Rebecca Eleventy: What about HER life?

[Closed Womb]

I feel kind of uncomfortable devoting a thread to Rebeca's chances to land a man, or make-up tips she should follow, or whether or not she's "officially" obese (not putting any one particular poster down, I'm sure some people are genuinely empathetic). She seems like a nice girl, from a nice (albeit fundamentalist) family. One of the first things she says about herself is that she helps out with the family *business*, not *waits on Daddy hand and foot until God plops a man on her doorstep*. The baking is also part of a family business. Isn't this what we snark on about other SAHDs? Their wacky priorities and sense of entitlement? She works, it's just for her family, she isn't 400 pounds (though, honestly, so what if she was? please spare the comments about "how CONCERNED everyone is for her health" because it sounds really condescending), and I can guaranty she looks better in person than in the few candid shots she posts of herself. Other SAHDs spend half their week preparing for and posing in selfies and photo shoots for their blogs. Rebecca clearly has better things to do. And so what if she devotes her blog to family and friends, rather than modesty tips or how godly it is to clean a ceiling fan on a daily basis? That's a pretty normal thing for a blog to focus on, even outside of Fundy circles. As for her being 23 - don't we have pages and pages devoted to how these fundies get married too young (for the record, I think 23 is still very young for most people)?

She's one of the few people we discuss on here that I genuinely hope meets a nice guy, has lots of babies (I mean 5 or 6, not 20), and gets to stay home with them and be a traditional wife (if that's what she wants). I think that life would make her happy. I feel like we read so much into these blogs that sometimes we lose sight that we're talking about actual people. Feminism is about making choices for yourself and having the agency to do so, we should be supportive of women who want to stay home as long as they aren't suppressing anyone else's choice to lead a different life.

I absolutely did not bring up this tread to degrade Rebecca in any way. I don't think she's fat (and it wouldn't devalue her in ANY way, including her beauty, if she was), or unattractive, or in need of makeup tips. Heck, as soon as I read snark about body or appearance in any way, including Josh Duggar threads, I'm out, so I didn't even know there was a debate in terms of is she/isn't she attractive (on another thread) until I read it here.

But, I am concerned about her lack of self. Not "look at me" self (God knows, if I never see another selfie from anyone, fundie or not, I'd be a happy girl), but that so little of what she blogs about has to do with her. I see more light and kindness in her than in any other fundie I've come across (at least from what I can tell from the blog) and I'm a little weirded out that her blog has so little to do with her, like she's just disappearing into a "never married, no kids, no value, nothing to see here" situation. It's sad. Whatever she's doing is at least blog worthy as someone else's wedding or child.

[WonderingInWA]

Agreed. She blogs about other people's lives, not really much about her own. It makes me wonder what she does all day? I don't believe she has a driver's license, so it's not like she can just hop in the car and go shopping by herself or go see a friend. I think her life is probably just as boring as it appears on her blog. That going to a wedding or seeing someone's baby is a big day for her.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

Closed Womb, I was just coming back on here to apologize if I sounded hand-slappy, and you'd already replied. I'm sorry if I came across as lecturing. The stuff on appearance really hit a nerve (a combination of this thread and another thread where her appearance/weight was being discussed), especially when FJ snarks on other young women for being narcissistic, entitled prima donnas (and lord knows, those girls annoy the piss out of me). Anyways, I see what you're saying, and I think some of this goes back to agency - in a perfect world, women that choose to stay home would have the education and life experience to really make a choice, rather than coincidentally wanting something their culture pushes on them regardless.

A bit off topic, but do you think someone like Rebecca might appreciate an actual life of serving others, like a nun? It's too bad (IMO) that a culture so focused on living to please their God doesn't have the opportunity for followers to truly make the decision to live selflessly.

[LucySnowe]

I always think of FJers as looking like their avatars -- even the puppies and kittens and cartoon characters, lol.

Yep, I totally look like Merida. :lol:

I wish. And I'd take her archery ability in a heartbeat, too.

[Joan of Snarc]

Oh apologies to Jezebel and her avi; I got my right-wingers mixed up, I guess. I was thinking her avi was this lady:

Newt's wife looks like a Stepford wife.

[nausicaa]

IShe's one of the few people we discuss on here that I genuinely hope meets a nice guy, has lots of babies (I mean 5 or 6, not 20), and gets to stay home with them and be a traditional wife (if that's what she wants). I think that life would make her happy. I feel like we read so much into these blogs that sometimes we lose sight that we're talking about actual people. Feminism is about making choices for yourself and having the agency to do so, we should be supportive of women who want to stay home as long as they aren't suppressing anyone else's choice to lead a different life.

I agree with the bolded, and that's why I think she has a good shot at a happy life. Unlike other women with the bad luck to be born into the patriarchal movement (Botkins, Jasmine Baucham, Jessa Duggar) who seem to have the temperament for lives outside of the fundie female norm and are just pushing themselves to conform, Rebecca seems like the sort of person who would love living down the street from her parents, with a nice husband, four or five kids, and time for baking and trying new recipes. She reminds me of NR-Anna in that way. (And I agree, there's nothing wrong with wanting that).

She isn't cloistered, so I have a good feeling she'll find a nice conservative Christian guy who wants the same things she does.

[nausicaa]

lol, I almost posted the same thing! I always think of FJers as looking like their avatars -- even the puppies and kittens and cartoon characters, lol.

I do too! And THAT's why I picked an attractive avatar! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[snarkykitty]

I didn't reduce her to only "a curvy girl with some baking skills." I preceded that with "She seems kind, patient, generous, caring, likes to cook, good with kids." I was commenting on the fact that, while she may not resemble a Bates or a Botkin, there are many men who find a women with her type of appearance and build attractive (and while yes, ideally we shouldn't factor attractiveness into our relationship decisions, some level of attraction is normally necessary to form a romantic relationship with someone). There are also men who want to be with a woman who likes more domestic things, like baking, homekeeping, and childcare. I was sayig that, for those men, Rebecca would be quite the catch.

Because the most important thing in this world is being attractive to a man (or anyone, for that matter). Isn't enough that these young women are taught that they are only valuable for what they can do or be for a man?

[snarkykitty]

Does anyone know the story related to the post on January 26? There's a photo of a baby and the post reads "A Bittersweet Date. Today would've been his 3rd birthday."

[WonderingInWA]

Does anyone know the story related to the post on January 26? There's a photo of a baby and the post reads "A Bittersweet Date. Today would've been his 3rd birthday."

The daughter of the pastor of Rebecca's church had a baby that died from a viral infection when he was about 18 months old. And the daughter was pregnant with her second son, due a month or so after the first son passed away, so a very VERY sad story.

[nausicaa]

Because the most important thing in this world is being attractive to a man (or anyone, for that matter). Isn't enough that these young women are taught that they are only valuable for what they can do or be for a man?

I never said the most important thing in this world is being attractive to a man, and I'm not sure how you inferred that from my post. We were discussing Rebecca's prospects for finding a husband, since it seems she is someone who would enjoy marrying and having kids. There had been comments on how she would be viewed negatively by men like the Maxwell sons, and also how superficial many men in the ATI/patriarchal movement are. I was pointing out that she is not someone who is destined to be lonely because she doesn't fit a narrow stereotype of beauty propagated by her culture.

You conveniently didn't bold the next part of my statement "while yes, ideally we shouldn't factor attractiveness into our relationship decisions, some level of attraction is normally necessary to form a romantic relationship with someone." I stand by that statement.

I wasn't talking about Rebecca's self-worth (her self-worth and value are certainly not, and shouldn't be, dependent on how attracted men are to her), but rather her likelihood of courting and marrying, and so yes, I think discussing how there are men who find her attractive is apropos of the topic.

[FloraDoraDolly]

I absolutely did not bring up this tread to degrade Rebecca in any way. I don't think she's fat (and it wouldn't devalue her in ANY way, including her beauty, if she was), or unattractive, or in need of makeup tips. Heck, as soon as I read snark about body or appearance in any way, including Josh Duggar threads, I'm out, so I didn't even know there was a debate in terms of is she/isn't she attractive (on another thread) until I read it here.

But, I am concerned about her lack of self. Not "look at me" self (God knows, if I never see another selfie from anyone, fundie or not, I'd be a happy girl), but that so little of what she blogs about has to do with her. I see more light and kindness in her than in any other fundie I've come across (at least from what I can tell from the blog) and I'm a little weirded out that her blog has so little to do with her, like she's just disappearing into a "never married, no kids, no value, nothing to see here" situation. It's sad. Whatever she's doing is at least blog worthy as someone else's wedding or child.

Much of what Rebecca puts on her blog falls into the category of special occasions-- holidays, weddings, visits from friends or relatives, events at church. Having grown up in the era before digital cameras, this seems normal to me. Back then, people usually didn't take pictures of their ordinary, day-to-day lives. For example, I have zero photographs of my college campus. I just never could be bothered to take my camera to school. I also didn't take my camera when I went to my housecleaning job. People would have thought I was nuts if I had tried to take pictures of myself vacuuming or washing the bathroom mirror. Maybe Rebecca feels the same way? She might enjoy baking cakes, but she might not think it's necessary to take and then blog dozens of photos of herself and her family in the kitchen.

[fun2beme]

I agree that her posts that focus on the lives of others aren't necessarily an accurate reflection of her life. I see it as being akin to Facebook. I rarely post anything about what goes on in my life, unless it's major, so one might infer that I have no life and sit around alone all the time. It's not true; I just choose not to share all that with others. I'd rather undershare than overshare (I'm taking a bubble bath! I'm in the drive-thru at McDonald's! I just bought lettuce at Trader Joe's!).

[gustava]

I agree that her posts that focus on the lives of others aren't necessarily an accurate reflection of her life. I see it as being akin to Facebook. I rarely post anything about what goes on in my life, unless it's major, so one might infer that I have no life and sit around alone all the time. It's not true; I just choose not to share all that with others. I'd rather undershare than overshare (I'm taking a bubble bath! I'm in the drive-thru at McDonald's! I just bought lettuce at Trader Joe's!).

On the day that you drive through Mickey D's while taking a bubble bath and using the Trader Joe's lettuce as pumice on your feet......then you have something worth sharing! :mrgreen:

[flojo]

The daughter of the pastor of Rebecca's church had a baby that died from a viral infection when he was about 18 months old. And the daughter was pregnant with her second son, due a month or so after the first son passed away, so a very VERY sad story.

Yeah, they were quite close to the family. Rebecca used to put pictures of the boy on her blog a lot before he passed. Really sad. IIRC the family of the boy have had some other heartbreaks as well. Horrible story.

[WonderingInWA]

Yeah, they were quite close to the family. Rebecca used to put pictures of the boy on her blog a lot before he passed. Really sad. IIRC the family of the boy have had some other heartbreaks as well. Horrible story.

Yes, I think the mother had suffered a number of miscarriages before that first son was born healthy and full-term, so when he got sick and everything went downhill in a number of days in the hospital, it was pretty tragic. And for her to be so close to being due with her second baby, I just can't imagine going through the emotions she endured. Just awful.

[kpmom]

I don't think writing mostly about parties or weddings she attends means she doesn't have a sense of self. I think maybe she figures these special occasions are more interesting to read about than every day life.

At least we don't have picture upon picture of vacuuming, cleaning, packing Uriah, unpacking Uriah, and on and on, like we have from the Maxwells.

[nausicaa]

I don't think writing mostly about parties or weddings she attends means she doesn't have a sense of self. I think maybe she figures these special occasions are more interesting to read about than every day life.

At least we don't have picture upon picture of vacuuming, cleaning, packing Uriah, unpacking Uriah, and on and on, like we have from the Maxwells.

But what is the status of her ceiling fans and cabinets?

The world is waiting with bated breath!!!

[YPestis]

The whole discussion about the appropriateness of Rebecca's attractiveness, whether it's ok to suggest she wears makeup or dress better skips over a major problem in the fundie courting world.

"Courtship", as done by fundies, entails lots of looking, awkward conversations and constant supervision. However, couples are expected to fall in luuuuurve before agreeing to marriage. Therein lies the problem. When a young man is expected to pick a girl to court, and then fall for her after a few cursory conversations (aka Joseph Maxwell), he has little to fall back on except physical appearance. The entire process, more than the secular dating world, depends on physical attraction.

There is typically a certain level of attraction between couples. Personality can increasingly replace any perceived physical flaw, but the fundie courting model doesn't allow that. Getting to know a girl requires time together, without supervision. Rather than reduce the shallowness of the modern dating circuit, fundie courtship puts more burden on the physical attractiveness of the couple.

That said, I think it's unrealistic to dismiss physical appearance in the modern dating world. I've noticed that pretty girls, if all things are equal, get more dating choices. And it isn't just natural physical beauty that separates the pretty from the ordinary. Factors such as weight, makeup, hair, and clothing can make a difference too. Not fair, but it's something (I think) most of us are guilty of to a certain extent. Even for the non-fundie girl, following "conventional" beauty standards is one way to increase the odds of finding that "right person".

I know this is a particularly sensitive topic as women are constantly torn between dressing up and being true to oneself. It's something we all have to navigate. For fundie girls, I think this is even harder. They are restricted in their dress and appearance and yet they depend on their looks so much more than nonfundie girls to attract a mate. It's ironic fundies are so contemptful of the modern world's "sinful flesh", yet force their daughters to depend so much more on physical appearances to garner courtships.

[church_of_dog]

I do too! And THAT's why I picked an attractive avatar! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Me too! :lol:

[MamaJunebug]

I'm almost moved to tears, srsly. Rebecca, on the off-off-off chance you read here, you and your folks are living the life your Savior described. When you took Rachel in, you did it unto Him, as well.

I know you probably still hope to marry and have children of your own, and possibly you even still pray that a Maxwell son would be your life mate. That would be a blessing for him and his family, being able to see up-close what charity and caring for the orphans looks like.

God continue to bless you and your loving family, including of course, Rachel.

[Llyn]

Now I'm no artist, but she seems to have a real gift drawing--I wish she had the opportunity to develop her skills further. (Please see her

Christmas post from today; sorry I can't seem to get the image to post here. She received a sweater for a future child as a gift?!?!)

hiswayserves-hiswayserves.blogspot.com/2015/04/christmas.html

[WonderingInWA]

I can't tell if she did all 3 of those drawings (well, one is a painting) or not. I assume she did. She does have some great artistic talent.

And yes, she's been collecting clothing for her future children for a few years. She's an odd girl. She's very childlike and naive, yet seems hopeful (as opposed to Sarah Maxwell who has given up on the hope part). I sometimes feel sorry for Rebecca since she seems to genuinely want to marry but I don't think she gets out much around eligible men her own age. I think she's 24, so getting up their in the fundie singles age groups.

[Elegant Mess]

Now I'm no artist, but she seems to have a real gift drawing--I wish she had the opportunity to develop her skills further. (Please see her

Christmas post from today; sorry I can't seem to get the image to post here. She received a sweater for a future child as a gift?!?!)

hiswayserves-hiswayserves.blogspot.com/2015/04/christmas.html

Rebecca just updated her blog again on June 11 to direct interested readers to some of her Sherlock Holmes drawings. I must say the girl's got talent!

If you don't want to follow the trail of links from her blog, you can find her drawings here - they're about halfway down the page (I count ten of them):

basilrathbone.net/gallery/caricatures/page3.htm