This Valentines Day, let Everly untangle your guy friendship

[TrueRebel1]

I know we've discussed Everly Pleasant's writings before. Here's a new one, and wow, I'm not sure where to start. Her "untangling" of girl-guy friendships sounds so easy and simple! :roll: Basically, if I'm interpreting correctly, she recommends that by not having any real, deep friendships with guys, you will be just fine! No broken hearts! Imagine that!

kindredgrace.com/guy-girl-friendships-untangled/

[Talitha Cumi]

If you are spending time at each other’s home, keeping confidence in one another or being physically affectionate, you need to put on the brakes. He is not and will never be your sibling, so try to impose some social standards into the situation before either of you creates a relationship you’ll regret.

So I can't go over to my friend's house or hug him, lest I lead him on? Yeaaaaahnope.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

And where do The Gays fit into this scenario? Or do they not exist in Fundieland?

Stupid question.

[louisa05]

Ugh.

There is constant web discussion of the high divorce rate in fundagelical world. It is so often blamed on their sexual ethics and the solution of premarital sex is proposed. I will not deny that issues surrounding the purity culture and sexuality have a negative impact on young married couples in evangelical and fundamentalist sub-cultures. But I think that the segregation of genders and insistence that boys and girls and later men and women cannot and should never be friends is a bigger problem. It is, actually, as this post demonstrates related to the sexual purity teachings. The prohibition, which I have witnessed up, close and personally, leads to a culture where young adults have not the slightest idea how to relate to the opposite gender. Fear often rules the day between young men and young women. Everything is awkward. And into the breech comes all the boxes of gender roles to bridge the gap. But the fact is that no one fits in those boxes perfectly. So a husband or wife may not respond like the relationship handbook of the moment says they are supposed to and then the couple has no idea what to do because they do not even know where to begin to truly be companions who communicate and care for each other without a whole bunch of preconceived notions that have no basis in who the other person really is.

[Firiel]

Ugh.

There is constant web discussion of the high divorce rate in fundagelical world. It is so often blamed on their sexual ethics and the solution of premarital sex is proposed. I will not deny that issues surrounding the purity culture and sexuality have a negative impact on young married couples in evangelical and fundamentalist sub-cultures. But I think that the segregation of genders and insistence that boys and girls and later men and women cannot and should never be friends is a bigger problem. It is, actually, as this post demonstrates related to the sexual purity teachings. The prohibition, which I have witnessed up, close and personally, leads to a culture where young adults have not the slightest idea how to relate to the opposite gender. Fear often rules the day between young men and young women. Everything is awkward. And into the breech comes all the boxes of gender roles to bridge the gap. But the fact is that no one fits in those boxes perfectly. So a husband or wife may not respond like the relationship handbook of the moment says they are supposed to and then the couple has no idea what to do because they do not even know where to begin to truly be companions who communicate and care for each other without a whole bunch of preconceived notions that have no basis in who the other person really is.

Exactly. And young men and women never learn to communicate without an underlying assumption of S-E-X being involved. Marriage is SO MUCH MORE than having someone to screw. There are so many "life partnership" things that are completely outside the issue of sex. And if you can only relate to the opposite sex in terms of, well, sexuality, then there will be an awful lot of issues you have issues communicating about with your partner.

The notion of needing to be sexually available to your husband at all times, the idea that any godly man and woman can have a successful marriage (they have the right "parts"!), the obsession with married folks discussing their "spicy hot" sex lives in detail... this brand of fundie-ism is just as sex-obsessed as any free-lovin' secular group-- as can be seen, I think, in the completely bizarre (to me!) intersect between folks like SSM/Lori Alexander (is a monster) and the PUA culture.