’m speaking out of faith–words of life–not out of delusion. I plan to continue speaking life for as long as HE empowers me to do so. But I do not “know†what the end result of my faith will be.

Then she writes this;

Currently, I’m planning to accept my marriage’s death with a certificate of divorce (one that I will be filing). I am still hopeful for a resurrection, but what God does with my hope is up to Him. I am willing, and I will trust Him, either way. I now know more confidently than ever that I do hear Him. And it is that voice, and that voice alone, that will guide me from here.

Divorcing him for adultery leaves her free to remarry.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I don't quite get it.

First she writes this;

Yes, there are valid, more than valid, reasons for divorce! But people in love with the Lord Jesus do not get divorced due to lack of feelings. Not ever. That is the world’s doctrine, but it should not be adopted by the Church. I believe that my husband was created to walk with Jesus and be the vibrant and successful head of our home. I know that God has spoken that on several occasions. Do I know that Papa Bear will become a radically changed man after God’s heart and begin to seek God’s will for his life and for our marriage? No, I do not know that. If I say that I “know†that, I’m speaking out of faith–words of life–not out of delusion. I plan to continue speaking life for as long as HE empowers me to do so. But I do not “know†what the end result of my faith will be.

Then she writes this;

Currently, I’m planning to accept my marriage’s death with a certificate of divorce (one that I will be filing). I am still hopeful for a resurrection, but what God does with my hope is up to Him. I am willing, and I will trust Him, either way. I now know more confidently than ever that I do hear Him. And it is that voice, and that voice alone, that will guide me from here.

It sounds like she woke the fuck up and realized she is married to an asshole, but hasn't spat out enough of the coolaid to realize that happens to a lot of "worldly" people, too.